I just submitted my first poem

[crystalhunting]

In the non-erotic section.

I would appreciate some feedback please.

here it is...........http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=26949



thank you.


CH

 

[JUDO]

Nice

CH -

Nice job. Short and to the point. Quickly explores the fun aspects of connecting with someone new and the final line sums it up with the leap of faith required to really make a go of it.

I like longer expieriences in poems myself. If you wanted to, you could expand such thoughts with more detailed descriptions, a slower rhythm and still slip us a zinger of an ending.

But this is one of the better short poems I've read.

Encore!


- Judo

 

[daughter]

your first submission

CH--

I checked out your first selection. Congratulations on taking the plunge.

I prefer brevity, but with it you have to maximize the impact of each word. I agree with Judo. I think a few concrete images would enhance the read.

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

p.s. I'm a newbie, too.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Good stuff

I agree with Judo. One of the better ones on the site. Very straight forward and full of sensuality.

If this is an example of your work, keep sumbitting.

 

[crystalhunting]

Re: Good stuff

I agree with Judo. One of the better ones on the site. Very straight forward and full of sensuality.

If this is an example of your work, keep sumbitting.

Thank you.

Normally my creativity goes into my jewelery creations,but recently I have had other inspiration.

I'm a semi-regular on the BB here at Lit.

I have submitted another poem allready,but I can't seem to find it.Perhaps it isn't up yet.

The title is "Hmmmm"

CH

 

[crystalhunting]

Ooops...Now I found it.

Here it is......


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=27050





CH

 

[Rrrosyn]

Hmmm

Did i get enough Ms in there? *giggle*

Are you enjoying a second aspect to creativity? I like it. I was going to say your poems have a ring tone to them and clarity. But, you said you're into making jewlery. So now that line would be a bit of a pun.

 

[daughter]

hmmmm

Crystal--

Like the thought here. Are you new to writing poetry? Did I read that correctly?

Repetition can work, but it should be supporting something. If you took the repetition out, what would you have left? Just a suggestion: try to avoid the most obvious and convenient words. After reading words like "love, hearts, soul, kiss" more than a 100 times they get old. They have no impact on a read. In what other ways could you say what is in your heart without using the word?

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

 

[crystalhunting]

Re: hmmmm

Crystal--

Like the thought here. Are you new to writing poetry? Did I read that correctly?

Repetition can work, but it should be supporting something. If you took the repetition out, what would you have left? Just a suggestion: try to avoid the most obvious and convenient words. After reading words like "love, hearts, soul, kiss" more than a 100 times they get old. They have no impact on a read. In what other ways could you say what is in your heart without using the word?

Thanks for the read.

Peace,

daughter

I'm not new to poetry,

I just haven't wrote any in about 12 yrs,but recently I have had other inspiration.

I will consider your comments.

CH

 

[daughter]

Who are you reading

CH--

What is the source of your inspiration to write it again? If you were the reader and not the writer, what would you share with the poet about her latest work?

Are you interested in the technical aspects of writing? I'd like to know what kind of feedback you're looking for.

Are you currently reading any published poets? If yes, whom and what do you like in their works?

Hope I don't sound too weird. It's my awkward way of expressing interest.

Peace,

daughter

 

[crystalhunting]

Re: Who are you reading

CH--

What is the source of your inspiration to write it again? If you were the reader and not the writer, what would you share with the poet about her latest work?

Are you interested in the technical aspects of writing? I'd like to know what kind of feedback you're looking for.

Are you currently reading any published poets? If yes, whom and what do you like in their works?

Hope I don't sound too weird. It's my awkward way of expressing interest.

Peace,

daughter

My source of inspiration is my new romance currently...As well as a few selections from various arab poets...but unless you can read arabic....you might get lost{I speak and read arabic} also in past...I used to read Emily Dickinson.


CH

 

[daughter]

translations?

CH--

Arabic is a challenging language. Are any of the poets, American? Are there any translations available?

Nothwithstanding, would you please share the themes of these works? What is the style of the works you're reading? Are you of Middle East descent?

I have a few friends who are Muslim, some are Arab, but I can't read or speak the language. It is some of the most beautiful script I have ever seen. A friend of mine says that passages of the Quran(sp) are lyrical when recited.

Thanks.

Peace,

daughter

 

[crystalhunting]

Re: translations?

CH--

Arabic is a challenging language. Are any of the poets, American? Are there any translations available?

Nothwithstanding, would you please share the themes of these works? What is the style of the works you're reading? Are you of Middle East descent?

I have a few friends who are Muslim, some are Arab, but I can't read or speak the language. It is some of the most beautiful script I have ever seen. A friend of mine says that passages of the Quran(sp) are lyrical when recited.

Thanks.

Peace,

daughter

daughter,

Most of the poets are not american,and I'm afraid that most are not translated into english.

The themes range from the joy of eating roasted camel{It's actually delicious}from thoughts about the relationship to Allah,also the fears of the modern world are a common theme...but there is a long tradition of lyrical love poetry in the arab world...when you live in the Magreb....you get whimsical..it tends to allow you to see things for what they are...not your dreams.

I am of Arab desent and of Berbish...Algerian version.but I am an american...by birth.


The passages of the Holy Quran are very lyrical when recited.You were told accurate information.


CH

 

[daughter]

Darn

CH--

Too bad I can't read any of it.

But, I think you have a wellspring for future renderings of your own.

I'd love to chat in detail about some works inspired by your reading.

Please hit my pm or addy soon. Thanks for replying.

Peace,

daughter

 

[CeceliaSkye]

Re: Re: Good stuff

Thank you.

Normally my creativity goes into my jewelery creations,but recently I have had other inspiration.

I'm a semi-regular on the BB here at Lit.

I have submitted another poem allready,but I can't seem to find it.Perhaps it isn't up yet.

The title is "Hmmmm"

CH

Hmmmmmmmm.... My love I find your poetry divine... Could I be the one that has inspired you of late?

 

[crystalhunting]

Re: Re: Re: Good stuff

Hmmmmmmmm.... My love I find your poetry divine... Could I be the one that has inspired you of late?

YOU KNOW YOU ARE!!!!


daughter...this is the person that inspires me....you should go see her poetry!!


Cest Magnifique!!!!


CH

 

[CeceliaSkye]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Good stuff

YOU KNOW YOU ARE!!!!


daughter...this is the person that inspires me....you should go see her poetry!!


Cest Magnifique!!!!


CH

awwwww honey, I am blushing now.... You know life is good. life is good indeed.... sighs

 

[crystalhunting]

I have put up a few more now.......


ENJOY..........






CH

 

[CeceliaSkye]

Your poetry is as expressive as you are my love...
My favorite one is "melting"....