I have problems communicating..

[krayze]

Okay, I've noticed a lot of my friends are very good at socially talking, and some of them aren't. Let me just state I'm a 18 year old male.

If a topic is brought up that I have understandings about, it's easy to think of something to say, but a lot of the times I feel like I have no clue what's going on and will just sit there quiet.

I really try to keep a conversation going when the room falls quiet, and a lot of my attempts to tell a story ends with a boring conversation about something no one cares about. I don't know why I can't think of more things to talk about, maybe I have a problem, I don't know.

I haven't had a girlfriend in like 3 months, and before that it was like a year. I have a few friends, ones I hang out with regularly, but I find myself being quiet a lot, and I think that's why girls are turned off when they see me. I don't think I'm bad looking, maybe I got a low self esteem issue, because I find it hard to walk up and talk to someone I like because I run out of things to say, QUICK.

I do stay on the computer a lot, I was addicted. (I hate telling people this, but I'm really trying to change. I have been getting out, hanging out, staying on the computer less.)

I feel like I'm wasting time out of my life because of this social problem, I really wish I was as good of a talker and funny as other people. I even wonder sometimes if that person actually likes having me around because of how silent I get.

I just met this guy like a week ago and I been really able to communicate with him, It's like we just share a lot in common. I find the topics we talk about random, but at least It keeps us talking and not me just sitting there quiet.

I don't know what I'm asking for, I know there isn't a miracle cure out there to cure this, but I really need advice. Thanks for reading, I look forward to your reply!

 

[Eilan]

I'm a 18 year old male.

<snip>

I do stay on the computer a lot, I was addicted.

Those computer addictions are a bitch. They make it tough for you to keep your age straight!

I'm not really sure what you're asking for, either. Like you said, some people are better than others at keeping a conversation going.

 

[SweetErika]

I'll answer, even though you're a liar, just because this is an important life skill.

When in doubt, ask genuine questions about other people. Most people really like to talk about themselves, and it gives you a way to find things you have in common and avoid uncomfortable silences. For example:

A: So, what do you like to do for fun?
B: I like to read, travel, watch sports, kayak...
A: Oh, I like to travel, too. Where are some of your favorite places or what was your most interesting trip?
B: (Answers)
A: (Connects with something about himself and asks follow-up questions.)

It takes practice, and you'll find that some people are difficult to talk with no matter what or just don't want to talk with you, but it usually gets a lot easier in time.

 

[FFOTS4Life]

Okay, I've noticed a lot of my friends are very good at socially talking, and some of them aren't. Let me just state I'm a 18 year old male..<skip>..I don't know what I'm asking for, I know there isn't a miracle cure out there to cure this, but I really need advice. Thanks for reading, I look forward to your reply!

Those computer addictions are a bitch. They make it tough for you to keep your age straight!

I'll answer, even though you're a liar, just because this is an important life skill.

First off...wow is that embarassing...

Secondly listen to Sweet Erika she is smart. (Read her other posts and you will see how true this is.)

Thirdly...It is hard for people to converse with someone who isn't honest...so first and foremost don't lie anymore! For many people trust is intuitive...I can tell when I am around someone who is trustworthy and am comfortable enough to carry on a conversation. However, when I feel like someone hasn't been honest or isn't trustworthy I have little to say. If what you are saying in an open forum like this makes me leery I hate to see how things are in RL...?!

 

[Lady_Midnight]

If a topic is brought up that I have understandings about, it's easy to think of something to say, but a lot of the times I feel like I have no clue what's going on and will just sit there quiet.

Try to understand more topics. Read more, find out what's going on the in the world, have an opinion on what's going on around you.

And get off the computer.

 

[Sarah_H]

All good advice.

I find that reading is the best way to soak up new information on any topic from genetic modification to..... well we are at literotica so SEX! My Mum always said "If you are a well read person you will be a well met person".

hope this helps


S

 

[VelvetDarkness]

It sounds to me like you're either opting out of conversations or jumping in and trying too hard. Don't think that the onus is always upon you to keep chatting and don't assume that silences are always a bad thing. Speak when you have something to say, listen if you don't and offer a question or comment if you're genuinely interested in the topic.

Keep an eye on your body language and avoid closed postures like crossed legs, folded arms or tense facial expressions. Some people just don't look sociable or approachable and it's easy to give off 'I don't want to chat' vibes without meaning to if you're shy and nervous. People don't always know you're shy, sometimes it can seem like aloofness or arrogance. I don't want to make you paranoid but these things are worth considering.

Have a look at this page on shyness and social phobia, it'll be more useful than my musings.

And remember, when in a difficult social situation - "Nobody is thinking about you. They're thinking about themselves, just like you are." Helen Fielding. People are just people, don't view them as the enemy.