I have never... (closed)

[Emstar202]

I was breathing hard as I examined Daryl for wounds, still reeling from my killing. Each time it got easier, and that fact scared me. I never thought I'd kill. Ever. But I suppose walkers didn't really count, did they?

To say I was surprised when Daryl embraced me would be an understatement. I was shocked. But I was also happy. I returned the hug, so relieved that he remained unharmed. He whispered his own form of thank you against my ear, and my body reacted in a way I hadn't expected. I felt a little tingly down below, a region I hadn't explored or cared about since my last boyfriend had died months ago. I didn't know what to make of the feeling. It was small and subtle, but it was still present. "You're welcome," I told him, tightening my arms around his back, feeling warm and protected. "You've saved me more than I can count. It was about time I returned the favor."

When Daryl let go I decided to chalk that strange feeling up to not having been touched in quite some time and not to think much of it. I stood up with Daryl and brushed the grass off my knees and looked down at my shirt. It was stained with more walker blood. I sighed. Guess I'd have to find another shirt from inside. I looked back at Daryl as he walked over and picked up the ruined chicken. If this was the normal world, there was no way I'd eat that, but in the current state of things the chicken still looked like a delicacy. "Yes, I'm starving!" I told him.

~~~

About an hour later we were seated in the living room in front of the fireplace gnawing on chicken bones, trying to get the last of the meal. We didn't talk much--just focused on eating. I had wanted to savor it, but of course I'd devoured it in minutes. When the meal was finished, I leaned back in the chair and sighed happily. "I haven't eaten that well in weeks. Thanks, Daryl."

 

[gearhead73]

"Actually, I wanted to thank you." I said after taking a few moments to try and organize my thoughts. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be here to enjoy this with you." I added with a slight smile.

I had been thinking about a way to say it for the last hour or so. I knew it should be easy. I should just put it out there, but I couldn't. I wasn't sure why, it wasn't like it was anything extraordinary considering the times we lived in. I had saved her tight little ass on more than one occasion but that was just what you did nowdays. You watched out for each other. You had each other's back. There was saftey in numbers so it was in everyone's best interest to look out for the good of the group, but this was different. I had gotten sloppy. I had been overconfident, and left my primary weapon behind. I had been so focused on basking in Beth's adoration for getting the bird, that I had taken my mind eye off the ball and it had nearly cost me.

"You were really great out there you know. I have never seen you like that. You were so...so...vicious." I wasn't sure that "vicious" was the right word for it, but I was having trouble putting my thoughts in words to say out loud.

"I mean, the way you went staright to it, with no hesitation...it was awesome. I liked seeing that side of you." I said not being able to hid my grin.

The truth was, that every since then I couldn't help but look at her differently. When I looked at her I didn't see that reserved, spoiled farm girl anymore. I saw a young, strong, fierce fighter, that made me feel a little safer when she was around. I felt that we were a team now, and that both of us were pulling equal weight, and that set my mind at ease. I also couldn't help but wonder what else she was capable of when she set her mind to it. What else would she put one hundred percent of herself into if she wanted to. As I looked at her pretty features, glowing in the light of the fire, more than my mind started to awaken.

I needed time to calm myself, so I stood, and went to the cupborad under the sink. As I had thought, there were trash bags there and I started gathering up the pathetic remains of our dinner.

"I'll wrap these up and throw them outside. The plastic should keep the walkers and animals from smelling the bones. Then I think I should seeif there are some clothes in here that would fit me." I made a gesture to look at my ruined shirt. "I think I've got the best out of this one."

 

[Emstar202]

I was surprised by Daryl's words. He didn't give out compliments and thank you's easily, that's for sure. His smile made him look kinder and for the first time I felt fully confident that I'd actually provided something for us and wasn't a hinder to our survival. It felt so nice to be appreciated and not a vulnerability for once. He continued to praise me, telling me I'd looked vicious and that he'd liked seeing that side of me. I couldn't help but blush at his praise, but I really hoped he didn't notice. I wanted to see him smile like that at me again and again. "Thanks, Daryl! Guess I'm getting the hang of this whole apocalypse thing, huh?" I smiled broadly at him. I felt proud, but I hoped I could keep it up. I worried the only way I'd been able to act so ferociously was because Daryl's life was in danger. I had to do whatever I could to keep him safe, but when it came to killing that little boy walker or a family member who'd turned... I'd always hesitate. I hoped this viciousness would stick with me.

As Daryl headed out to dispose of our trash I stood up and stretched. "Yeah, I need to change too," I muttered to myself, looking at my newly bloodstained shirt. It was a shame, for I'd just changed into it mere hours ago. My mind wandered to the discarded lingerie I'd found upstairs. I giggled a bit imagining Daryl's reaction. I couldn't decide whether he'd like it or not even care. In high spirits, I bounded up the stairs to rummage through the mother's things again. For the first time in a long while my belly was full and I had a real bed to sleep in. I wouldn't allow myself to let my guard down completely, but for tonight, at least I'd rest easier than usual.

 

[gearhead73]

I grabbed my bow this time and headed out the door. I walked to the rear corner of the house and found that the trash cans used by this household were still there, standing in the cage that the homeowner had built to keep them from blowing away during high winds. I took a good look around before leaning my bow against my leg and lifting the lid and throwing the bag of our scraps inside. I took up my bow and stood there looking out into the darkness, broken only by the dim light reflected from the small sliver of moon showing. I looked up at the stars and took a deep breath of the cooler night air and just let my mind drift for a bit.

It seemed I was doing that more and more these days. I remember back at the prison, feeling so focused and ready at all times. Then again, I had also been so angry and full of mistrust. Now however, I felt well, at peace I suppose. I didn't feel tense or angry at anything or anyone. I actually felt content for lack of a better word for it. I thought about the prison, and then the Governor, and then the last battle. I thought about how sad and pissed off I was after seeing my friends killed, hurt, and scattered to the four winds. I thought about the last two weeks, dragging Beth around behind me, scouring for food, and hoping each night that there would be a morning to wake up to and do it all again. Then, I thought about today. I remembered watching in awe as Beth sprang forward and saved my worthless ass without a moment's hesitation. I thought about the concern in her eyes when she checked me for injuries. I thought about the glow in her cheeks as she ate heartily and had her fill. I thought about how beautiful she was when she was happy and how she could light up a room with her melodic laugh. Finally, I thought about how happy I was to have her with me, and how I would stop at nothing to keep that radiant smile shining.

I don't know how long I was outside, but eventually I broke out of the haze I was in and after another quick look around I headed back into the house. Beth had said she was going to go change clothes again and I found myself needing something to occupy my thoughts and keep them from climbing the stairs to see what that might look like.

I walked into the kitchen and started rifling through a hutch situated along the wall furthest from the stove and sink. I passed my hand along the top hoping that a shogun would be lying there like I had seen in the movies, but I was disappointed. I moved around some of the plates and other assorted ceramics and found a bottle lying on its side all the way in the back. Carefully, I lifted it out to get a better view and saw that it was a half empty bottle of Southern Comfort.

"God could I use a little of this." I muttered to myself as my thoughts once again flitted back to the scene that must be unfolding upstairs.

 

[Emstar202]

I was having a really hard time finding some suitable clothes. I knew it was ridiculous for me to be picky, but I didn't want to wear some big old rag! Besides, wearing a huge t-shirt would slow me down and probably get stuck on something. I was rifling through all the mother's things, digging in the back of the closet and rummaging once more through the drawers. At long last, I found a long forgotten white tank top with flowers on it in the back of a drawer. It had a mustard stain on the front, but it was better than wearing some bulky t-shirt. The tanktop was form fitting, hugging my flat stomach and small breasts nicely. Ah but it was so comfortable, and I could move around in it. If only the mustard stain wasn't there, but soon enough it would get covered in blood anyway so it didn't actually matter.

I headed out of the bedroom and down the stairs when I was done. Daryl wasn't in the living room, so I checked the kitchen. I found him leaning against the counter, holding a bottle shaped like alcohol. My eyes lit up. "Where did you find that?" I asked, extremely surprised. I wondered if he'd been holding out on me. I hadn't ever drank, but it was on my list. My list of things I wanted to do before I died. I'd started the list about three weeks ago when our fragile life at the prison came falling apart. I hadn't shown it to anyone, not even Maggie, because there some pretty illegal and weird things on the list, as well as some stupid ones that weren't even possible anymore, like traveling to Paris. Still, it felt nice to write them down, even knowing I'd probably never even complete more than a quarter of it.

I eyed the bottle in Daryl's hands curiously, wondering if he'd already drank some. Even though my father was a secret alcoholic and I'd vowed to never drink because of it, I figured the zombie apocalypse was a good enough time to start. "Hey, um, Daryl? Can I have some?" I asked nervously, wondering if he'd let me. I was underage, but I didn't think Daryl would care about that.

 

[gearhead73]

I hadn't heard Beth come down the stairs and into the kitchen and I started a bit when she spoke.

"Where did you find that?" she asked with this tone that was a mix of glee and curiosity.

I jumped a little bit at the sudden break in silence and almost dropped the bottle. I looked at her for a moment and I was sure that if I could see myself in the mirror, I would have looked guilty. It wasn't like I wasn't of age, and even if I hadn't been there wasn't any law around anymore to bust me. It was more the memories of how Mearle and his so-called friends had always acted when they had been drinking. They could be cruel and merciless in there teasing and bullying, only stopping when I had joined in the fun. Of course that meant we needed a new target and it always seemed like they had a way of finding young women as their new focus. I had always hated how I felt both physically and mentally afterward, but at that time it was all I knew. It somehow seemed strangely normal.

"It was in the hutch behind some of the china." I said pointing the bottle to the large oak cabinet across the room. "Looks like somebody enjoyed a nip or two now and again." I said as I lifted the bottle and shook it gently causing the amber colored liquid to swirl in waves around the inside.

"Hey, um, Daryl? Can I have some?" I heard her say after a few minutes of silence as we watched the whiskey shake about.

"You?" I said with a smirk. "You want some of this." I said shaking the bottle in her direction.

I looked at her, standing there with both a mixture of fear and hopefulness on her face. I thought about it for a minute and then turned to the cupboard and removed two glasses and set them on the counter. I was pretty sure that Hershel would have kicked my ass for even entertaining the thought., but then again he wasn't here. Sure, Beth was young, and had been sheltered, but she had grown up a lot in the last three weeks and she had definitely proven herself today. After another quick look at her, I unscrewed the top and poured us both a double shot. I could smell the sweet almondy aroma fill my nostrils as I replaced the lid and set the bottle on the counter.

I grabbed my glass, and took a step to the side giving her unrestricted access to the glass. I wanted this to be her decision, but I wouldn't stop her if she went through with it. I didn't see the harm really. We were in here, secure and had everything we needed. As long as I didn't let her get too carried away, we should be fine.

"There it is...if you want it." I said nodding toward the glass.

 

[Emstar202]

He was smirking at me, so I glared slightly, thinking he was making fun of me. "I'm mature enough," I argued, crossing my arms and trying to appear like I actually had a clue. Truth was, if not for the partly scratched off label on the alcohol I wouldn't have known what it was. Southern Comfort. My daddy used to drink it sometimes, and I'd seen it get passed around at parties that I wasn't supposed to go to, but I'd never had it myself. I was curious now, and given the circumstances, I wasn't going to feel bad about being underage, and I tried to push my father's likely disapproval far from my mind. He wasn't here anymore. I missed him terribly, but I was on my own. Well, I was with Daryl, but he was more like my companion than a chaperone at this point, and I would have been offended if he denied me the drink.

I watched as he turned to the cabinet and grabbed two glasses. I smiled. He was going to let me have some! Of course he was, I never should have had any doubt. I felt like I'd proved myself today. I'd proved that I was a capable adult, and any capable adult deserved a nice glass of beer or vodka or whatever it was in that glass. I didn't want to ask Daryl, because I didn't want him to think of me as childish again.

I strode forward confidently and picked up the glass he'd offered me off of the kitchen counter. He hadn't filled it very high. I picked it up and before I allowed myself to have any second thoughts I took a huge gulp of it. It wasn't so bad at first, it kinda tasted nice, but when I swallowed it burned my throat, and the burn only seemed to get worse after I'd swallowed. I made a displeased face as I placed the glass back down. "That was the most disgusting thing I've ever drank!" I exclaimed, staring up at Daryl in confusion. "How do people drink this stuff?!" It was evident by now I'd given up my grown up act, and it was even more obvious that I'd never drank before, but Daryl had probably gathered that anyway by now. I grew up on a farm after all, and was the daughter to a deeply religious man. My past was like a perfect farmer's daughter stereotype, and Daryl knew it.

 

[gearhead73]

I couldn't help but smile and chuckle a bit as her cute little face scrunched up and a visible shiver run through her body.

"That was the most disgusting thing I've ever drank!" she said as she continued moving her tongue and lips trying to get the bitterness and burn to go away. There was a look of confusion mixed with a bit of pleading as she looked from the bottle to me and then back again. "How do people drink this stuff?!"

"You get used to it I spose." I said before lifting my glass and downing the double.

I rolled the liquid around in my mouth before swallowing. God I had missed the taste. It was like coming home to your favorite meal that your mom had fixed to celebrate your return. It was sweet, and fruity, a delicate mixture of apricot and almond. I closed my eyes and relished the familiar warmth as it spread from my mouth, to my cheeks and throat. It had been such a long time since I had tasted anything familiar that it was all I could do not to just take my next drink straight from the bottle.

I looked back at Beth and even though she had sounded like the spoiled little girl that had come from her daddy's farm, all I was able to see was the pretty young woman that had saved my bacon earlier. I sat my glass beside hers and picked up the bottle again. I poured us each another double and then refastened the cap. I picked up her glass and handed it out to her.

"Here, try it again; only this time try sipping it. It might go down a bit easier for you."

 

[Emstar202]

It was dumb to be impressed at the way Daryl easily downed the shot, given he'd probably done the same countless other times, but I still was. It was effortless for him, and he even seemed to enjoy it. I couldn't fathom how he enjoyed it. Once, at a small party Jimmy took me to, where a bunch of my classmates were drinking around a bonfire, he'd told me people didn't drink cuz it tasted good; they drank to get the after effects. You did it for the warm feeling in the pit of your belly, the woozy head, the increased sexual urges... when he'd gotten to that point of the explanation he'd reached over and gripped my thigh tight, but I'd swatted his hand away. I'd been such a goody goody! I never did anything even remotely dangerous or even slightly illegal. I suppose I was trying to make up for that now.

So when Daryl refilled the glass I took it willingly and only hesitated a tiny bit before taking a small sip like he'd told me to. It was true that it burned less this time, but I still made that displeased scrunched up face as the alcohol raced down my throat. My tummy was starting to feel warm, but other than head I didn't feel any different. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked to Daryl. "How much does it take to get drunk?" I asked him curiously, taking another small sip of the amber liquid.

 

[gearhead73]

I was about to take a sip of my second double when her question stopped me in my tracks. I wasn't sure how to answer her, or even if I should. She had wanted to have a drink, and that was no biggie, but her wanting to get dunk could present a problem. I had babysat drunks before and it was definitely no fun. However, we were locked here in this house so it wasn't like she could go anywhere to get hurt.

"I reckon it's different for everybody." I said after taking a sip. "As small as you are and not drinking before, it probably wouldn't take that much. Probably, three or four shots and you would be on your ass." I finished with a laugh.

I finished my drink and sat the glass back down. I couldn't help but watch her, as with each sip she would scrunch her face up, though a little less each time. I knew it wouldn't be long before she started feeling the effects of the alcohol. Even though we had just eaten, before long her head and body would begin to tingle a bit and her thoughts would become cloudier. I had to admit that I was a bit curious about what she would be like drunk. What thoughts that she had locked away in that pretty little head of hers would come bubbling to the surface once uninhibited by the alcohol.

"Are you worried about getting drunk...or are you wanting to?" I asked finally picking up the bottle and refilling my glass.

It had been a while since I had had anything to rink as well, but I knew I could handle a bit more before I had to worry about losing control. A nice buzz could be just the thing to cap off the perfect evening so far.

 

[Emstar202]

Three or four shots? I was already sipping my second. I know I was supposed to swallow the whole thing at once, but Daryl had told me it was easier to start out slowly, so that was what I was doing. By the time my second shot was gone, I was starting to feel just a little different, and I knew it was because of the alcohol.

"Are you worried about getting drunk...or are you wanting to?" Daryl asked me. He sounded the same as usual; I guess the alcohol hadn't hit him yet. He was probably like a sponge for it anyway, given the little I'd gathered of his past. He didn't tell me much. He didn't tell anyone much.

I wondered how to answer him. I did want to get drunk, but not too drunk. I wasn't stupid. I knew it wasn't a good idea to get drunk in the middle of the woods in a zombie apocalypse, but we were inside, and relatively safe, at least as safe as we had been in quite some time. "I don't know. Maybe," I answered honestly. Then I offered a new proposal: "Let's play a drinking game! Ever played never have I ever?"

 

[gearhead73]

I was just about to bring the glass to my lips when her answer stopped me. A game? Really? Her first time out and she wanted to play a drinking game? I smiled a bit and then took have of the shot in my mouth, savoring the sweet flavor as I studied her for a moment.

"I can't say I've ever heard of that one." I said after swallowing. Although I wasn't sure that I was willing to go down a road like this with her, my curiosity was getting the better of me. "Tell me about it." I said finally before finishing the rest of my drink.

 

[Emstar202]

"Never heard of it?" I repeated, surprised. I'd have thought Daryl would have known all about drinking games, but then again I doubted he was a party guy in high school. He probably just drank by himself like one of those rebel kids or something. Those were the vibes I got, anyway. I'd been to a couple of parties, so I knew about these games, but that hadn't meant I'd participated.

I told Daryl, "I played it with my friends in high school, well I didn't actually drink. I just kinda watched I guess. Anyway, I say something I haven't done like... 'I've never had alcohol before this night' and then, since you have, you have to take a drink. Get it? Then it's your turn to say something you haven't done that you think I might have. So, you wanna play?"

I was excited to play this game, if only to learn more of Daryl's past. He was always so mysterious about everything, and I was really curious about him. I twirled the glass in my hands as I waited his response.

 

[gearhead73]

It seemed simple enough I suppose. I figured that our backgrounds were different enough that there was likely a host of things that either one of us had done. Then again that was also a bit of a double edged sword. I really didn't know a lot of what she had done.

"Yeah, I get it." I said and poured myself another drink. "So who goes first?" I asked as I walked to the kitchen table with the bottle and took a seat.

 

[Emstar202]

"I will, I guess, to get us started," I replied. I sat up a big straighter in my seat while I thought of something to say. When Daryl set down beside me, I finally came up with something.

"Never have I driven a motorcycle," she said with a knowing smile, starting easy and safe.

 

[gearhead73]

I smiled at her before lifting the glass to my lips and taking a sip. She wanted to go for the soft balls apparently, but that was ok. I sat the glass back on the table and looked at the ceiling as if trying to think of something that would cause her to take a sip.

"I have never ridden a horse." I said after an exaggerated pause.

 

[Emstar202]

"Aw, you got me," I said with a smile. I took a big swig of the alcohol. I could really feel it's effects now. My body felt really light and my face felt warm.

I got a bit more daring in my next accusation. "I have never been dumped," I said with a slight giggle, realizing it sounded a little conceited. But really I'd only had one boyfriend before the apocalypse and during it there was no way we were going to let each other go.

 

[gearhead73]

Her next confession was a bit of a curve ball. It struck me at first that she was bragging, but as I looked at her for a moment, it just made more sense that she probably hadn't ever been dumped. I mean, sure she was a bit childish at times, and could get on your nerves, but she was pretty, smart, and from what I knew of her loyal. No boy in his right mind would have walked away from her.

Unfortunately, I hadn't had the same pedigree with most of my relationships. It always seemed that girls wanted to be with the "bad boy", either for the thrill or to piss off daddy, but once they were with me for a bit and saw where I cam from, a lot went running in the other direction pretty fast.

"I guess I better drink on that one." I said with a small laugh, although on the inside the memory of how my love life had always been hit a bit hard.

"I have never...kissed a boy." I finally said after taking my drink and another exaggerated pause.

I had first thought about just tossing out stuff that I knew would make her drink, but reconsidered thinking that I could actually find out a bit more about her.

 

[Emstar202]

I was glad that Daryl hadn't been offended by my statement, and I watched as he took another swig of the drink. So far each of us had been spot on with our guesses, and I wondered if it was going to get more serious anytime soon. I wasn't sure how serious I wanted it to get. I wanted to know more of Daryl's past, but I didn't want him to get angry. He had a short temper a lot of the time.

I laughed at his next guess. It seemed he was taking the easy way with that one. "That's a cheap guess!" I told him as I raised the shot glass to my lips. I took a smaller swig this time, not wanting to end up too drunk and unable to continue the game. I had no idea of my limits yet, so I was being careful.

"Well, if you're going to go with easy ones like that..." I mused as I thought up another one. "Never have I got naked with a boy," I told him, blushing a little. I'd thought about saying that I'd never kissed a girl, but I didn't want to just reverse his cheap shots back onto him.

 

[gearhead73]

To say I was surprised, was an understatement. I mean I had always pictured her as a bit of a goody two-shoes, but those were the girls that usually only portrayed that image on the surface. I mean I was sure that she had at least had a boyfriend or two before, so I had just assumed that she had at least tried something sexual with them.

I contemplated this new piece of information as I lifted the glass to my lips and sipped. I noticed for the first time that the burn of the alcohol had disappeared. I could feel the beginnings of that familiar tingle radiating through my body. I was getting buzzed, and although it felt familiar and good, I knew I would also have to be careful of drinking too much.

"I have never..." I started. I was torn between trying to find out more about her sexual past, but thinking that she might get offended, I thought that maybe I would share something about me that way she had. "I have never...been in love."

 

[Emstar202]

"I have never... been in love," Daryl told me, revealing something about himself that was clearly very personal. I thought his statement over for a couple seconds, wondering how that was possible. I'd always just assumed that people over the age of 30 had been in love at least once. I wanted to ask him more about it, but I knew I had to respond to him first. I really thought about my answer to this one. I was only 18, maybe 19, I wasn't completely sure. I'd lost track of the days. I'd gone out with a couple of guys, and Jimmy had even told me that he loved me. I'd returned his confession, but I wasn't sure if I actually felt it, at least in that way. I'd loved my family, and I loved my friends, but I wasn't sure if I've ever felt that deep, I can't live without you, let's be together forever kind of love that I knew Daryl meant. At last, I came to my decision.

"Drink," I told him. Then, after a pause, I continued, "I don't think I've ever been in love either, Daryl. The walkers started appearing right before Jimmy and I ever really had an opportunity to get serious," I admitted.

 

[gearhead73]

In actuality, her answer didn't really surprise me that much. In fact it more or less confirmed that she was a good girl. She had never been naked with a guy and that was because she hadn't loved him, or felt that he loved her. I wasn't sure why, but I was relieved. I had no reason to be, but I guess it was just nice to meet one of those kind of girls. The ones that wouldn't give themselves to whoever had some weed or a few dollars. The ones I had known.

I took my drink and then sat expectantly for her next confession. I was starting to really feel the whiskey now and wasn't sure how much longer I would want to play.

 

[Emstar202]

I'd been lost in thought for a moment, thinking about love and Jimmy and all the things in life I'd missed out on. My mind seemed a little foggy, and it took me a bit to realize it was still my turn. "Oh! Um, I've never..." I searched my muddled mind for something. My words were starting to slur a little. "Never... got high, like from drugs or something." That was another thing on my list of things I wanted to do. Tonight I'd already crossed off one, and if Daryl was the type of guy I thought he was perhaps getting high wasn't too crazy to think about either.

 

[gearhead73]

I guess I should have expected it, but hearing her words, and knowing the premise of the game, her question stung a bit. I sat there looking at her, I could see that she was starting to get buzzed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked quietly. "You think just because I ride a bike and have long hair that I am a dope head?"

I was a little pissed, but more hurt. I guess that even after all this time and the shit we had been through, I was always going to be that redneck from the hills to the rest of the group.

 

[Emstar202]

I was surprised at Daryl's reaction to my question. I hadn't thought that it would be such a big deal. I hadn't meant to hurt him. This game was all about assuming things after all. "I just thought... you know..." I trailed off. I wasn't sure how to justify my question. I didn't think he'd like my answer.

After a moment of silence, I pressed further, the alcohol making me more daring, "Well, have you?" I insisted. "It's not like I think it's bad or anything."