I have discovered my station in this world.

[alexandraaah]

and it is to let every single driver in the city of Chicago know what a horrible fucking driver they are, indeed.

Someone's gotta do it and I'm rageful and ripe for the job.

This does branch out on road trips, but if you're currently chastising the drivers in your respective city, pm me, I don't wanna step on any toes.

I'll be coming out with a new book, titled, "Safe ways to make stoplights my friend and everyone elses enemy." I have to do some research, as I've only been behind four thousand people who have slowed down at the green long enough to make it through but leaving me at the red.......today alone.

The first chapter will be devoted to the "I know I don't have a blinker on but I seem to be edging into a right turn but I'm a dumbass and I'm not sure, but once I do finally decide to turn right I will do it at a pace that a fucking crawling infant would beat me to it and once I finally do complete my eight hour turn which clearly took seven revolutions of my steering wheel I'm going to come to a dead stop because I'm the biggest jackass you've ever come this close to."

And another thing, if one more person peels out in front of me, with the illusion of going faster than I'm going, then proceeds to slam on their brakes and drive like molasses, I think I'm gonna.....freak out.

The only people who know how to drive are truck drivers and me.

 

[RawHumor]

The only people who know how to drive are truck drivers and me.

LOL Preach it, sister!

I HATE driving around Chicago and Milwaukee...

But I can avoid it most of the year.

 

[Silverlily]

The only people who know how to drive are truck drivers and me.

I hear your pain. My favorite is the quarter mile lane change, damn, commit or don't. Lane changes only require a quarter mile to complete when you're turning 120 plus.

That, and the left lane is for passing, not putzing.

 

[alexandraaah]

merging, anyone?

I think it's a group effort.


Clearly, I am alone in this thought. When was the training session titled, "You thought bumper cars were fun? Check this shit out!"

I missed it. I don't put bumper stickers on my car, but if I did, it might say, "Perform random acts of kindness and selfless acts of beauty, AND YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON ON THE ROAD DAMMIT, SO LET 'EM MERGE, BABY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST LET THEM MERGE."

 

[Dillinger]

It is always a pleasure to meet a person who knows their true calling in life! *smile*

 

[Ginny]

And another thing, if one more person peels out in front of me, with the illusion of going faster than I'm going, then proceeds to slam on their brakes and drive like molasses, I think I'm gonna.....freak out.

<laughing>....and just seeing this nipple head...with lips.....(your av's, i don't have a face going)....dancing on top of your car.....busy chicago freeway......hand up to lip......doing that...blub....blubba..blubb... duhhh thang.....nipple staring off into space....as you freak out.....or uh oh...now i'm flashing to this demon-eyed nipple face.....flooring it down the shoulder of the freeway....weird....the bumper.....is this set of pretty red lips....cool.....kinda snarling.....

you make me laugh alex....and you are so fucking right....omg....try living in a metropolis of cajuns with drivers licenses...they don't accelerate when the light turns green......they.....all wait.....for the car in front of them....to get a bout a car length or two ahead......then.....they....go......bout 5-6 cars get through a light....HIT THE FUCKING ACCELERATOR AT GREEN YOU FUCKING COONASSES!...i've always fantasized bout having signs printed...those cheap ones with metal dealies.....you know.....just line intersections with them......of course......i'd prolly have to go out at midnight...in a groovy black unitard catsuit...to put them out.....but that might be fun....<nodding>

 

[alexandraaah]

Thank you for understanding my pain, Ginny.

 

[ExLimey]

George Carlin once said that everyone who drives slower than you is an asshole and everyone that drives faster than you is a maniac.

 

[alexandraaah]

I'm still pissy, by the way..

and now I'm off to be Jewish.

See you all after the Seder.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: I'm still pissy, by the way..

and now I'm off to be Jewish.

See you all after the Seder.

Why do we eat the bitter herb?

 

[alexandraaah]

Re: Re: I'm still pissy, by the way..

Why do we eat the bitter herb?

Am I not allowed to wallow in my anger?

I get it; you're one of those drivers.

 

[Laurel]

My favorites are the people who buy these huge SUV's but don't know how to drive them. They drift into my lane, they take more time to make a turn then a semi, and they can't seem to keep a steady speed.

I also like the Cadillacs that somehow drive with their brakelights always on. I'm convinced that these drivers have both the gas foot and the brake foot to the floor. When they want to go, they let up on the brake a little. When they want to stop, they lift up the gas foot.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: Re: Re: I'm still pissy, by the way..

Am I not allowed to wallow in my anger?

I get it; you're one of those drivers.

alex, can I tell you a secret? The first time I got drunk was at a seder.

Really.



Laurel, when does an SUV cross over into that "huge" category?

 

[alexandraaah]

Laurel, you manage to explain your annoyances about driving as peaceful. Tell me all your secrets.

I cannot be the only person who gets into a snit with all the idiocy on the roads.

If I am the only one, it's because I'm the only good driver.

 

[alexandraaah]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I'm still pissy, by the way..

alex, can I tell you a secret? The first time I got drunk was at a seder.

Really.

Oh man, oh man oh manoschevitz.

 

[LukkyKnight]

One fears it may have been Mogen David, but it was... egad... a very long while ago indeed.

 

[fgarvb1]

I drive to stay alive..offensively

i mean it. if you scare the hell out of enough fuck heads they will pay attension to their driving.

My wife was complaining about it being very hard to turn in our street. It is a 90 deg. left turn out of a left turn lane at a red light in a four way intersection (which happens to be one of the most dangerous in our town) one way and a 100 deg. right turn after you go under the light the other way.

About half of the juinor high school traffic comes out our road at the same time i come home from work.

Of coarse there are a lot of SUV's around here, and almost always one of them is setting in the middle of my street at the entrance, now there is only one way for me to get in there. The traffic is heavy at that time of the day and someone is always on my ass with no clue that the blinking light on the right hand side of my truck means i am turning on that street, if they are looking to start with.

What i do is make a sliding turn at fifteen mph ( i can see roadhog in the SUV turn pale as i go by about six inches from
his/her mirror and about one foot from the brick wall on the other side of my truck) than i tap the gas pedal to get up to 30 mph, which causes the hundred yards of cars and trucks to move over to their side of the street.

I slide to a stop ready to turn in to my driveway with my blinker on.

Ya know what? Those nice people always stop and let me in with no hassle and a wave and a smile.

My wife has to set there for five minites somtimes waiting to turn in to our driveway.

oh, yes i have not had a ticket or a wreck since 1982 and the wreck was not my fault.

 

[Wiggles]

And another thing....

Really, I am soo tired of almost getting killed everytime I go anywhere. People whizzing through red lights, almost crashing into my poor little Corolla. People trying to play chicken with me in their big trucks. People who zig and zag out of traffic, doing seventy during rush hour. People on my ass, hovering back and forth, back and forth.

Making me into a migraine induced ball of nervous jelly before I get halfway home.

Grr....

 

[JennyOmanHill]

OMG

As someone who might need to learn to drive again as I approach 50, this thread is scaring the shit out of me!! (Flashbacks, galore!!)

(Adding "NOT driving" to my "why I want to stay in NYC" list!)

http://www.sptimes.com/News/071800/photos/flo-driver-school-art.jpg

 

[T.H. Oughts]

In the 1970's my sister used to have little cards she would leave on offending parked cars that said, "Thanks for parking so close, next time leave a fucking can opener." lol

 

[sch00lteacher]

http://www.mrtraffic.com/rage2.gif




Have you seen the bumper sticker which reads...

Cover me! I'm gonna change lanes!

 

[LukkyKnight]

http://www.gifanimations.com/animation3/lines/Accident.gif
I took the long way home in the hope of diffusing the tension by waving and smiling to more drivers than usual. It seems to freak a lot of people out.