I have a serious problem.. need help :(

[aus_18]

Hi guys. Long time reader but i havent posted yet.

But i need some advice.

I recently started dating this girl. And she took my virginity a couple of weeks ago. Everytime we have had sex, i havent had an orgasm. I find her incredibbly attractive. and she gives really good head, but i cant blow! and its making her feel bad(and me!!). because she cant make me blow she thinks she is doing something wrong etc, hence we arent having sex anymore and i think we might be drifting apart because of that. She told me she likes sex 1-2 times a day... and well we havent been doing that.

She liked the fact i dont blow in 2 seconds like some guys but now she hates it as sex drags on and she loses interest.
Whenever we do have sex im only thinking about pleasuring her and thats it. I dont have any other images in my head.

I love her giving me head, but she doesnt want to do it anymore because she says, "whats the point if ur not going to blow".
I have blown twice, but it involved me jerking myslef off and then she swollwed it, like a porn movie.... if that helps?

How can i make myself blow? Is there something wrong with me? im a bit afraid to talk to someone face to face, so i thought i would come on here and people can give me ideas?

thanks for the wisdom!

 

[1stClassNiceGuy]

Honestly man, sounds like you might just be a bit nervous. Considering you really only started being active with a partner recently, it may just take you some time. Personally, I had the same problem... though it would alternate between too soon or not at all.

This may or may not be your problem, exactly, but it may lead you in the right direction. Give yourselves some time. And once she gets it the first time, she should have no problems doing it again.

 

[Dstorage]

It sounds like some mutual masturbation might be in order here. I'd say that if you can get yourself off regularly it is more a case of nervousness than anything physical. If you haven't discussed it much I'd come out and tell her, Hey you are my first lover and I get kinda nervous..... Wanna see how I do it when you're not around and I'm thinking of you?

 

[aus_18]

i can wank myself off and cum for her mate. its just i cant cum while we are having sex or she is giving me head...

 

[Dstorage]

I understand, and since I (and most every other male) has been in a similar situation I'm telling you to relax and get more comfortable with what you are doing. When that happens the rest of your body will react in a less stressful/more pleasureable way.

 

[Dstorage]

I should have added-

Instead of sex, if you were trying to juggle ping pong balls you wouldn't feel like it is unmanly or whatever to learn how everything works first. It is the same sort of thing.

 

[ertem]

I usually only have this problem when i am under the influence of alcohol or weed... i found that if i just do it hard and fast I get a really big reaction out of her that helps me blow... you might not have a girl that likes it hard, and if thats the case don't do anything she isn't comfortable with.

 

[browncow]

You might not wanna make her think she is doing something wrong, but the truth is she might be. You might be doing something wrong too, or you could just be nervous. Don't sweat it.

btw...can a girl give 'great' head if she cant make you cum??? Is there some kinda rule on that?

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

This may or may not be related, but when I'm having sex pretty often, it has to get rough on my clit to make me cum. I've heard that some men are the same way (and with many, that's all the time). Maybe you need something rougher than a soft mouth to make you cum?

I noticed you only mentioned this with blowjobs, not intercourse. If you're having intercourse, do you have any trouble reaching orgasm then? Generally speaking, intercourse can be rougher than most women are comfortable being when giving head.

 

[SweetErika]

Hi guys. Long time reader but i havent posted yet.

But i need some advice.

I recently started dating this girl. And she took my virginity a couple of weeks ago. Everytime we have had sex, i havent had an orgasm. I find her incredibbly attractive. and she gives really good head, but i cant blow! and its making her feel bad(and me!!). because she cant make me blow she thinks she is doing something wrong etc, hence we arent having sex anymore and i think we might be drifting apart because of that. She told me she likes sex 1-2 times a day... and well we havent been doing that.

She liked the fact i dont blow in 2 seconds like some guys but now she hates it as sex drags on and she loses interest.
Whenever we do have sex im only thinking about pleasuring her and thats it. I dont have any other images in my head.

I love her giving me head, but she doesnt want to do it anymore because she says, "whats the point if ur not going to blow".
I have blown twice, but it involved me jerking myslef off and then she swollwed it, like a porn movie.... if that helps?

How can i make myself blow? Is there something wrong with me? im a bit afraid to talk to someone face to face, so i thought i would come on here and people can give me ideas?

thanks for the wisdom!

You might want to look into what's holding you back...are you afraid of something? Have you grown up with the idea that sex is dirty or wrong? What's the difference in thoughts and feelings between oral and you masturbating? Are you so worried about pleasing her that you aren't really experiencing the good feelings yourself?

Also, realize this is common and can easily become a vicious cycle. The more you worry, the less you enjoy, and the less you enjoy, the less likely you are to come. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Figure out what the problems are and reassure her it's not her fault.

I love her giving me head, but she doesnt want to do it anymore because she says, "whats the point if ur not going to blow".

Realize a comment like this is only adding to the problem. Maybe she was frustrated, but that's an extremely hurtful and insensitive thing to say to you when it's obvious you're already feeling bad about it. A good partner will support you and expect to work through the problem together in a fun and loving way.

My suggestion would be to tell yourself and her that it's no big deal. Enjoy the feelings of pleasure you get from oral and sex, and make the orgasm a non-issue. After she's satisfied, you can always masturbate with her or alone (maybe while you're looking at and touching her or she's kissing and stroking other parts of your body). Heck, you can go in the bathroom and masturbate. Just make your orgasm a non-issue, and chances are, it'll get better.

You can also try working oral and sex into your masturbation fantasies. A lot of guys imagine themselves having sex when they're receiving oral since the warm and wet sensations are there. Or, you could teach her how you masturbate and she could combine the oral with a great hand job. My point is that changing it up often helps.

Good luck!

 

[zhukov1943]

I hear ya, man - I've had the same problems in the past, too.

I suspect the problem is that you've gotten used to masturbation - you can get all the pressure and sensation you want when you're the one with the "hands on", so to speak - but if your woman has had previous partners that might have been a bit bigger downstairs than you are, you might not be getting all the friction you need to get off. You might not wanna talk about this with her - I suspect women are just as squirrely about being "loose" as we are about being "small" - but there are some tricks to make her a bit "tighter", so to speak - like having her squeeze her legs tightly together when you're fucking missionary style or doggie-style, for example. And if she's really adventurous - there's always anal!

Another possible problem is if you're being too good of a lover by making sure she's nice and warmed up, you may have "missed the boat" on your own orgasm. I used to love going down on a former partner for as long as she liked - but my dick would have forgotten what we were up to when we finally got around to sex! Perhaps getting "straight to the point" might help?

The same former lover also used to get really, really wet - which was a real turn-on for me, but reduced the sexual friction an awful lot. Pulling out and wiping off your dick with your hand from time to time will restore a lot more of the sensation.

As for the blowjobs - I think they feel great, but I've never come from being "blown", either. I think it has to do with not being able to control the tempo - every time I get close, she slows down or something... Anyway, I still love oral sex as a warm-up!

Good luck - I know how awful it can feel to be in your shoes. If none of this stuff works, just keep assuring your girl that it's not her - that you love having sex with her, you LOVE watching her come, and that you don't always have to come every time...

 

[TempWife]

I assume since you were a virgin prior to meeting her that maybe she is the first one to also give you a bj. Its not a rarity for a man not to be able to come from a bj, like a previous poster said you may find that you need a harder touch than a mouth to bring you over the top. Mix it up, try different positions, watch a porn(if this is within your level of comfort)and copy the people on the video. Dont take it so seriously, sex should be fun.

 

[psychone]

I sort of had a similar problem myself, what I say next may not be relevant to you, if it is good luck.

When I first started having sex I had a similar problem, it required a long time to get to the point of orgasm, quick sex wasn't an option.

The problem was the foreskin was not retracting fully behind the head, so it wasn't getting enough friction. With some streaching this ceased to be as much of a problem. Orgasm can be reached relatively fast now.

 

[cryptictravler]

I have had the same problem, but only when I am super stressed and/or haven't slept for long periods of time. Othere have the same issue when drinking or using drugs. One of the four, most likely stress is screwing with you. Next time just calm down, slow down foreplay (which some guys need too...and few women will refuse), and get comfortable before you start. Most of all dont worry, that will lead to a vicious circle of stress.

 

[aus_18]

thakns for the help guys.
i blew twice last night! and she is so happy now!

i think it was the fact i didnt concentrate on pleasing hre as much and put all my energy into the feeling i was getting etc..

 

[Metal_Monkey]

It sounds like she is still forming her sexual identity (just like you) and therefore comes off with a very immature attitude. If she's upset because you don't come from a blowjob, and sucks your cum down like in a porno - how can she have realistic expectations about sex? Not everyone orgasms from oral!!! Not everyone orgasms from intercourse!!!

The next time she feels compelled to critique your style, ask for something constructive. "Instead of complaining that I won't blow - because I won't, y'know - why don't you tell me what to do with this hunk of junk. Shall I rub it on your titties or on your kitty? Lady's choice."

Her self-esteem is at risk, too, so be nice about it. But if she's making you feel the strain of unrealistic expectations (basically to cum on demand) and won't compromise, time to find another lady friend.

Just my 2 cents.