I have a massage for you...

[pipercatt]

Line forms to the left, don't be pushy. My hands need a workout. People with names like Mary or Marie, and those that live in empty houses get first dibs.

Any takers?


I always wanted to start a parody thread.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[cybergirly]

Jumps up and down shouting....

ME ME....

Oh wait was that to pushy?

 

[Allexus_TN]

I can be any name you want me to be. And does looking at houses count??

 

[pipercatt]

My last name starts with an "M" and if I kick my other two kids outside, the house will be empty.

Does that count?

Sure, I'm easy...

Here's a towel. Strip and lie down on my table. There you go.

My, my, my...I am sensing tenseness all over. Oh wait, I'm getting something...

Did someone with an E in there name give you a gift in the last 10 years? Yeah, I thought so. I can feel it in your lower back, let me just work it for you...

 

[Raina]

My middle name starts with M...and I'm the only one in my house...how's that?

Plus, I could really, really us a nice massage.

 

[Vinny]

M

My gender starts with an M<Man> I am alone in an empty house. Does this count?

 

[CarolineOh]

I'm really a 50 year old man named Murray, and I'm under house arrest.

Do me.

 

[pipercatt]

Jumps up and down shouting....

ME ME....

Oh wait was that to pushy?

Well, Me starts with an M, so...Ok.

Strip, lie down on my table, here's a towel.

(this is a really fun job)

As I place my hands on your back, I am getting an impression...it's really faint here...Hmm. Let me rub for a little while longer, someone's trying to tell me something.

Did you have a childhood pet?

Yeah, I thought so.

Next?

 

[patient1]

I refer to myself as ME. that is very close to "Marie", isn't it?

I'm not sure about a massage though. A taste of honey is worse than none at all.

What's it take to join your stable, Pipercatt? Is there an application, an apprenticeship program, a minor league sytem with your friends?

 

[brokenbrainwave]

well damn, no kids today and I am STILL outta luck...

 

[cybergirly]

Well, Me starts with an M, so...Ok.

Strip, lie down on my table, here's a towel.

(this is a really fun job)

As I place my hands on your back, I am getting an impression...it's really faint here...Hmm. Let me rub for a little while longer, someone's trying to tell me something.

Did you have a childhood pet?

Yeah, I thought so.

Next?

LOL!

Your so right, I did have a childhood pet...Wow!

 

[pipercatt]

I can be any name you want me to be. And does looking at houses count??

Absolutely.

Strip, lie down, here's a towel.

(woo hoo...nice)

Ok, let me start on your neck...Hmm...tense. Do you look at houses often? One of the houses you looked at has a lot of healthy happy spirits in it. I say take that one. There's a party always going on there. The dead rock, you know.

 

[pipercatt]

My middle name starts with M...and I'm the only one in my house...how's that?

Plus, I could really, really us a nice massage.

Raina, Raina...my dearly departed great aunt twice removed told me you'd be coming by....

You know the drill...strip, lie down, here's a towel - if you need one.

*wiggles eyebrows*

I love your shoulders hon...

*rub, rub, rub*

My aunt also said that you're taking a trip, or coming back from one, or maybe planning one? Yeah...that's good. Trips are nice...

 

[Raina]

Raina, Raina...my dearly departed great aunt twice removed told me you'd be coming by....

You know the drill...strip, lie down, here's a towel - if you need one.

*wiggles eyebrows*

I love your shoulders hon...

*rub, rub, rub*

My aunt also said that you're taking a trip, or coming back from one, or maybe planning one? Yeah...that's good. Trips are nice...

Nope, no towel for me.

Wow! You're amazing. I am planning on taking a trip AND I just got back from one.

Now can you tell me where my missing toe ring is?

 

[pipercatt]

Re: M

My gender starts with an M<Man> I am alone in an empty house. Does this count?

Vinny, Man most certainly starts with an M..yup, yup.

Ok, strip, up on the table, you love muscle you...

What? You want a towel? Sheesh...

*commences rubbing*

Hey, my dead great aunt twice removed didn't say you were ticklish there .

What's an out of work psychic massage therapist supposed to do?

*sigh*

 

[pipercatt]

I'm really a 50 year old man named Murray, and I'm under house arrest.

Do me.

Murray! Long time no see, man, how was the joint?

Strip! Lie down, do you wanna towel to cover that lovely anklelet that's blinking and beeping at me? I find it distracting.

Hey, didn't you date my dearly departed great aunt twice removed? Give me back her furniture, dude, that was willed to me.

 

[Vinny]

Whip

me with the towel and seduce me with your hands

 

[CarolineOh]

Murray! Long time no see, man, how was the joint?

Strip! Lie down, do you wanna towel to cover that lovely anklelet that's blinking and beeping at me? I find it distracting.

Hey, didn't you date my dearly departed great aunt twice removed? Give me back her furniture, dude, that was willed to me.

I uh, I got to go see a guy about some stuff. See ya.

 

[Hamletmaschine]

You can check the other thread for my bona fides, Piper.

Now, tell me what I need to do.

 

[red_rose]

You can check the other thread for my bona fides, Piper.

Now, tell me what I need to do.

Strip.

 

[pipercatt]

I refer to myself as ME. that is very close to "Marie", isn't it?

I'm not sure about a massage though. A taste of honey is worse than none at all.

What's it take to join your stable, Pipercatt? Is there an application, an apprenticeship program, a minor league sytem with your friends?

Patient1, psychic massages aren't for everyone, hon. I can understand that the truth that becomes revealed as your muscles get tenderized can lead to uncomfortable feelings, and may lead to more tenseness afterwards.

As far as my stable, please be more specific. Are you looking to join the harem, or become a psychic message therapist yourself? I offer a wide variety of programs, and most are quite easy to join...

 

[pipercatt]

well damn, no kids today and I am STILL outta luck...

Brokenbrainwave, hon...methinks you missed the part where I said I was easy...

Still interested?

 

[pipercatt]

Re: Whip

me with the towel and seduce me with your hands

Vinny, hon...your giggles at my ministrations make it very hard to get an accurate reading.

 

[tortoise]

You can check the other thread for my bona fides, Piper.

Now, tell me what I need to do.

"Momma's got a new beau!"

"He's bona fide!"

"He's a suitor!"

--The Wharvey/McGill Sisters, about Vernon T. Waldrip

(from memory, probably mangled)