I hate men...

[ohiobbw]

Ok, before I get flames and trolls, I don't really hate all men. Just how annoying they can be.

So I post a plea for advice.

I'm totally in love(not passionate, true love yet, but I don't know how else to describe it) with a guy. I've known him for 5 years, I've liked him off and on for about 2-3 years. He's older than me (3 years).

We are somewhat friends, meaning we see each other all the time (in class and we used to work together, til we both quit). And we talk to each other when we see each other, but we don't go out of our way to hang out (he doesn't, I would). We get along usually, sometimes we get on each others nerves.

Last year I asked him to Prom (as friends) it was my senior year and I really wanted to go. He said no with the excuse that "I don't do prom." I use to think that I had no chance with him because I was younger, but he just dated someone a year younger than me. We are totally physically incompatible. He is great looking (but he doesn't think so) and very thin for a guy. But his upper body is built. I, on the other hand, am by my name a BBW (Big Beautiful Women), some of you have seen my picture in the "I've been thinking" thread.

Although I've liked him for a long time, it comes and goes. For example I started dating someone and I wasn't as interested in him during that time, but when we broke up, I was back to liking him again. And he started dating someone that we worked with, and I stopped liking him for awhile, but they broke up and now I like him more than ever.

I even know what made me start liking him again. He was talking to me about his ex. He has not dated much, neither have I, but he takes break ups very hard.

So it's been about 2 months since they broke up, I like him more than ever. I need advice. He should know that I like him because I've given him enough signs. So should I make a move? One thing I plan on doing when I see him next (should be tommorrow) is too ask him to go to an amusement park as a group trip. People he knows are going too.

Any advice is appreciated!

Sorry for the really long thread!

 

[Andra_Jenny]

Someone who don't do prom is anti-social and will have trouble forming a long-term warm lasting bond.

Or just has a problem with theme dances and/or line dancing and will make an imaginative lover.

Pick One, hope for the best. Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long...

 

[ohiobbw]

BTW, after he and 2 other guys I asked all said no, I didn't get to go to my senior prom

But I did go to my junior prom.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Yep I'm gone....


Oh by the way I dont do proms or dance either... I wouldnt call it a personal slight

 

[ohiobbw]

Someone who don't do prom is anti-social and will have trouble forming a long-term warm lasting bond.

He is anti-social, sorta. Very quiet, shy (that's what people don't know him think).
He was even voted Most Shy in his senior class.

 

[Andra_Jenny]

It might not be shy. Some are brought up by people who don't speek much, I know I was. I like the Maltese Falcon, where Greenstreet is telling Bogey that he doesn't like a man who doesn't talk...

 

[rambling man]

One thing about being young like you are is that this is a chance to have fun. Don't tie yourself to one person right off the bat, give yourself a chance to mess around and have fun.

Never saw your pic but dont sell yourself short...lots of guys love lots of different types of women. Only the media says guys only love string bean shaped women.

And if a guy doesn't want you, to hell with him. Approach dating with confidence, no matter what your past has been like. Confidence is sexy and makes a woman more beautiful. It's different than attitude, it's quiet self-assurance. You're good, you know it, but you don't have to tell everyone about it.

Guys come and guys go, you have lots and lots of time to tie yourself to one. In the meantime, just enjoy yourself.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Somehow I get the impression that this guy just doesn't deserve you.

 

[ohiobbw]

Thanks for the compliment KillerMuffin.

The only problem I have with going up to him and saying "Hey, I like you, what are we going to do about it?"
Is 1.seeing him every week and 2. he knows my dad so it could be humilating (though knowing him I doubt he would tell anyone)

 

[bluntforcemama]

Someone who don't do prom is anti-social and will have trouble forming a long-term warm lasting bond.

Or just has a problem with theme dances and/or line dancing and will make an imaginative lover.

Pick One, hope for the best. Life is a highway, I want to ride it all night long...

I never went to prom. I'm not antisocial, I just don't much care for people in large masses that can't and are usually drunk. And BBW... if he's acting like that to you, I say throw his ass in the river and wait for the fish to feed. Then he'll realize what a good thing he had with you.

 

[ohiobbw]

For those of you who missed the pic
it's in this thread
or on my page here

 

[bluntforcemama]

I saw the picture... I think you're lovely! I still think that guy's a fool.

 

[Pyper]

Now before we get all male-bashing you-go-girlfriend here, let's take some perspective. BBW, with all sympathy to your plight, it doesn't seem like he's treating you THAT badly. I mean, no matter how hard you try (using the general you, here), you can't force someone to start liking or loving you, even if you feel passionately about them. There are always other fish in the sea. Maybe it's time to get yourself a BBM (big, beautiful man).

 

[ohiobbw]

I saw the picture... I think you're lovely! I still think that guy's a fool.

Thanks Myst! Sometimes I think that myself. But I believe that you truly cannot chose who you like.

 

[Andra_Jenny]

I hate crowds too. I like being with lots of friends, but I have been at concerts and other crowd-intensive events that just make me damned glad I'm a country-dweller again.

 

[ohiobbw]

Now before we get all male-bashing you-go-girlfriend here, let's take some perspective. BBW, with all sympathy to your plight, it doesn't seem like he's treating you THAT badly. I mean, no matter how hard you try (using the general you, here), you can't force someone to start liking or loving you, even if you feel passionately about them. There are always other fish in the sea. Maybe it's time to get yourself a BBM (big, beautiful man).

I don't think he's treating me badly either, I didn't mean it to come off that he's mean to me or anything.
Unfortunely I don't know any BBM in real life, that I'm interested in!

 

[bluntforcemama]

Thanks Myst! Sometimes I think that myself. But I believe that you truly cannot chose who you like.

I know that feeling all too well. Sometimes it's a matter of self preservation to turn and walk the other way. I'm doing it now... to a man I loved for 5 years, and then to a man who screwed me over. It happens, and all you can do is learn, live, and move on.

 

[Texan]

Relationships, in the begining, are mostly chemistry. Some people just click and some don't. It sometimes happens that the relationship clicks for one person but not for the other. If you have hinted that you are interested in him, enough for him to know that, and he doesn't respond, then hang onto your heart.

Every man or woman has/will/should experience unreciprocated affection. It can be painful, but it happens. Apparently, for you, there is chemistry, but for him that may not be the case. Don't be self-critical about it, it happens to everyone, regardless to physical appearance or size. In fact, you will, or may have already felt the same thing from the other side.

My own experience tells me that when you are young, relationships will come and go. I think a person needs to have several relationships that don't work, in order to find out what they really need in a relationship.

When a new relationship does not work out, for whatever reason, you will still have yourself to live with. How you handle yourself and how well you maintain your dignity and self-respect, is more important than whether or not the relationship works out. My advice (worth exactly what it cost) is to never humiliate yourself for the sake of a relationship. The price of self-respect is too high a cost to pay for any new relationship.

 

[Texan]

Thanks Myst! Sometimes I think that myself. But I believe that you truly cannot chose who you like.

I believe you not only CAN choose who you like, but you MUST control who you like. Can you imagine a married woman suddenly leaving her family because she suddenly finds she cannot help but love another man?

People have emotion and logic. Sometimes they fight for control. A person who lives completely under the control of logic is a painfully boring individual. But a person who lives completely under the control of emotion will hurt most of the people they know, and spend much of their own life in pain.

 

[Pyper]

Well said, Texan. When not involving politics, you express my ideas nicely. Wanna hop on over to the Mutual Admiration thread so I can compliment ya?

 

[morninggirl5]

It sounds to me like you've each let the other become your "better than being alone" date. And if that's what you want or need right now, then go for it. But keep in mind that that's probably all it's ever going to be.

I understand where you're coming from, and it's really hard to let go of those relationships, but eventually you have to. You're a beautiful person and anyone who tells you otherwise needs to grow up themselves. Don't settle for second best.

 

[Guest]

Ok....


I will try not to be mean to the guy.... but just from what you wrote... the guy is one of those 'You are ok for a friend.... but not ok for me to date' kind of guys....

I say let him go and if he comes back on day and tells you how he feels First then ok....

but I think you need to find someone who appreciates you and likes you for you......

 

[ohiobbw]

I believe you not only CAN choose who you like, but you MUST control who you like. Can you imagine a married woman suddenly leaving her family because she suddenly finds she cannot help but love another man?

But, that does happen sometimes! I know I'm young, this is not going to define my life. But right now it is important to me.
So I'm going to take everyones advice into account. And I'll let you know!







Thanks morninggirl! The "better than being alone" date, sounds like a plan.

 

[Texan]

hahahaha......Pyper...... I quit politics for awhile...... I'm trying to be nice without being a twinkie..... damn that's not as easy as it seems....

 

[ohiobbw]

... the guy is one of those 'You are ok for a friend.... but not ok for me to date' kind of guys....

Now that sounds like him.