I got Secretary

[sincerely_helene]

I tend to fast forward through the part where he's hiding in the closet.

 

[canadiancutie]

Dom's don't need pain medicine.

I think you just need good head.

 

[snowy ciara]

I had a problem with the scenario that all a self harmer needs to do to get cured is find someone to do it for her. "And lo, the Great and Powerful Domly One forbade her to cut and she did so, taking her pain from Him and Him alone." It doesn't always work that way kiddos. According to my shrink, it rarely works that way.

But I did enjoy the movie. It was pretty good. I liked the laundry-may/italian restaraunt date sequence, too.

 

[TaintedB]

I was just happy to see a semi-positive non-snickering mainstream movie come out about bdsm. Sure it had its problems, but at least it showed the general vanilla public that these realationships are real ones with real issues, just like theirs are, not some cartoon people in leather and latex whipping each other to death.

 

[Gibbons]

I was just happy to see a semi-positive non-snickering mainstream movie come out about bdsm. Sure it had its problems, but at least it showed the general vanilla public that these realationships are real ones with real issues, just like theirs are, not some cartoon people in leather and latex whipping each other to death.

That's the problem, either you don't see films about bdsm, or you only see porn bdsm (which is of course 100% realistic LOL). It was so refreshing to see something about bdsm which felt close to real.

 

[babiesmiles]

I was just happy to see a semi-positive non-snickering mainstream movie come out about bdsm. Sure it had its problems, but at least it showed the general vanilla public that these realationships are real ones with real issues, just like theirs are, not some cartoon people in leather and latex whipping each other to death.

I agree . I liked that film , and it gives a real and not "weird sick people" perspective of bsdm . Positive .

 

[Killishandra]

Betticus, sorry to hear about your health situation.

I think you should forget about Secretary and start looking for _a_ secretary.

Then post her pic here on Lit. Make sure she's hot... miniskirts are a must.

 

[TaintedB]

Betticus, sorry to hear about your health situation.

I think you should forget about Secretary and start looking for _a_ secretary.

Then post her pic here on Lit. Make sure she's hot... miniskirts are a must.

That's a good idea!

Killi, would you send me your old sig line, the Gibran quote? I liked it but didn't bother to copy it down because I though it would be there forever.

 

[Betticus]

Betticus, sorry to hear about your health situation.

I think you should forget about Secretary and start looking for _a_ secretary.

Then post her pic here on Lit. Make sure she's hot... miniskirts are a must.

There is a serious lack of submissives here that meet my needs. There are plenty of girls that play about as if they are submissive but only to the point where they like to be objectified somewhat during sex. They seem to like to hang out around me when it feels safe but I scare them a little.

It's frustrating but I am not willing to play with someone that I can't see myself in a permanent relationship with.

 

[sincerely_helene]

but I scare them a little.

But that's half the fun!

 

[caela]

They seem to like to hang out around me when it feels safe but I scare them a little.

The question is, do you scare them on purpose or are they just showing good sense?

 

[Killishandra]

That's a good idea!

Killi, would you send me your old sig line, the Gibran quote? I liked it but didn't bother to copy it down because I though it would be there forever.

It's in your inbox!

 

[Betticus]

The question is, do you scare them on purpose or are they just showing good sense?

It depends on how you look at it. If they are just playing at being into bdsm then they get scared away. If not then they take comfort in my presence. I don't tolerate other men very well so there is usually a safe area around me for women to be in.

 

[Killishandra]

There is a serious lack of submissives here that meet my needs. There are plenty of girls that play about as if they are submissive but only to the point where they like to be objectified somewhat during sex. They seem to like to hang out around me when it feels safe but I scare them a little.

It's frustrating but I am not willing to play with someone that I can't see myself in a permanent relationship with.

I'm sorry to hear that, Betticus.

I think people capable of real submission are as rare if not more rare than people capable of real dominance. In fact, although submissive people probably outnumber dominant people (in both vanilla and bdsm societies) it is harder to be highly (and happily) submissive than it is to be highly and happily dominant. Simply put, it is easy for someone to be dominant and bark orders without having much foresight or concern for the repurcussions (especially those on the submissive.) It is MUCH harder, IMO, for a submissive person to give themselves over to full (or close to) submission, because that person has to want/decide to put aside their own needs and commit to submission knowing that it simply will not make them happy ALL of the time. I think it takes a special type of empathic personality that really takes pleasure in seeing the other person happy; more pleasure than in seeing him/herself happy. Just as some sadists are inverted masochists, I think many "true" submissives are inverted pleasure-seekers. How this wiring in the brain comes to be, I have no idea. By my reasoning, might masochists actually be inverted sadists?

*shrug*

Just to add: I am not saying that a good Dominant is less rare or worth less than a good submissive. I'm just saying that IMO it is easier for a dominance-oriented person to be highly dominant than for a submission-oriented person to be highly submissive. I think this is why we have so many submissives listed on sites like collarme and yet we have Dominants (like many of the ones on this forum) who have a hard time finding worthy subs.

Obviously, both roles (Dominant and submissive) are demanding when done right, and they take effort and work to ensure that both partners are having their needs met in a way that allows the relationship to flourish.

I know I'm still a newbie, and also I am young and lacking in years of life- and bdsm-experience. This is all my current opinion, nothing more... YMMV.


I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[Netzach]

I'm sorry to hear that, Betticus.

I think people capable of real submission are as rare if not more rare than people capable of real dominance. In fact, although submissive people probably outnumber dominant people (in both vanilla and bdsm societies) it is harder to be highly (and happily) submissive than it is to be highly and happily dominant. Simply put, it is easy for someone to be dominant and bark orders without having much foresight or concern for the repurcussions (especially those on the submissive.) It is MUCH harder, IMO, for a submissive person to give themselves over to full (or close to) submission, because that person has to want/decide to put aside their own needs and commit to submission knowing that it simply will not make them happy ALL of the time. I think it takes a special type of empathic personality that really takes pleasure in seeing the other person happy; more pleasure than in seeing him/herself happy. Just as some sadists are inverted masochists, I think many "true" submissives are inverted pleasure-seekers. How this wiring in the brain comes to be, I have no idea. By my reasoning, might masochists actually be inverted sadists?

*shrug*

Just to add: I am not saying that a good Dominant is less rare or worth less than a good submissive. I'm just saying that IMO it is easier for a dominance-oriented person to be highly dominant than for a submission-oriented person to be highly submissive. I think this is why we have so many submissives listed on sites like collarme and yet we have Dominants (like many of the ones on this forum) who have a hard time finding worthy subs.

Obviously, both roles (Dominant and submissive) are demanding when done right, and they take effort and work to ensure that both partners are having their needs met in a way that allows the relationship to flourish.

I know I'm still a newbie, and also I am young and lacking in years of life- and bdsm-experience. This is all my current opinion, nothing more... YMMV.


I now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

That's some really interesting analysis.

I've often felt like I was swimming upstream, though, to be comfortable as a dominant. I often attributed that to being a FemDom, you know, we're not socialized to be ok with aggression or violence or dominance...but I don't know if that's so much a femininity problem or a ME problem or some combination of the two.

I would say that the submissive who gets it, or even the bottom who gets it enough to be up front about what they expect out of the exchange, this is rare indeed.

Is it easier to let yourself be vulnerable, open, and ultimately put others before yourself? I guess if you are wired that way strongly, it's the only way to go, but it seems a hell of a lot harder to me, you are right. I agree with you, it's got to be harder than it is to get cozy with the notion of accepting service, cozy with the notion of control, doing what works for yourself, and steering.

But that said, those are the things that are definitely easier for *me.*

 

[Betticus]

Good points all around.

I do manage to spot people with submissive natures who are fighting who they are. I just don't feel like guiding anyone through to who they really are right now.

For me personally, I see a lot of labels out there that don't quite fit. daddy dom comes the closest but to fit me it also needs a lot of specific explaining. It's more of a description of the kind of trust and bond and the willingness to accept responsibility for the others well being than any kind of dirty kink. It's complicated.

I think that a lot of people get lost and forget that it isn't just a lifestyle or even a bedroom game or an ego trip. It is a specific personality type.

Okay, the drugs are making me fuzzy and unfocused so I'm gonna go to bed.

 

[Netzach]

Good points all around.

I do manage to spot people with submissive natures who are fighting who they are. I just don't feel like guiding anyone through to who they really are right now.

For me personally, I see a lot of labels out there that don't quite fit. daddy dom comes the closest but to fit me it also needs a lot of specific explaining. It's more of a description of the kind of trust and bond and the willingness to accept responsibility for the others well being than any kind of dirty kink. It's complicated.

I think that a lot of people get lost and forget that it isn't just a lifestyle or even a bedroom game or an ego trip. It is a specific personality type.

Okay, the drugs are making me fuzzy and unfocused so I'm gonna go to bed.

I actually have to disagree, I think the "personality typing" thing is way way overused in the community. I have met, hell I HAVE subs who, if you lay a description of them over a description of "a good Dominant" like a venn diagram you get tons and tons of overlap.