I give up!

[sophia jane]

I have been trying to resist the urge to solicit feedback for my stories. Truly, I have. But I have to give in and ask... please read my stories and tell me what you think. Writing fiction is new to me, and I would appreciate comments and suggestions. I would, of course, appreciate praise even more.

And feel free to check out my poems too and rip away at them. You can see all my work in my sig link.
Thanks!!

 

[HornyHenry]

Well done!

The first one, about the UPS delivery man, was very good and hot.
I love the way you describe the action from a woman's point of view, what turns on a woman.
Can't wait to read the second one.

Don't be afraid to ask people to read your stories. If you are good, and you are, it doesn't hurt to get some exposure. Hope you get an "H" or two soon!

 

[sophia jane]

Thanks for the feedback (and the praise!). I was beginning to worry that my stories were such shit no one wanted to even tell me.
How does a story get an "H"?

Anyone else want to comment? I had myself all prepared for a bashing.

 

[bowtie4u]

Feedback

I have been trying to resist the urge to solicit feedback for my stories. Truly, I have. But I have to give in and ask... please read my stories and tell me what you think. Writing fiction is new to me, and I would appreciate comments and suggestions. I would, of course, appreciate praise even more.

And feel free to check out my poems too and rip away at them. You can see all my work in my sig link.
Thanks!!

Sophia

Read both your stories and sent feed back to both and you did not reply to the feedback

The second story I thought was better, It made me hard

 

[bowtie4u]

Feedback

I have been trying to resist the urge to solicit feedback for my stories. Truly, I have. But I have to give in and ask... please read my stories and tell me what you think. Writing fiction is new to me, and I would appreciate comments and suggestions. I would, of course, appreciate praise even more.

And feel free to check out my poems too and rip away at them. You can see all my work in my sig link.
Thanks!!

Sophie

I got your PM and peplyed back, check your PM
I am on Line

 

[bowtie4u]

H

Thanks for the feedback (and the praise!). I was beginning to worry that my stories were such shit no one wanted to even tell me.
How does a story get an "H"?

Anyone else want to comment? I had myself all prepared for a bashing.

H is for HOT like you

 

[Boxlicker101]

I have been trying to resist the urge to solicit feedback for my stories. Truly, I have. But I have to give in and ask... please read my stories and tell me what you think. Writing fiction is new to me, and I would appreciate comments and suggestions. I would, of course, appreciate praise even more.

And feel free to check out my poems too and rip away at them. You can see all my work in my sig link.
Thanks!!

There is nothing wrong with asking for feedback. On all of my stories, for the last fourteen months, I have added a paragraph at the end asking for feedback and votes. I get a lot more of both than I do on the older stories that don't have the paragraph. I include the comment that I write more and better when I know what people think and I believe this to be so.

The red "H" stands for "Hot" and means that a story has at least ten votes with an average of at least 4.5.

 

[sophia jane]

I have gotten quite a bit of feedback, but I haven't had very many criticisms or suggestions. After I posted the first story and people liked it, I realized that this was something that I might want to pursue more seriously. So, I'd really like to find out what I'm doing wrong or what I could do better. I haven't gotten any of that.
I never thought I would actually want criticism!

 

[bowtie4u]

I have gotten quite a bit of feedback, but I haven't had very many criticisms or suggestions. After I posted the first story and people liked it, I realized that this was something that I might want to pursue more seriously. So, I'd really like to find out what I'm doing wrong or what I could do better. I haven't gotten any of that.
I never thought I would actually want criticism!

Check your PM

 

[DrFreud]

I have gotten quite a bit of feedback, but I haven't had very many criticisms or suggestions. After I posted the first story and people liked it, I realized that this was something that I might want to pursue more seriously. So, I'd really like to find out what I'm doing wrong or what I could do better. I haven't gotten any of that.
I never thought I would actually want criticism!

A few comments I had about the Special Delivery story:
- not really realistic for the UPS guy to take his sweet time on his rounds. this is a non-story to me, when you have him give her many multiple orgams without any sign of hurry Maybe have him glance at his watch nervously the whole time.
- you didn't say why the woman usually had only one climax. I don't think it's very common situation so it's worth an explanation.
- what did the ups guy do to make her come more than once other than the fact he's a gift of the gods to the women? Maybe compare him to her other experiences.

I hope my feedback helped you. Contact me if you need me to elaborate.

 

[sophia jane]

I hope my feedback helped you. Contact me if you need me to elaborate.

Thanks again for the comments. I hope you'll read my next one and let me know if I've improved (or not).

SJ

 

[Softouch911]

I have gotten quite a bit of feedback, but I haven't had very many criticisms or suggestions. After I posted the first story and people liked it, I realized that this was something that I might want to pursue more seriously. So, I'd really like to find out what I'm doing wrong or what I could do better. I haven't gotten any of that.
I never thought I would actually want criticism!

Like Dr.F I have trouble getting past the notion of a UPS driver taking time to do anything ... I've never seen ours do anything but run! I think you can get around that though for the fantasy if you handle it in the first couple of paragraphs.

The cop story is really neat. Both stories are arousing, but some very nice bits of writing liven this one up an extra notch. I think it's not as popular, even though it's more credible than the other, because of some oversights in providing detail and getting too much in a hurry to provide the rush.

I wonder: where's his nightstick?

Please let me know when you publish new stories so I can keep up -- I wish I could write short ones!

Softie --

 

[sophia jane]

Funny, you should ask about his nightstick- almost included that as a "toy," but didn't.
New one was submitted a couple days ago so it should be up soon. It's the sequel to the cop story. I tried to give more details, but I would love feedback when it comes out. I'm trying to get better with each story I write- don't know yet if I actually am!

SJ

 

[LadyJeanne]

Sophia,

I've been reading through your poems...you've got some really good stuff there. I've added you to my favorites list, and will be looking forward to more.

No constructive criticism to add, I'm afraid. Just wanted to tell you I enjoyed reading them.

 

[elsol]

Can I ask why you chose to use the present tense, sophia?


Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[sophia jane]

Sophia,

I've been reading through your poems...you've got some really good stuff there. I've added you to my favorites list, and will be looking forward to more.

No constructive criticism to add, I'm afraid. Just wanted to tell you I enjoyed reading them.

Wow. Thanks! What a nice compliment to see this morning.

SJ

 

[sophia jane]

Can I ask why you chose to use the present tense, sophia?


Sincerely,
ElSol

Hmmm. I don't know. It just happens. After I get my story idea, I let it stew for a bit. Then I'll get the first line(s) and it flows from there. I also like the present tense because it adds a sense of immediacy to the story. And, it is easy for me to write in the present.
Curious, if the present tense detracts from the story for you? Haven't had any comments on that before. I know some people don't like first person perspective, either. Glad to hear your thoughts.
SJ

 

[elsol]

Hmmm. I don't know. It just happens. After I get my story idea, I let it stew for a bit. Then I'll get the first line(s) and it flows from there. I also like the present tense because it adds a sense of immediacy to the story. And, it is easy for me to write in the present.
Curious, if the present tense detracts from the story for you? Haven't had any comments on that before. I know some people don't like first person perspective, either. Glad to hear your thoughts.
SJ

Personally, yes but ignore that since it is a style choice, and there's no point to get into 'different' styles discussion at this time.

You're right that the present tense 'adds a sense of immediacy'. The problem is, for how long? These stories are short bursts... 1 to 6 MS-Word pages; is that the length you're going to cap your stories at?

If not, try to imagine 60 pages with this 'sense of immediacy' or even more; 300 pages of 'immediacy'.

Maybe this is a better way of thinking of it... let's say you 'HAVE TO' paint every wall on the inside of your house ONE and only ONE color.

Would you choose a neutral color or an 'immediate' one?

I would choose a neutral color; let's say white, because with white I can do 'other' things like different curtain colors, paintings, fabrics on the wall, offsetting furniture (gee, I watch too much Trading Spaces...)

With an 'immediate' color; let's say bright orange (I'm going overboard to make my point obviously) my choices are more limited because it's SOOOOO loud.

As the story gets longer, I think it will become harder to drown out the immediacy than it will be to add it. It is also 'exhausting' to read because the sense of immediate doesn't let a reader relax... there's no ebbs or flows; if it's exhausting for the reader try to imagine how exhausting it will be for you to write.

Again, this is simply a style thing and you should ask to get other opinions.

You can also do two things... convert your stories to the past tense as an 'exercise' or compare two stories of more significant lengths that use the different tenses to see which way you want to go.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[sophia jane]

Elsol,
I understand what you're saying. I think for the stories I've done, in that they are short encounters, the present tense works well. Of course, I wrote them, so I'm biased in my opinion. I don't know what will happen with future stories. I am not at all locked into the present tense for everything I write. I hope to use a variety of points of view/perspectives in my writing. I know that I started a new story, which I think will be an extended series, and that it is also first person present. I will look at it again and consider a change. But I have to say, if it doesn't work for me I won't change it. If I feel uncomfortable writing a story, I think it will come across to the reader.
I appreciate your opinion on this- definitely something to consider. I do have plans for a third person story soon- don't know if it will present or past. Do you think the present tense is as exhausting in third person? Never really considered it myself.

SJ

 

[elsol]

Elsol,
I understand what you're saying. I think for the stories I've done, in that they are short encounters, the present tense works well. Of course, I wrote them, so I'm biased in my opinion. I don't know what will happen with future stories. I am not at all locked into the present tense for everything I write. I hope to use a variety of points of view/perspectives in my writing. I know that I started a new story, which I think will be an extended series, and that it is also first person present. I will look at it again and consider a change. But I have to say, if it doesn't work for me I won't change it. If I feel uncomfortable writing a story, I think it will come across to the reader.
I appreciate your opinion on this- definitely something to consider. I do have plans for a third person story soon- don't know if it will present or past. Do you think the present tense is as exhausting in third person? Never really considered it myself.

SJ

Well at least you know how you're going to approach this ... believe me that helps.

As to your question, to be honest the present tense is a bias... if someone has it you have to CONVINCE them to read past the moment they realize you're doing it. A large percentage of the time, you're not going to get the chance to do that convincing.

It's like any sex category... some people won't read an 'incest' story and just like that some people will not read a present tense story.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Softouch911]

You're right that the present tense 'adds a sense of immediacy'. The problem is, for how long? These stories are short bursts... 1 to 6 MS-Word pages; is that the length you're going to cap your stories at?

I sure agree with this -- but underline the part about Sophia Jane's stories: to this point she writes episodes, none lasting more than one incident and one (sometimes longer) sex scene.

In a longer story (and in some short ones, too) there is a flow to the plot. It begins and the tension rises, and then it falls off, and then builds again, sort of like waves getting larger until the "climax" of the story (and here on Lit, prolly the reader too!) occurs. In stories like that, I agree that present tense could be a disaster for the writing.

She in fact has a story posted today in first person, present tense that is, imo, the best she has done here. (Yeh, shameless stroking going on here.)

I have nothing to back the next part of this up, but I also anticipate that present works better with first person. In third person the narrator is aware of so much more and has more opportunity to reflect and observe that something that happened earlier inevitably seems to creep in. There is an old "rule" in fact that says fiction should be written in the past tense, but I think the "rule" was pretty arbitrary and the examples of violations of it that I've seen (texts, etc.) always seem to be in third person ... and they really are pretty bad!

Softie -- my $.04

 

[smy3th]

.......

 

[smy3th]

.......

 

[sophia jane]

I read the two Speeding Ticket stories, and they were very erotic and arousing. I think the present tense was perfectly fine. The use of the present tense implies that you are giving us your fantasy. It conveys that you are imagining this thing happening and writing it down as you fantasize. It is like a written daydream. I think that is what you were trying for, and I think it came across well. You are making no pretense that these stories actually occured - they are just your erotic fantasies. The past tense goes more for a credibility that suggests that the events might actually have happened. The present tense says, no, this is just my dream - a sort of stream of consciousness imagination. I liked it a lot. Write some more.

That is, more or less, what I was going for. I'm glad that came across to you. I am writing more. My fourth story is currently undergoing serious revision. Hope to be done with it soon.
As for my av- what you see is what you get. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll change it soon and who knows what that one will be?

SJ

 

[sophia jane]

Elsol-
Our exchange about past/present tense has been interesting for me, and I appreciate you bringing it up. I had started my next story already, but it is going to have a wider scope than the ones I have already done. Because of our "conversation" I am going to play a little and see which works best, past or present. I may even switch to third person past. Just wanted to say thanks for the feedback. I know I will write other shorter stories in present tense, but I think it will be fun to try out some other perspectives.

SJ