I fall in love with the gender

[sexy-girl]

something that i've never completely understood but i've noticed nearly every bi person say is that they fall in love with the person not the gender

does that mean that only bi people are capable of falling in love not with the gender or does it mean that love is different if it has strong sexual attraction too


but that would imply that bi people fall in love with the person but they fall in love with the gender and the person ?


i've no idea im actually quite fasciated how bi people are actually on some levels very different from both gays and straights

 

[College_geek]

I think it depends on the person. My boyfriend is attracted sexually to both genders (but it depends on the person...like he's crazy about Orlando Bloom, but not others), but he falls in love with the person, not the gender. He doesn't care what gender.

Other bisexuals may have a preference to either gender and therefore fall in love with both the person and gender, or only gender... it is a really interesting topic.

 

[webber1998]

I think it depends on the person. My boyfriend is attracted sexually to both genders (but it depends on the person...like he's crazy about Orlando Bloom, but not others), but he falls in love with the person, not the gender. He doesn't care what gender.

Other bisexuals may have a preference to either gender and therefore fall in love with both the person and gender, or only gender... it is a really interesting topic.

I'm Bi and started another thread about falling in love. I've only ever had STRONG feelings for one guy, but quite a few women. But I guess to be perfectly honest with myself, I could actually fall in love with anyone.

 

[Effigy]

something that i've never completely understood but i've noticed nearly every bi person say is that they fall in love with the person not the gender

does that mean that only bi people are capable of falling in love not with the gender or does it mean that love is different if it has strong sexual attraction too


but that would imply that bi people fall in love with the person but they fall in love with the gender and the person ?


i've no idea im actually quite fasciated how bi people are actually on some levels very different from both gays and straights

I know I'm really tired but I dont get what your asking... could I have it rehashed please

 

[Mistress K]

I'm 21 and bisexual. I've fancied both women and men since I was around 12. I fancied each person for different reasons but none of them having anything to do with their gender. I guess you could say I fell in love with their personalities.

When I broke the news to my Mum I explained my bisexuality by telling her that exact thing "I fall in love with people, no matter what their gender is" but she didn't really get it either.

In general I am not really sexually attracted to either gender. I look at both men and women but neither set off an alarm bells inside of me. Once I get to know a person, I then develop sexual feelings towards that one person.

I hope that is the kind of answer you are after

 

[Pookie]

something that i've never completely understood but i've noticed nearly every bi person say is that they fall in love with the person not the gender

does that mean that only bi people are capable of falling in love not with the gender or does it mean that love is different if it has strong sexual attraction too


but that would imply that bi people fall in love with the person but they fall in love with the gender and the person ?


i've no idea im actually quite fasciated how bi people are actually on some levels very different from both gays and straights

When I fall in love with a person, gender is irrelevant to that happening. When it comes to falling in love, I'm already sexually attracted to that person or it just won't happen. I don't fall in love with everyone I'm sexually attracted to though. It's the same regardless of the person's gender that I'm attracted to.

I don't fall in love with a chick, just because she is a chick. The same is true for me when it comes to falling in love with a guy as well. As a bisexual, gender is just not a "barrier" for me when it comes to sexual attraction and love; as it is for straights, lesbians, and gays.

I hope that helps ya.

 

[sexy-girl]

Re: Re: I fall in love with the gender

thanks for the great replies so far ... i guess my thoughts haven't been answered completely yet but im not sure if its possible anyone can answer them

my love for my girlfriend includes everything about her and everything has a deep root in how and why i love her ... i can't say that the gender has no part ... i can't imagine it being possible to say that ... i guess thats why i don't understand when a bisexual person describes how they fall in love

its nothing to do with the gender being a barrier to how i love her it just is a part of it ... but that leads me to ask if i was bi would i love her in a different way ?

i know i couldn't fall in love with a man like i love her and that does imply a barrier ... but i don't see it that way ... i could have family love for a man ... perhaps friendship love ... but not the real deep love not because theres a barrier but more because a lot of my needs and feelings which end up going towards love mean the object of my love would have to be female


i guess im babbling i'll try and sort my feelings out into some better structured questions ... feel free to keep posting your thoughts on this thread though ... maybe it'll help me sort out what im trying to say too

I know I'm really tired but I dont get what your asking... could I have it rehashed please

well i guess i was tired as i posted this thread too ... i was curious as to why bi people say they fall in love with the person and not the gender ... and if this means that bi love is fundamentally different from straight/gay love

 

[Pookie]

Re: Re: Re: I fall in love with the gender

my love for my girlfriend includes everything about her and everything has a deep root in how and why i love her ... i can't say that the gender has no part ... i can't imagine it being possible to say that ... i guess thats why i don't understand when a bisexual person describes how they fall in love

its nothing to do with the gender being a barrier to how i love her it just is a part of it ... but that leads me to ask if i was bi would i love her in a different way ?

....

i was curious as to why bi people say they fall in love with the person and not the gender ... and if this means that bi love is fundamentally different from straight/gay love

I don't think the love you have would be any different for you if you were bisexual. There were different issues for me to deal with is all when I was in a relationship with a chick vs a guy.

Some people assumed I was a lesbian during and immediately after my last relationship with a chick. Being married now, I'm sure people that don't know I'm bisexual assume I'm straight. Some of those that do know probably think I "chose" to be straight now. What I mean by all this rambling is that I think bisexuals and homosexuals feel much the same things when we're in relationships with the same gender, even though our orientations are not the exact same.

Edited for rambling.

 

[infinityoverzero]

It's several hours past when I should be asleep, so apologies in advance for any spelling mistakes, lack of clarity, rambling and self-deprecating humour (hell, I do that even when I'm awake and clear-headed ... ).

I'm bi, and I've only had one serious relationship. She and I are still together, in fact we're engaged. I realized my bisexuality a year and a half ago, and she's known about it ever since and doesn't have any problem with it whatsoever.

I have no plans to leave her (and I hope she doesn't have any plans to leave me), and baring anything tragic I hope that I never have to search for someone else to share my life with. However, I've realized that if something did happen, any future partners could be either male or female. I admit that I would probably be somewhat predisposed to females (just based on past attractions etc), but if I hit it off with a guy I wouldn't discount a relation based on his gender.

I hope that came across properly. If not, I'll clarify what I meant in the morning ... err ... afternoon, I guess.

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks for more interesting posts on this thread ... i wasn't ignoring them but im not sure what i can add to what i've said

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Great thread idea

I have never experienced what I would consider being *in love* with a guy. Yes, I am a mother. Yes, I have had a couple LONG term relationships with said guys but I never felt that *in love* thing. I am drawn to the person first, their gender only plays a part to a degree...but it does play a part. And it was not until recently that I discovered this about myself.

I have been in love twice in my life, both times with women. I have never dreamt of being in love with a guy, though i suppose that it is possible that it could happen.

What all of this rambling really means is that until recently I was one bi chick who said I love the person not the gender...but as I delve more into my own shortcomings., I realize that I am predisposed to distrust guys, thus ending any hope of me falling in love with THEM. I guess then...it would be kinda genderized, huh?

(I hope this made sense)
PET

 

[april-wine]

My love for her, is more about her heart, than her girlie bits....hehe But I must say, I like her girlie bits.... We connect on many levels, she is my perfect match....

 

[naudiz]

I think saying "I fall in love with the person, not the gender" can sound pretty arrogant, because it implies that straight and gay people only notice gender in their attraction, or that it's a factor that is more important than the person. I don't think that's true at all. I think we're wired the way we're wired, and there's nothing 'deep' or 'superior' about being wired in such a way that both genders are attractive.

I love men. I love tall men, though I've fallen for a few shorter cuties in my time. I tend to favor brunettes, though I've had some great times with the blonds. My point? There is a certain type of guy I find attractive. That doesn't mean that any other kind of guy is out of the question, but that when I think of my ideal man, he's not just any man. He's tall, he's thin, dark haired, intellectual, and educated.

The women I find myself attracted to are larger than the modern ideal of beautiful -- keep your stick figures, I'm into women with nice round bodies and, let's be honest here, mmm big boobies. Almost every woman I've dated has been a redhead by sheer coincidence, and almost every one has been more feminine than I am. Would I date a thin, California blonde if I were single and still dating? Maybe, if she had the right chemistry and a personality that turned me on, but she wouldn't be my ideal of the perfect woman just on her looks alone. I also like women who are intellectual and educated.

There's a point in here somewhere -- oh yeah, I remember what it was. Even though I'm attracted to both men and women, I would be lying if I said that aspects of gender didn't figure into it. There are things about men I love that are distinctly masculine. There are things about women I love that are distinctly feminine. They're part and parcel to what I love about that person. I'm just wired so that there is an attraction to both. Does that make any sense?

So yeah. I fall in love with the gender -and- the person. It's just that I happen to like both genders. Speaking as one bi woman among many.

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks naudiz great post maybe i was taking it too literal when people do say they fall in love with people rather than gender ... you are right it does sound arrogent but the people who said it i know aren't that way and i know they didn't mean it that way

for me its like how you described i fall in love/become attracted with a certain type of person but part of my type includes the gender


i wonder if bi people have two types of people they tend to fall in love with ?



thanks a pet and april wine too

 

[april-wine]

Could I fall in love with a man? Most definately....Would I be sexually attracted to man? Maybe, but to date men have not DONE it for me shall we say....lol....

 

[naudiz]

i wonder if bi people have two types of people they tend to fall in love with ?

I think the answer is yes and no.

People, regardless of their orientation, are such complicated creatures that it's hard to pinpoint a single 'thing' that identifies them with a group -- aside from the glaringly obvious. Even among people who prefer only one gender, within that gender is such a wide range of shapes, sizes, looks, personalities, etc. that it's hard to say, "Well, a gay man only likes men so he only likes one type of person..."

I would say there are probably bi people who have two types of people they tend to fall in love with. But there are also bi people who fall in love with a wide range of 'types' within either gender. There are some bi people who are focused on one particular type of person, but that type of person crosses gender lines. Maybe the single focus of a bi person's affections is someone who is a redhead, or an artist, or a brooding intellectual.

Speaking for myself, the one common thread that applies to anyone I've ever been in love with is that they were creative people. Creativity turns me on, intrigues me, and makes me want to get closer to that person. Sure, there are body types I tend to notice in a crowd, but when it comes down to actually connecting with someone, the creativity has always been more important than looks.

But again, I'm only speaking for myself. I don't think anyone fits neatly into the categories given to them. What it means to be a lesbian, for example, is going to be a different experience for every lesbian you'll ever meet. Sure, there will be common threads, and sure, the part about loving women figures pretty big in the picture, but when you start looking to the individual, you'll find that everyone has a story, and every story is different. Same with gay men, same with straight people, same with bi people.

So yeah, there are bi people who have two types of people they fall in love with, but there are also bi people who have only one and gender isn't the deciding factor, just like there are bi people who fall in love with all types of people on either side of the gender line. The common thread that defines bi people is an attraction for both genders, but when you start to look at the individual, just like everyone else, we all have stories to tell.

 

[Angel]

The statement "I fall in love with the person, not the gender" isn't exactly accurate for me, but it's probably just the easiest way to explain it to someone who can't understand .

I guess the best way for me to put it is that I could fall for either gender, and gender isn't the deciding factor in the pool I allow myself to draw from when looking for a partner. Since there is a strong attraction to both genders, gender sometimes becomes a complete non-issue.

 

[BlueSugar]

I'm not going to say that I fall in love with the personality/person in total. The gender does play a part in who I get to know. I am more likely to approach for a man, then I am a women because of "lack" of experience and serious relationships with other women.

 

[Etoile]

For me this is an issue of self-identification. I have said for a long time that I fall in love with a person, and not their gender. I don't like the term bisexual because there are more than two genders - I am open to relationships with intersexed individuals, trans people, whatever. (The world is not biomale and biofemale, and that's cool with me.)

And yet I identify as lesbian, rather than bisexual (or omnisexual). Why? Because although the person's gender doesn't matter, it has become evident that most of my attraction is to women. I refuse to say that I could never fall in love with a man, and for that reason some people would label me bisexual. But it's my own self-opinion that really matters, and because I primarily identify with women, I am a lesbian.

I suspect I'm just muddying the waters, though, so I'll stop now.

 

[seXieleXie]

s-g, you love your girlfriend because of many reasons. because she's smart, because she's beautiful, because she calls you a cow and because she's a woman. that's part of why you love her, and if you transplanted all that into a man, well it just wouldn't be the same. you love her because she's a woman.


for me, i don't love my gf because she's a woman, but i do love that she is one. the fact that she is a woman isn't necessary to me loving her, but it is one of the aspects that attracts me to her.




i don't know if that made sense, but i'll pretend it does

 

[sexy-girl]

thanks for everyones post on this thread i think one thing it quite clearly shows is sexuality is very individual ... and a lot bigger than just gay/bi/straight

s-g, you love your girlfriend because of many reasons. because she's smart, because she's beautiful, because she calls you a cow and because she's a woman. that's part of why you love her, and if you transplanted all that into a man, well it just wouldn't be the same. you love her because she's a woman.


for me, i don't love my gf because she's a woman, but i do love that she is one. the fact that she is a woman isn't necessary to me loving her, but it is one of the aspects that attracts me to her.




i don't know if that made sense, but i'll pretend it does

seXieleXie you were one of the people i thought of when i started this thread

first of all you're right what you said about my girlfriend (especially the cow part )

but what you said about your girlfriend does make a lot of sense to me also ... i guess perhaps i got confused that maybe bi people saw everyone as sort of androgynous where gender didn't matter at all

 

[Pookie]

thanks for everyones post on this thread i think one thing it quite clearly shows is sexuality is very individual ... and a lot bigger than just gay/bi/straight

I think you're right.

.... i guess perhaps i got confused that maybe bi people saw everyone as sort of androgynous where gender didn't matter at all

I wouldn't say it doesn't matter. It's just not an issue or barrier for me. The gender is certainly a part of the attraction, just not the reason I became attracted.

I'm glad you posted this thread.

 

[ChasingShadowsX]

I could only fall in love with the oposite sex, though I've seen a few guys from movies and stuff that I've thought omg I could so love that guy.

I don't think I could love another guy, I don't even know if I could kiss another guy but I'd love to be with another guy if that makes sense.

 

[Etoile]

I could only fall in love with the oposite sex, though I've seen a few guys from movies and stuff that I've thought omg I could so love that guy.

I don't think I could love another guy, I don't even know if I could kiss another guy but I'd love to be with another guy if that makes sense.

I'm definitely confused. Your first paragraph makes it sound like you wouldn't fall in love with a guy, but you could have sexual lust for one. Your second paragraph, though, says that you don't want to kiss a guy but you'd love to "be with" one - huh? I know of some guys who claim they're not gay if they don't kiss the guy, but I've always thought that was a bogus way of looking at the situation.

 

[Milkbone69]

For me it's kinda of different. I guess you could say with me it is gender specifically.

I'm Bi but my attraction to guys is purely sexual, I've never had even the slightest romantic feeling towards any guy, ever, and I'm extremely particular about the kind of guy I'm attracted to. My wife says I'm too damn picky (she's bi, too).