I dont understand

[Lookingforideas]

Ok i dont understand why men feel they have to hide masterbating from women. I am dating a younger man and he masterbates all the time, I know he does it and it ticks me off that he hides it from me or denies it. I have told him that it is a turn on for me to watch him do it or to know that he is doing it, but he keeps hiding it from me. I dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to explain to him that the hiding part is what is hurting me but he seems to not care. What should I do?

 

[only_more_so]

Ok i dont understand why men feel they have to hide masterbating from women. I am dating a younger man and he masterbates all the time, I know he does it and it ticks me off that he hides it from me or denies it. I have told him that it is a turn on for me to watch him do it or to know that he is doing it, but he keeps hiding it from me. I dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to explain to him that the hiding part is what is hurting me but he seems to not care. What should I do?

Well, I don't know about the man you are dating but most guys discover masturbation on their own and it is a very thing they have to hide. First from their parent's then at school from roommates and such. So it is kind of engrained that it is something to be hidden or something to be ashamed of.

My advice would be to get him to masturbate in front of you. Maybe give him a BJ and pull back and tell him to shoot on your breasts while you hold them up for him. Or give him a handjob and ask him to help you, say you know you are doing it wrong and have him show you what he does. Make him know it makes you hot watching him do it. Also it wouldn't hurt to let him catch you masturbating.

Also the surest way to get him to deny it and lie about it is confronting him about it. That puts him on the defensive, so he will just try harder not to get caught and cover up the evidence.

It is a complex issue and will likely take patience to get it resolved.

 

[alain88]

Somehow you have to convince him it is sexy. I agree with only_more_so that we hide it as we are growing up and that makes it hard to do in front of someone. I dated a girl that got me into it and now I love being watched. In fact she loved it so much she became like a cheerleader egging me on. She got me to do Kegel exercises to get me to shoot farther. It was really pretty erotic. We played a game where I would try to get it in her mouth from 3 or 4 feet away. Great fun! Brings back memories....now I miss her. Dammit!

 

[Retrieval]

Ok i dont understand why men feel they have to hide masterbating from women. I am dating a younger man and he masterbates all the time, I know he does it and it ticks me off that he hides it from me or denies it. I have told him that it is a turn on for me to watch him do it or to know that he is doing it, but he keeps hiding it from me. I dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to explain to him that the hiding part is what is hurting me but he seems to not care. What should I do?

Why should he share it with you? For most people masturbation is a private matter. Just accept it.

 

[yorker85]

It's a private thing. Almost a maintenance issue. My wife loves it when I wank in front of her but I don't do it that often. She knows I do it when she isn't home but she prefers I save it for her. If I save it too long, I get a good load but it's pretty quick. Recently, she had me slip the head in her and then a finger and rub it until I came. It was seriously amazing!

 

[Lookingforideas]

Why should he share it with you? For most people masturbation is a private matter. Just accept it.

I am not asking him to share it just dont hide it like its a sin

 

[SweetErika]

What has HE said about it (when you hopefully asked in a casual, non-confrontational way at a non-sexual time)?

Along the lines of it being private, perhaps you just have to come to see it as something that he's keeping private, not hiding from you.

I'm just now starting to share some of my masturbation fantasies with my husband, and we've been through just about everything together in the past eight years, so not sharing is definitely NOT about too little love, trust or comfort. I keep many of my fantasies private because I've come to know them as very individual, special, personal thoughts, and consider my interaction with them "me time."

On some level, if he takes part in them, even through simple knowledge/awareness, they'll no longer be completely mine - they'll be shared. A part of me worries they will lose some of their appeal/pleasure if they're no longer private, and I don't want that because I really love my personal fantasies. I don't want to take the risk with some things, so often I choose not to share those or am very vague about what they entail. I DO share what I'm comfortable with, and push my limits when I believe communicating could result in a greater understanding, more fulfilling sex life, and, ultimately, a more satisfying relationship.

Neither of us believes not sharing things we agree are largely private, like fantasies and masturbation, amounts to hiding. I'm guessing that's because we love and trust each other enough to know the important stuff will always be shared, and we'll act in the other's/relationship's best interest. It's like personal communications or anything else; just because we ask for some privacy doesn't mean we're hiding anything - we're simply asking for consideration as individuals, which is very normal and healthy.

So, I'd suggest communicating with your bf about privacy and personal time/activities. Make it a "what do you think/feel about...?" type-chat, and don't start with masturbation (but get there at some point, even if not in the first talk). Learn about each other, then try to frame YOUR views around that knowledge in a positive way (e.g. 'He's not hiding, he's just asking me to be considerate of his need for privacy on this, and I'm doing so because I care about his happiness.').

If you have problems with that, I'd suggest seeking counseling. If mistrust persists, this probably isn't the right relationship for either of you.

 

[alain88]

I agree with what SweetErika says. When I did masturbate for my girl I still also did it privately. It was part of our love-making, but not all the time. Just something fun and different when the mood struck. She just happened to have a fascination with watching cum spurt of of the end of my cock so I was kind of pleasuring her more than myself. When I masturbated alone it was a completely different experience.
You might want to ask him if he'd like to watch you masturbate. I think I can speak for most men when I say that we love watching a woman please herself. Maybe you could get to the point where you could do it together. I know when I watch a woman pleasing herself I almost naturally start playing with myself.

 

[shadow_dweller]

Comeing from a guy who also "hides" it... Even if my wife came out and asked me to show her, I'm not sure I could. Masturbation is a VERY taboo thing when your younger and no matter how hard people try to move on from that in they're later life, it's still a hard mental block to get past. Give it time and be patiant and understanding. That's about the best thing I can say to do for now.

 

[bridger jack]

I don't share OUR sex life with our friends, and I don't share MY sex life with myself with her except on especially hot occasions. We both know that the other has this private sex life, and it adds mystery that you don't enjoy much of when married.

 

[Mr_G]

Well, I don't know about the man you are dating but most guys discover masturbation on their own and it is a very thing they have to hide. First from their parent's then at school from roommates and such. So it is kind of engrained that it is something to be hidden or something to be ashamed of.

My advice would be to get him to masturbate in front of you. Maybe give him a BJ and pull back and tell him to shoot on your breasts while you hold them up for him. Or give him a handjob and ask him to help you, say you know you are doing it wrong and have him show you what he does. Make him know it makes you hot watching him do it. Also it wouldn't hurt to let him catch you masturbating.

Also the surest way to get him to deny it and lie about it is confronting him about it. That puts him on the defensive, so he will just try harder not to get caught and cover up the evidence.

It is a complex issue and will likely take patience to get it resolved.

Very good suggestions. May I ask what your ages are? Since you are older he might feel kiddyish doing it in front of you. It probably would be good to let him catch you doing it. Or, don't even have him "catch" you, invite him to watch.

 

[INeedLove]

My ex would NEVER admit to masturbating. We were married for about 6 years. All of the guys I have asked told me that it was impossible for him to not be masturbating. I did try to gently encourage him to do it with me. He never would. My point? This is clearly something he does not want to share. He must need to keep it to himself. I would let him know, at a non sexual private time, that while you do find masturbation sexy and great that you respect his need for privacy. Should he ever decide to share it with you that you are totally open and will love him regardless. It's his choice then.

I hope that made sense? My coffee hasn't kicked in yet

 

[Lookingforideas]

Very good suggestions. May I ask what your ages are? Since you are older he might feel kiddyish doing it in front of you. It probably would be good to let him catch you doing it. Or, don't even have him "catch" you, invite him to watch.

I am 30 and he is 24. He has caught me masterbating and when he did I just asked him if he wanted to join me. He did and we enjoyed it. I guess I am just being a witch about it. Thank you everyone for the ideas.

 

[subwannabe]

Date an older man or a different man. Why is that women always think they can change someone? If you've already talked about it to no avail then you either need to get over it or find someone else.

 

[Moonlit]

I do not think you are being a witch about it...

More like you simply did not realize that he might not be comfortable with masturbating in front of another person.

Maybe, for him, the feeling of him "having" to keep it a secret adds to his enjoyment of it?

 

[jessthegirl]

i love seeing my boyfriend hold and slowly stroke his cock, normally as a tease to me, as part of our lovemakng, but i wouldnt want to see him masturbate. I need him to cum inside me, and as we don't live together and have to make times and places to have sex I guess when we do he has a lot to off load - unless he does masturbate in secret, but in that case I would rather not know. He is 19 and the most he came in me 5 times one afternoon/night after we had been apart for two weeks so he has lots of sperm. A masterbating guy would not be able to do that.

 

[SweetErika]

i love seeing my boyfriend hold and slowly stroke his cock, normally as a tease to me, as part of our lovemakng, but i wouldnt want to see him masturbate. I need him to cum inside me, and as we don't live together and have to make times and places to have sex I guess when we do he has a lot to off load - unless he does masturbate in secret, but in that case I would rather not know. He is 19 and the most he came in me 5 times one afternoon/night after we had been apart for two weeks so he has lots of sperm. A masterbating guy would not be able to do that.

Is he 19 or 20?

Are you having sex, or not?

You need to stop bullshitting, or save it for Personals where reality isn't so important.

here is a strange one: How do I get my boyfriend to fuck me? I am 19 he is 20, met at uni, but he has a strong religous background. He is drop dead gorgeous looking, fun, intelligent, sexy, cute assed boy. We have been dating a month now, and I am gagging to be fucked. The nearest we got was when he did let me unzip him and bring his cock out into the open. He was as hard as a baseball bat and almost as thick as the proverbial coke can and had the biggest smile on his face. But that is as far as it got, and he called me next day to apologise and hasn't let me near his zipper since.

Any advice anyone? He is too kool and too well endowed to leave. And in anyc ase I think i love him.

 

[Eilan]

You need to stop bullshitting, or save it for Personals where reality isn't so important.

Just what the fuck is your problem, anyway? Everyone knows that Lit Personals is the real world. Everyone except you, apparently. You need to stop living in the fantasyland that is the HT.

 

[SweetErika]

Just what the fuck is your problem, anyway? Everyone knows that Lit Personals is the real world. Everyone except you, apparently. You need to stop living in the fantasyland that is the HT.

You and Footinhismouth are probably right... I'll try to stop calling the n00bs out on their lies so we can all continue to live in blissful HT ignorance.

 

[INeedLove]

Is he 19 or 20?

Are you having sex, or not?

You need to stop bullshitting, or save it for Personals where reality isn't so important.

ROTFLMAO!!

 

[Eilan]

I'll try to stop calling the n00bs out on their lies so we can all continue to live in blissful HT ignorance.

I'm glad you see the error of your ways.