I don't understand any of this

[AngelicAssassin]

Return of Service to your Forecourt

... My theory I put to him, tongue in cheek of course, was many dominants also profess often that they themselves do not like receiving pain, so maybe their need to deliver is out of jealousy we poor, lil ol submissives can take that which they can't, therefore denting the ego of the stereotypical macho male who can withstand anything, therefore revenge is a natural consequence!! Any supporters of this cheeky theory, or should it go in the thread 'Things a sub should NEVER say to her D'? LOL.

Catalina

Hmm, i would guess you could drop a Master that only strikes with objects in that category. i prefer using the flat of my hand, however, so pain thresholds become a contest.

Which surface will give out first; my hand, or her ass, thighs, calves, feet, or the ever popular pink belly. http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/icon_twisted.gif

Nice thing about a hand? You can get a forehand/backhand pendulum going on that just ...

http://www.1st-vets.org/forum/images/smiles/rofl.gif never mind, i got lost in the reverie for a moment.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Return of Service to your Forecourt

Nice thing about a hand? You can get a forehand/backhand pendulum going on that just ...

the hand is my very favorite thing to get spanked with. however, i'll tell you a little secret: the back of the hand doesn't hurt nearly as bad!

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Return of Service to your Forecourt

... i'll tell you a little secret: the back of the hand doesn't hurt nearly as bad!

Sounds like someone needs work on their backstroke

 

[Missconduct]

I love my boyfriend. I just realised, I really fucking love him.

I didn't think I was capable of loving anyone other than myself.

That's awesome! Love really is what it's all about when you come down to the bottom line.

xx,

 

[Missconduct]

I may be harbouring some secret submissive desires or something, I don't really know.

Am I enlightened now? Have I found "the path"?

Doubt it.

It may help to bear in mind that probably at least half the women of the whirled desire to be sexually dominated in one way or another. That does not make them kinks, fetishists or even submissives by any stroke of the imagination nor by how it is currently defined in BDSM.

But I'm happy. I wouldn't defend my lifestyle to a single fucking person who meant nothing to me, much as I mean nothing to all of you. It amazes me that so many of you replied at all.

We're all quite used to having to defend our position. Sado/masochism is (I believe) still currently defined as a psychological illness. Homosexuality used to be, but no longer is. And many in the kink community have rallied and work daily at changing the current psychological definition.

But it's all good. Women during Victorian times who were sexually frustrated or otherwise reacted emotionally to physical dissatisfaction were considered to be 'hysterical' and encouraged to seek 'treatment.' It was during this time that a doctor who conducted these 'treatments' invented the first vibrator. The clitoris was left out of illustrated diagrams of female genitalia in medical books for something like 100 years up until then.

Sexual discrimination has always been a very common practice.

xx,

 

[BTK51]

Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

Scarlett, I'm with you on this one. I was directed here from another topic. I never botered with BDSM because I shared your views. I have found this thread to be the most informative and entertaining thread on BDSM that I have ever read. It has both cleared up and further confused me on the subject. I want to make it clear that I am not trolling!!! I am also trying not to be judgemental. My wife and I enjoy a little role playing once in a while but just can't see the sense of this lifestyle. It is also perplexing that so many people practice it. To me it's demeaning.

I wonder why so many more submissives answer and why they seem to be so dominant here. Even the ones that practice 24/7. Is that a realease from their home life?

As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship. so my question is how can both people continue to grow as individuals and as a couple without the free exchange of ideas? Sound "cult-like" to me.

 

[His Flower]

Re: Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship. so my question is how can both people continue to grow as individuals and as a couple without the free exchange of ideas? Sound "cult-like" to me.

I suggest reading the thread over from the beginning to end BTK51. At least for me, there is a free exchange of ideas. Whether a vanilla, D/s, or BDSM relationship, no partner is ever a mind-reader. He/She might get to understand you well enough to sort of be able to guess what you enjoy and what you like, but without communication, none of that would've existed in the first place.

A large part of a D/s relationship is the communications. It's a power exchange. I am the one who gives my Sir the power to own and use me for his pleasure and the way He pleases, and in return, though my pleasure is not as important, I get great pleasure in doing so. He knows what I like, what I dont like, what makes me tick, and what makes me move. He knows me, and that is why I'm able to surrender to him like I do so.

His Flower

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

Scarlett, I'm with you on this one. I was directed here from another topic. I never botered with BDSM because I shared your views. I have found this thread to be the most informative and entertaining thread on BDSM that I have ever read. It has both cleared up and further confused me on the subject. I want to make it clear that I am not trolling!!! I am also trying not to be judgemental. My wife and I enjoy a little role playing once in a while but just can't see the sense of this lifestyle. It is also perplexing that so many people practice it. To me it's demeaning.

I wonder why so many more submissives answer and why they seem to be so dominant here. Even the ones that practice 24/7. Is that a realease from their home life?

As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship. so my question is how can both people continue to grow as individuals and as a couple without the free exchange of ideas? Sound "cult-like" to me.

Welcome to the thread.
As we told E_S, it meets our needs. As a submissive, I feel cherished and valued, not demeaned. If it seems demeaning to you, obviously, it isn't your cup of tea.

In general, the dominants have seen this as a waste of their time. They talk about the things that interest them. They, in general, see this discussion as an exercise in justification of our lifestyle. At least that is what I have gathered from several of them.

Answering questions is not a release from my home life. It is entertaining to me and makes me think about why I like and need this life. That's all. I like talking about bdsm.

In terms of my relationship... there is a free exchange of ideas. We discuss things freely and we disagree at times. Several others have said as much on this thread already. Why don't you re-read some of the answers? I am not a doormat. I haven't been brainwashed. I am his equal and opposite. We fit together quite well.... mentally, emotionally, sexually etc. He has a need to dominate. I have a need to submit. It feels right for us. That is all that matters.

 

[Etoile]

I think it's important to remember that we are people just like the rest of you. We chat with each other, we do exchange ideas, and we can learn from each other. While D/s can interweave tightly with this, we are still two functioning people with brains in our heads. Although a submissive may at times be treated as art/ashtray/furniture/animal/slut/fuckup/etc., we don't have fewer neurons or anything like that. We can have intelligent conversations with our tops, too.

(The above made a lot more sense in my head.)

As for why there are more subs on this thread, I think it's because we're the ones being more viciously attacked. We're the ones being blamed for our proclivities.

 

[Quint]

Re: Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

Scarlett, I'm with you on this one. I was directed here from another topic. I never botered with BDSM because I shared your views. I have found this thread to be the most informative and entertaining thread on BDSM that I have ever read. It has both cleared up and further confused me on the subject. I want to make it clear that I am not trolling!!! I am also trying not to be judgemental. My wife and I enjoy a little role playing once in a while but just can't see the sense of this lifestyle. It is also perplexing that so many people practice it. To me it's demeaning.

I wonder why so many more submissives answer and why they seem to be so dominant here. Even the ones that practice 24/7. Is that a realease from their home life?

As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship. so my question is how can both people continue to grow as individuals and as a couple without the free exchange of ideas? Sound "cult-like" to me.

There are a few assumptions you are making here which I'd like to point out to you. The first is that because a person is sexually submissive, they must be submissive in all their life dealings. For the majority of the subs I know here, this is not true. We are businesswomen, teachers, counselors, mothers. Well, I'm not any of those. I'm an ex-student. But I'm also perfectly free to speak my mind about things that matter to me. In no way does my sexuality impede that.

I'm sure that some submissives have dominants that control their posting on forums like this; obviously, you wouldn't have heard from them. Not all dominants would ask their submissives to be seen and not heard. I come here because it's a good nurturing, learning environment for me. I also hate sitting quietly while I'm being misunderstood. My dominant sees no reason to change these things about me. So I speak up and mouth off when I feel the need to.

"As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship." Nope! I can discuss anything I want to with T. Granted, if he is in the middle of some thorough domination and wants nothing more than my obedience, now is not the time to bring up a question that's been plaguing me for a few days. But open and honest discussion is encouraged in the vast, vast majority of the relationships I have seen--and I'm only refraining from saying "all the relationships" because there might be one that I'm not thinking of right now.

We're people. We're people in relationships. Relationships don't work without communication. Therefore, being smart, self-serving people, we communicate.

Our methods may differ but I assure you, our goals are the same. We want to be happy, to be satisfied with ourselves, our partners, and our lives. Keeping that in mind will help immensely in spotting fallacious generalizations. I'm glad you are choosing to learn more with an open mind.

 

[BTK51]

May Have Been Too Quick to Post

I may have been a little too quick to post since this really was the only thread in BDSM that I have read thoroughly. there appears to be a lot of info on other threads that I can look at too.

I'm fairly new to lit too. I will read around before I post again, but gotta tell ya, on one level your reply seems to make sense but when I step back to look at the whole picture, it seems ridiculous.

 

[Desdemona]

You know, understanding is not a pre-requisite for respecting different approaches to life, relationships, and sexuality.

Feel free to read and to ask questions. I know I'll tell you what I think and I suspect others will too.

 

[Quint]

You know, understanding is not a pre-requisite for respecting different approaches to life, relationships, and sexuality.

Feel free to read and to ask questions. I know I'll tell you what I think and I suspect others will too.

Ya think?

 

[Desdemona]

Ya think?

LOL

 

[His Flower]

Re: May Have Been Too Quick to Post

I may have been a little too quick to post since this really was the only thread in BDSM that I have read thoroughly. there appears to be a lot of info on other threads that I can look at too.

I'm fairly new to lit too. I will read around before I post again, but gotta tell ya, on one level your reply seems to make sense but when I step back to look at the whole picture, it seems ridiculous.

BTK51....a lot of things seem to look ridiculous when you first look at it, it may never make sense, but if you keep an open mind, perhaps the pieces can fit with each other.

His Flower

 

[BTK51]

I'll be back

Clearly, I'm not getting this whole thing. Let me read up a little & I'll be back.

Desdemona - CLEARLY, it is not my/our cup of tea because I can't get enjoyment out of treating others that way. I do want to try and understand it though. As for the D's attitude about having to justify instead of helping, I guess that's what I am missing. I have absolutely no respect for selfish people and I guess that's what this lifestyle is all about.

Etoile - It made a little sense to me, except the ashtray part. I have read the posts and I can see from the responses that many subs have a lot more neurons than me. That's what's so peprplexing. Also, I am more disdainful of the DOMS than I am of the Subs. That's the part that I can't understand (because they don't respond).

Quint - Thanks for the input but I just don't see how those methods are the best way. I know there are many high-powered execs that are submissive at home and understanding that I'm surely not trying to tackle yet.

Flower - I did read it through but i may have taken off in the middle and did a little more skimming than I should have. As for him knowing you, what if he's wrong? Smacks of insecurities to me.

As a little aside - From reading this, I am suspecting that a couple we know is into this. For years, I thought he was just an asshole for the way he treated his wife and she was "sick" for the way she let him treat her. They were/are clearly in love and were comfortable with their life. I now suspect that I may have the answer.

 

[bunny bondage]

Re: Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

I wonder why so many more submissives answer and why they seem to be so dominant here. Even the ones that practice 24/7. Is that a realease from their home life?

nah, i'm always like this. true, a smart-ass remark will get me a slap on the behind, but i make them anyway. i'm a fairly outspoken person, and i'm never slow to make a joke. my spunkiness is something that the dominants i've been with have appreciated, and enjoyed. i don't get into a relationship with someone who doesn't like who i am.

As I understand it, which I readily admit I barely do, this kind of discussion could never take place in a BDSM relationship. so my question is how can both people continue to grow as individuals and as a couple without the free exchange of ideas? Sound "cult-like" to me.

discussions of all types take place in bdsm relationships. anywhere from "do you think we should move our daugher to a different school" to "could you get the quilted kind from now on?" just like any other connection between two people, it falls apart without communication. the one thing that you seem to be misunderstanding is that this is a chosen way to relate to someone we care for. i am not only allowed to express my ideas, but encouraged. dominants don't want to date a cardboard cut-out of a girl, they want the real thing complete with complexities.

 

[BTK51]

I Don't Disrespect Your Approach

You know, understanding is not a pre-requisite for respecting different approaches to life, relationships, and sexuality.

Feel free to read and to ask questions. I know I'll tell you what I think and I suspect others will too.

You're absolutely dead-on. I feel that we have a great relationship and it shows. I'm also sure that many of our friends and relatives scratch their heads and say "why the hell do they do those stupid things?"

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: I'll be back

Clearly, I'm not getting this whole thing. Let me read up a little & I'll be back.

Desdemona - CLEARLY, it is not my/our cup of tea because I can't get enjoyment out of treating others that way. I do want to try and understand it though. As for the D's attitude about having to justify instead of helping, I guess that's what I am missing. I have absolutely no respect for selfish people and I guess that's what this lifestyle is all about.

BTK51, I truly do appreciate your desire to understand this. BTW, call me des.
I can't explain to you why a dominant reacts the way he or she does. In fact, I don't understand much of what they enjoy about D/s. However, I'm very very glad they do enjoy it. I like them that way. Please don't think the lifestyle is all about selfishness. It isn't. That is a part of it at times; in fact, I'm selfish at times too.

BTW, I'm one of those subs who has ALOT of power in the workplace. LOL. That is part of why I'm so mouthy. I think everybody is entitled to my opinion.

 

[His Flower]

Re: I'll be back

Flower - I did read it through but i may have taken off in the middle and did a little more skimming than I should have. As for him knowing you, what if he's wrong? Smacks of insecurities to me.

As a little aside - From reading this, I am suspecting that a couple we know is into this. For years, I thought he was just an asshole for the way he treated his wife and she was "sick" for the way she let him treat her. They were/are clearly in love and were comfortable with their life. I now suspect that I may have the answer.

BTK51, I think a person who doesn't understand the lifestyle would call it selfish. But then I can become a "Socrates" and ask you to define the word selfish.

As for him not knowing me, well....how would he be wrong when I communicate how I feel with him? I tell him how I feel. That's one thing I love about this relationship. He listens to me. I might be a little off here, but I'm not understanding how this has anything to do with insecurity? I mean, doesn't everyone want to know that they have someone in their arms whom they can love and trust, someone who you can communicate your feelings to without feeling like your burdening them and and weighing them down? If that accounts for insecurity, well, I'll be damn, but I'll gladly be insecure.

His Flower

 

[Quint]

About dominants being selfish...I recommend the thread that catalina_francisco just started entitled "The Selfish Dom/me," if I remember correctly. We debate that very thing and I think it's pretty clear and explanatory.

My dominant T was letting one of his good friends know about how our relationship works the other day...his friend said that he wouldn't want to be dominant because he enjoys giving pleasure too much. T's reply is that he loves giving me pleasure. When he wants to, that's what he'll do. If he doesn't want to give me pleasure, he'll do other things instead. Yeah, it's getting exactly what he wants--but that isn't a bad thing. If I wanted to get what I wanted, all the time, I'd be the dominant. I'm actually hard-pressed to remember why I'd want to be anything other than BDSM.

Again, read the "selfish" thread.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Thanks - Eating_Scarlet

I wonder why so many more submissives answer and why they seem to be so dominant here. Even the ones that practice 24/7. Is that a realease from their home life?

Perhaps the dominants to not post cause they do not care whether you understand or not.

As for what is demeaning, what is demeaning to you, may not be to someone else.

I find marriage demeaning. Different strokes.

 

[Ebonyfire]

OK, then I will give you a not too serious one which I came up with while playing with Master this afternoon. Hu-humph..please excuse.....so new theory in one of my less serious moments. Dominants, the pain delivering kind that is, profess to love giving pain, really needing to give pain.....I hear it here everyday (thank goodness)...but why we may ask in our more daring moods?

My theory I put to him, tongue in cheek of course, was many dominants also profess often that they themselves do not like receiving pain, so maybe their need to deliver is out of jealousy we poor, lil ol submissives can take that which they can't, therefore denting the ego of the stereotypical macho male who can withstand anything, therefore revenge is a natural consequence!! Any supporters of this cheeky theory, or should it go in the thread 'Things a sub should NEVER say to her D'? LOL.

Catalina

I do not prefer to give pain. I give orders.

 

[Richard49]

Re: I'll be back

Clearly, I'm not getting this whole thing. Let me read up a little & I'll be back.

Desdemona - CLEARLY, it is not my/our cup of tea because I can't get enjoyment out of treating others that way. I do want to try and understand it though. As for the D's attitude about having to justify instead of helping, I guess that's what I am missing. I have absolutely no respect for selfish people and I guess that's what this lifestyle is all about.

BDSM D/s is different for different people
I have been in the lifestyle since I was 15
and I am (well soon will be) 54

It is far from being a selfish lifestyle
even if it is just bedroom role playing

It reguires both people to give at deepth that can
not be reach IMHO in vanilla world

OK
I am going back to my thread and lurk mode
I was good
look how long I went before I posted here

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: I'll be back

BDSM D/s is different for different people
I have been in the lifestyle since I was 15
and I am (well soon will be) 54

It is far from being a selfish lifestyle
even if it is just bedroom role playing

It reguires both people to give at deepth that can
not be reach IMHO in vanilla world

OK
I am going back to my thread and lurk mode
I was good
look how long I went before I posted here

You were a lot better than I was. I have very little patience for the sanctimony that had been exhibited here.