Aquagal
Literotica Guru
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I dont know what to do ,what's wrong with him ?
- Thread starter NovaSarah
- Start date
smoothg103rd
Too young to stress
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- Feb 26, 2013
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I'd be like
The better word to describe you is sexy,tho.
rocketeer50
Really Experienced
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- Aug 2, 2008
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- 247
Expectations
There are so many variables of age, age differences, and cultural expectations, it's hard to give advice that would be good and useful to you. I'm American and came of age in the early 1970's, so my perspective may not match your cultural situation.
I did a similar fade from a woman when I was 25 or 26. I wish now I had told her why. I'm sure she wondered. Once I concluded our views of sexualilty were mismatched, I simply stopped calling her. I didn't want to insult her sense of values. But I didn't want to waste any more time on a woman who wouldn't have sex after a courtship had lasted several dates over about three months, including having dinner at her parents' house. She was a college senior at the time and I was in grad school, three or four years older. After the length of time and dates I described she came to my apartment, a large one I shared with three other guys. After a tour showed no one else was home, we ended up in my bedroom and we began making out. Somewhere early in the action, either when I slipped my hand under her shirt or when I unfastened her top jeans snap, she held my wrist and pulled my hand away. I didn't push things. But it was a bucket of ice to my interest in her. Shortly thereafter I took her home (back to her dorm). She didn't "owe" me anything. I just discovered we were on a different page on our expectations on where things were going, or could go, with us. Next bus.
Some people want to reserve intercourse for their spouse or for someone they've "fallen in love with". I respect that viewpoint. I just don't share it. I don't expect sex on the first date or even the second.* A loving relationship shouldn't just be about or even primarily be about sex. But for me if there is to be a loving, adult relationship, sexuality must be a part of it. As confused as I may have left that young woman about why I stopped calling her I likely saved us both a lot of heartache.
You got to date 4 by your own description and sexual intercourse was apparently not on the menu. Unless there is a good reason (like a urinary tract infection or you're on your period that weekend) if sex doesn't happen on date 3 or 4, I would bail on the relationship, too. Sex is what adults who like each other do with each other. For me, a woman who is more reserved about sex than I am would not be a good match for me and I would not be a good match for her.
Your guy may share my view, or he may have some other view about life and relationships which he discovered did not match yours. He may be polite enough not to be blunt with you and tell you why he's lost interest. He has lost interest, though, that's clear. Somebody in America wrote a book on the subject, which was made into a movie: "He's Just Not that Into You."
[* A woman who wants to fuck me on the first date signals me that she isn't much interested in a continuing relationship but does like sex and finds me physically attractive. She wants to get laid and I'm good enough for that. But she's likely not going to go out with me again unless I really rock her world sexually. I'm happy to try and I'm competent, but have no illusion about being the world's greatest lover. ]
There are so many variables of age, age differences, and cultural expectations, it's hard to give advice that would be good and useful to you. I'm American and came of age in the early 1970's, so my perspective may not match your cultural situation.
I did a similar fade from a woman when I was 25 or 26. I wish now I had told her why. I'm sure she wondered. Once I concluded our views of sexualilty were mismatched, I simply stopped calling her. I didn't want to insult her sense of values. But I didn't want to waste any more time on a woman who wouldn't have sex after a courtship had lasted several dates over about three months, including having dinner at her parents' house. She was a college senior at the time and I was in grad school, three or four years older. After the length of time and dates I described she came to my apartment, a large one I shared with three other guys. After a tour showed no one else was home, we ended up in my bedroom and we began making out. Somewhere early in the action, either when I slipped my hand under her shirt or when I unfastened her top jeans snap, she held my wrist and pulled my hand away. I didn't push things. But it was a bucket of ice to my interest in her. Shortly thereafter I took her home (back to her dorm). She didn't "owe" me anything. I just discovered we were on a different page on our expectations on where things were going, or could go, with us. Next bus.
Some people want to reserve intercourse for their spouse or for someone they've "fallen in love with". I respect that viewpoint. I just don't share it. I don't expect sex on the first date or even the second.* A loving relationship shouldn't just be about or even primarily be about sex. But for me if there is to be a loving, adult relationship, sexuality must be a part of it. As confused as I may have left that young woman about why I stopped calling her I likely saved us both a lot of heartache.
You got to date 4 by your own description and sexual intercourse was apparently not on the menu. Unless there is a good reason (like a urinary tract infection or you're on your period that weekend) if sex doesn't happen on date 3 or 4, I would bail on the relationship, too. Sex is what adults who like each other do with each other. For me, a woman who is more reserved about sex than I am would not be a good match for me and I would not be a good match for her.
Your guy may share my view, or he may have some other view about life and relationships which he discovered did not match yours. He may be polite enough not to be blunt with you and tell you why he's lost interest. He has lost interest, though, that's clear. Somebody in America wrote a book on the subject, which was made into a movie: "He's Just Not that Into You."
[* A woman who wants to fuck me on the first date signals me that she isn't much interested in a continuing relationship but does like sex and finds me physically attractive. She wants to get laid and I'm good enough for that. But she's likely not going to go out with me again unless I really rock her world sexually. I'm happy to try and I'm competent, but have no illusion about being the world's greatest lover. ]
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spacekowboy
Edgar Allan Bro
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- 49,060
This noob gets it.
BabblingBrooke
It's whatever
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So we're still judging women who have sex on the first date, Rocketeer? Way to be! Perhaps it's your mindset or pre-judging that leads you to not have a relationship with such a woman?
J
JAMESBJOHNSON
Guest
If a woman wants you she'll come after you. So relax and see what happens. If she's horny and youre cute youll get some. Otherwise youre just a pacifier till Captain America comes along. Let some fool amuse her.
spacekowboy
Edgar Allan Bro
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smoothg103rd
Too young to stress
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- Feb 26, 2013
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- 17,860
Your daughter still into niggas? I got a itch she can scratch.
hssh345Alt
Really Really Experienced
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- Jul 2, 2015
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Noor
Citizen of the World
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- Jan 7, 2003
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I don't really date, never have. I don't like to be out alone with people I don't know at least on some level. I am mainly involved with men who are the same way. In RL Byron was that way, our parents even were that way.
I am always friends first, so ghosting by a lover would be particularly disturbing.
Even though I am fairly independent, a nonconformist and all, I still find myself often within the same communities even online.
It's weird, I can be in another state, country, meet someone interesting only to find that we are already connected in some way.
I am always friends first, so ghosting by a lover would be particularly disturbing.
Even though I am fairly independent, a nonconformist and all, I still find myself often within the same communities even online.
It's weird, I can be in another state, country, meet someone interesting only to find that we are already connected in some way.
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rocketeer50
Really Experienced
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- Aug 2, 2008
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We all make judgments on small samples of behavior. For instance, you judge me to be an asshole based on one blog post. But most of us also are willing to have those small-sample judgments altered by other behavioral inputs, like talking. Or in the case of first-date sex, second dates and beyond.
My parenthetical note is not a hard and fast rule. The nicest first sex date I had resulted in a two year romantic relationship. And after more than three decades, which included our having married other people and produced kids, we became facebook friends.
S
Sunshine
Guest
That is EXACTLY what I thought!
