I don't know if this was a subject already...

[Angelofsex]

How does a master hurt his slave when something that was so special turn out to be nothing....The day he collars her, and he leaves her to be with someone else......The thing I would like to know for sure....is collaring a slave very important? To me it was, am I wrong to think it?........Help me by answering this, please.

 

[Shadowsdream]

How does a master hurt his slave when something that was so special turn out to be nothing....The day he collars her, and he leaves her to be with someone else......The thing I would like to know for sure....is collaring a slave very important? To me it was, am I wrong to think it?........Help me by answering this, please.

Collaring is so important in My eyes that I caution BOTH Dom/mes and submissives to think think think before offering or accepting one.
Strip yourself of every romantic thought in your head at the moment the possiblity looms in front of you.
Ask yourself if a collar has ever been offered or worn in a previous relationship..if the answer is yes..how many times..for how long? How soon was it offered and how soon was it removed? Who removed it? The sub or the Dom/me?
Some offer collars as easily as they offer you a cup of coffee. Others will wait a lifetime to even consider such a gift.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Hello Ma'am. I love seeing you.

Let me give you my experience with this.

My Dom gave me a collar with an engraved charm on it, special to me. But how serious is this act? To Him, I don't think serious, at all. I think it was a play thing, not a symbolic thing. And so, when it was given to me, I took it with that thought in my mind. Now, I could be all wrong about this because He and I never discussed this act in depth. And I do know that He had another sub who he gave a collar to. This is another reason that I found it hard to take this as a serious act. As Shadows said... it was not exclusive to me.

I value the gift from Him, don't misunderstand. I think it was a very thoughtful thing He did. But how serious He was is an entirely different story. And I am sure I will never know.

I am sorry for you and your pain, Angel. I know some of what you are feeling, believe me.

 

[Justina123]

This is probably pretty "obvious", but there are different kinds of collars too, right? My Dominant gave me a collar to wear whenever we are at his place or any public event, but it is not "THE collar", it shows that I belong to him and is very functional for attaching a leash, clipping hands behind head, etc. I love wearing it, just putting it on starts to slip me out of "everyday" and into "submissive" mode, so to speak, and I know that it is also there to show that I am His, but I am well aware that it is not "THE collar."

We have been together for 8 months now, and have a few times discussed "THE collar", but neither of us are in a hurry as to us it is a similar commitment to marriage, and Sir especially feels it would go hand in hand with a 24/7 relationship, rather than the 24/3 (!) that we have now.

So good communication about expectations and meaning of a collar are pretty important, 'cause there are all kinds of possiblities, aren't there?

- justina

 

[Richard49]

IMHO a permant collar is the most
important thing one can offer or accept

That said
I am a little confused

He left you to go be with someone else
or he left you with someone else?

Perhaps it was meet to show you
who is in charge

There was a thread here
(perhaps someone that can use th search thingie
can find it and bump it)
about rituals for collaring etc.

I just want to add
to me collar is more important then
wedding band

 

[zipman]

On this board alone, we have seen people involved in the lifestyle for a long time who had never given a collar due to the seriousness and significance of how they viewed the act.

We have also seen Dom/mes who have given out collars without explaining what it meant or what it signified to them. Sort of like an ID bracelet or school pin that you gave to the person that you were dating at the time.

I think there are two important distinctions.

1) Is this a play collar (sexual accessory) or a collar of committment
2) If it is a collar of committment, how serious is that committment?

I have been involved with the lifestyle long before I even knew there was a lifestyle, and I just thought I was a pervert (not that I'm not). I just gave my gf sub a collar of committment last month. As we will be getting engaged as soon as I find the right ring, it is a serious decision to me, and one that I do not enter into lightly.

I am planning on spending the rest of my life with this woman, and therefore, it was appropriate not only because of my future intentions, but she has earned it due to her complete submission to me and the seriousnes with which she viewed it as well.

It would have been inappropriate for me to give it to her while she didn't understand the significance of the act.

This is how I view the subject of collars, others are free to view it any way that they like.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: I don't know if this was a subject already...

Collaring is so important in My eyes that I caution BOTH Dom/mes and submissives to think think think before offering or accepting one.
Strip yourself of every romantic thought in your head at the moment the possiblity looms in front of you.
Ask yourself if a collar has ever been offered or worn in a previous relationship..if the answer is yes..how many times..for how long? How soon was it offered and how soon was it removed? Who removed it? The sub or the Dom/me?
Some offer collars as easily as they offer you a cup of coffee. Others will wait a lifetime to even consider such a gift.

I totally agree with your SD. We are not talking about a collar that is used for play, but the symbolic collar of ownership. That is a very serious thing, and should be something that is entered into over time, and after lots of communication and knowledge.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Good points Zipman

I think there are two important distinctions.

1) Is this a play collar (sexual accessory) or a collar of committment
2) If it is a collar of committment, how serious is that committment?

In this case, it seems as if you and your Dom had different ideas about the significance of the collar he gave you.

It is important that both parties are on the same page. The ground rules and expectations should have been discussed, so that you clearly understood what is and was expected of you.

If you are hurt, then it seems there is a misunderstanding between you. have you been able to talk to him about the situation?

 

[zipman]

Re: Good points Zipman

In this case, it seems as if you and your Dom had different ideas about the significance of the collar he gave you.

It is important that both parties are on the same page. The ground rules and expectations should have been discussed, so that you clearly understood what is and was expected of you.

If you are hurt, then it seems there is a misunderstanding between you. have you been able to talk to him about the situation?

Um, Eb, I've never had a Dom or a Domme.

Did you quote the wrong post or was that the period from 1985-1988 that's all fuzzy in my memory

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Good points Zipman

Um, Eb, I've never had a Dom or a Domme.

Did you quote the wrong post or was that the period from 1985-1988 that's all fuzzy in my memory

I was talking to Angelofsex, and using your post. Sorry it was confusing. I am an old woman, you know.

 

[zipman]

Re: Re: Re: Good points Zipman

I was talking to Angelofsex, and using your post. Sorry it was confusing. I am an old woman, you know.

LOL - Phew! I got worried there for a second!

Good to see you, as always.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Good points Zipman

LOL - Phew! I got worried there for a second!

Good to see you, as always.

I should have mentioned her name in the post, but as usual I was doing two other things and trying to post. Not good as I am pooped.

I am happy to read your posts too.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Eb and Zip

I am glad you two figured out what you are.... you could have asked me. I know.

HI EB! HI ZIP!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Eb and Zip

I am glad you two figured out what you are.... you could have asked me. I know.

HI EB! HI ZIP!

Hi, ADR. I hope all is well. (not hijacking)

 

[zipman]

Re: Eb and Zip

I am glad you two figured out what you are.... you could have asked me. I know.

HI EB! HI ZIP!

Hey Rose!


That little exchange totally cracked me up!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Eb and Zip

Hey Rose!


That little exchange totally cracked me up!

Well you know I am here for you, Zip.

 

[bunny bondage]

aww, what an ass. you should kick him with a hammer tied to your foot.

 

[lancemanyon]

How does a master hurt his slave when something that was so special turn out to be nothing....The day he collars her, and he leaves her to be with someone else......The thing I would like to know for sure....is collaring a slave very important? To me it was, am I wrong to think it?........Help me by answering this, please.

Well, Angel....I would say this. If your "master" treats you like that then I would advise leaving him for someone who can treat you like the human being you deserve to be. There are many counseling services specializing in this; if would like some phone numbers please pm me.

 

[Angelofsex]

Thank you all very much.......

I always felt the collar is very important.....maybe I put to much on it.....trust, loyalty and honesty......Maybe it is all play, I take to much to heart.......don't mean love either......guess it was to special to me....it means alot to me what you all wrote here.....Thank you very much....

Angel

 

[Angelofsex]

Re: Re: I don't know if this was a subject already...

Well, Angel....I would say this. If your "master" treats you like that then I would advise leaving him for someone who can treat you like the human being you deserve to be. There are many counseling services specializing in this; if would like some phone numbers please pm me.

Thank you lancemanyon......will get back to you if I need it....

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Thank you all very much.......

I always felt the collar is very important.....maybe I put to much on it.....trust, loyalty and honesty......Maybe it is all play, I take to much to heart.......don't mean love either......guess it was to special to me....it means alot to me what you all wrote here.....Thank you very much....

Angel

(I am guessing I am older than you and more jaded. Or maybe I am too analytical.)

There is nothing wrong with how you feel and how you felt at the time, with this man. Heartbreak is a bittersweet thing.

You know what they say "there's more room in a broken heart."

I wish you the very best, whatever turns you take in life.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: I don't know if this was a subject already...

Well, Angel....I would say this. If your "master" treats you like that then I would advise leaving him for someone who can treat you like the human being you deserve to be. There are many counseling services specializing in this; if would like some phone numbers please pm me.

Perhaps you should use some of those numbers Lance. It seems you have issues with people who desire different things from you.

Get some help, please before it is too late.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: I don't know if this was a subject already...

Thank you lancemanyon......will get back to you if I need it....

I would not be using any of lancemanyon's counselors. It seems they were not able to help him with his own issues.

Call me, instead. I will give you the real deal. You already have my number.

 

[Richard49]

I agree you have a right to your feelings
own them and love them even if you decide to change them

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: I don't know if this was a subject already...

Call me, instead. I will give you the real deal. You already have my number.

note to self
fire VA psychologist
call EB instead

ooops
I do not find her number