I could use some cheering up...

[sophia jane]

Anyone have a spare hug? A good joke? A kick in the ass to get me out of my funk?

I'm having a rough night.

SJ

 

[The_Fool]

No good jokes.

Maybe a spanking, no kicking on women....

You can have all the burly bear hugs you want...Just realize that I will probably sneek in a few kisses and try to catch a feel before the night is through.....

 

[cloudy]

From an email I got the other day:

Never try to outsmart a woman!

Wife Vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Stupid and Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so Stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew The coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "Your are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.... "HEBREWS"

Women are smarter than men

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away.

So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"

"I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Women VS Men

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

 

[Halo_n_horns]

A priest, a rabbi, two blondes, a pirate with a parrot on his shoulder and the devil all walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

 

[minsue]

http://addis-welt.de/smilie/smilie/mix/grosse005.gif

 

[mlady_france]

*hugs* and es

sorry no jokes.

 

[sophia jane]

Thanks for the hugs and kisses, guys.

Fool -you can cop a feel all you want. That makes the hug more fun.

Great jokes, Cloudy. I love to hear about women outsmarting men.


SJ

 

[The_Fool]

Thanks for the hugs and kisses, guys.

Fool -you can cop a feel all you want. That makes the hug more fun.

Great jokes, Cloudy. I love to hear about women outsmarting men.


SJ

Night SJ. You'll get your humor back tomorrow.....

 

[Belegon]

SJ



been there baby...hell, I am there...

*extreme back rub*

 

[BlackShanglan]

*nuzzles* to Sophia. Close your eyes and think of the warm, soft, velvet feel of a horse's nose and its warm breath in your hand.

Best to you.

Shanglan

 

[LadyJeanne]

 

[English Lady]

*hugs and kisses*

I have very few jokes, and what I have you probably don't want to hear.

You'll find your smiles, we all loose'em for a while sometimes

 

[TheEarl]

From my supply of funny links:

Shoot the Crazy Frog
Just place the cursor on his face


A hydrogen atom walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Help, I've lost an electron!"
And the barman says, "Are you positve?"

Ba-dum TSCHH!

The Earl

 

[hazel43]

About a yaer ago, I received a series of encouraging emails from a guy I don't know. This cute little story was in one of the emails.

One cold, rainy afternoon, there's a guy sitting at a bar, just staring into his untouched drink. He sits like that for about an hour, saying nothing. Finally, a big, rough-looking truck driver decides he's going to start some trouble, and he walks over, picks up the drink from in front of the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor guy just starts crying. The truck driver wasn't expecting that reaction, and he says, "Aw, come on, man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that," the man said, wiping away his tears. "See... This has been the worst day of my life. First, I overslept, and I was late to my office, and my boss was in a terrible mood, and fired me. When I got my things and left the building to go home, I found my car was stolen. The police don't have any clues."

"So I got in a cab to go home and when I got out, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards on the seat, and the cab driver just drove away. I went inside and went upstairs, and I found my wife in bed with the gardener! I walked out and came to this bar."

"And now, while I'm sitting here thinking about putting an end to it all, you show up and drink my poison!"

 

[Songcatcher]

Whoop!

 

[ElizabethWest]

Hope you're feeling better today, SJ.

 

[rgraham666]

*hugs* Sj.

 

[EnglishMuffin]

max is backkk!!!

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=203183

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

OK my best joke (which is why I'm not a comedian)

A duck goes into a bar and asks teh bartender 'Do you have any grapes?"

"No, we have beer peanuts and pretzels."

Duck leaves and comes back an hour later "Do you have any grapes?"

"No, I told you earlier, beer, peanuts and pretzels."

Duck leaves comes back an hour later "Do you have any grapes?"

"Listen you stupid duck, BEER PEANUTS PRETZELS! Thats it! if you ask me if I have any grapes again I'll nail your webbed feet to the bar."

Duck leaves comes back an hour later "Do you have any nials?"

Exhausted the bartender says "No I don't have any nails..."

"Well then, do you have any grapes?"

 

[sophia jane]

Thanks again everyone. You're all great!

I wish I could say I feel better this morning, but I don't particularly. I guess the good news is that for every down time, there's an up time coming. Right?? I sure as hell hope so.

back to all of you.

SJ

 

[The_Darkness]

So there's this guy and this girl, walking along the beach one afternoon, both of them enjoying the sunshine and each other's company. They happen across a half-burried coke bottle in the sand and they both pick it up and dust it off, and low and behold a genie pops out and says....

Oh hell, who am I kidding? I've got nothing. That's why I've never posted a funny story.

 

[eric shawn listo]

Hey, sweet SJ!

All I can say is...budge over, Eric...she's not an ice cream.

 

[carsonshepherd]

kisses to Sophia

 

[TheEarl]

So there's this guy and this girl, walking along the beach one afternoon, both of them enjoying the sunshine and each other's company. They happen across a half-burried coke bottle in the sand and they both pick it up and dust it off, and low and behold a genie pops out and says....

Oh hell, who am I kidding? I've got nothing. That's why I've never posted a funny story.

A woman picks up a mirror at a car-boot sale and brings it home. She hangs it up on the wall in the bedroom and looks into it (However, she didn't look 10 years younger ). Just for a laugh she says to her reflection, "Mirror mirror on the wall, make me the fairest one of all."

And then, just like that, she's transformed into this beautiful vision.

She stares at her reflection for a second and then yells for her husband. He comes running upstairs and says "What happened?"

"I don't know, I just talked to the mirror... Hang on, I'll try again." She turns to the mirror and says "Mirror, mirror, make my breasts two sizes bigger."

And then, just like that, her breasts grow and pop out of her bra.

The man stares, goggle-eyed. "I want to try!" He walks in front of the mirror and says "Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my penis touch the floor."

And then, just like that, his legs disappear.


The Earl

 

[Kassiana]

A farmer was injured in an accident, and his case came to trial. The defense attorney thought he'd figured the angles right and asked him, "Sir, when the police came to the scene of your accident, you said 'I feel fine' when the officer asked how you were. How can you say, now, that you were injured by my client?"

The farmer cleared his throat. "Well, I'll tell you how it was. I was going to town in my truck, with my cow in the back, when a big black car came at me over the center line. I swerved to get out of the way, the truck turned over, I flew one way and my cow the other. So I laid there in pain until the cops came. The first cop got out of his car, found my cow first, said 'Poor suffering creature!' and shot her between the eyes. Then he came up to me and asked, 'How do you feel?' and I said 'I feel FINE!'"