I can't cry...

[temp256]

I can't remember the last time I cried. Over a year at least. I have so much stress, and I really need to cry, but I can't. And that just makes things worse.

What can I do? I can't even find a therapist who will help me. How can I cry?

 

[EJFan]

i don't cry either... i think the last time i cried was in 1983 when my paternal grandfather died.

i think the more important issue than crying is whether or not you're capable of feeling sadness. the physical manifestation of sadness can vary but as long as you feel it there's no reason to be particularly alarmed IMO.

 

[Private_Label]

If you can't find a therapist you might find a massage therapist. When I went to one a few years ago and explained I was under stress and suffering from depression, she said that sometimes as massage releases the tensed up muscles the patient sometimes finds themselves crying as the tension is released. You might want to try that, just be aware that it may take several session or might not happen at all.

Another option you might want to add to Talk therapy is seeing a Psychiatrist. If your brain chemistry is out of whack from the stress it might help you to have a short course of anti anxieties or anti depressants. Keep in mind that those too may take 6 to 8 weeks to be fully effective, and it may take several changes of medication to find the one that works best for you.

You might want to try taking the herbals Kava, St. John's Wort, or Valerian.

Just a few thoughts I have for you to investigate and find out of they might work for you.

 

[Noor]

I would love to trade you, sleeping for crying, if you can sleep.

I can't sleep but I have cried more in the last 6 months than I have in decades. Crying is not necessarily a cure, you may find you have trouble stopping once you start. Currently, I could cry at the drop of a hat, or a fleeting thought.

Massage therapy might help, but I wouldn't worry too much about not crying, people deal with stress and loss in different ways at various times in their lives. You are in the non-crying time, I obviously am not.

Its not such a bad thing, crying can be very distracting when you are talking to someone, a fleeting thought is triggered, and you have to spend your concentration on not crying or losing it, instead of the conversation.

 

[TheGhost505]

I had the same problem you did. my solution was to seek out a psychiatrist, over the time i spent with her i really let my emotions out and it let me cry for the first time in years, after getting over things i regretted and some bad memories.

 

[temp256]

I couldn't even cry from my grandfather's death. It's like it just adds itself to my already overwhelming depression.

I've tried massages, but I don't really care for them. I've even tried acupuncture with no results. The acupuncturist said I was the least responsive patient she'd ever had.

Sleeping is another of my problems. It's plagued me for years. I've been to specialists, tried all sorts of drugs; nothing works.

I can't even find a psychiatrist who will help me with my other problems, so I've pretty much given up on professional help.

I don't know what to do anymore...

 

[Noor]

This is what I have been doing the last fews days and it seems to being helping a bit. Today I was finally awake and alert enough to think straight.

Taking 3 mg of melatonin 30 mins before bed
stop eating by 9pm, no chocolate or caffeine after noon
have a warm bath each evening
walk 45 mins in daylight each day
take some time off and vegge out
keep a journal and write 3 pages each day, kind of data dump. I use the moleskin notebooks with graph paper in it as I am non linear

 

[M's girl]

I can't remember the last time I cried. Over a year at least. I have so much stress, and I really need to cry, but I can't. And that just makes things worse.

What can I do? I can't even find a therapist who will help me. How can I cry?

How do you feel about crying? How do you feel when other people cry? You have done it before so you know how it feels and how it makes you feel. So do you think it will be a relief? It can be, but is not always.

I think what EJ sid is right. It (hurt, frustration, stress) may manifest itself with you in a different way. The main thing is to be able to release (some of) the tension. Crying also is a way of showing yourself, but also someone else sometimes, you have pity, remorse or relief, so it's not always done for the purpose of releasing stress.

Hope this makes sense

 

[bobsgirl]

I'm very curious about your comment that you can't find a therapist or a psychiatrist who will help you. Is it that nothing they've recommended has worked or that they won't even speak to you?

It's been my experience that mental health professionals are caring and compassionate. But just like any relationship, it takes some time to find one you "click" with. Don't give up! A good therapist will be very willing to help you work on your problems. They can guide you, but quite honestly, you're the one who has to do the hard work.

 

[temp256]

I'm trying to become a girl. I spent four months with one shrink only to find out she had no intention of prescribing hormones within a reasonable timeframe. And that was at a clinic specializing in this.

Then I saw another shrink, who is going to contact the other clinic and see what they're doing. That alone will take another month...

In short, nothing but red tape. No one really seems to care either. I told them I was just going to start taking hormones on my own, but they seemed disinterested. So I've been taking estrogen for about a month now, without a doctor to monitor me. I've pretty much given up on everything now.

 

[Noor]

I'm trying to become a girl. I spent four months with one shrink only to find out she had no intention of prescribing hormones within a reasonable timeframe. And that was at a clinic specializing in this.

Then I saw another shrink, who is going to contact the other clinic and see what they're doing. That alone will take another month...

In short, nothing but red tape. No one really seems to care either. I told them I was just going to start taking hormones on my own, but they seemed disinterested. So I've been taking estrogen for about a month now, without a doctor to monitor me. I've pretty much given up on everything now.

I don't know what state you are in but many states have laws regarding how long you must be seen before hormones, and then how long you must live as a woman before surgery.
I know its hard to wait but there are serious reasons for this. The transition is a very hard one, I have watched a number of people go through it. You really need to be in a strong emotional and physical state.
Do you have some friends or a support group who have already gone through the process for support?

 

[Noor]

I am a little confused here back in April on another thread you said your regained the ability to cry, so I am wondering what has changed since then?

 

[temp256]

I've looked up the guidelines, and they say it's at the therapist's discretion, usually 3 months. It also says patients taking black market hormones should be given a proper prescription, but my therapist didn't seem to care about that part.

I have no friends, and I really don't want a support group. I've talked to a few who've gotten hormones, and none of them had the trouble I do.

I'm confused by your last post. I don't remember saying anything like that, and your link is broken.

 

[Noor]

I've looked up the guidelines, and they say it's at the therapist's discretion, usually 3 months. It also says patients taking black market hormones should be given a proper prescription, but my therapist didn't seem to care about that part.

I have no friends, and I really don't want a support group. I've talked to a few who've gotten hormones, and none of them had the trouble I do.

I'm confused by your last post. I don't remember saying anything like that, and your link is broken.

Sorry about the link, hopefully this one will work.

Maybe the having no friends is what concerns the therapists and not wanting a support group. It is possible that they wonder if you really understand the up coming changes and challenges you will face.

 

[temp256]

Ah, yes, I often get the urge to cry, but I never quite can. That's what bothers me the most. It's frustratingly unfulfilling physically, and depressing emotionally.

I don't know what the therapist was thinking. I've given up on that clinic. I have a different therapist now, but I doubt things will be much different.

 

[DrDav]

Hi,
I wish I could say something to help you - I have the same problem too.

 

[SweetErika]

I don't know what the therapist was thinking. I've given up on that clinic. I have a different therapist now, but I doubt things will be much different.

What's the point of therapy at all, when you have such a negative outlook going in? Results only happen when we're open to change and willing to do all of the work it takes to get there.

If your therapists pick up on the, 'This is probably going to be useless. I'm just going through the motions to get the drugs I want, and will threaten to get them illegally if you don't prescribe them because I know you're supposed to replace illegitimate drugs with safer, prescription ones,' is it any wonder they drop you? Would you want to spend your time with a patient who thought it a waste of time and tried to manipulate you, when there are others who really want help and to change in a healthy way?

Maybe it's just your Lit persona or the depression talking, but to be quite honest, I often get the impression you're a very negative person with a seemingly endless list of excuses for everything. You solicit advice over and over, but never seem to like/accept the suggestions you receive - there are almost always problems with every bit of advice, and I can't recall a time where you've said something to the effect of, "Hey, that sounds pretty good. I'll give it a try."

Perhaps you're seeking sympathy, support, and to get your feelings out, instead of solutions? We all need those things, and this community is great at giving them, in my experience. I'm just wondering if it'd be helpful for you to re-orient yourself in a positive, honest direction. I'd think it'd feel a lot better to ask for what you really want, instead of trying to get it in a roundabout way and coming away dissatisfied all the time. "I'm lonely/frustrated/whatever and could use some support right now" could be more therapeutic and help you get on the right track than veiling your true desire, then having to shoot down all of the responses.

I'm saying this not to be mean, Temp, but rather sharing an observation that I'm guessing could be an integral part of many of your problems, including the inability to sleep well and cry. It doesn't sound like you're happy with your life right now, so I hope you will search for the root causes of that dissatisfaction, and do whatever it takes to find and implement real solutions. Perhaps clearing away the negativity, being honest about what you need and making the most of your therapy sessions will put you on the road to happiness. At least I sure hope so, or that you find the tools that will.