I can't believe it's not America

[Svenskaflicka]

Dear Yanks, yes, it's true - we Europeans (along with the rest of the world) often make jokes about silly americans. This site if any has proven that there ARE intelligent people in US as well, but you have to admit - a country where Bush has been president not once but TWICE... you have a lot of redneck cousins hidden in the closet, don't you, dears?
Elect him once, shame on him, elect him twice, shame on you.

But, to be fair, there are morons in every country, and I'm going to share with you some goodies from the Swedish site tjuvlyssnat.se, where people post stupid things that they have heard other people say. Tjuvlyssna is Swedish for eavesdrop, so you see where this is going.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you - the Stupid Swedes!!!

**************************​

Two girls around 17 sit and talk about boys and about what happend during the past weekend.
Girl 1(curious): Dis you have sex with that guy after the party last Saturday?
Girl 2: Ofcourse I did!
Girl 1: But you used a condom, right?
Girl 2(hesitating): Well, kind of...
Girl 1(irritated): How do you mean?
Girl 2: We didn't have any condoms, so I wrapped it up in plastic foil…



Firday night. Two VERY drunk girls around 18 are staggering off a bus. They lean on each other to stay upright.
Girl 1: Like, hey, what if we don't get in?
Girl 2: Oh, like, hey, like WHAT?
Girl 1: Like, hey, we're not really 20!
Girl 2: Like, hello! I'm drop dead gorgeous, you look like a slut, and Linnea DID promise to fuck the bouncer!



Girl 19 (on her cell): Hi, look, they bought the stuff for our party now, it went up to SEK 2.512, and we got a helluva lot of fine stuff, nice vodka, stuff like that. They paid a 100 of their own money, but we can, like, give 'em some of the beer, we did buy a lot of them... oh! Shit! Oh, oh, oh! Sorry! Oh, I'm so embarrassed. Oh! Oh, God, this is embarrassing. Can you ask Emma to call me later?
Girl 20 (walking next to her): What happened?
Girl 19: That wasn't Emma, it was her mum! I wonder if Emma's gonna be allowed to go to the party...

There WILL be more...

 

[rgraham666]

Snicker. The Bell Curve is applicable everywhere.

 

[AvoidingRealWork]

Hehe. At least in the United States there are still a few isolated pockets in which men and women exercise some modicum of sexual restraint.

 

[cantdog]

Hehe. At least in the United States there are still a few isolated pockets in which men and women exercise some modicum of sexual restraint.

But we're doing our best to live those down.

 

[rgraham666]

Hehe. At least in the United States there are still a few isolated pockets in which men and women exercise some modicum of sexual restraint.

I'm not sure anhedonia is the same as restraint.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Two girls are sitting at the back of the bus talking. On their side there's a guy looking like a Japanese-wannabe. They'er all around 18.
Girl 1: Ya know? We just got a new shower head!
Girl 2: Huh? You have? So what's the big deal about that?
Girl 1: Oh, but, see, it's this type that has only one stream. It's like major hot in USA.
Guy: It's called a hose. It's because the Americans can't fit into their showers.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

A 25-ish woman enters the shop with her baby in a stroller. The baby is wearing a pink cap. An older woman come sup and leans over the child.
Old woman: Oh my god, what a pretty little girl!
Young woman: Thank you, but it's a boy.
Old woman looks up and harumphs: So why is he wearing a PINK cap?
Young woman (sounding tired): Because he's gay.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The little tour-train is packed with tourists as it leaves it's starting point near Vadstena castle and take the people around the streets of town. The accompaning guide tries to speak into the microphone, but nothing can be heard from the speakers. The guide then tries to make contact with the driver of the train, so he can switch the sound on. After a few seconds, he does, and the happy guide starts talking to the families with their kids.
Guide: There we go, now the driver has turned me on!


(It was actually worse in Swedish, because the expression she used "sätta på" doesn't just me "turn on", it also means "fuck". Which many kids today are aware of...)

 

[voluptuary_manque]

The Norwegians must love going to this site.

 

[AvoidingRealWork]

I'm not sure anhedonia is the same as restraint.

Sick, perverted pleasure-seekers, all of them!

 

[AvoidingRealWork]

The Norwegians must love going to this site.

Insulting Swedes is a national pastime among Weejuns.

At least, among Weejun-Americans.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Insulting Swedes is a national pastime among Weejuns.

At least, among Weejun-Americans.

I used to have an email contact in Norway. They do the same thing there. In fact, I'll bet Oeyvind has a window open to that site every minute he's on the 'Net.

 

[Boota]

A 25-ish woman enters the shop with her baby in a stroller. The baby is wearing a pink cap. An older woman come sup and leans over the child.
Old woman: Oh my god, what a pretty little girl!
Young woman: Thank you, but it's a boy.
Old woman looks up and harumphs: So why is he wearing a PINK cap?
Young woman (sounding tired): Because he's gay.

That's MY kind of response!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Two young girls are sitting at the back of the bus talking.
Girl 1: I saw that there's this vibrator that's really small and looks liek a lipstick, and you can put it in your handbag!
Girl 2: Oh?
Girl 1: But... I don't get it. When would you want to massage your lips?



On the subway, heading towards city

Guy 1: Shit... Imagine being handicapped. Nothing bad or anything. But, like, just glide around not having to work or anything. Just getting money.
Guy 2: I wonder if you could get something amputated on your body that you don't need? Like, you just walk into the doctor's and sy "I wanna remove this..." I'd take away...
Guy 1: I wonder if you can amputate your arms? Do you need both arms?
Guy 2: Arms? I was thinking more like a finger. Check it out (starts studyuing his fingers) you use the thumb and the index finger for like sms and video games. Maybe the long finger. But this (points to his ring finger) you never use. But can doctors do that? Just amputate what they want?
Guy 1: I don't know. But atleast you wouldn't have to work.



Two overly-bleached blondes around 14 get on the bus, sit down and start talking loudly.
Girl 1: Hey, Sara, I like painted my room! I've like, painted it blue!
Girl 2: But honey... Blue is like soooooo 2008.
Moment of silence.
Girl 1: But it is 2008 now.
Girl 2: Like, hello! Who keeps up with such things - seriously?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Two overly-bleached blondes around 14 get on the bus, sit down and start talking loudly.
Girl 1: Hey, Sara, I like painted my room! I've like, painted it blue!
Girl 2: But honey... Blue is like soooooo 2008.
Moment of silence.
Girl 1: But it is 2008 now.
Girl 2: Like, hello! Who keeps up with such things - seriously?

Oh dear Lord! Please tell me that's a joke . . . please? Surely there can't really be anyone like that who is let out of the house alone.

 

[jomar]

I have blonde friend who loves dumb blonde jokes. Some of these apply.

Thanks.

 

[rgraham666]

I once heard this in a record store.

"Omigod! Did you know Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

 

[jomar]

I once heard this in a record store.

"Omigod! Did you know Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings?"

A future Darwin award winner. I mean loser.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I have blonde friend who loves dumb blonde jokes. Some of these apply.

Thanks.

I had a young, blond sergeant working for me once. If she didn't max out the Army PT test, she took it as a personal affront and repeated it until she did. The Army had trained her as a Mandarin linguist and she was at the time enrolled in UCSD taking a triple major in Chinese, International Relations and . . . something I don't remember. She loved taking blond jokes and making them redhead jokes and told the best feminist dirty jokes around. Great kid. Wonder what ever happened to her . . .