i am starving. please feed me.

[pointless]

i'm looking for some feedback on my stories here on lit. they all have decent votes, but i haven't recieved that much feedback on them. they are all about lesbian incest directly or indirectly. in fact, as you can plainly see, they are all part of the same series. any feedback appreciated, just please refrain from insults. they tend to piss me off and i may go off on you. not that i won't take your review seriously, but i will lash out at you a little bit. anyhoo, please tear me a new one or pat my little head, whatever you feel is appropriate.

the young sisters ch. 1

the young sisters ch. 2

the young sisters ch. 3

i'm looking to continue this series, so please take this request seriously. review which ever one you like, but chapter 2 has the worst rating, so i'd prefer if you would attack that one. thanks to whoever in advance.

 

[pointless]

forty-odd views and not a single bite, huh? oh well. guess i'll try painting.

 

[the_bragis]

Hi pointless,

Please bear in mind incest just simply isn't everyone's cup of tea. I write a few bdsm stories, and it's often hard to get feedback on those too for the same reason.

I think also your request might have put a few people off. It may have come over as a little abrupt. I don't know maybe you were kidding around, but it's kind of hard to tell reading it off a screen.

I read the first couple of paragraphs of your story so let me be daring and just say:

Becky Young was not a good girl. Not by any stretch of the imagination. She liked drugs. She liked alcohol. She liked sex. She liked anything she shouldn’t have.

I though your opening paragraph was a good hook I think it will make most readers of that category want to read on. Ordinarily four sentences in a row beginning with 'she' would be repetitious, but here it seems to work well to give impact.

She was quite beautiful, slim, naturally tan and athletic. Long, straight black hair and deep blue eyes. At 5’1”, she wasn’t the tallest, but she got by.

The second, to me anyway, felt weak. I think many readers prefer to be feed little bits of information along the way, rather than have it all in one bite. Also I have no idea how tall 5'1" is. Here in Australia, and Europe, we use metric measurements, so to keep everyone happy and informed, exact measurement like this isn’t such a good idea.

I don't doubt for a moment that others will enjoy your story. I didn't read on, simply because I'm one of the people I mentioned above.

Please don't 'go off at me'. These are just my observations.

I wish you well with your future writing,

Have a good day,

Alex (fem).

 

[pointless]

well, thanks for your partial review. abrupt? sorry if this response seems a little short, but i'm tired. i just noticed this and felt i should respond.

what do you mean kidding around? i used a joking tone, but i want some feedback.

thanks again, though. i need to go to bed.

 

[DyNaMiX]

I thought they were excellent. You have a wonderfull talent, whatever you choose to write. KEep it up and hope to read some more of your works