Husband,Master/Dominant?

[Sirs Lady]

Dont confuse the two feelings; he can be
your husband, but not your Master or Dominant, or vice versa._ Think about
what you really want.


I'm just curious what others think of the above comment. It came down from my Mentor. He and i were catching up and i was telling him how close my Sir and I have become.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think it depends on the people involved and their concept of the relationships desired. We are Master/slave, best friends, and Husband/Wife. There have been moments of difficulty, particularly for me, in coming to terms with where one role ends and the other begins, in what situations and circumstances, and why, but it is not impossible. As with most things, it is a matter of communication and setting the boundaries firmly. For us, the first and foremost relationship is Master/slave, and from that our decisions are made, our life lived, and our bliss derived. The best friends is an emotional bond we feel which transcends those areas in our lives we were never able to reveal to another, and though the marriage is real in every sense of the word, it is more a legal relationship and protection than one on which we focus our lives and future plans.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

In Netzach land the phrase would be:

He can be your husband, he can be your Dominant, he can be your Master, even...but if he's your husband he can't be your *owner.*

 

[catalina_francisco]

Just as well I do not live in Netzach land or I would have broken the Netzach rule. What to do, what to do, I own my wife oh my!!!

Francisco.http://smile.smilies.nl/1921.gif

 

[bunny bondage]

there are a gazillion ways in which people relate to one another. all these rules and catagories just don't work for me!

 

[FungiUg]

there are a gazillion ways in which people relate to one another. all these rules and catagories just don't work for me!

Wot she said. Personally, I would say it would depend on the two individuals and their relationship.

 

[Justina123]

Sir and I are not legally married, but we consider ourselves mated in every way. He is my Dominant and owns me and is also my helpmate and the only father my children know. It sure as heck gets complicated, and sometimes I can hardly believe he is willing to take on so much, but it is working wonderfully for us.

As bunny said, there are just gazillion different possible relationship styles.

- justina

 

[Justina123]

Sir and I are not legally married, but we consider ourselves mated in every way. He is my Dominant and owns me and is also my helpmate and the only father my children know. It sure as heck gets complicated, and sometimes I can hardly believe he is willing to take on so much, but it is working wonderfully for us.

As bunny said, there are just gazillion different possible relationship styles.

- justina

 

[Limbhugger]

Wife is my Mistress, my Domme. For me, it could be no other way.

Hugger

 

[jhangel]

All though we are new to all of this. So far the husband and dom combination works for us. We are finding out alot of the stuff that we did before could be considered and we do consider it to be classified as a dom/sub relationship. We personally think that it is all in how you look at it and your personal prefernces which vary person to person. We have set certian boundries in which the dom/sub relationship does not carry over to. (i.e. finances, raising of children) And in other things we have agreed on certian limits to one persons control. And then others my dom/husband has complete control over.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

The statement doesn't work for me either. Master has been my husband for over 15 years now, and my best friend for over 20 years. I do feel owned by Him in the ways that mean the most to us, I am His 100%.

As others have already said, and most in this lifestyle know, there are no set "rules" as to how to live out a M/s, D/s or whatever the relationship is. It is purely up to each couple to make it what works for them. IMHO.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think in reality what your Mentor was trying to say SL was that your Dominant could not fulfil the roles of both Dominant and contemporary husband fulltime based on rules of equal partnership, to which I referred as being difficult in an earlier posting. I think it is true in part as far as behaviour goes if your D/s relationship is a 24/7 type which covers more than just sexual aspects, but as we have found, our Master/slave union is the predominant relationship which governs all aspects of the relationship. The traditional legal marriage, though no less lovingly motivated, is a legal more than behaviour based relationship, and does make the basics of life such as loans, legal contracts, residency, etc., much simpler to deal with in the vanilla world.

IMHO there does have to be a choice of which is going to dominate the relationship, or at least definite boundaries of where each role reigns supreme, otherwise you find yourself confused and constantly embroiled in misunderstandings and soothing hurt feelings. It is not initially easy, but I think can be as near to perfect as you can get if built on a firm foundation of love and commitment. I could not imagine it any other way for us.

Catalina

 

[ownedsubgal]

well, Daddy is my Father, Master, Mate, and best friend. we are not married. it is not legally possible for one thing, not anymore...but also i was never one with a desire for marriage. a husband and wife are too equal in today's day and age, in our western culture, for me to ever be comfortable with such a role. the word "wife" makes me think equal power...equal rights...peer. things that do not fit with the feelings i have for my Master, or with the person that i am. so for us i do not think the Husband/wife plus Master/slave dynamic could work. for others it does, beautifully. as with all things, it all depends on the individuals involved.

 

[MastrJ]

I don't see a problem with a husband also being a dom for his wife as well. However, I heartily agree that boundaries would have to be set. While I would love to be married to a submissive, I wouldn't want to be married to someone that isn't willing to accept an equal role in the relationship when it comes to making decisions for the unit. (Where to live, how to raise children, etc.)

 

[cutedemon]

I think it all comes down to how comfortable you feel with each role. If both of you are willing to be D/s all the time, then that might be the defining push to living as master and sub that are married. If you are more comfortable having an equal share when it comes to decissions like when to move, what school the kids attend and the like, then it becomes more of a balancing act to steady out when you are D/S and when you are husband and wife. Just my two cents. While I love to be dominated in the bedroom, I still want to be able to make choices about what happens in the rest of my life.

 

[Krinaia]

I think, and hope for my own future, that the two partners would communicate and work to build a relationship that works for them.

To make a generalized statement like that and believe it must be applied to everyone is... like saying everyone else's lifestyle choices are wrong, incorrect. I don't its necessary to negate all other lifestyle possibilities to make the one you choose correct.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think in the instance of married M/s, D/s there need not necessarily be a thought pattern that the submissve has no input into decisions about children etc. For one thing it can become part of the submissives tasks to make certain decisions, or even more along the equal basis line without destroying the power exchange there can be a sharing of thoughts concerning such decisions, whereby the submissive/wife's opinion is listened to, but the Dominant/husband makes the final decision. There are many D/s relationships which do not have a marriage attached which follow this pattern so it is not stretching the accepted boundaries so to speak.

Catalina

 

[Sirs Lady]

I don't see a problem with a husband also being a dom for his wife as well. However, I heartily agree that boundaries would have to be set. While I would love to be married to a submissive, I wouldn't want to be married to someone that isn't willing to accept an equal role in the relationship when it comes to making decisions for the unit. (Where to live, how to raise children, etc.)

i agree with what you said. that is how my Sir and i are now. my mentor just seems to think that we couldn't be married and be in the same type of relationship.

 

[Cardinal]

I would love for my wife to be my Dom. She is my best friend and my wife, and these two titles make the first even more appealing. In otherwords, I could be comletely submissive and open up to her as my Dom because she is my wife and best friend. (see attached thread) I love her and that is why I want to be open with her about all of my desires.
Make Sense?