Humiliation

[Homburg]

Idea threads are difficult things to ask, and answer.

Offer links to previous discussions, and one is stifling conversation, or discouraging new discussion.

Say "It kinda depends on the people involved..." and one isn't being very helpful, and everyone goes "Well duh! Unhelpful bastards!"

Ask for personal stories, and the whole wank material thing gets tossed about...

Suggest specific ideas, and there's no telling if it's anywhere near where/what the individuals involved are looking for... (see point # 2)

Personally, I suspect the number of less than friendly responses is directly proportional to the investment any [generic] OP in question has made to the forum.


Meh...

Quoted for truth, especially the last part.

 

[graceanne]

Quoted for truth, especially the last part.

Yeah, but I quoted it first. So there!

 

[BlackWingedOne]

Really, why is this such a big deal? i don't understand.

If i wanted something to just get off to, i wouldn't go out of my way to come here, invest in posting a thread, keep up with it and make informed responses.


"Ask for personal stories, and the whole wank material thing gets tossed about..."

i asked for ideas on what others were doing, again, because Master and i have done things and were hoping for other peoples perspectives on things. Now, because i'm asking, either i'm looking for material to get off or i'm lazy.


Just because i'm not a regular to the BDSM section, i'm automatically being thought of as someone who wants to get off to someone elses humiliation? Check my posts, i've been on this board for awhile, and not just under this name. But because you all don't know me, you feel free to pass judgment?

i posted here to get ideas from like minded individuals in the lifestyle, and all i get met with is rudeness. how is that fair? i believe i was quite polite in the way i worded things in the beginning of the thread and now this.

Please, no more useless responses debating on how i must be lazy or out for wank material. Either contribute something useful to the the thread or don't contribute at all, please.

AGAIN, i understand how everyone has different buttons to push, but some of those buttons, W/we have not thought of, Master wants inspiration, not to be a copy cat.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

AGAIN, i understand how everyone has different buttons to push, but some of those buttons, W/we have not thought of, Master wants inspiration, not to be a copy cat.

I really want to say don't rush in looking for them, because when you unexpectedly find one, it's the hottest fucking thing, EVAH.

Leave yourself a few surprises, for further down the track.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

This is why I said it was it was a specific thing, and based on knowing your bottom. I can think of a half-dozen women that I've played with that would find "Dirty. Little. Whore." to be passe. Yet I know a few for whom that is shiver-inducing.

I just feel like the best humiliation is so specific to that bottom that telling the story would be almost immaterial. Just no point, really. If it is not the thing that knocks her flat, then it isn't really a good story, and if it is the same-old usual, generic stuff, it probably didn't knock her flat.

So true.

And it doesn't even have to be other people's stories. When I was trying to think of mine last night, I didn't want to say them, simply because thinking of them out of the moment lead me to think "oh, that sounds lame."

 

[rida]

Humiliation is something I've been trying to define, in terms of what works for me and having a very hard time. So I try to read up threads about it.

I do understand that it is all about the specific person and her/his personal buttons and so forth. But reading about other people's buttons can help me think if I have the same one, or similar one or not.

Sometime soul searching alone does not work.

Also, I think that many times people mixes humiliation with embarrassment.

Public nudity would be embarrassing but not humiliating to me. Being naked and ignored, that would be humiliating.

Having a video of me giving head in my lover's iphone, would be neither, while having a video of myself masturbating would be very embarrassing. Having it shown to someone else? Borderline humiliating. Having it dismiss it as totally lame? THAT would be humiliating.

Mmmm.... I think I'm starting to see a trend in my own reactions ... off for more thinking ...

 

[ecstaticsub]

We are very much into humiliation play. The thing is though it would be very uncomfortable, yes even humiliating for me to give details or even general ideas here.

For us I really think it has been a trial and error sort of thing. Daddy is very observant about my responses to his words or things he tells me to do. He then exploits those things that obviously give the desired reaction.

On the subject of masturbation videos. (which isn't too big of a thing for me to not share my feelings on it0 I've done many of them. I don't find making them humiliating, or knowing he has them. But I have never watched more then 15 seconds of one. Being forced to watch any video of me (even vanilla) but especially in a sexual act is exploitable agony.

 

[rida]

On the subject of masturbation videos. (which isn't too big of a thing for me to not share my feelings on it0 I've done many of them. I don't find making them humiliating, or knowing he has them. But I have never watched more then 15 seconds of one. Being forced to watch any video of me (even vanilla) but especially in a sexual act is exploitable agony.

I made a masturbation video once. It is very dark and it is hard to see anything. I watched it and I thought it was lame! Self-humiliation much ...

 

[SimonBrooke]

For example, there currently exists two iPhone videos of yours truly giving really really great head, and masturbating. Some women wouldn't be phased at all, but when it was all said and done and those clips were saved, I wanted to sink through the floor from embarrassment. It's been a month or two, and the prude in me still cringes, knowing those clips are on his iPhone and all he has to do is tap an icon to watch them - regardless of where he is or what he's doing. I trust him not to share them, I am confident he won't... but he could. And the could is what hits the humiliation sweet spot [for me].

Noted in my little black book for future use. See, we can all learn from these threads

Also, I think that many times people mixes humiliation with embarrassment.

Public nudity would be embarrassing but not humiliating to me. Being naked and ignored, that would be humiliating.

Having a video of me giving head in my lover's iphone, would be neither, while having a video of myself masturbating would be very embarrassing. Having it shown to someone else? Borderline humiliating. Having it dismiss it as totally lame? THAT would be humiliating.

Excellently expressed and thought-provoking.

 

[Homburg]

Really, why is this such a big deal? i don't understand.

If i wanted something to just get off to, i wouldn't go out of my way to come here, invest in posting a thread, keep up with it and make informed responses.

BWO, I don't think anyone here is accusing you of looking for wank material, nor even of being lame. What has happened is that your post inspired a discussion on this board's culture when it comes to questions like this. While you are getting responses, you are also seeing discussion on a related topic happening on this thread. Honestly, this is often how this board works. Thread drift happens frequently and with gusto.

Just because i'm not a regular to the BDSM section, i'm automatically being thought of as someone who wants to get off to someone elses humiliation? Check my posts, i've been on this board for awhile, and not just under this name. But because you all don't know me, you feel free to pass judgment?

If you'd been here as long as many have, you will have been subject to the endless streams of wankers looking for new material. When you see thread after thread started by horny people looking to tug it, you get a bit jaded.

i posted here to get ideas from like minded individuals in the lifestyle, and all i get met with is rudeness. how is that fair? i believe i was quite polite in the way i worded things in the beginning of the thread and now this.

All you have been met with is rudeness? All? Are we reading the same thread?

 

[00Syd]

I can't decide whether I get off on humiliation or not. Degredation gets me off in a twisted way, but I suspect that if I was ever really, truly humiliated I would have the urge to slap the guy and leave. Or curl in a ball and cry from shame.

 

[kitten_candy]

i'm interested in finding out what people see as the difference between humiliating and degrading?

it seems there's a lot of overlap.

 

[00Syd]

i'm interested in finding out what people see as the difference between humiliating and degrading?

it seems there's a lot of overlap.

I'm sure other people have different definitions, but for me depredation is like "you are a stupid, worthless waste of space" and humiliation is like "don't wear panties today, and flash every guy you pass." But of course, what is humiliating for one might not be humiliating for others, etc. I guess I just see humiliation as being related to shame, and depredation as about being reduced to a useless, stupid piece of crap. If that makes sense.

But yeah, that's just my own definition.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I'm sure other people have different definitions, but for me depredation is like "you are a stupid, worthless waste of space" and humiliation is like "don't wear panties today, and flash every guy you pass." But of course, what is humiliating for one might not be humiliating for others, etc. I guess I just see humiliation as being related to shame, and depredation as about being reduced to a useless, stupid piece of crap. If that makes sense.

But yeah, that's just my own definition.

This is my definition, too. I think the reason I get off on humiliation so much is that it requires the person doing the humiliating to know me extremely well, the barest rawest part of my personality. It is like the ultimate vulnerability. Very intimate in an odd way.

Degradation is tricky. I still get off on it (not being called ugly or stupid though) but there is such a fine line between what I can handle and what I can't. I think the thing that saves it from going over the edge so far is that I know that in his heart he love me and values me.

 

[kitten_candy]

i think of degrading as the act of taking away. stripping bare. so stripping away that ego, that pride that gets in the way of pushing things to another level.

degradation can be tricky, as ecstaticsub said. for some reason, calling me a worthless fuckpig works with the right person in the right place. but - for me - there has to be follow up at some point to counterbalance that.

humiliation is more finding an anxiety and using that as a way to a great mind fuck which leads to great play.

i find both interesting to think about and even more interesting to explore in the right context.

 

[sadangel]

i think of degrading as the act of taking away. stripping bare. so stripping away that ego, that pride that gets in the way of pushing things to another level.

degradation can be tricky, as ecstaticsub said. for some reason, calling me a worthless fuckpig works with the right person in the right place. but - for me - there has to be follow up at some point to counterbalance that.

humiliation is more finding an anxiety and using that as a way to a great mind fuck which leads to great play.

i find both interesting to think about and even more interesting to explore in the right context.

I don't mind being humiliated in small ways by my Sir. I love to be called His Slut or Whore or Bitch...If he really wanted me to stand at my window naked when he knows that there are workers outside, I would consider it. I'd be terrified, but I'd consider it. It would be pure humiliation for me to do so...but with Him on the phone and me inside, I'd feel safer.

I despise being degraded by anyone. I've lived my whole life being degraded. I won't accept it in any relationship. Thankfully, this is a hard limit for Sir also.

 

[graceanne]

If you'd been here as long as many have

Newbie!

 

[SimonBrooke]

I'm sure other people have different definitions, but for me depredation is like "you are a stupid, worthless waste of space" and humiliation is like "don't wear panties today, and flash every guy you pass." But of course, what is humiliating for one might not be humiliating for others, etc. I guess I just see humiliation as being related to shame, and depredation as about being reduced to a useless, stupid piece of crap. If that makes sense.

But yeah, that's just my own definition.

OK, I think you've discovered one of my hard limits. I'll happily tell my plaything to strut her naked stuff in public, if I believe she'll get off on it, but I do not want her to be degraded - not by me or by anyone. I want to boost her self confidence and make her feel valued. It's conceivable that I may change - twenty years ago hitting a woman who explicitly wanted to be hit literally caused me a nervous breakdown, whereas now I can separate out 'hitting as sex' (which I'm comfortable with) from 'hitting as violence' (which I still can't do).

 

[00Syd]

OK, I think you've discovered one of my hard limits. I'll happily tell my plaything to strut her naked stuff in public, if I believe she'll get off on it, but I do not want her to be degraded - not by me or by anyone. I want to boost her self confidence and make her feel valued. It's conceivable that I may change - twenty years ago hitting a woman who explicitly wanted to be hit literally caused me a nervous breakdown, whereas now I can separate out 'hitting as sex' (which I'm comfortable with) from 'hitting as violence' (which I still can't do).

Eh, to each their own. I'm considerably emotionally masochistic, and making myself feel like a worthless piece of shit makes me feel absolutely terrible in a twisted, incredibly good way deep down in my darkest recesses. When someone else does it, it feels even worse and even better.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Eh, to each their own. I'm considerably emotionally masochistic, and making myself feel like a worthless piece of shit makes me feel absolutely terrible in a twisted, incredibly good way deep down in my darkest recesses. When someone else does it, it feels even worse and even better.

Hey, Syd, I wasn't saying there's anything wrong with putting someone down if she wants to be put down. I'm just not (yet?) in a place where I can do it. My programming and upbringing have left me too profoundly stuck in the 'men protect women' space. That is (I think) my weakness; it doesn't in the least undermine or devalue what you need. I hope you find someone who both cares for you and can do it for you.

 

[BlackWingedOne]

Now....

i like where this thread is headed, much better.

i have the same thing when it comes to degradation. For me, it's being treated like something useless and that, like being treated like a piece of furniture and the such. Humiliation is much different then that for me, sometimes they do overlap, but more often then not, it's just one or the other.


For an update....

Master is taking me out to a park tonight, and we're going to try a variation on the coat idea you gave us Simon, so wish us luck. i'm extremely nervous about it, but i will update everyone on how it goes tomarrow.

 

[00Syd]

Hey, Syd, I wasn't saying there's anything wrong with putting someone down if she wants to be put down. I'm just not (yet?) in a place where I can do it. My programming and upbringing have left me too profoundly stuck in the 'men protect women' space. That is (I think) my weakness; it doesn't in the least undermine or devalue what you need. I hope you find someone who both cares for you and can do it for you.

Oh, hey, no worries! I didn't think you were. I was just trying to explain where I'm coming from on the issue, and, like I said, to each their own.

And I am currently in a very wonderful relationship, but depredation isn't a part of it because my bf, like you, isn't down with that. And that's okay. While extreme depredation is something I get off on, its not the greatest thing for me to really get. It crosses a line really quickly from being play to being a problem in my life. Right now I think I'm getting what I need (which is support and protection) and everything is totally groovy

 

[SubMrs]

My husband has an overpowering (strange that I chose that word) interest in bondage. In the early years of our relationship I found public bondage to be humiliating, even when done creatively so that no one would realize that I was restrained. Over time, however, I have come to enjoy being restrained in public. It is as if I am getting away with something very naughty. Obviously, this isn't everyone's cup of tea but it is something that I have come to appreciate.

 

[midwestyankee]

Let me get this straight: the OP asks about ways to be humiliated. Gets humiliated somewhat on a public board. And then complains that no help is given.

What's wrong with this picture?

Actually, a lot that's wrong can be found in comparing the content of the two major posts by the OP: the thread starter and the post explaining the background and intent of the thread. So much more information was included in the second long post that was not part of the original one: information that would have forestalled much of the "is this wank material trolling" kind of questioning that inevitably happened in this thread.

To the OP: please take a moment and look objectively at the information that you provided in those two posts and have the honesty to ask yourself if you might have done a better job with the original post. A more complete original question would have received a heartier and much more welcoming response, I assure you.

 

[Adakgirl]

BWO, I don't think anyone here is accusing you of looking for wank material, nor even of being lame. What has happened is that your post inspired a discussion on this board's culture when it comes to questions like this. While you are getting responses, you are also seeing discussion on a related topic happening on this thread. Honestly, this is often how this board works. Thread drift happens frequently and with gusto.

Homburg

Exactly and seriously BlackWinged, I didn't mean that you were being treated in the manner I described...the surprise that Homburg expressed in that you were NOT being treated in that manner, is what inspired my post. You have been treated exceptionally well compared to most who ask questions such as this.

Humiliation ideas well ok :
An on-line Master of mine got one from a vid he watched of a submissive eating a bowl of dog food, which she had peed on first and which I thought was a bowl of her own shit, before I posted it here and through the replies I recieved here I... realized it was dog-food and not shit after all (thank god) Thank you members for that! lol!

Anyway..he was inspired by this and just for the sake of wanking material, I'll tell you about it. He directed me to re-enact her vid on cam and record it for him and have it uploaded to a private place in which he could watch it at his leisure. Natch warned me he might do this so I was somewhat mentally prepared when he did.

He adapted it to his particular wants. I was to be totally naked and have "I'm filthy fucking puppy slut" written all over my body. MY hair was to be in pigtails and was to invent a puppylike butt plug that I was to wear and wag as I crawled around like a puppy on the floor before I peed in the bowl of dog food and then ate it like she did in her vid.

She however had the luxury if being allowed to spit her chewed mouthfulls into the toilet. I had no such luxury. I had to chew it up and swallow it all, washing it down by lapping my own pee out of a second bowl which I had peed in for that purpose, also on cam.

I performed exceptionally well while submitting to this humiliation and he was very pleased with the vid. tho I was terribly embarrassed and appalled the whole time.

This to many.. would not be considered humiliating, to me it was. But once done and I watched the vid and felt the pleasure of my obedience to his Dominant power over me. I liked it. Something like this would no longer be humiliating to me and he knew it. So then he instructed me to give the pin code to men I knew who were vanilla. Give them access to watch it. That turned it right back into a incredibly demeaning, humiliating thing to me and it worked to be like that on me until he allowed me to delete that vid. A favor that I had to work for diligently btw.