humiliation.

[Chicklet]

I cannot do humiliation play, give or get, that involves verbal abuse. If I were bottoming and a bowl were placed on the floor and I were told to crawl over and lap the water I could do that and would enjoy hearing "good boy" but hearing "you worthless pile of shit" would stop everything - hard limit time.

I totally agree.

I try to explain to people who push that sort of play that name-calling and degradation like that just seems too personal. I could have a vanilla relationship that made me feel like less than nothing worthless shit. I don't want that from my BDSM.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

I can think of better ways to spend my time.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed in some of the posts that I've just read. Alot of the subs who are always so quick to fall all over themselves trying to prove that they are "subbier than thou" are the ones saying "nope, not me".

While I realize that each of us have our own triggers I thought alot of subs would like being call "slut", "whore" and other not so polite adjectives. I remember reading that a few of them said if the possessive "my" is put in front of the negative comment it makes it alright.. but what is the difference? All the possessive does is just focus the source of the humiliation.. not reduce it.

The one sub I didn't think would be into humiliation is the one who seems to crave it the most.

By adding the 'my', it removes the reality of slut from being a slut who will and does do for just about anyone anywhere to a slut who is only sexual in that way for one person, and often on their terms. In terms of humiliation, that doesn't work for me as it seems more like role playing which doesn't work for me either. I tend to be more in the same camp as BiBunny in that I enjoy both h & d but it takes a talented one to get it right and make it work, preferrably on a long term basis as opposed just for a scene on occasion.

Catalina

 

[myinnerslut]

i really cant take "above the belt" humiliation, as netzach put it. i have too many emotional issues in my past that pop up as soon as that brand of humiliation pops up. sex-related humiliation i can take, and as i mentioned before, love to hate. but non sex related sends me into such a downwards spiral, its not worth it to go there.

 

[Netzach]

I have to say I bottomed to this a couple of times. Not with my Bull. It's not his style and it's not my style with him - but early on, with people I didn't know well in public, I really sought out a chance or two to feel stupid or be told I was worthless, because:

1. I didn't buy it. Sticks and stones, la la. It was really cool to see what rolled off me, and really kind of neat to find out that other people thought what I was doing was really hardcore, but honestly I didn't care and I wasn't bothered by it. All the while part of me going "I probably should care a little, should be upset, but I'm just not. Cool." When I began to feel upset I mentally shifted into a more comfortable territory in which I felt in control of where I was at, by reminding myself just who asked for it. Detaching a little. When it started to get really not-good, I could and did pull the plug on the scene. (This would happen when the humiliation took a sexual turn - I guess I'm wired oddly)

2. It's really cool to confront the possibility that you might be more than the sum total of your intellect when it's the one thing that everyone's always gone on and on about and how GREAT you are because you're smart and educated, etc...to just pull the plug on it, and annihilate this little part of your ego which is pretty much foisted off on you your whole life. It didn't matter that I wasn't happy throughout most of my early life - I was doing great on tests. Fuck you, ma, now I'm licking the floor and putting my ass in the air.

Short-lived for me. Humiliation bottoming is like New York for me - nice place to visit wouldn't wanna live there. But I love giving. Half the fun is vicarious.

 

[Netzach]

Tell me about it. *Pout* Maybe I'll find myself up that way one day, and I can bring B., too. Two for the price of one.

I'm all over it.

The hotties who want me are always who the hell knows where.

Of course, being centrally and conveniently located why should I think of myself as in the middle of nowhere. Earth revolves around me.

/perving hijack

 

[Rox_shybutcurious]

While I realize that each of us have our own triggers I thought alot of subs would like being call "slut", "whore" and other not so polite adjectives.

Well I admit I voted for giving and getting humiliation as a hard limit, but these kinds of words have never particularly bothered me in that way so maybe I need to rethink my vote. Maybe they don’t bother me because they’ve never been used on me in any attempt to be hurtful. It’s usually been more of a comment on specific behavior directed at my partner and not addressed as anything about my character. I guess in my head the idea of humiliation is too integrated with the concept of degradation for me to be comfortable with it.

For me deliberate acts meant for public embarrassment, humiliation and/or degradation all go hand in hand as an emotionally harmful act and have a tendency to make me shut down inside. Shades of the shy, awkward, didn’t fit in school kid that, if noticed at all, tended to get picked on perhaps.

Now the self-conscious stuff that JM and RJ talked about is a different story. For whatever reason I classify that more along the lines of those “not so polite adjectives” as Chris calls them and don’t associate it as anything hurtful. Embarrassing perhaps, blush worthy even in that "I’m being naughty, but nobody other than my partner and me knows" kind of way, but not humiliating. Go figure.

 

[intothewoods]

Ummm...pick me? *Raises hand shyly*

*jumps in front of Bunny* No, me!

I'm not sure I get the humiliation/degradation split. Will have to check out the thread...but...

Before I started playing, I thought this would be a hard limit, but I'm surprised by how much I kinda love to hate it.

I'm not quite yet ready for someone to call me a "worthless piece of shit" - although that probably wouldn't even push my buttons. It's all about where I am and what I need for catharsis.

Right now, I love anything that plays off the whole slut/good girl dichotomy. I like letting him force me to do things that I find sort of sexually degrading, and all of the talk that goes with it. It really pushes me in a way that just sexually bottoming doesn't.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[Recidiva]

YES. You brilliant woman, yes yes yes.

I agree with sexual degradation not working so well as a mindfuck. Sex is power. Being called slut, whore, etc just means that there are people who want to have sex with me--ball in my court. I have to be taken away from my mind AND my cunt in order to feel like I'm not winning the war. (I think this is why T pissing in my cunt so long ago made such a big impact--the message was he had better things to do than fuck me.)

I've heard the above post ad nauseum, along with "you're more than a pretty girl." Right now I want nothing more than to be a pretty girl. It isn't working because I have to stay smart or I get no money; so there is no real humiliation in it. Frustrating (though I guess work is not the place to lose identity). But I can see myself on the other side, where my sex, my brain has no power. Just haven't been taken there.

Whew! I hope that made sense to anyone not me.

Made sense.

Insulting my intelligence does nothing for me. Insulting my looks, nothing. My husband can however, intellectually or sexually get me to places where my brain and gender attributes are truly working against me. I appreciate the elegance of that.

He's the one that taught me that sex is not about friction, it's about leverage.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

While I realize that each of us have our own triggers I thought alot of subs would like being call "slut", "whore" and other not so polite adjectives. I remember reading that a few of them said if the possessive "my" is put in front of the negative comment it makes it alright.. but what is the difference? All the possessive does is just focus the source of the humiliation.. not reduce it.

The one sub I didn't think would be into humiliation is the one who seems to crave it the most.

It's funny you should say this CX. I don't feel at all humiliated when my Dom calls me a slut or a whore, regardless of whether or not he puts the MY in front of it- that is the biggest turn on in the world to me when he calls me those names.

Don't get me wrong, I am very much a lady (even been called prissy) and won't let anyone in the real world call me that, but when my Dom does, I get all types of wet for him and would do just about anything to get him to call me that again because for him, I am a complete slut/whore.

 

[the_pet]

Publicly.... and i'm plotting your murder....
Privately.... i'm handing you my leash (big sigh) so much humiliation, so little time



pet

 

[BiBunny]

I keep coming back to this thread and coming back to this thread. I just love to play with this kind of thing, and we play harder with it than most people I know. I have an emotional masochism streak a country mile wide.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy in some perverse way the emotional power B. has over me. I love him with all my heart, but the fact that he's never really been all mushy with his feelings about me gets my rocks off in a major way. I have a HUGE fantasy about this, but I'm afraid to share it with anybody, including him.

 

[the_pet]

I keep coming back to this thread and coming back to this thread. I just love to play with this kind of thing, and we play harder with it than most people I know. I have an emotional masochism streak a country mile wide.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy in some perverse way the emotional power B. has over me. I love him with all my heart, but the fact that he's never really been all mushy with his feelings about me gets my rocks off in a major way. I have a HUGE fantasy about this, but I'm afraid to share it with anybody, including him.

OO, OO, OO TELL ME, TELL ME!!!!!!!

(jumping up and down, waving hands)

 

[BiBunny]

OO, OO, OO TELL ME, TELL ME!!!!!!!

(jumping up and down, waving hands)

LOL. Without going into graphic detail, I see myself in a hardcore bondage/torture interrogation-type deal where he's trying to force me to tell him what's on my mind. I hold out for as long as I can, but finally end up blurting out how much I love him, the fact that I'd do anything in this world for him, etc. (bear in mind that I've never uttered anything like that to his face). He, of course, laughs at me, mocks me, and tells me in explicit, cruel detail why he'll never think of me in the same way, whereupon more torture, tears, and rape occur.

Yes. I am fucked up. That is the incredibly watered-down version, the only version I'm comfortable posting here.

 

[intothewoods]

I keep coming back to this thread and coming back to this thread. I just love to play with this kind of thing, and we play harder with it than most people I know. I have an emotional masochism streak a country mile wide.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy in some perverse way the emotional power B. has over me. I love him with all my heart, but the fact that he's never really been all mushy with his feelings about me gets my rocks off in a major way. I have a HUGE fantasy about this, but I'm afraid to share it with anybody, including him.

Babe, I totally get it.

 

[the_pet]

LOL. Without going into graphic detail, I see myself in a hardcore bondage/torture interrogation-type deal where he's trying to force me to tell him what's on my mind. I hold out for as long as I can, but finally end up blurting out how much I love him, the fact that I'd do anything in this world for him, etc. (bear in mind that I've never uttered anything like that to his face). He, of course, laughs at me, mocks me, and tells me in explicit, cruel detail why he'll never think of me in the same way, whereupon more torture, tears, and rape occur.

Yes. I am fucked up. That is the incredibly watered-down version, the only version I'm comfortable posting here.

Hey...what a coincidence...I'm fucked up too

sounds delicious....the torture, the tears, the rape (don't worry i've got plenty of imagination to fill in the blanks

 

[BiBunny]

ITW and pet, thanks for understanding. I almost came back and edited that out completely.

My relationship has been debated on this board before, and while I recognize that my situation sucks, I would also be lying if I said a part of me didn't get off on it. Fill in the blanks.

 

[Netzach]

LOL. Without going into graphic detail, I see myself in a hardcore bondage/torture interrogation-type deal where he's trying to force me to tell him what's on my mind. I hold out for as long as I can, but finally end up blurting out how much I love him, the fact that I'd do anything in this world for him, etc. (bear in mind that I've never uttered anything like that to his face). He, of course, laughs at me, mocks me, and tells me in explicit, cruel detail why he'll never think of me in the same way, whereupon more torture, tears, and rape occur.

Yes. I am fucked up. That is the incredibly watered-down version, the only version I'm comfortable posting here.

I used to play like this with my girlfriend.

"Go ahead, tell me why you "love" me."

She was really mean. In a good way. I don't ever want to be with someone who can scare me quite as well again. I totally didn't "get" humiliation till she enlightened me. Seriously enlightened. I have to credit her with the high emotional risk bar I bring to Domination.

I don't think this'd work with the guy I'm subbing to. He can't bluff for anything - he was the person who caved in first and whispered an only slightly tipsy "You know, I've fallen in love with you" whereas she could keep me guessing and worrying on some level, and knowing on some level that I had more wrapped up in her than she did in me at that point. Later that dynamic switched and I bailed on the rel, it was ugly. I was not in the right, but I was young. It was worth it. As for me, I prefer this really tame and romantic endeavor which seems really neither tame nor mushy when put in context.

It's all context, baby.

 

[WriterDom]

YES. You brilliant woman, yes yes yes.

(I think this is why T pissing in my cunt so long ago made such a big impact--the message was he had better things to do than fuck me.)

.

She just didn't say that T pissed in her cunt did she?

 

[Recidiva]

LOL. Without going into graphic detail, I see myself in a hardcore bondage/torture interrogation-type deal where he's trying to force me to tell him what's on my mind. I hold out for as long as I can, but finally end up blurting out how much I love him, the fact that I'd do anything in this world for him, etc. (bear in mind that I've never uttered anything like that to his face). He, of course, laughs at me, mocks me, and tells me in explicit, cruel detail why he'll never think of me in the same way, whereupon more torture, tears, and rape occur.

Yes. I am fucked up. That is the incredibly watered-down version, the only version I'm comfortable posting here.

Again, I don't see this as fucked up. Sorry.

The fact that someone even gives a damn about what's on your mind...well, you get the idea.

That's an admission in itself. I think what's unspoken here actually speaks loud and clear.

 

[NALA CAYENNE]

Quote:
Originally Posted by BiBunny
LOL. Without going into graphic detail, I see myself in a hardcore bondage/torture interrogation-type deal where he's trying to force me to tell him what's on my mind. I hold out for as long as I can, but finally end up blurting out how much I love him, the fact that I'd do anything in this world for him, etc. (bear in mind that I've never uttered anything like that to his face). He, of course, laughs at me, mocks me, and tells me in explicit, cruel detail why he'll never think of me in the same way, whereupon more torture, tears, and rape occur.

Yes. I am fucked up. That is the incredibly watered-down version, the only version I'm comfortable posting here.

Babe, I totally get it.

I totally get this too

 

[dolf]

hmmm...
not just whore but worthless whore. still hot!

 

[Quint]

...........