Humiliation/Embarrassment

[AshleyStout]

I'm looking for new and clever ways to humiliate my slave. I don't have a lot of experience in that part of BDSM, but he really loves it. I'm very open to suggestions and ideas!

 

[Miles Long]

I'm looking for new and clever ways to humiliate my slave. I don't have a lot of experience in that part of BDSM, but he really loves it. I'm very open to suggestions and ideas!

Have you made him sing Nickelback at karaoke? That would be humiliating, although it might also qualify as cruel and unusual.

 

[Kitty_Schrödinger]

Have you made him sing Nickelback at karaoke? That would be humiliating, although it might also qualify as cruel and unusual.

*snort*

 

[AshleyStout]

Have you made him sing Nickelback at karaoke? That would be humiliating, although it might also qualify as cruel and unusual.

I want to humiliate him, not torture myself! haha cute though

 

[Miles Long]

I want to humiliate him, not torture myself! haha cute though

What kinds of things have you done so far?

 

[AshleyStout]

Name calling, sissifying via dressing: aprons, panties, having him run errands for me wearing a collar and telling everyone his mistress demands (fill in the blank), a pascifier, urine control.

 

[leomasoch]

Humiliation games

My Mistress takes me to the lingerie section of a department store and selects the most ludicrous items of underwear, which she is later going to order me to wear. Sometimes she will hold a pair of panties against me to see if she thinks them appropriate. Then I am sent to the check-out to buy the items. She usually specifies which salesperson I must approach. She stands at a safe distance with a smile on her face, observing my embarrassment and humiliation.

Leo

 

[KoPilot]

I've always been fascinated by tasks and things that were designed with the intention for me to fail at. Exercises in Sisyphean futility and all that.

I think a man would probably be likelier to find that sort of thing more humiliating and upsetting than anyone else, too.

 

[AshleyStout]

I think I need to revisit my high school days when everyone was mean and knew exactly how to embarrass people. My little brother had a very hard time in school. This might be why I'm having trouble with the task; I sympathize too much with the victim.

I have to take it out of that mindset and convince myself that I'm not doing real damage.

Cross-dressing seems pretty common, but this subbie has been suffering ladies' lingerie for years. I'll have to up my game and think of something new.

 

[KoPilot]

Some more ideas:

Food:
- Have him make a whole meal that he's not allowed to eat, or if he has dietary restrictions, that he can't eat (for an added bonus of frustration). If he's not a cook, then make it well understood that it needs to be quality stuff.
- If he is a good cook, tell him to make you something he doesn't like, and of a kind of food that he feels is well below his quality in taste or skill to make. Make him eat it with you when he's done.
- Make him order the "girliest" drink you can find on the menu when you go out.

Home:
- Make deliberate messes that he needs to clean up, like spilled water or something.
- Make him keep your collection of X alphabetized at all times, but when you take the things out and put them back, do it haphazardly. He has to scan the shelf or whatever to make sure it's in order every time he walks past it.
- Clean the bathroom with a toothbrush.
- Make him look for something that's been "misplaced", but forget to tell him that you "found" it shortly after you sent him to look.

Public:
- When it's warm, make him wear women's shorts, or just shorts that are "too short" for a self-respecting man to wear.
- Have him carry your purse while you're out.
- Have him use a teenager's phone case, or a case from a band that no one his age would have any pride in liking (Bieber? ICP?).


If you can't tell, I'm more into personal humiliation and ego-bruising than public. I feel like orchestrating someone's embarrassment that hinges on other people's amusement or pointing and laughing or whatever is too easy and not mindfucky enough. But those are just my preferences!

 

[welkin]

My Mistress takes me to the lingerie section of a department store and selects the most ludicrous items of underwear, which she is later going to order me to wear. Sometimes she will hold a pair of panties against me to see if she thinks them appropriate. Then I am sent to the check-out to buy the items. She usually specifies which salesperson I must approach. She stands at a safe distance with a smile on her face, observing my embarrassment and humiliation.

Leo

See, I don't get how this is embarrassing because unless the cashier saw her trying to fit on you, they will just assume that the panties were for your girlfriend... In which case they'd look down on her, not you?

 

[AshleyStout]

I've always been fascinated by tasks and things that were designed with the intention for me to fail at. Exercises in Sisyphean futility and all that.

I think a man would probably be likelier to find that sort of thing more humiliating and upsetting than anyone else, too.

The gender factor really comes to play here. For example, he's positively mortified when I order his food for him at the restaurant. He practically crawls under the table, whereas a girl might not respond as much.

 

[njlauren]

One variation on the restaurant thing is to forbid him to speak at all,you do all the talking, when the server comes you do all the ordering,then when the food comes make him wait to eat his, you eat first..or better yet, cut up his food and feed him, very embarrassing.

When walking on the street, have him walk a couple of steps behind and to the right, most men tend to lead a bit....

Have him wear my little pony wear, or a Justin Bieber T shirt.

On another front, make him wear 'old man's' clothing out, ya know, sandals with socks, checked shorts, the kind of things an old man stereotypically wears (though these days, some of the 'hipster' wear seems kind of old mannish, go figure...)

Go into what they call around here an "old man's' bar, the kind of place where exotic drink is a shot and a beer, and have him order something like a cosmo.

Have him wear a thong panty under very tight pants, where the VPL is quite noticeable, same with bra straps.

Take him to a kind of 'man space', like a hardware store or home depot, and berate him publicly that he can't do anything right around the house, that you sent him for a belt sander and he came back with a packet of sandpaper.....or something like that.

At a restaurant, in a raised voice, tell him how he should be ashamed of himself, that your ex boyfriend not only has moved up the ladder faster than him, but has not only a great job but a great body...

Take him to get his ears pierced (even if you plan on taking them out, no big deal) at the place where the piercing station is visible, and have them put in little kid earring starters they have (least they have in some of the stores I have been in, kind of cutsey).

Have him wear choker or short necklace with a charm on it, or a charm bracelet, that had very little girlish things on them.

Go to a place that sells condoms with him, and say fairly loudly "no, dear, you don't take magnums, you need the extra small size, otherwise you'll leak".

I don't particularly like humiliation, have a hard time with it, but the above are some things I thought of. You could also take him to get a mani/pedi and have them put a neutral color on his nails, that aren't obvious like red or pink but if someone notices would be embarrassing to him.

 

[littlegrizz02]

My Mistress takes me to the lingerie section of a department store and selects the most ludicrous items of underwear, which she is later going to order me to wear. Sometimes she will hold a pair of panties against me to see if she thinks them appropriate. Then I am sent to the check-out to buy the items. She usually specifies which salesperson I must approach. She stands at a safe distance with a smile on her face, observing my embarrassment and humiliation.

Leo

I love it. I'd love to be ordered to do that.

 

[twister947]

I'm no sissy, and my woman doesn't want one. My suspicion is that few women do, and that those who do are merely indulging a fantasy.

I have tried to identify those behaviors of mine that characterize dominance, and back away from them, creating space for my woman to occupy. She does this easily and happily. It works for us.

An unintended benefit is, it's an interesting exercise in self-examination.

 

[AshleyStout]

On another front, make him wear 'old man's' clothing out, ya know, sandals with socks, checked shorts, the kind of things an old man stereotypically wears (though these days, some of the 'hipster' wear seems kind of old mannish, go figure...)

Go into what they call around here an "old man's' bar, the kind of place where exotic drink is a shot and a beer, and have him order something like a cosmo.

These are some great ideas, thanks.

 

[Ruby_Atom]

Have you made him sing Nickelback at karaoke? That would be humiliating, although it might also qualify as cruel and unusual.

It should be fun for the PYL as well, no?

 

[Netzach]

I think I need to revisit my high school days when everyone was mean and knew exactly how to embarrass people. My little brother had a very hard time in school. This might be why I'm having trouble with the task; I sympathize too much with the victim.

I have to take it out of that mindset and convince myself that I'm not doing real damage.

Cross-dressing seems pretty common, but this subbie has been suffering ladies' lingerie for years. I'll have to up my game and think of something new.

Are you enjoying it?

Seriously? If you're not enjoying it, why are you doing this? If you're actually passionate about breaking down your socialized "nice girl" values and exploring your "mean girl" more power to you, and I realize that's not a swift process. But if this isn't doing anything for you, I hope that he's either reciprocating with lots of what you like, or that you're submissive enough to get off on that.

Anyway, like KoPilot said, those are good. Lauren's also got great suggestions.

It doesn't have to be public. In private most straight guys will freak when you make dildo throatfucking part of your fun.

Be a diva. Watch some old shitty reality TV like the Apprentice or Diddy's version and do the psych torment these guys do. Dump things on the floor if they're not in the right cup. Don't make it a lifestyle choice for every day, but once in a while it's a good way to signal when it's on.

 

[Netzach]

I'm no sissy, and my woman doesn't want one. My suspicion is that few women do, and that those who do are merely indulging a fantasy.

I have tried to identify those behaviors of mine that characterize dominance, and back away from them, creating space for my woman to occupy. She does this easily and happily. It works for us.

An unintended benefit is, it's an interesting exercise in self-examination.

Some of us never stopped with the Barbie dolls, it's just that few guys don't suck at life and therefore care to let us lead. When I find a sissy that really wants to BE dressed on my terms, rather than dress, I'm on it.

 

[AshleyStout]

Are you enjoying it?

Seriously? If you're not enjoying it, why are you doing this? If you're actually passionate about breaking down your socialized "nice girl" values and exploring your "mean girl" more power to you, and I realize that's not a swift process. But if this isn't doing anything for you, I hope that he's either reciprocating with lots of what you like, or that you're submissive enough to get off on that.

Right now I'm finding the psychology incredibly interesting. Discovering what makes people tick (myself included) seems an essential part of overall development. I'm not worried about perceptions of politeness, but I'm cautious about toeing a line between play and damage. I love watching him squirm and blush, though.

 

[KoPilot]

Are you enjoying it?

Seriously? If you're not enjoying it, why are you doing this? If you're actually passionate about breaking down your socialized "nice girl" values and exploring your "mean girl" more power to you, and I realize that's not a swift process. But if this isn't doing anything for you, I hope that he's either reciprocating with lots of what you like, or that you're submissive enough to get off on that.

That's definitely the other thing.

My suggestions are coming from where I think S has found his personal style and niche, which is, as I've called it, "you're-an-asshole", so that's the flavor of my kink right now (maybe it's always been that way too, idk). He was mean in HS, probably for the worse, but he's finding that channeling that part of him really helps him get in the groove. He really wants to do this and knows he'll like it, but he says he just needs someplace to start and an MO to inspire him.

If it's not something you've been craving all your life to do in some way or another, and you don't have a way in like S, then it's going to be tough.

 

[BrightlyGo]

i was just thinking about this today. We were at the mall and She told me to wait for Her at a specific place. But, i waited where there was some seating nearby, thinking i'd see Her coming. Normally that'd've been fine She's not that strict at all. But, i didn't see Her and She ended up waiting for me. She'd already had a frustrating day and dressed me down right there.

Now, i felt bad because i'd failed in a small way and because She was upset, but i didn't feel humiliated. If anything i felt validated as a submissive.

Some of the standard issue bdsm humiliation kinks strike me as less than really humiliating, either for that reason, or because there's a sort of double negative to it. Take the suggestion of following you everywhere, i do that without a thought, it's natural. Or the idea of cross dressing - if i'm submitting to a Domme, how is dressing more like Her supposed to be humiliating?

And, is it humiliation we subs crave or validation?


She just came in and read this. Her feeling about the incident today was very different. She has a personal rule that She keeps anger out of our power dynamic, and it wasn't really me that She was angry at. So She has apologized for it.

i really am very lucky to be Hers.

 

[KoPilot]

Or the idea of cross dressing - if i'm submitting to a Domme, how is dressing more like Her supposed to be humiliating?

Because we operate in a culture that says femininity is lower than low, and that no man in his right mind should ever want to be feminine or a woman?

 

[BrightlyGo]

Because we operate in a culture that says femininity is lower than low, and that no man in his right mind should ever want to be feminine or a woman?

Sure, broader society, and, when i was a youth feeling out my sexuality, i often assumed that because i felt submissive, i should express that by being more feminine (but, my body had other plans and turned /very/ masculine as i grew up). Eventually I realized that the femme domme dynamic reverses those cultural roles - femininity is elevated, and masculinity is lowly. It's not like Dommes dress like men - corsets, garter belts, high heels, are all stereotypical parts of the 'uniform.' Feminine trappings become emblems of power - i could see being uncomfortable in them because it would imply stepping out of the msub role, but feeling /more/ submissive in the same fetish gear as Her? Doesn't hold together.

Maybe there's a lot about the femme domme side of the scene that doesn't hold together like that, because, as you say, the over-culture still imposes some of its attitudes on the sub-culture, especially since the organized BDSM sub-culture is majority M/f and F/m is a tiny sub-sub-culture of it?

Anyway, the Scene, aside, since i've never been part of it anyway, if the goal of 'humiliation' is to make the sub feel more submissive, is it really /humiliation/? When i'm feeling particularly submissive, i'm not ashamed of it, in fact, it's probably as close as i ever get to feeling some pride or self-respect - i'm in my proper place, i'm doing something right, being who (what!) i'm meant to be. Sometimes that means doing something that a Dom or societal-norm male would find 'humiliating' - like scrubbing the kitchen floor on my knees, naked - other times not - like putting on rough work clothes and cutting back an overgrown hedge in the front yard. Both are things i'm doing because She told me to, and i obey Her. Both make me feel submissive, neither are humiliating.

Probably just over-analyzing, that's something i tend to do. If i have a useful point for the OP, maybe it's that you should find things You want your sub to do for You, or want to do to him.

 

[Felonious1]

I'm looking for new and clever ways to humiliate my slave. I don't have a lot of experience in that part of BDSM, but he really loves it. I'm very open to suggestions and ideas!

From the context of this post, you're coming off as more of a service top with a deep-seated penchant to please than anything else. Also as one that's not very effective as of yet as of yet with having .....YOUR......desires fulfilled via wants/wishes that you must first make known to your partner.

Communication, commonality kink-wise and inherit creativity as the one running the show is sorely needed if there's to be a mutually fulfilling power dynamic created and sustained between two people in a power-based relationship. First decipher what.....YOU.......want and/or want to experience in regards to power exchange and being pleased as the big letter part of the duo. Past that its knowing how far, or how far not to go with your little-letter partner.

If you're truly the big letter of the duo.........step up to the plate and take charge of the situation in all ways delegated to you.

Felonious