HT tell if a person wants sex

[Jada59]

I'm a pretty forward person and I usually get what I want. In the past, if I wanted sex, I just went for it. Only person who ever turned me down was my ex who hated sex.

But these days, it seems the rules have changed! I recently touched a guy's thigh. Not in my mind in a sexual way. We were just sort of horsing around and I accidentally put my hand there. He freaked! Voice went all squeaky as he told me not to touch him there. I apologized.

So now that I'm back to dating, I guess this is something I need to know. If I'm in an established relationship, or we'd had sex at least once prior, I would just tell him something like... I want to fuck you. Or suck you or...whatever.

But if if we've never had sex before and he isn't obviously making the first move, then how will I know! I am thinking I might say something like... Can I move my hand further up? Down? Or maybe even more obvious like... Can I touch your cock? But that seems a bit clumsy. Maybe I should just tell him that he's really turning me on.

Help! Anyone? Thanks.

 

[michael1966b]

HT tell?

Sometimes a flirty look in the eye is all it takes for me! A smile, a touch, and you don’t have to tell me twice!

 

[Mtnmike]

Not sure about other men but I wish women would be more forward about what they want. With all this "Me Too" etc happening, I afraid to even approach the subject unless the woman brings it up.

 

[goodolboy]

If she is laying on the bed naked with her legs spread, there is a good chance.

 

[Jada59]

Sometimes a flirty look in the eye is all it takes for me! A smile, a touch, and you don’t have to tell me twice!

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

If she is laying on the bed naked with her legs spread, there is a good chance.

Ha. Yeah.

 

[jehoram]

But these days, it seems the rules have changed! I recently touched a guy's thigh. Not in my mind in a sexual way. We were just sort of horsing around and I accidentally put my hand there. He freaked! Voice went all squeaky as he told me not to touch him there. I apologized.

So now that I'm back to dating, I guess this is something I need to know. If I'm in an established relationship, or we'd had sex at least once prior, I would just tell him something like... I want to fuck you. Or suck you or...whatever.

But if if we've never had sex before and he isn't obviously making the first move, then how will I know! I am thinking I might say something like... Can I move my hand further up? Down? Or maybe even more obvious like... Can I touch your cock? But that seems a bit clumsy. Maybe I should just tell him that he's really turning me on.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to make sure that, before any physical contact is made, permission is asked and given first.

"I'd like to kiss you. May I do that?"

"If you want to kiss me, I'm OK with that."

And I'd refrain from serious groping until you're sure the partner would be comfortable with that. Otherwise, there's a risk of scaring him/her away too soon. Easy does it. And remember that that partner may have a personal history about groping or being groped, and you need to respect that.

But there's really no harm in asking, and much good can come of it.

 

[anniebaby10]

Wow... that is really crazy. Not been on the dating scene for over 25 years but the way people are today even us ladies can be accused of sexual harassment. At any rate, flirty talk always works and can be harmless. Things like "you have such beautiful eyes". Even men like that. I am like you in that I am very forward with what I want and not sure most men mind that. My husband likes knowing I wanna fuck or suck his cock.... pretty sure most men would !!! You must have picked the one guy who was feeling he was harassed.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I really despair for this society with the way we are going. Yes, sexual harassment is real and a bad thing. On the other hand, I’ve had somebody telling me that being complimented on her hair or dress - not leering, just “That’s a pretty dress!” - makes them nervous. Really? Women in my day weren’t afraid of sincere compliments; they were taken as intended, as positive and reinforcing.

Jada, dating has changed a bunch, and not for the good I fear. One thing to consider - dating is a process of discovery. You have now discovered that this poor boy is so sh*t-scared that a woman he knows briefly touching (not groping) him makes him deeply uncomfortable.

From that, Jada, you have to ask yourself if this is a boy you actually see yourself with in a developing relationship? You want a tiger, not a pussycat.

I think it safe to say that anyone doing the ‘contractual’ dating thing Jehoram outlines is not somebody I’m going to want to spend much time with. I understand his point and there are some places where such is in vogue and a certain sub society who work that way, but it’s too much like that appalling 50 Shades contract scene. One of the things I looked for when looking for Partner 2.0 was somebody with confidence, boldness and good judgement. Playing relational Simon Says wasn’t on my list.

What are the rules? Well, a woman can give physical hints which are non-threatening for all but the most timid. Being the first to hold hands is a good sign, even for today’s pussycats, that you like him. Putting your arm around his waist as you walk is a good second step. Tilting your face up towards him when you’re saying good night has always been a girl’s invitation for a good night kiss. These are still good clues for any but the most clueless of the broke. If they scare him off, he probably wouldn’t be worth anything anyway.

Go find yourself a tiger.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think this is a change for the better for society and am leery of those who suggest it’s a change for the worse. If we don’t know if someone wants us to touch them, we shouldn’t touch them. Affirmative consent should make everyone feel better. “I want to kiss you.” Wait for response. “May I kiss you?” “I am so drawn to you...do you feel it, too?” “I want you. Do you want to have sex?” Yes, times have changed. But the change from the “me too movement” should be that no one is being made uncomfortable by unwelcome physical advances. This is a good thing.

 

[Acktion]

Oh, I don't know.

"I'm going to come to you for you to use me anyway you want, fuck me anyway that you want just so long as you fuck me," got a pretty good response from me. However, I think my response might have shocked her more than a little as she found that she'd just saddled up a whirlwind.

Thinking back, I can honestly say that I have never touched a woman (or a girl) that didn't touch me first. That didn't make it plain as plain could be that she wanted my touch. ***shrug*** I've also missed out on some opportunities according to some that would tell me later that they wanted me to touch them. I've never considered any a real loss. After all, I have never had the time, interest, or patience for playing relational roulette or trying to figure out "so, if she brushes her hair behind her ear, is she wanting me to kiss her, or just didn't want it in her eyes?"

Say what you mean and mean what you say, so far as I'm concerned. If they freak and can't handle all of the fabulousness that is you, then that just means you can quit wasting time with them and move on to someone more enjoyable all the sooner.

 

[Conager]

I think the rules for women touching men as it is for men touching women. If it's someone that you are not already intimate with the touch needs to be not only non-sexual but not something that could be interpreted as sexual. This means avoiding potentially erogenous zones. Back of hand or wrist is less intimate than the inside of the wrist or the palm of the hand. Just a few inches from the outside of the knee to an inside of the knee conveys an entirely different intent. Small of back, ok; butt, not ok. For the same reason that a man can't go up and put his hand on a woman's boobs a woman putting her hand on a man's chest is provocative. It implies that you're inviting reciprocity. In your case the hand needed to be outside of thigh with an entire quadricep between you and your goal. We instinctively protect our equipment because it is external and vulnerable to painful injury. It is reflexive- we don't often have some steay incoming snack us because the default is to turn away from incoming.

You can get to any of those places with a stranger but you sure as hell have to start someplace really neutral and gauge their reaction. Do they sidle into you? Do they stiffen up?

A gentle pat on the back of the hand is good. Physical, incidental, "accidental" contact is good involving maybe a limb of yours but not a hand might be less grown-up. Press the outside of your thigh to his, maybe. Maybe hip brush against him. Boob grazes are thrilling, but don't be surprised if that yields you a deer in the headlights look because whenever that happens we're always worried that it was our fault and we're about to get smacked.

 

[Jada59]

My advice, for what it's worth, is to make sure that, before any physical contact is made, permission is asked and given first.

"I'd like to kiss you. May I do that?"

"If you want to kiss me, I'm OK with that."

And I'd refrain from serious groping until you're sure the partner would be comfortable with that. Otherwise, there's a risk of scaring him/her away too soon. Easy does it. And remember that that partner may have a personal history about groping or being groped, and you need to respect that.

But there's really no harm in asking, and much good can come of it.

True. Just seems a bit clinical.

 

[Jada59]

I really despair for this society with the way we are going. Yes, sexual harassment is real and a bad thing. On the other hand, I’ve had somebody telling me that being complimented on her hair or dress - not leering, just “That’s a pretty dress!” - makes them nervous. Really? Women in my day weren’t afraid of sincere compliments; they were taken as intended, as positive and reinforcing.

Jada, dating has changed a bunch, and not for the good I fear. One thing to consider - dating is a process of discovery. You have now discovered that this poor boy is so sh*t-scared that a woman he knows briefly touching (not groping) him makes him deeply uncomfortable.

From that, Jada, you have to ask yourself if this is a boy you actually see yourself with in a developing relationship? You want a tiger, not a pussycat.

I think it safe to say that anyone doing the ‘contractual’ dating thing Jehoram outlines is not somebody I’m going to want to spend much time with. I understand his point and there are some places where such is in vogue and a certain sub society who work that way, but it’s too much like that appalling 50 Shades contract scene. One of the things I looked for when looking for Partner 2.0 was somebody with confidence, boldness and good judgement. Playing relational Simon Says wasn’t on my list.

What are the rules? Well, a woman can give physical hints which are non-threatening for all but the most timid. Being the first to hold hands is a good sign, even for today’s pussycats, that you like him. Putting your arm around his waist as you walk is a good second step. Tilting your face up towards him when you’re saying good night has always been a girl’s invitation for a good night kiss. These are still good clues for any but the most clueless of the broke. If they scare him off, he probably wouldn’t be worth anything anyway.

Go find yourself a tiger.

We already have a relationship. Just not a sexual or romantic one. He actually lives here. He had a GF but she was recently arrested for seriously physically abusing him. I suspected that he was being abused, but he is just now opening up about it.

I am torn in this situation. Yes, he is very appealing to me. I love him and care for him. He knows this, and it's mutual. Just not sure if taking things any further would be a good thing to do. I don't think he is the casual sex type. And I am trying to get him to move out so sex wouldn't help with that. Complicated situation.

 

[Jada59]

Wow... that is really crazy. Not been on the dating scene for over 25 years but the way people are today even us ladies can be accused of sexual harassment. At any rate, flirty talk always works and can be harmless. Things like "you have such beautiful eyes". Even men like that. I am like you in that I am very forward with what I want and not sure most men mind that. My husband likes knowing I wanna fuck or suck his cock.... pretty sure most men would !!! You must have picked the one guy who was feeling he was harassed.

He has extreme anxiety and I expect other issues. I do compliment him.

 

[Jada59]

I think this is a change for the better for society and am leery of those who suggest it’s a change for the worse. If we don’t know if someone wants us to touch them, we shouldn’t touch them. Affirmative consent should make everyone feel better. “I want to kiss you.” Wait for response. “May I kiss you?” “I am so drawn to you...do you feel it, too?” “I want you. Do you want to have sex?” Yes, times have changed. But the change from the “me too movement” should be that no one is being made uncomfortable by unwelcome physical advances. This is a good thing.

Thanks! I have kissed him on the cheek and forehead. Nothing more. He was fine with that except for the one time he turned his head and I got his ear instead. That seemed to upset him.

 

[Jada59]

Oh, I don't know.

"I'm going to come to you for you to use me anyway you want, fuck me anyway that you want just so long as you fuck me," got a pretty good response from me. However, I think my response might have shocked her more than a little as she found that she'd just saddled up a whirlwind.

Thinking back, I can honestly say that I have never touched a woman (or a girl) that didn't touch me first. That didn't make it plain as plain could be that she wanted my touch. ***shrug*** I've also missed out on some opportunities according to some that would tell me later that they wanted me to touch them. I've never considered any a real loss. After all, I have never had the time, interest, or patience for playing relational roulette or trying to figure out "so, if she brushes her hair behind her ear, is she wanting me to kiss her, or just didn't want it in her eyes?"

Say what you mean and mean what you say, so far as I'm concerned. If they freak and can't handle all of the fabulousness that is you, then that just means you can quit wasting time with them and move on to someone more enjoyable all the sooner.

Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

Touch is a very important component for seduction. If you cannot touch a person comfortably, you will not likely bed them.

I was not naturally a touchy-feely person. My only real experience with physical contact with strangers was at dances in my youth which were very proper. I at least had that point of reference though. I could tell when someone was comfortable and at ease with me inside their personal space, and when it felt awkward. My current operating theory is that the difference tends to be the involuntary response that we get to pheromones.

I seem to have recently aged into a new demographic older ladies approach me and chat me up, especially if I am looking over my reading glasses. I've also then offered senior discounts. Not sure how I feel about that. I live near but not in some retirement communities and a reasonably good-looking guy who doesn't use a walker and has all his teeth is kind of a rare commodity.

Three times in the past couple of months strangers have touched me out of the blue. I don't think they were consciously hoping to seduce me, but they were interested. I wasn't. It felt mildly uncomfortable but I was not offended. Twice in stores. One of those accompanied by an odd, probably, but not certainly political opening that sounded like she read me 180° wrong. The other was at a laundromat where I was obviously washing all male clothes, she tapped my arm and said she "hoped my wife appreciated me," after observing what an expert I am at laundering. (She is not wrong about the laundry skills) I told her that I don't recall whether my wife had ever commented on my mad wash-day skillz, but her marrying somebody else seems less than enthused about it.

One of the woman gently slid her hand to the inside of my bicep (I am not irresistibly buff) the others were arm taps. The first was more intrusive because it implies an intimacy we had not developed.

So, about touch.

I'm thinking the rules are likely similar for women touching men as it is for men touching women. If it's someone that you are not already intimate with the touch needs to be not only non-sexual but not something that could be interpreted as sexual. This means avoiding potentially erogenous zones. Back of hand or wrist is less intimate than the inside of the wrist or the palm of the hand. Just a few inches from the outside of the knee to an inside of the knee conveys an entirely different intent. Small of back, ok; butt, not ok. For the same reason that a man can't go up and put his hand on a woman's boobs a woman putting her hand on a man's chest is provocative. It implies that you're inviting reciprocity. In your case the hand needed to be outside of thigh with an entire quadricep between you and your goal. We instinctively protect our equipment because it is external and vulnerable to painful injury. It is reflexive- we don't often have some steay incoming snack us because the default is to turn away from incoming.

You can get to any of those places with a stranger but you sure as hell have to start someplace really neutral and gauge their reaction. Do they sidle into you? Do they stiffen up?

A gentle pat on the back of the hand is good. Physical, incidental, "accidental" contact is good involving maybe a limb of yours but not a hand might be less grown-up. Press the outside of your thigh to his, maybe. Maybe hip brush against him. Boob grazes are thrilling, but don't be surprised if that yields you a deer in the headlights look because whenever that happens we're always worried that it was our fault and we're about to get smacked.

I'm not generally a touchy feely person. My mom used to call me "Touch me not!" I think this stems partially from her touch being painful. We used to call her "Bone woman". She has very bony fingers and sharp poking nails. She used to thump me on the head with her fingernails. And on the rare occasions when she gives a hug, she presses her forearms into your shoulders and squeezes. There is nothing loving or cuddly about her. My dad was physically abusive. So it was a great many years before I stopped recoiling when anyone came near.

Thing is with this particular guy... He loves giving hugs and is really good at it. I even told him that he I never feel uncomfortable when he hugs me. I do hug him too but I always ask first as sometimes he doesn't want one.

I have learned more recently that he came from an abusive background as well and his now ex GF was extremely abusive to him. He is filled with anxiety. We've been talking about that. I guess with him, talking is the way to go,

 

[BertrandRussell]

We already have a relationship. Just not a sexual or romantic one. He actually lives here. He had a GF but she was recently arrested for seriously physically abusing him. I suspected that he was being abused, but he is just now opening up about it.

I am torn in this situation. Yes, he is very appealing to me. I love him and care for him. He knows this, and it's mutual. Just not sure if taking things any further would be a good thing to do. I don't think he is the casual sex type. And I am trying to get him to move out so sex wouldn't help with that. Complicated situation.

He is not ready. Do not have sex with him unless he clearly and unambiguously initiates it.

 

[KimGordon67]

This isn't really relevant to your situation, but I had a related revelation recently. I had a date with a guy who's on the autism spectrum (very high functioning but with some ... well, 'quirks'). In the text-based chat leading up to our first meeting/date, he warned me that he doesn't like strangers touching him, but if he liked someone, he was very tactile. I was really careful when we first met about not engaging in unwarranted physical context ... which is difficult for me, as I'm quite a touchy person. (I found myself patting wait staff on the shoulder as some form of compensation.) A fair way into what was a very fun date, we were walking from one bar to another, and he put his arm around me.
What I realised is that this was a brilliant confirmation that he indeed was into me. (I'm pretty demonstrative, physically and otherwise, so I don't think people are in doubt if I'm into them.)
I'm contemplating making this a new dating guideline - no physical contact, even just innocent things, unless you're definitely into the other person.

 

[Jada59]

He is not ready. Do not have sex with him unless he clearly and unambiguously initiates it.

Thanks! That was my thinking too.

 

[Jada59]

This isn't really relevant to your situation, but I had a related revelation recently. I had a date with a guy who's on the autism spectrum (very high functioning but with some ... well, 'quirks'). In the text-based chat leading up to our first meeting/date, he warned me that he doesn't like strangers touching him, but if he liked someone, he was very tactile. I was really careful when we first met about not engaging in unwarranted physical context ... which is difficult for me, as I'm quite a touchy person. (I found myself patting wait staff on the shoulder as some form of compensation.) A fair way into what was a very fun date, we were walking from one bar to another, and he put his arm around me.
What I realised is that this was a brilliant confirmation that he indeed was into me. (I'm pretty demonstrative, physically and otherwise, so I don't think people are in doubt if I'm into them.)
I'm contemplating making this a new dating guideline - no physical contact, even just innocent things, unless you're definitely into the other person.

Very interesting! I had a recent date with a Mexican guy. He was very touchy right from the start. I didn't mind it at all. But... We were both very into each other,

 

[CandK_inSE]

I was going to respond to this yesterday but never had any actual time. One thing after another and then fell asleep during the football game.

Reading more and seeing what you said about him being physically abused in his previous relationship changes things immensely. Might take any kind of casual sex, heck, even casual touching out of play completely. Unfortunate, because everyone needs some kind of physical contact.

As for the original question, I can answer for what it would be for me. Any dating I did where me and the girl were "into each other" started with facial expressions, smiling, nervous laughter, playful talk. That would lead into touching usually she'd touch my arm, I'd move in closer. We'd start touching each other's legs, thighs. I'd put my arm around her. Something would then trigger a kiss. Sometimes it would stop there, and would pick up on a subsequent date. Other times, the kiss would turn longer, tongue would be involved.

Depending on where we were, the decision would be made who's place to go to, or if we were on a couch, to go to the bedroom, have sex right where we are, etc.

Any time it happened for me, which was not often, it was just kind of natural and I let that guide me. I happen to LOVE getting touched. I really enjoyed it when a girlfriend would touch me, hold my hand, put her hand on my body, etc. I would love to reciprocate.

I was never in a situation where any girl felt pressured by me or me by her.

Been married for the past 13 1/2 years, and been with my wife for the past 15 1/2 or so, so asking and getting sex hasn't come up for quite a while with me.

To be honest, if something ever were to happen to my wife, and I was able to somehow get over her, which would be highly doubtful, I'm not even sure I could negotiate the dating waters of today.

 

[amofiga]

From a guy's standpoint, there have been times when after a couple of dates, I would feel ok to say, "I have some very strong sexual feelings about you and want to take this to the next level but want to know how you feel and what sorts of things you like before wandering into a mine field."

So, I think you could do the same. I've had women on occasion make a first move even as far as when making out had one say, "I want to do you with my mouth." OK... great as far as I'm concerned but I suppose there are guys who might freak out at something blatant. On the other hand having a woman say the same sorts of things as I mentioned above, shouldn't scare a guy off. "You know George, I really think you're great and have some strong physical attraction to you. I'm hoping you feel the same way because taking our relationship to a more erotic level is something I'd like. How do you feel about that?" It's not TOO forward. You aren't reaching into his pants, but it tells him that you see him as more than just a "date". If he doesn't get the message, then find someone else.

In addition, I always preferred getting things like attitudes toward things like oral and anal and light kink out in the open before hand because making a move that the other dislikes can be a real buzz kill. One time I put my finger in a woman's ass while fucking and she freaked out and nearly kicked me out. Best not to have surprises.

 

[Jada59]

I was going to respond to this yesterday but never had any actual time. One thing after another and then fell asleep during the football game.

Reading more and seeing what you said about him being physically abused in his previous relationship changes things immensely. Might take any kind of casual sex, heck, even casual touching out of play completely. Unfortunate, because everyone needs some kind of physical contact.

As for the original question, I can answer for what it would be for me. Any dating I did where me and the girl were "into each other" started with facial expressions, smiling, nervous laughter, playful talk. That would lead into touching usually she'd touch my arm, I'd move in closer. We'd start touching each other's legs, thighs. I'd put my arm around her. Something would then trigger a kiss. Sometimes it would stop there, and would pick up on a subsequent date. Other times, the kiss would turn longer, tongue would be involved.

Depending on where we were, the decision would be made who's place to go to, or if we were on a couch, to go to the bedroom, have sex right where we are, etc.

Any time it happened for me, which was not often, it was just kind of natural and I let that guide me. I happen to LOVE getting touched. I really enjoyed it when a girlfriend would touch me, hold my hand, put her hand on my body, etc. I would love to reciprocate.

I was never in a situation where any girl felt pressured by me or me by her.

Been married for the past 13 1/2 years, and been with my wife for the past 15 1/2 or so, so asking and getting sex hasn't come up for quite a while with me.

To be honest, if something ever were to happen to my wife, and I was able to somehow get over her, which would be highly doubtful, I'm not even sure I could negotiate the dating waters of today.

It's a very different game today to be sure! Thanks for your input!