How young is too young?

[doormouse]

I/we found a baby bird this morning. It was covered in ants... sure to be dead... no nest in sight.

I looked up on the net how to care for it.... hence a blanket and tlc later... eye dropper in hand it ate all day. . almost on the hour.

Shit.... kids go to bed wrapt their pet is alive and it dies....

What would you do.. they're 6 & 7.... do I introduce death of pets? They were too young to understand when Pop passed...

I'm tempted to say I took him to the petshop... or would this be too cruel to decieve them?

HELPPPPPP!!!!!

 

[rgraham666]

Don't lie to them, doormouse.

Death happens, it's a fact of life. The poor thing died, nobody short of God can do anything about it.

I think that maybe you could give it a funeral. Tell your kids it's gone to a better place and is happy now. That might help. Take a bit of the scare away.

*HUGS* to you and your kids.

 

[English Lady]

yeah I say the same too. Let them know that the little fella died but that he's happy now somewhere where theirs lots of worms for tea and other birds to play with.

Keep it simple and I'm sure they'll understand

 

[dreampilot79]

I have to agree... NEVER lie.

I would wait for them to bring the subject up though. If they do... then the funeral isn't such a bad idea.

 

[logophile]

I'm riding the "don't lie" train. Your kids are old enough to figure out the truth even if you don't share it with them. Then, in addition to grieving the missing bird, they're going to have some new trust issues to deal with. Fall/winter is a perfect time to have an introductory talk with kids about death and the great circle. Good luck!

 

[Guest]

I/we found a baby bird this morning. It was covered in ants... sure to be dead... no nest in sight.

I looked up on the net how to care for it.... hence a blanket and tlc later... eye dropper in hand it ate all day. . almost on the hour.

Shit.... kids go to bed wrapt their pet is alive and it dies....

What would you do.. they're 6 & 7.... do I introduce death of pets? They were too young to understand when Pop passed...

I'm tempted to say I took him to the petshop... or would this be too cruel to decieve them?

HELPPPPPP!!!!!

The best thing you can do is just sit them down and calmly explain it to them as best you can. Don't lie to them, they have to learn about death first-hand at some point, and this, in fact, is a very good way. That sounds weird, but it's true.

My two girls are 8 and 6 and they have gone through the passing of two of our cats. The first time they were just 5 and 3, and I explained it to them. They watched as we buried the cat and they understood what had happened.

When it happened again they were 7 and 5, and I handled it exactly the same way. That time they understood even more. That same year their Great Grandad died, and they took his death incredibly well, went to the funeral and so on.

When they were really little I told them Hayley (the cat) had gone, and it was like a very deep sleep, but she would never wake up. I said she'd gone to the stars and if they look hard enough they'll see her twinkle at night.

Lou

 

[wildsweetone]

This may help, doormouse:

Explaining Death of a Pet to a Child

 

[Guest]

i agree with the majority here.
no lying but you can temper it and tell them that they made sure that the bird was comfortable and loved until the end...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

DM,

I'm on the give it too 'em gently but straight.

Just be thankful you don't have to face the problem some friends of ours had when one daughter's cat ate the another daughter's hamster. Now think about having to explain that death.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[R. Richard]

I am late to the thread, but I agee with the vast majority.

Do not lie to a child. Tell them about bird heaven and so on, but tell them that the bird has died despite your best efforts. A bird funeral here would probably help.

JMHO.

 

[Penelope Street]

Yes, tell them!

Kim,

I agree with everyone else. Lying is the worst possible choice.

My dad first explained death to me when I was five. I still remember the conversation. Of course, it is naturally an unsettling thing to learn, but I understood what he was saying. I have always been grateful that he did me the honor of telling me the truth.

My mother, on the other hand, used to fib and/or withhold information to try and spare my feelings. Two instances come to mind almost immediately. Both backfired in, for me, traumatic fashion- my pain being compounded as I understood her deceit.

Perhaps as a result, I am fanatical about being honest with my daughter. I never told her even the 'nice' lies, like Santa Claus. I can't claim that honesty is the only reason, but at sixteen she still asks my opinion on such things as fashion and how to handle teenage social situations. I'm shocked- and thrilled- to still be her confidant as she approaches adulthood. About a year ago she came home from school and asked, "Mom, what's a BJ?" Can't say it was the easiest question I ever had to answer, but I'm sure as hell glad she asked me. And she got the truth. Of course, what do you suppose her next question was? According to her, my face turned the most brilliant red.

But I stray. IMHO, the foundation of any relationship is trust. Doesn't take too much intellect to figure out where that starts.

What you have to do isn't pleasant, but this little bird has left you the perfect opportunity to address the issue in terms your children can understand, even see. Yeah, they'll probably cry. I'd cry with them with them, if I were you.

Anticipate their obvious questions and have the answers ready based on whatever your belief system is. Expect them to ask additional questions over the next several days or even weeks; if they don't, I'd suggest asking them if they have any other questions or concerns.

Best of Luck &
Take Care,
Penny

 

[doormouse]

This may help, doormouse:

Explaining Death of a Pet to a Child

Thanks everyone.

I started this thread too late last night to see the responses, but thanks for the funeral idea.

The girls should be up soon so I'll break it to them gently.

At least the poor little thing didn't die alone

 

[SensualCealy]

Kim, what ever you do , dont tell them the bird was sick!!!
They tend to relate , sick, to death.

Then they get scared that being sick will kill them. Its a childhood thing that they just dont understand and by being honest , that he didnt have enough food or fell out of the tree is what killed the poor thing.

Good luck, C

 

[TheEarl]

Re: Yes, tell them!

Mouse: Agreed with everyone else. I hope they take it well.

About a year ago she came home from school and asked, "Mom, what's a BJ?" Can't say it was the easiest question I ever had to answer, but I'm sure as hell glad she asked me. And she got the truth. Of course, what do you suppose her next question was? According to her, my face turned the most brilliant red.

<The Earl sits there for a second, trying to work out what the next question would be. "Hmmm, what's the natural question after 'What's a BJ?' that would make Penelope blush?"

"What about, 'How do you do it?' No, maybe 'Why would you do it?' No, that's not it. Oh, I know - 'Have you ever....'

The Earl sniggered>

Took me a good few minutes to work it out, but when I did it made me smile. Thanks for the share.

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

This may help, doormouse:

Explaining Death of a Pet to a Child

WSO: Just read that and it's brilliant article. I'd recommend to anyone who's having to deal with a pet die, whether with kids or not.

<Off to mope>

The Earl

 

[minsue]

 

[Bridget69]

I agree with everyone else. You should tell them the truth.

 

[wildsweetone]

WSO: Just read that and it's brilliant article. I'd recommend to anyone who's having to deal with a pet die, whether with kids or not.

<Off to mope>

The Earl

I thought it was good too. I've printed off a copy of it to keep at work for any of the children's parents to photocopy.

I wish I had read it before I had my dog put down a couple of years ago. I'm still left with the knowledge I had to do that and yet I was unable to tell the kids. Silly me.

It would have been more sensible to be open about it.



I hope it all goes well, doormouse.
I think sickness and death is all a part of the natural world and being upfront and basic with the facts is the easiest way to deal with things.

And remember, it's okay to admit that you don't know all the answers.

 

[fifty5]

Go with your own convictions - you know your own kids better than anyone else here.

But if you do decide to lie, make it cast iron - something like "It got better and flew away." 'Back to the petshop' invites 'So can we go and get it back?'

This could be a good way to introduce the idea of death, but it doesn't have to be, if it doesn't need to be.

Eff

 

[doormouse]

Well, the girls had a bit of a cry this morning.

The bird had a quiet funeral (by me) the kids were too distracted by the pet rats I bought them today.

A friend of mine from the States freaked when I said I'd bought rats for pets... don't you guys have them there? Weird lol

 

[sweetnpetite]

When I was a kid, my dad always used to tell us that our pets ran away when they would die. We were still sad that they ran away and hoped for them to return. When we got older, we saw that he told our younger brothers that there pets ran away when they died, and we were old enough to realize what was really happening. Then one day it dawned on me that *my* pets had really died. I felt almost as bad as I would have felt back then- and sort of cheated out of my chance to grieve the loss of my pet, and accept it's finality.

So I'd have to say sticking to the truth is the best. YOu'd be suprised how much your kids will care 20 years later when they realize that 'ran away' really means death.

If the kids are too young to fully understand, it will probably hurt less than you'd think anyway.

(Looks like you've already chosen honesty. Good Choice!)

 

[SensualCealy]

I saw that The Earl had highlighted Penelope's post, after reading it I thought, what the heck would you tell a youngster about a BJ with out telling them too much. ( hadnt read her full post at this point)

I think I would have said, its a peanut butter and jelly sandwich!!

After reading it, wow, your daughter does have alot of confidence and good thing she asked you before she was asked to do it herself!
C

 

[Guest]

Well, the girls had a bit of a cry this morning.

The bird had a quiet funeral (by me) the kids were too distracted by the pet rats I bought them today.

A friend of mine from the States freaked when I said I'd bought rats for pets... don't you guys have them there? Weird lol

Kids bounce back so quick.

Rats make wonderful pets! I don't have any (because I've got three cats and a dog, and they might not mix well), but I'd love to. My soon-to-be-sister-in-law has got a couple and they are gorgeous things - very affectionate, cuddly and playful.

Good choice for pets, DM!

Lou

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Well, the girls had a bit of a cry this morning.

The bird had a quiet funeral (by me) the kids were too distracted by the pet rats I bought them today.

A friend of mine from the States freaked when I said I'd bought rats for pets... don't you guys have them there? Weird lol

Rats make cool pets. My brother had 2 when we were growing up. They're much more fun than hampsters or gerbils because they actually do something. The rats would climb around in their cage, explore, play. When you took them out they would even sit on your shoulder while you walked around.

The gerbils, guini pigs and hampsters I had never did very much. At least not during the day. Really all they ever did was run around in that damn squeeky wheel at 3 in the morning.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Rats make cool pets. My brother had 2 when we were growing up. They're much more fun than hampsters or gerbils because they actually do something. The rats would climb around in their cage, explore, play. When you took them out they would even sit on your shoulder while you walked around.

The gerbils, guini pigs and hampsters I had never did very much. At least not during the day. Really all they ever did was run around in that damn squeeky wheel at 3 in the morning.

YUCK!!!!! Anybody who thinks rats make good pets should have orange squeezins poured all over them and be thrown in an oven..................... about 350 for 45 mins.