How young is too young for BDSM?

[blackwatch1881]

I lost my cheerry when I was 14/15 and was with the same lad till I was 18 it was only once we'd split that I first got into the scene through the internet at college. I can see now that there were always stirrings, but it didnt really show until then.

What I found when I was starting out was that Doms are reluctant to play with younger subs. There were some that I spoke to that said it was down to one being so young that she didnt really know what she wanted. Others felt guilty giving pain to a young lass dispite my obvious enjoyment of it. That most subs they'd played with had been in their late 20's or 30's.

It was frustrating because I felt I had a very mature mind (and body ) I wanted to find a Dom that'd test my limits and push them further to explore it all with but all I seemed to get was players that wanted a young girl to have sex with.

I supose to some degree I was maybe a little too eager in finding someone and that may have frightened a few off. The lessons I learnt I learnt young so now at 23 I have the knowledge on how to approach things differently.

I just wish there had been more to give me the time of day to learn these things. Was I just too young? Am I still too young?

 

[Desdemona]

I don't know the answer. In all honesty, at my age, it seems as if you are so young that you haven't explored all your options. But, I'm not inside your head or heart so, who knows?

 

[dolf]

i think 18 is just old enough...though i'd say 21 for anything extreme...

perhaps you could get to know some Doms on a friendship/mentor basis...if they get to know you and see your maturety then perhaps they will feel a little less uncomfortable about your age???

no hurry after all
xx

 

[graceanne]

Well, I'd say it probably depends on the dom. I can think of a couple of dom's off hand who prefer them young, so they can train them to be how they want. But then others who prefer their subs older, because they know what they like and want and all that. It's just like with anything, one of those you gotta keep looking and communicate. Dating sucks, even when it's bdsm. Good luck. *hugs*

 

[blackwatch1881]

its weird... I'd never really thought Dom hunting as dating lol

(dim I know but ah well)

 

[witcha]

Guess 18 is enough.....but actually most guys (Doms included) I've met were happy with the fact that I'm young..even just to have a normal convo...was and still am some kind of an egotic creature..18-year-old girl enjoying bondage and more not so vanilla things..lol





witcha

 

[esclave_PP]

I would concur with Dolf here, that 18 would and should be base minimum because of the intensity of the M/s relationship. And 21 seems good for anything extreme -- you don't want a sub suing their Master after consenting to extreme play. In anycase, welcome!

 

[group4570]

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[Desdemona]

Guess 18 is enough.....but actually most guys (Doms included) I've met were happy with the fact that I'm young..even just to have a normal convo...was and still am some kind of an egotic creature..18-year-old girl enjoying bondage and more not so vanilla things..lol





witcha

Glad that works out for you. Every age I've been, I've had men who were happy with me at that time. It still holds true now that I'm in my mid 40's and I don't expect it to change for years. Maybe when I'm bent over a cane at the age of 100, I won't be able to find a kinky date. We'll see. LOL

Attracting partners is more about who you are than about how old you are, in my experience.

 

[WriterDom]

Deferring to Ben:



Benjamin Franklin's 8 Reasons to collar an Older sub

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their Conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the Highest part, The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with on old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable of improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

 

[ammre]

I'm 20, i started realizing my submissive tendencies around 18... I used lit to guide me, i've had a small fling or two with some doms, and such but i still haven't found anyone who offers me the kind of relationship i want, so i keep looking. It's frustrating. I'm thinking of taking a break and just being content alone.

 

[Brazen Irish]

There's no quick answer and I believe that such really depends upon the persons involved. Not all 18 year olds, for all they may think themselves mature and ready for a serious D/s relationship, are. The same can be said for people in their twenties, and even perhaps thirties. It's fun to flirt with the exotic and erotic but actually submerging yourself into it can be a frightening thing, especially if it doesn't quite happen as expected. If you think you are ready then it is realy a matter of finding a partner who has the chance to get to know you well enough to form the same opinion.

 

[NCShin]

I think it really just comes down to interests for me.

I would not be interested in an 18yo myself. To me she'd be a kid, even if an adult in the eyes of the law.

I live near a college, so sometimes go to local bars crawling with girls of age 21-24. All of whom to me just seem childish and silly. Sure, some a fun to look at, but I could never imagine myself talking with them much further than over a game of pool.

It comes down to life experience, I do not want a submissive to spank, or humiliate or whatever the kink might be for you. I want a submissive that I can go to dinner with and have a conversation with THEN go home and spank her

 

[Liana26]

i think 18 is just old enough...though i'd say 21 for anything extreme...



xx

What would generally constitute as too extreme?

Usually I don't feel like I'm very qualified to give advice, but IMHO, a young sub might want to try looking for a young Dom. My Dom's only about 2 1/2 years older than me and personally I just think it's nice to be close to the same maturity level. Couldn't imagine being in a relationship, let alone a D/s relationship, with anyone over 24 (I'm 18).

So yeah, try that... a young Dom. No pressure to pretend to be wise beyond your years.

 

[dolf]

What would generally constitute as too extreme?

Usually I don't feel like I'm very qualified to give advice, but IMHO, a young sub might want to try looking for a young Dom. My Dom's only about 2 1/2 years older than me and personally I just think it's nice to be close to the same maturity level. Couldn't imagine being in a relationship, let alone a D/s relationship, with anyone over 24 (I'm 18).

So yeah, try that... a young Dom. No pressure to pretend to be wise beyond your years.

i kinda think the opposite...being so young it might be better to have an experienced man who is less likely to cause damage and trauma.

but that's just how i feel....
xx

 

[Mr Blonde]

The last time this topic was raised, I said that everyone should wait five years after losing their virginity before venturing into BDSM. Obviously that is just my opinion!

My reasons are purely empirical and it would be too much typing to explain all of the heuristics. If it matters, I lost my virginity at 14 and had my first BDSM experience at 18.

 

[BlueSugar]

i kinda think the opposite...being so young it might be better to have an experienced man who is less likely to cause damage and trauma.

but that's just how i feel....
xx

I agree. But its difficult to find a Dom/me who thinks the same thing.

In my relationship M is 4 years older then I, and we're both sort of new to the scene. We aren't Vanilla but we aren't 24/7 or too far into the journey, definetly beginners - but we love every step we're taking. I'd love to have experiences with another couple or group or Dom/me at this point in my life. We both need guidance and all I have is Lit.
Its been wonderful, but there are times we crave more and there isn't anything we can do.

I lost my virginity young. Found Bdsm around 16/17... started playing with it around 18. And then it went dormant till I was 19/20. Then I met M and we've been together since.

 

[Bandit58]

Master turns 52 in February and I turned 46 a couple of months ago. Compared to most women my age I am relatively inexperienced at sex. Any sex, not just BDSM.

So the last 3 years have been an exercise in exploration. Learning what makes me tick. First by online chatting/cyber then in real time. I had only had one sexual partner up until then who was seriously unimaginative. I went from learning how to give a blowjob, to overcoming a hard limit with anal play/sex, satisfying my bi-curiosity in a 3some, even having to learn to "let go" and orgasm with a partner - to meeting Master and moving to Australia where I have experienced female ejaculation, spanking and Domination *whew!* He has been giving me little "tastes" of things in readiness to working up to a full scene soon.

My point.....just because we are older does not mean we are experienced. There is even a thread on the How To board concerning older people who are virgins. I wasn't a virgin, but only one step away

 

[blackwatch1881]

I kinda agree with the whole older Dom thing. Just speaking from my own experience, I found lads closer my own age immaature and very few of them where open minded enough to understand the scene as not just some sort of 'freak' thing.

I think the older Dom has got over the 'cock first' approach and has calmed down slightly and has more control and more willing to spend time concentrating on me as well... maybe its just down to my life time preference of older men. My current partner, part time Dom, is about 20 older than me.

 

[Liana26]

Hmm... now that I think about it, it does seem to make a little more sense to be with someone older and more experienced. I guess I just lucked out in finding one of the only college males that thinks with the brain inside the head more often than the one between his legs. I dunno, to each her own.

 

[ekstasis]

My reasons are purely empirical and it would be too much typing to explain all of the heuristics. If it matters, I lost my virginity at 14 and had my first BDSM experience at 18. [/B]

ok i clearly need to learn how to quote properly... anyway i lost my virginity by choice at age 14... <earlier if you count inappropropriate blah de blah i prefer not to talk about> im 18 now and finding new things all the time and im being trained <online for now> and He is twice my age but He is patient and takes things slow with me and i enjoy every minute of it i must say i cant wait til i learn more and better prepared for a r/t BDSM relationship

 

[Netzach]

Depends on the 18 year old.

35 is too young for some people.

 

[Halo Jumper]

I'm 18 1/2 and been into BDSM since I was 17 but its very hard to find a Master or a Dom and since im so young I feel really awkard around some DOMs mainly because I havent gained that trust factor.

But im slowly learning and im talking to some doms over the net and they say they like em' young so they can mold em.

 

[Etoile]

Depends on the 18 year old.

35 is too young for some people.

Woo! Netzach's is the voice of wisdom once again.

 

[h_i_s]

IMO, as long as the ages involved add up to being *legal* ... age does not have to be a factor. i've known some very mature 18 year olds. i've also known some very immature 20, 30, 40 & 50 year old. It is all dependent on the individuals involved.

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