How would you start a new woman

[NeedYou]

off with this sort of sex play. She is 24 and has had only one lover before me. She is very innocent to sex and did it under her husband. Now that she is free she wants to try new and different things with me. I have had many women in my life and I want to take her further slowly so I don't sacre her off. We have been to one swinging party with 6 other couples. We now want to move on into this way of life. Any sugestions?

 

[Harrowborg]

make sure her tanks filled up, read the service manual...no wait thats i would start a new car...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sheesh, all I can say is if she has been to a swingers party with you and 6 other couples, she ain't too innocent about sex...but maybe she likes you to think she is. Not sure how this all fits in here though...BDSM is not swinging, though many think it is.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Wow!

If she was truly wide open for a swinging party, then it sounds like she really is ready to try new things.

Nothing, beats good communication. A BDSM interest checklist filled out by both of you and compared can be an eye opener and aid communication.

Go slow on introducing new things. Watch her signals. Many times you may find one or both of you pulling back from something. That's okay. This is exploration. You have the time to wait and become comfortable with things as you go along. Communicate with her after everything y'all do together. Have fun.

That's my advice.

Fury

 

[NeedYou]

Thanks for all that wrote. Still not sure how

to start her off. What was the firt thing you had done to you or did to the otherperson. When we attended a swinger party she watched the frist time and i was the only one who got sex. She enjoyed it and the next time she let go and had two men. she loved it and now wnats to do more experimentation. What do you sugggest?

 

[TheRiverWild]

Coming from a woman new to this as well

I am a woman who is new to this as well so perhaps I can give you insight into your partner's perspective.

What would I suggest to start? Research! Read erotic stories together and talk to each other about how it makes you feel. I knew I wanted to explore this area of sexuality because the stories and other erotic materials that really turned me on were in the BDSM arena. Reading together starts the dialogue on what the two of you would and would not like to do. Knowing what she doesn't want - and in particular her knowing that you know what she doesn't want - will make it easier for her to be comfortable with the experience once you get there. It's a safety and personal comfort issue. For that matter, the reverse is true also - what do you want/not want?

I am with a man I trust, and who is experienced (what luck!) so my apprehension is perhaps lower than your partner's would be. Since you are both new, I would suggest reading "how tos" on the subject. I saw another thread on this board with a great many links on the subject. Also, I have not read it myself (yet!), but I understand the book "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns" is an excellent beginners guide. Reading it together would be another way to figure out what you would like and not like to do together and how to go about getting started.

A couple of things the man I am with sound like general good practice as well. He stresses safety as it is too easy to get really hurt if safety is not your first concern. Also, he has made a number of comments regarding personal research and planning on his part so he knows what he wants to do and how he wants to go about it prior to an evening together. This means that he has whatever he needs on hand, that he has practiced things like knots (and how to quickly get out of them), and that he has handled any other materials that will be used so he is comfortable using them.

A word of caution: as another poster pointed out earlier, BDSM is not the same thing as swinging. Be open to the idea that she may like swinging (many women have fantasies about multiple partners) but not be into BDSM.

In that vein, I'd like to offer a piece of general (and admittedly unsolicited) advice: Watch your partner carefull as you discuss all of this. Be absolutely certain that she is excited with the subject and is not just trying to please you. Too many women - especially young women - especially recently divorced (and usually therefore ego-battered) women - will do what pleases the men in their lives because they fear losing them and not because it is what they really want. If you are listening to her, and truly care about her, you will be able to see how she reacts and how she feels. Act on that. (OK. I'm off the soap-box now.)

I hope this is of some help and answers your original question at least a little bit. Good luck to you both and enjoy!

 

[NeedYou]

BDSM is what she told me she would like to try

that was the night after we got home from the last swinging party where she was taken twice. I watched both times and also had sex with someone else. It was a great night for both of us. But now she tells me she is ready and so am I. I thank TheRiverWild and all the others who were nice enough to reply. Can you tell me what the frist thing you did when you were introduce d to BDSM TheRiverWild? Or maybe a couple of them? I will read the info you told me about tomorrow night. Thanks again

 

[TheRiverWild]

You need a Dom's advice

Can you tell me what the frist thing you did when you were introduced to BDSM TheRiverWild? Or maybe a couple of them? I will read the info you told me about tomorrow night. Thanks again

To be honest, I don't remember all that much because I was so wrapped up in the sensuality and newness of it all. As I said, I was with an experienced dom so the evening was of his making. I think the advice of a dom is really what you are looking for.

If you don't get any responses here, may I suggest you look up a local BDSM group? You can meet people, many have special meetings and seminars for beginners, and most certainly you can get the sort of advice you are looking for.

Try these links:
http://www.soj.org/groups.html
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/IR_f.htm

I hope I'm not out of line when I say that it sounds like you are looking for quick answers so you can jump right in. If this is the case, it's just not a good idea. Forgive me, and I know I'm new here, but with both of you new to BDSM it can go so wrong so fast if you aren't prepared. You and your partner can easily end up with a bad experience. Again, my apologies if I'm on the wrong track with that. (Mother Instinct - What can I say?)

 

[_prudence_]

make sure her tanks filled up, read the service manual...no wait thats i would start a new car...

Laughing

 

[LordHawk]

Never spank her ass in the same room you have a Clapper hooked up to the light. (Unless you would like the blinking lights.)

 

[newbie_dom]

Tell us about the swinging party !

 

[FurryFury]

To be honest, I don't remember all that much because I was so wrapped up in the sensuality and newness of it all. As I said, I was with an experienced dom so the evening was of his making. I think the advice of a dom is really what you are looking for.

If you don't get any responses here, may I suggest you look up a local BDSM group? You can meet people, many have special meetings and seminars for beginners, and most certainly you can get the sort of advice you are looking for.

Try these links:
http://www.soj.org/groups.html
http://www.iron-rose.com/IR/IR_f.htm

I hope I'm not out of line when I say that it sounds like you are looking for quick answers so you can jump right in. If this is the case, it's just not a good idea. Forgive me, and I know I'm new here, but with both of you new to BDSM it can go so wrong so fast if you aren't prepared. You and your partner can easily end up with a bad experience. Again, my apologies if I'm on the wrong track with that. (Mother Instinct - What can I say?)

Very good advice IMO. I agree quick answers are dangerous. Communication is the way to go.

Fury

 

[exhi2]

Start here....

Go to the BDSM Library at the top ot the Main BDSM thread list. Find a Checklist you both like/understand in a general way. We filled one out for each of us, two times. Using one color pen for the D/ we wanted to gauge our intrest in, and different pen for the /s in ourselves.

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html

This is the one we used.
Then, talk about the results.
And, if you don't know what to do with some of the answers, use the Library again. We've been loving the library lately

 

[sexslut]

Lord Hawk

stop it with the clapper crap. this is serious. you made me spew

 

[Dread_Pirate_Roberts]

Hmmm, so you experienced the clapper too?
Dread.

 

[Harrowborg]

Go to the BDSM Library at the top ot the Main BDSM thread list. Find a Checklist you both like/understand in a general way. We filled one out for each of us, two times. Using one color pen for the D/ we wanted to gauge our intrest in, and different pen for the /s in ourselves.

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html

This is the one we used.
Then, talk about the results.
And, if you don't know what to do with some of the answers, use the Library again. We've been loving the library lately

thats for posting that. been looking for something like that to try with my partner.

 

[NeedYou]

Thanks to everyone who gave me logical

information. Clapper hehhehe love that one.

 

[LordHawk]

Hmmm, so you experienced the clapper too?
Dread.

Yeah. I thought I had an electrical problem. Talk about ruining a good time.

 

[LordHawk]

On a more serious note, are you looking for practical information (such as how to use a crop, etc) or things of a more emotional nature. Is she going to be your slave or are there going to be times when you play? It can all make a difference in things. Me and my little one don't really have times when we are Master and slave. Master just comes out when he wants. I want to use her, I roll her on her back and push inside. But that is the agreement that we have come to. You should talk to your girl and determine exactly what it is you both are looking for out of this type of relationship.

 

[chris9]

Whatever/whenever you decide to engage in a BDSM activity, go slow. At first a few spanks or firmly guiding her head when she goes down on you or something like it might be enough to test the waters. After that think about how it made you feel, did you like it? Tell her how it made you feel. Find out if she likes it, what she liked particularly about it. If you do too much in too little time none of you have the opportunity to find out what you want.

I don't think following any advice as to a particular first activity works. You have to decide if you want to use pain, commands/obeying orders or anything else with consideration to what you would like to try, what she would like to try, what problems (physical/psychological) there might exist with any activity for one of you.

 

[NeedYou]

I have a friend that hung a nude woman upside

down nude, blindfolded and gagged. Then he hd her cropped by a group. Once she was taken down she was fisted and sucked his cock. She loved it. Any ideas on that? Another time this friend had her bounding completely and keeping her nude with her face painted for hours at a BDSM party. Any other things that you have done with your slave?

 

[Bandit58]

Three years ago I was totally new to any sort of BDSM and most other sexual practices, but was curious and open to exploration as well as being naturally submissive. I met Master online (here at Lit in fact) and He did get me to fill out a checklist - it helped me learn just what is out there in the way of kinks and if I ever wanted to try them

First experience was simply a blowjob but it was all in the way He told me what to do, how to do it and me being on my knees and His hand gripping my hair - total bliss He gradually introduced me to spanking, crops, floggers et al over several months, close to a year in fact. We live together 24/7 and I serve Him in many other ways than sexually. For me it's not just about the kinky sex although like Lord Hawk "Master" comes out as and when He wants

We have been to a couple of play parties but have found it is not really our "thing" - we prefer to keep our D/s between ourselves. What NeedYou describes in his last post is pretty extreme and not something I would want to do even after being with Master for nearly 3 years. But then I am not an exhibitionist and rather shy about public play anyway.

 

[FurryFury]

I have a friend who hung a girl down nude, blindfolded and gagged. Then he hd her cropped by a group. Once she was taken down she was fisted and sucked his cock. She loved it. Any ideas on that?

*Thinks*

Sounds like VERY advanced play by two exhibitionists. one of whom was a masochist.. Also sounds a little like a fantasy being told and not necessarily being done.

I don't get the painting thing, even nude, it makes me think, why and so what? I've even been to a BDSM event where people were bound and painted. It was a good event that I enjoyed. (Not just their faces were painted.) And I still don't get why someone would be kept bound for hours with face painted. Is that even safe?

I don't have a slave so I can't add to the rest.

Fury

 

[NeedYou]

Again thannks for your help here.

The things my friend told me happened at that party I know are true since i have seen the photos. well some anyway. Thanks again we'll use the check list. If any of you would like to post what you do or how you do it please fell free to tell us all. The more ideas we all have the better. Thanks

 

[gluttonne]

i may not be contributing much to this thread by saying this, but i absolutely want to reinforce every response that advises communication. in my opinion, you CANNOT overcommunicate about anything that can injure someone, be it physically, emotionally, mentaly, or spiritually. doing a good checklist, if you haven't been speaking about this at length for months, is a good start. i like and have benefitted from the one at http://www.domsubfriends.com/library/question1.shtml - it was highly beneficial to both myself as a natural but not-so-formalized dom and a more experienced sub, and the discussion following the checklist was helpful too. the sub who got me into the idea of a more formalized D/s relationship and i had better communication than i was used to-and i have ALWAYS been completely adamant about communicating, never allowing my dick to have any interaction with a potential partner before knowing quite well who they are and what they want (and expressing same). there are things that can't really be communicated verbally (like, say, when the mouth is blocked, when there is an understanding that the bottom is not to speak or when my partner is too far gone to be able to control her speech enough to tell me what she needs), and there are things that you can't necessarily talk someone into or out of (each person's needs, the innate chemistry between people, etc) before i met the girl i did that checklist with, i knew at least a few past partners who had SOME leanings toward BDSM, and we practised certain activities and behaviours that are commonly associated with such, but there was never any real formal activity in that vein-and the one i finally did this with and i had such a chemistry naturally upon meeting that it was quite obvious that it made sense for us to head in that direction. good stuff. but anyway.. communication. it cannot be emphasized enough.