How Would You Feel If?

[Saturn Return]

Somebody on here wrote to you in a pm..fully admitting that they lied about something really heavy to the entire board…

But then they proceed to tell you they were going to kill themselves with something in their present possession..

Saying “I’m sorry, good bye forever.”

It’s not Lit Therapy, yeah..I know, but we all have *real life* feelings that would obviously come along with interacting with other souls…online or not.

This is such a mean trip to lay on anybody.

You spend the night thinking..”Well if they do it, they were gonna anyway.”
But in the back of your mind..you are thinking that it sucks that anyone would want to guilt anyone with the threat of taking their own life.

I wrote an extremely well liked, known for their thoughtfulness poster here who told me that I’m not the first to receive a pm like this..and I most likely won’t be the last. That I should ignore this person..who seems to like doing this to people, serially.


Then the very next morning, the poster telling you “good bye forever” is posting like nothing ever happened.

Like they never said this to another human with feelings.

How would this make you feel?

 

[miles]

Not saying I'd do it, but my gut reaction would be to tell everybody on the board so he/she/it wouldn't do it again. It's pretty fucking low.

 

[Gilly Bean]

Used

 

[StondTmplPilot]

I would be pissed!

Not sure what I would do about it, but it sure would piss me off. Anyone who would purposefully deceive another person in this way should be removed from the boards I think. The purpose of the Bulletin Board is not to pull peoples emotional strings, rather it is for people to share ideas, and learn from other people's ideas. At least, thats how I see it

 

[ToddHwrd]

Not saying I'd do it, but my gut reaction would be to tell everybody on the board so he/she/it wouldn't do it again. It's pretty fucking low.

Works for me, I wouldn't let it slide......

 

[kitsuke]

Considering my low aopinion of those who do choose the act of suicide, then threatening it for attention is even worse. Expose them and feel none the worse for it.

To them I say "Coward, fool and idiot... go your way."

 

[Dryfus3368]

Re: I would be pissed!

The purpose of the Bulletin Board is not to pull peoples emotional strings, rather it is for people to share ideas, and learn from other people's ideas. At least, thats how I see it

HEAR HEAR(or is it here here?)


I fully agree. Learn, share, grow. I like lit. it's the best.






Dryfus

 

[TigerClaw]

.............

.............

 

[Rubyfruit]

That's heavy. I don't know what I'd do, Saturn.

What an aweful thing to put somebody through.



Ruby

 

[PacificBlue]

.

I think I misunderstood what the original situation was.

 

[modest mouse]

I think Miles pretty much said my initial thought on the situation.

Playing on another person's emotions like this is simply unfair.

Tiger brings up another option....reporting the act to Laurel. Maybe others who have received similar PMs from the same person could do so as well. Not that Laurel is going to boo the poster but perhaps she can influence him/her to stop that behaviour.

 

[cymbidia]

Darlin'?

Such has never happened to me here but if it did, i'd feel terrible about the person in trouble all that long night, i'd second- and third-guess my choices with regard to them all night long - and after they posted again, apparently normally, i'd be sick with relief for about three seconds before i blew up.

You've been badly used, if such happened to you.

The one who used you in such a manner needs more help than we can give them here - but we can be of some to him/her in a couple ways:

1. We can try to insure that the person doesn't pull such stuff on another person by discussing aloud, repetitively but not obnoxiously, the problems and issues of using the net to prey on the emotions of sympathetic fellow Literoticians.

2. We can offer to the help the afflicted person find local, face-to-face help; there are people here with impressive skills in almost every facet of rl work as well as those of us who can handle detailed net searches for very specific info with admirable aplomb.

You, unfortunately, have to name the person who is in need of our help.

For my part, i'd die a million agonies trying to decide whether to name such a one. Would it help or hurt them? Am i being to harsh in my assessment of thier intent? Perhaps it was a one-time thing, only perpetrated on me, and never to be repeated - is naming them a thing that's necessary then?

But if i thought such a person could benefit from the help the good-hearted people here would offer, and if thought s/he would do this again - to someone less able than me to handle the rollercoaster of emotions involved with riding it out - then i would tell.

Secrecy in this, should telling be of value, may only allow the hurts to continue. Aside from that, anyone who would do such a thing is in incredible pain and screaming for someone to help him/her, in my book.

Tough choice, S.
Glad it's you and not me making it - and i'm sorry it's you, too.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I hate to risk changing the direction here, but...

It is always difficult to tell who's being serious when they threaten to take their lives. Is it for attention or are they being serious? Most of the time it's the one we least suspect and most of the time they don't say anything before they take action.

Its been two years this month since one of my friends killed himself. If he could have only seen the people that cried for him, those that would have helped him. Would he have made the same choice? Suicide leaves those left behind feeling guilty forever. I will never forget that day.

If the person who lied reads this...confess BUT DON'T take your life over it, a permanent response to being temporarily uncomfortable is NOT the answer. If your honestly feeling suicidal...get yourself to an emergency room where they can help stabilize the chemicals in your brain. There is absolutely no shame in that.

I'm in full agreeance, except for two things...well, I don't disagree with any of it, but feel the need to elabotare on it a little.
A person feeling suicidal tends to not mention their feelings about the matter, mostly because they're not crying for help, as most people who threaten to kill themselves are. Real suicide is not about attention, which is why the people we least expect to do it are the ones who end up killing themselves. If not for attention, why mention it? Often, people don't realize the difference, even those who are making the threats tend to confuse the two, convincing themselves they are serious about it just to justify their actions. We all need attention, without exception, and therefore, I'm in no way negating these people. When we feel desperate, we do desperate things. It's the way human beings operate.
In reference to those that cried, those that could have helped him. When feeling suicidal, one goes through an extraordinarily selfish time, not thinking of those around them. Often, they don't realize those people will cry, or even notice that they are gone, and sadly, we live in a world where, sometimes, those who possibly should care do not. I don't mean in any particular case, but possibly in every case. I won't dig into this particular point any further, mostly because I'll go on forever and I've already gone on for quite some time. If you're curious, just ask, I'll share my opinion.

Quote from Kitsuke:

"Considering my low aopinion of those who do choose the act of suicide, then threatening it for attention is even worse. Expose them and feel none the worse for it.

To them I say, "Coward, fool and idiot...go your way." "

In reference to this...people have the right to make certain decisions for themselves, and deciding to live will always be their decision. People wish to have the right to cheat, lie, steal, and sometimes even kill. People who live their lives in those manners are truly cowards. It's easy to make decisions that will hurt others (and all of those things I listed do exactly that, whether we like to admit it or not), but to decide to take one's own life...that takes guts...pure, unadulterated guts. If they choose to kill themselves, there's probably one hell of a good reason for it. Not necessarily something that we would al take so seriously, but something that they feel very serious about. We can't judge them for that. We've no right...

Sorry for the long post, but suicide is something that I take very seriously...

 

[lavender]

 

[Saturn Return]

I do feel like pm’s are on the whole meant to be kept private..as most of us do.

But then again..I got into this because this person does this time and again. I am just the latest.

I realize now that most of you knew he was lying. Some of us were just figuring it out..
PC saw the truth in his lies from the moment he posted.

But nonetheless..
His story hit a nerve deep within me because one of his scenarios really did happen to a loved one.

So, I did something only someone with absolutely no life would do.


I went through his posts..page after page and found every single contradiction. I wrote a thread exposing the lies (yes plural) and then sent it only to him.

I told him that these lies being made up really DO happen to people and they shouldn’t be thrown out to grab at people’s heart and compassion strings. I told him if he didn’t stop…Not for the sake so much as all of you who know he lies but for the sake of all the new people coming in whom haven’t read the long line of lies, that I’d expose him.

Truth?

I’d never post it..I just wanted him to stop..not cause any him more embarrassment.

He wrote back saying that yes he lied about having cancer that he was sorry but now they were going to kill themselves.

The “Good bye forever” was used…causing me to actually feel really horrible for such a lost soul.

I wrote him back with trembling fingers but typing things like.."How could he say that as a threat but really if he really truly meant it he needs to go get help. Walk into a hospital and say you are suicidal."

So then to watch him walk around the board like he never said it..

Relieved me yes ..then yes, made me so pissed that -though many regulars here..okay all the Regulars know he is full of shit-
there will always be people like me..who came in feeling sad and worried for his soul.

----

I stopped writing this post because in the middle of it I received a pm from an amazing woman giving me the advice to just ignore it.

Then I received this exact pm
(please..please forgive me Laurel)

Sent by HARDKOREBJ:
im planning on doing it on my 28 birthday.i just can`t handle it anymore.tata

 

[lobito]

I'd tell HK to stop PMing you, and STOP looking for attention! Assuming that is who it is of course, and that would probably be a good assumption, from the way he act's on this board, and the way you described the situation. Even if it's someone else, then the desicion is yours to make, no matter how much "help" we give you wtih this situation.

Though some people may feel they are can tell someone they don't even know, that they are going to kill themselves, I find it hard to believe that anyone here at Lit would seriously follow through with that "threat".

EDIT -
WOW! you mean I was right? (BIG HUGE GASP!) I was actually writing this post as you posted yours, so I had a BIG laugh when I saw your message about who it was, after mine was posted finally.

 

[lavender]

 

[registered "^^"]

All kinds of nuts on the net

Had someone say to me that they were going to kill themself, just a ploy for attention. Just hope they get help.

 

[Saturn Return]

Yes and yes...

I never take a word said on the net seriously..
And God, I've been on the net..forever.

I moderated Korn's graphic chat site for 2 years..where the word suicide is thrown around like candy.

This is just something that seriously got under my craw...

I apologize for writing all of this to the board..
Heh..bound to get affected by something on the Net.

 

[cymbidia]

We can never feel bad for acting on compassionate and altruistic notions of helping another person, can we? Whether that person actually deserves our help is sometimes beyond our ability to discern - but anyone who tries to help another person really cannot feel bad for trying to do good.

Be pissed, S, that he preyed on your tender emotions in that way - but don't shut off the part of you that responded to what seemed like an agonized plea for help. Sometimes the need is genuine and your words can make a tremendous difference to a soul in pain.

I know that from recent experience.

 

[gridiron]

Not saying I'd do it, but my gut reaction would be to tell everybody on the board so he/she/it wouldn't do it again. It's pretty fucking low.

Agreed, miles.. When someone goes so low as to threaten suicide just go gain attention from people, they really need to have their eyes opened, and more, realize what that kind of shit does to people.. I remember this one chick, who mind you was a total head-case, from AOL that I used to chat with.. She lived in California, and @ the time I was in St. Louis.. She used to tell me frequently how she wanted to die and kill herself.. She wasn't doing this to get my attention, though.. She really meant it.. I remember all those nights I spent, laying in bed, wide-awake, wondering if she actually went through with it.. She never did, of course, and is now happily married, with a baby on the way.. She's a changed person, and I'm glad.. I don't know how I would've reacted if I learned she had actually killed herself..

But to whoever pulled this shit on Saturn - grow the fuck up.. If you wanna die, then die.. Don't drag people into it just for the sake of being under the spotlight.. That's not the kind of glory and gratification you want because then people will realize just what you are - a fuckwad that wants attention and is willing to do anything to get it.. You make me sick..

 

[lobito]

SR, don't feel you have to appologize for bringing this to light, it's actually the first I've heard from anyone getting PM's like that here, but I didn't even have to get far into your fist post to figure out who it was.

You most likely got a PM from him about this, because you mentioned somewhere that you were at some point symathetic to him, and he feeds on that.

I can pretty much guarantee I WON'T be getting any PM's from HK, at least not like that, because I call him out on EVERYTHING he says.

HK is sick, I believe that, just like alot here do, but we can't help him at all. We just continue to feed his need for attention, especially me in some cases. I truely do find entertainment in his posts, as I've mentioned elsewhere, and am NOT likely to STOP posting back to him, even if I'm wasting my breath. HOWEVER, I truely donb't like whoever HK is, because of the fact that he uses everone elses sicknesses to try to draw attention to HIM. That, in and of itself is perhaps the sickest thing he does here at Lit.

 

[Guest]

I’m not using my name because I don’t want people to know, but he did do similar things to me and I just had to get really mean to him. He is a looser to the extreme and it’s hard to feel sorry for him when all he ever says is he just wants friends but this is what he does to people who reach out.
Creep!

 

[HARDKOREBJ]

OK

just to prove all you wrong.i will do it at mid night.i just can`t take the pressure anymore.it is driving me down.
im truly sorry.i will never ever bother any of you on here again.bye and hope you pray for me.i truly need it.if you don`t hear from me then i did the deed tonight.
take care love you all






BANG!

 

[Problem Child]

Re: OK

just to prove all you wrong.i will do it at mid night.i just can`t take the pressure anymore.it is driving me down.
im truly sorry.i will never ever bother any of you on here again.bye and hope you pray for me.i truly need it.if you don`t hear from me then i did the deed tonight.
take care love you all






BANG!

lol...see you tomorrow buddy.