how would you define this?

[warrior queen]

No matter what you say.....You do not NEED sex to survive. If you NEED it, can't live without it.?......then I feel there is something more to this.

no, you are right - i don't need sex to survive.
and yes, i can live without it.

but why the hell should i?

 

[wicked woman]

My first response is a simple 'grow up'.....

My second response is doesn't your word/promise mean anything to you??

My trying to be tactful reply is talk to him...if you were having sex 3-4 times a day and can't see each other for 9 months...is this definite? you can't get together at all?....then you're both having the same withdrawal...so talk to him and discuss how you are both going to deal with this separation. There are all sorts of options open to you that will let you keep your promise...some of them mentioned here...of course they aren't the same as sex with your lover....yeah so.....it won't kill you...l

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

 

[warrior queen]

Um, when did everything said in this thread become directed at you?

The thread Starter is the one who NEEDS sex.


Get over your big bad self.

it's not about me darling,

it's about allowing other people to go out and make their own choices, without having people like you deciding whether or not we've made the right ones.

i say, if the thread starter feels she wants/needs to go out and be fucked senseless, then good on her!
likewise, if she feels she can cope with a little self-lovin' for the next 9 months, that's great too!

either way, it's her choice.

 

[Bobmi357]

i say, if the thread starter feels she wants/needs to go out and be fucked senseless, then good on her!
likewise, if she feels she can cope with a little self-lovin' for the next 9 months, that's great too!

either way, it's her choice.

Quite true.

I can admire a person for living perhaps a more sexual lifestyle than myself. What I find reprehensible is she made a promise and is now seriously considering breaking it.

Its one thing to have an open relationship and excercise your options under that relationship. Its an entirely different thing to have a committed relationship to say you will remain faithful and just because your horny, break your promise to your lover.

A couple of people here have mentioned that the guy is probably fooling around also. More likely he's been stationed in a place like Iraq and he more concerned about surviving each day than he is about getting his rocks off.

Breaking a promise means destroying a trust. And you can't have a relationship if you don't trust the other person. She isn't going to die if she doesn't get laid, her boobs aren't going to fall off, nor will her vagina shrivel up. She's confusing a desire with a need, and as a result planning on breaking a fundamental trust, key to her relationship. At best she'll spend the rest of her life wondering when and if he's going to find out, at worst he'll rightfully boot her to the curb and find a woman he can trust.

My old granddad used to say "A man was only as good as his word.", well bring that into the 2000's and change it to a person instead of "man", its still true. Remaining faithful to your lover isn't easy. The world is fulled with temptations. But if you believe in your relationship, then you do whatever it takes.

The issue here isn't really about cheating, or him being away for 9 months. Its about the worth of a promise she made and her own self esteem should she break that promise.

 

[Jenny _S]

Look... Stop kidding yourself. You need a good hard fuck. If Mr. Narrow-Minded can't deal with that... tough shit!.

Go out and find a fuck buddy, three-some or just a pile and climb on. Get it out of your system. And ask yourself, how many times is this really going to happen in the next 9 months?

 

[James G 5]

I'm sorry to say this, but you do not need to get laid, you want to get laid. They are two entirely different things. We "need" air to breath, we "need" water to survive, we want sex, but can live without it.

True
But not by MUCH
It's the next strongest human drive after food
People CAN go without it, especially if they find something to sublimate the drive in to (a lot of sociological theory I've read on the development of monogamy suggests that lessening gratification of the sex drive was intended by the ruling elite to channel the energies in to people working harder, much like the idea that atheletes shouldn't have sex before competing)
But it can make a lot of people very unhappy, especially if they have very strong drives, and a lot of people turn this in to very unhealthy directions
Masturbation is only a partial relief as it does not contain any element of human contact or intimacy, which is a big part of sex
Most of the folks here who talk about those long "dry spells" will also tell you how unhappy they were, how hard it was to break out of those periods, and all the issues they developed during them
So you don't HAVE to have it
But man it's unpleasant without it

 

[James G 5]

i'm going to get flamed for this...
but hey!
9 months is an awful long time to go without sex!
especially if you're the kind of person that does it 3-4 times a day normally!

masturbation, though fun, is not the same.

so the way i figure it is this....
either you get your sweet little butt over to wherever the hell your man is (if possible),
or-
you suffer and deal with the situation any way you can,
OR -
you go get yourself a fuck-buddy that knows how to keep his mouth shut,
OR -
you leave him.

(me - i'd go for the 3rd option, but then i really am a slut!)

You forgot option 4, negotiate an open relationship, honestly

 

[James G 5]

Wow, she is totally stupid for trusting her deposhot huh?

Also, since she hadn't had a period and didnt trust the depo....they backed up with a condom. Unfortunatly, they put the condom on half way through, and finished with it.....precum has lots of wigglers.


So is she stupid now? nope, 2 forms failed her

The condom didn't fail, they didn't use it properly
she WAS stupid

*edited to add:

No, make that REALLY stupid, as she was risking disease for her & her man by relying on Depo (multiple partners NECESSITATES protection) AND she was stupid for cheating on her husband
Non-monogamy is cool with me, but only if it's open & honest

 

[5pintshefound]

hi, this is LOST5PINTS wife, ive been trolling for a while with him, but this is my first post by myself.

first off, L5P is a sailor, when hes on sea duty - he goes out to sea a lot. from June to Dec of 2000 he was in the mediterrnean. so i totally know what its like to be without my sleep-mate. we have a monogamous relationship.

now, my question to the thread starter is this: Did you come into the relationship as a monogamous relationship or an open one? and What were the expectations of each of you in this relationship?

personally, my husband and i 'lived' off of penthouse books {the ones without the pictures-- so the USPS cant get me for sending pornographic images to a FPOAE address} and for me, a variety of BOB's {battery operated boyfriends}
IF! the relationship is one that you want to keep, and your SO is adamant about being monogamous, then learn to do something else. take a class, get involved in the community...take yoga, or tai-chi...... do something. i agree with whoever said that sex isnt a necessity, its a desire- a want.
or, you could always get a new BOB... remember there are multitudes of vibes & dildos out there... im sure there is something that you havent tried

ooh, and remember -- phone sex is always a fun option... hehe, especially fun, in the aspect that when my SO called, there was always a chance he'd get caught!!!!!

 

[lovechild27]

wow...this got weird.


If the poster had said...gee Im sick of this waiting I wanna go out and fuck...IM sure we would off all advised her to go out and have a kick ass time with who ever she could.

I think James had a good idea with his option four.



And come on...the guys prob in the services...it would just seem to be extra low to cheat on him then...its not like he really has a choice....

 

[wicked woman]

Originally posted by lovechild27
wow...this got weird.


If the poster had said...gee Im sick of this waiting I wanna go out and fuck...IM sure we would off all advised her to go out and have a kick ass time with who ever she could.

Nope not all of us if she's in a committed relationship and promised to stay monogamous.

 

[Bobmi357]

Nope not all of us if she's in a committed relationship and promised to stay monogamous.

I agree.

 

[ReadyOne]

... I am becoming more and more frustrated. I told him all this and he rips me a new one. ... But I can't cheat. I want to just for the sex, but he will leave me and that is just not acceptable to me. ...

Sounds like they discussed being open, and he "rips me a new one".

And she doesn't want to leave.

And of course, toy & stories aren't doing it -- human touch is a lot!

That's a rock & hard place.

It's a tough choice: cheat and probably have it catch up with her, or stay celibate and self-destruct.

None of us seem to see any alternatives other than "tough up; you can make it without sex" or "take another cold shower."

The first costs too much, and seems too easy for people who are not involved to say. The second isn't working.

The Lady has my sympathy!

 

[wicked woman]

The first costs too much, and seems too easy for people who are not involved to say.

Ready One...I know this was a general comment but trust me I know/have experienced what I'm speaking of....more than I care to share.

 

[CWatson]

Originally posted by swtnsasy
What would I call this?????

I was one of the first people to read this thread, but I didn't reply because I wanted to see what other people said first--because I wanted to answer this question with, "This is such a stupid situation that I'm starting to think you're trolling."

First off: I'm going to agree with peachykeen and Bobmi and ask you WHY you "have to get laid." Sex is not a physical need. I have a girlfriend, she has me, we're very much into each other--so much that we're starting to plan each other into our futures, despite having been together for less than three months. We don't have sex. It was her idea, but I'm fine with that. After some amusing dissecting, I realized that the only--the ONLY--reason I WANT to have sex, is because I'm insecure as all get-out, and I figure that if we had taken that step, it means we're really committed. No other reason. The moral? Hormones can be controlled. (And this is after having not had a real conversation with her, much any sort of physical contact, for over two weeks because of how busy she is with school. So, I assure you: you can control your urges.)

I told him all this and he rips me a new one. Very unfair of him.

Actually, it rather is. Why are you still with him? Forgive me for jumping to conclusions, but does the following have anything to do with it?

He is the only one that I have found that can keep up, suprised me once by wearing me out.

In short: Look harder.

I AM being harsh, but that's because I think this is a stupid situation all around. This is clearly something that's very important to you, and you should have been able to talk it out with your man. The fact that you weren't able to, raises all sorts of warning bells in my head.

In any case. Good luck to you.

 

[peachykeen]

Interesting how this thread has evolved.

At the end of the day though, it's clear (to me, because I can only speak for myself) that this isn't about sex. It's about dignity, integrity, and respect between partners.

There is the argument to be made that if the original poster's partner fully respected her and her desires, he would be willing to negotiate a more open relationship where they would each have the option of, well, whatever they wanted the option of. But he's made it clear, apparently, that that is not the kind of relationship he wants to be in.

So if she chooses to say to him "Okay, I will not cheat on you," and then does cheat on him, then I'm sorry but there is just no way in my mind to put a happy face on that and make it seem like a rational option. It makes her a self-centered liar whose word is worth nothing and who clearly has very limited respect for both her own integrity and for her man.

If she says to him "Look I'm sorry but, I love you, I want us to still be together when you get back but the fact is I don't feel I can go that long without sex, so it's up to you if you still want to be with me then or not," then that's acceptable, because she is being an honest adult and there is no deceit. The onus is then on him to decide if this is an arrangement that works for him or not. If it's not, then, maybe it means they don't stay together.

Yeah, 9 months without sex is a drag. BIG DEAL! Get on with it already.

 

[swtnsasy]

thanks to all

Thanks to everyone for telling me there opions. I will think hard on each and every point that was made. A few people here are right, I don't NEED sex. I just crave it more than anything else. I have always done this. My man is out to sea in the service, and he is very young. So I understand why he reacted like he did. But... He knew what I was like, he was a booty call before we decided to get serious. He wants me to go to the Docs to find a pill that will tame my sex drive. He thinks I should be able to just turn it off and I just can't. I have tried new toys, stories, writing my own stories, emails to him, everything I could think of. Now nothing helps. So I sit here wondering if I can over come the urges of fucking. My word to him means alot which is why I wrote to him telling him how I was feeling. I don't know. I am thinking about seeing the doc like he asked. I really don't think that a magic pill will help. It never has for anything else. Anyway... thanks to all.
Swtnsasy

 

[lovechild27]

Nope not all of us if she's in a committed relationship and promised to stay monogamous.

your right...not all of you would.

Sorry for the generalization there.

 

[ReadyOne]

Re: Re: how would you define this?

...

Actually, it rather is. Why are you still with him? Forgive me for jumping to conclusions, but does the following have anything to do with it?

He is the only one that I have found that can keep up, suprised me once by wearing me out.

In short: Look harder.

...

BTW, it only gets worse.

Zillions of women report their sex drive when they are 30-something is a lot more than when they were in their early twenties.

Men seem to slowly slide downwards from late teens until they put on a big burst during their mid-life crisis.

PS: In the Navy town I lived in, it was somewhat of an open secret that "coverage" would sometimes be arraigned for one's partner while on sea duty, frequently between several couples who knew each other.

 

[Carnus]

Ok so it is like this. My man is gone for nine months. I promise not to cheat on him. But..... I need to get laid. How to do that? Masterbation doesn't work any more. The stories here helped at first, but now I am becoming more and more frustrated. I told him all this and he rips me a new one. Very unfair of him. When he was home we were having sex three or four times a day, work permitting. He expected me to be able to turn it all off when he left but I can't.My blood humms in my viens, I am riding the very edge of an orgasim every minute of the day, but getting no closer to going over the edge. Nothing is working for me. I stoped sleeping, I stoped eating, I am getting really bad headaches. I need to get laid.... But I can't cheat. I want to just for the sex, but he will leave me and that is just not acceptable to me. He is the only one that I have found that can keep up, suprised me once by wearing me out. But i have needed sex alot for as long as I have been active. So how do I fix this????What would I call this?????
swtnsasy

Well I read this and now want to ask you something, just a small question. When you promised not to cheat on him did you add anything to it? I promise not to cheat unless I really need to get laid, or I promise not to cheat unless I really really want to. No? So do you love him, want to be with him, and would feel crushed if he called you from wherever he is and said "Ummm you know that promise thing we made? Well I had this urge you see and well I guess that promise was not important" If you really feel as strongly about him as you have made us feel, then deal with your urges, sit on an ice cube, take cold showers, masturbate twice as often, but don't break a promise. There is only one thing we all have in life that no one gave us, or can take from us, our integrity. It is ours and ours alone to cherish or disregard as we see fit. Don't cheat unless you are willing to give him up because if you do then you will give him up, at least a part of him that trusts you.

Carnus

 

[5pintshefound]

Re: thanks to all

Thanks to everyone for telling me there opions. I will think hard on each and every point that was made. A few people here are right, I don't NEED sex. I just crave it more than anything else. I have always done this. My man is out to sea in the service, and he is very young. So I understand why he reacted like he did. But... He knew what I was like, he was a booty call before we decided to get serious. He wants me to go to the Docs to find a pill that will tame my sex drive. He thinks I should be able to just turn it off and I just can't. I have tried new toys, stories, writing my own stories, emails to him, everything I could think of. Now nothing helps. So I sit here wondering if I can over come the urges of fucking. My word to him means alot which is why I wrote to him telling him how I was feeling. I don't know. I am thinking about seeing the doc like he asked. I really don't think that a magic pill will help. It never has for anything else. Anyway... thanks to all.
Swtnsasy

hey hun, dont forget, that onthe boat {at least if its anything like the one that my SO was on} hes hearing horror stories, so that could be a large part of what hes feeling too... also, maybe hes afraid that if you go looking for a fuck buddy, your going to find somebody u like more than him... about a magic pill to take it all away, the only main ones i can think of that surpress sexual urges are anti depressents/anti anxiety meds -- im sure theres probly more out there, but those are the only ones I know of...
if your thinking of seeing a doc, maybe look into a psychologist? could be some underlying problems?
im not saying that you need to be in full time 5 days a week kinda therapy, but sometimes, just talking to somebody completely objective helps... also, remmber that there ARE people out there inthe same situation your in... when my SO was on det, htere was a message boards online for all the navy wives/gfs {he was stationed out of norfolk, va} for the most part it was a good thing... anyway, just some ideas...

 

[mrs.jeepman6]

I'm going to go against the grain here and question the "need to get laid". Contrary to popular opinion, and your feelings. There is no physical reason why you must have sex. You aren't an animal coming into heat and screwing any male you find because you can't control yourself. You can control this. The question really is, do you want to? Or are you perhaps looking for an excuse to go out and cheat? Many people, here and elsewhere have gone for long intervals without sex, settling for masterbation, or even going without. There's no reason why you have to be different. The last three years of my first marriage were like that. Others on this board, have claimed 6 years or more of time without any sex.

You've made a promise. Perhaps you're not married yet, but does your word mean so little? Get yourself a vibrator or a dildo and have a little self induced fun. Start sending your man messages letting him know exactly what you intend to do to him when he gets home.

I strongly suggest you do not succumb to the temptations of really cheating. Explore some of the more racier sides of online chatting, or splurge on some toys. But don't cross that line. You'll not only damage your relationship if he ever finds out, but you'll also end up regretting the decision and your lack of control. I'm sorry to say this, but you do not need to get laid, you want to get laid. They are two entirely different things. We "need" air to breath, we "need" water to survive, we want sex, but can live without it.

Bobmi I have read a lot of your posts over time and have agreed with a lot of your thoughts at least in part and here again I do agree with a lot of what you say but also disagree with part. We as human beings have in that part of our being the urge to procreate. This is why as women we ovulate. The male is always on the prowl, so to speak, for those women that are "in heat." Just like animals. The thing that seperates us from animals is our intelligence.

When my husband and I have been apart for an extended period of time I have had those same urges to go out and get laid but never have because of the vows I have taken and the fact of the matter that I love my husband and do not want to jeopordize my relationship with him. What we have done is before any seperation of any kind we go out toy and porn shopping together. We then set apart time every few days or everyday if necessary to pick up the phone and have phone sex or send emails or any other thing we have to do.

 

[Mysty61]

I think we are all missing the point here, this is a lady who has a real problem and needs help. That help is not if she needs a fuck buddy or not, or if it is right or wrong. It is the need she has for sex. Many of us can control the sex drive, many of us do not understand that for some people this drive can completely take over their life. It is like someone has taken over their mind and body, and there is little if anythink you can do to regain control - one roll in the hay will not take care of it, the need will return, return, and return. I admire swtnsasy for fighting this need for so long. I am not a doctor, but I know what she is going through I was there some years ago - it is a real demon. I think it is like being an alcohlic - you just have to have that drink. I am sure anyone who has tried to quit smoking has been in a similar situation. I was able to get it under control, but not without a big battle, and still have to watch myself at times. I am not sure there are any magic pills the doctor can give you, there are pills that do lower sex drive, but they are designed for other things and may not be right for you. Is there anyone on the base where you can go for help, for someone to talk to? Most towns have Sexalcoholics Anonymous which you might try contacting. Yes we can get along without sex, but as swtnsasy is finding out it is not going to be like turning off the water tap, or finding a substitute. However, if you really want to it can be done, and you can do it. You will need a lot of support, direction, and people you can talk to. Get yourself a support group that you can turn to at any time, they will be very important. I think people on this board once they understand what you are going through can be very helpful. I think you feel your relationship is worth keeping so your the battle will be difficult, the rewards will be well worth it. One thing to remeber if you do not fight the war now it is going to be there to be fought some other time. As "they" say you can pay me now or you can pay me later. Good luck I know you can do it!!!!