HOW TO WRITE, the JBJ way.

[NOIRTRASH]

Youll never be half the writer TACOBELLE is, it aint gonna happen. Writers like TACOBELLE are made by God, to keep us humble. The TACOBELLE way is straight from God's lips top your ears.

The JBJ Way assumes youre fallible and err.

Don't confuse the JBJ Way with the SNOWFLAKE METHOD where you scribble all the nonsense you shit from your mind. SNOWFLAKE prose ranges from schizophremic word salad to head scratching puzzles.

The JBJ Way assumes you have something to say. It way mot be polished and brilliant like a WALMART diamond, but its something to work with. Its clay not shit or Playdough.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON ONE.

Don't hide a penis up her skirt.

Readers don't like unpleasant surprises. About 40 years ago my friend Bruno told me about a date he had while in port at Brooklyn. He and a pal picked up two honies at a Brooklyn bar. They danced and got drunk and ate and decided to get a motel room.

In the taxi they necked etc. until the pal put his hand up his date's thigh. Then shouted, BRUNO! THIS BITCH GOT BALLS!

Let the reader discover something better.

 

[Nezhul]

Let the reader discover something better.

Two penises?

 

[NOIRTRASH]

WRITERS BLOCK does not exist unless youre in a coma or asleep.

Writers blovk is commonly a head fulla nuthin.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

Yeah I'm not entirely convinced about 'writer's block.'

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON 2

Identify what you contribute to the feast and leave the pimentos, pickled cactus, and kidney beans in the pantry.

here's a perfect example::

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOgrqZs2L2k

I never heard Mozart till I heard this.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

If your forte is brats and burgers avoid gourmet fare. Make the best brats and burgers you can.

My thing is sarcasm, I come from the worlds champion sarcasm masters and sarcasm drips from my nicotine stained fingers.

Take Shakespeare's MORE THAN KIN AND LESS THAN KIND. My offering involves a stud who says his sexual gifts are MORE THAN GOOD BUT LESS THAN GOD. In the same story a wife complains that her husband NEEDS A FIN GER UP HIS ASS IN BED TO HELP HIM BE INTERESTED IN ME. Dr Samuel Johnson and Mark Twain are kin of mine.

Johnson daddy and my ancestor were brothers.
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/samuel_johnson.html

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON 3

U se whatever falls onto your lap.

Two days ago I learned why my high school sweetheart dumped me and married a boring dweeb like her father. My old love was beautifyl and smart but couldn't get a date till I came along. I treated her like the Queen of Christmas and her mom loved me. But my love dumped me a week before we graduated then spent the whole summer dateless. The obly date she in college was the ellroy she married. And he's a prince in all the ways that matter but not exciting. I met him. He's a CPA like her daddy. My daddy was in organized crime.

Anyway, my old love is a whore for status. And she thought I was one of Charles Dickens lesser characters. In fact my pedigree includes Jesus and almost everyone who ever mattered. Webuilt Western Civilization, America, and this state, and she got the idea I was cheap plaster PILETTE. I could build a masterpiece from her silliness. 50 years later her hubby looks like he died and is awaiting official notice. My old love sent me a FACEBOOK message that I look good. But who wants a 68 year old bag.

 

[lovecraft68]

Going by this thread I would assume the method is talking to yourself.

 

[Nezhul]

Going by this thread I would assume the method is talking to yourself.

Shh!
Be quiet. Everyone else are listening attentively.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Going by this thread I would assume the method is talking to yourself.

If I thropw a circle jerk and nobody comes, I don't let it stop the fun.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON 4

Add humor

“He ain’t gonna like that you been fucking a white guy,” I suggested.

“Kiss my ass. He can’t get it up unless I stick a finger up his ass. Spend the night with me. Please?”

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I guess LOVECRAFT aint into circle jerks these days. But where is TACOBELLE? TACOBELLE invented circle jerks and cluster fucks.

 

[Nezhul]

That joke was so hilarious I couldn't even laugh!

 

[NOIRTRASH]

CIRCLE JERKS AND CLUSTERFUCKS, by invitation only

My vision is mostly gone anymore, tho I can function to a limited degree, its too much trouble to wade thru 95% of the trash at AH. So I intend to toss pearls at swine here.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON 5

Be a pack rat.

I throw no writing away. Its pieces are useful and save time when nothing else will do.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

LESSON 6

I collect snippets of speech. Not from TACOBELLE or SUGARDADDY, but from real people unblemished by drugs, bad whisky, and mental disorders.

 

[holliday1960]

.....

 

[NOIRTRASH]

well, that leaves me out, I guess...damn, and I thought you liked my sarcasm, too. It's one of my more endearing traits. But, don't quote me on that.

I'm always surorised at who says they hate circle jerks then attends all of them.

Your sarcasm isn't the really good stuff. Time for a new and better teacher.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4547007/

Music and prose may be kissin cousins or asshole buddies,

I like the suggestion that empathy is common emotions music and prose elicit. Assclowns are rarely able to indicaqte what empathy is.

 

[lovecraft68]

LESSON 5

Be a pack rat.

I throw no writing away. Its pieces are useful and save time when nothing else will do.

I have a folder marked 'remnants' where I stick stuff that I once thought would fit in a story then dropped during editing.

Maybe someday for a joke I'll try to paste it all together into a frankenstory

 

[Areala-chan]

I have a folder marked 'remnants' where I stick stuff that I once thought would fit in a story then dropped during editing.

Maybe someday for a joke I'll try to paste it all together into a frankenstory

As long as it turns out better than your avatar. Yeesh...!

 

[lovecraft68]

As long as it turns out better than your avatar. Yeesh...!

I have a 24x36 poster of that on my wall in my office bought it last month at the RI Terror con

 

[ElectricBlue]

My vision is mostly gone anymore, tho I can function to a limited degree, its too much trouble to wade thru 95% of the trash at AH. So I intend to toss pearls at swine here.

We're pigs at the trough, kiddies around the campfire, we're the five percenters, catching turds and jewels as they drop. It ain't illuminating like the sun, more the scratch of a match in a dark pit, but even a glimmer is better than darkness.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny

drugs, bad whisky, and mental disorders.

Is one outta three good?