How to understand Women, Orgasms and when they are turned on...

[justregularjoe]

I want to know how women can have orgasms if they are having a bad sexual experience.

As a guy who has had a few years of experience with women and their orgasms I have known a few women that did not have orgasms during intercourse. Never a problem because I love to touch, kiss, hug, talk, lick, nibble, bite and listen to a woman when she tells me what turns her on at any given moment

A ladyfriend of mine recently had a sexual encounter with a man (one night stand) and had multiple orgasms during intercourse with him. The intercourse lasted around an hour (he had trouble cumming but enough stamina to take a few minute or two breaks and keep it up for an hour before he did cum)

My ladyfriend told me she had "a few orgasms" while fucking. (later she said 3 or 4) But she also told me it was a negative experience. She said she wasn't really turned on and he didn't really do much as far as foreplay beyond kissing her (which she said she didn't want him to to...though not to him...just when telling me afterwards) She told me he hurt her a bit. (not serious hurt just hard and fast while hitting bottom which caused her to be less turned on)

Pretty much everything she told me sounded like it was a negative experience. But she had multiple orgasms. This is pretty darn confusing. How can a woman cum multiple times during intercourse if they are having a crappy time with the guy?

Something seems amiss....

Can any women elaborate or share how they can cum multiple times during a negative sexual experience?

 

[amofiga]

Regular Joe

I'm not a woman, but I'll relay something a lady friend of mine told me about sex, orgasms, and one night stands as well as some personal experience. This particular friend does not often cum with her husband and very rarely came when fucking with other men she was involved with "romantically" in her past. Often, she'd have to end up doing herself with her own hand or vibrator. However, one time, she had a one night stand with a guy and not only came like a banshee, but squirted. The only time in her life.

She attributes it to the special situation afforded by a one night stand; that being abandonment of inhibition and really not caring what the other partner felt or needed. She went with the the guy because she was horny and just wanted to get laid. She had no emotional tie to him and frankly didn't care about him. He was a tool, a living breathing dildo which she was using to get off in whatever manner made her feel good. In effect, it was her masturbating with the guy's cock.

So, given that women usually cum when masturbating, a one night stand where the guy is just a masturbation tool might fit the bill for cumming. If she likes somebody, has concerns that he might not like her if she acts too animal and too slutty, it becomes a source of inhibition. It's similar to a guy who can't get an erection with a woman he really loves and really wants to please and is worried that if he doesn't do enough to please her, he'll lose her. He starts "thinking" too much and not just letting his hormones take over. Performance anxiety and.....bingo......limp dick.

I'm not a psychologist but I think some of the appeal of one night stands, especially for women, is that it's a form of anonymity. They can "be somebody else" for that evening. They can be the "slut" that hides within them but are afraid to let loose with people that matter to them. I had a married lady friend that could have intense orgasms with me and even squirt but she never did with her husband. He was a guy that was pretty straight and pretty much intimidated her and judged her if she really let go sexually. I gave her a different attitude and a different dynamic in which she could "go for it" with no judgment. So, I can understand what your friend was saying about the one night stand. That's just my observation based on conversations with a fair number of women.

 

[Primalex]

Something seems amiss....

Imagine getting a blowjob from a guy when you are straight.


Problem solved.

 

[justregularjoe]

No women have a take?

So far two men replied. I can search my own testosterone addled brain for that.

No women have anything....Something....?

 

[fire_breeze]

I want to know how women can have orgasms if they are having a bad sexual experience.

As a guy who has had a few years of experience with women and their orgasms I have known a few women that did not have orgasms during intercourse. Never a problem because I love to touch, kiss, hug, talk, lick, nibble, bite and listen to a woman when she tells me what turns her on at any given moment

A ladyfriend of mine recently had a sexual encounter with a man (one night stand) and had multiple orgasms during intercourse with him. The intercourse lasted around an hour (he had trouble cumming but enough stamina to take a few minute or two breaks and keep it up for an hour before he did cum)

My ladyfriend told me she had "a few orgasms" while fucking. (later she said 3 or 4) But she also told me it was a negative experience. She said she wasn't really turned on and he didn't really do much as far as foreplay beyond kissing her (which she said she didn't want him to to...though not to him...just when telling me afterwards) She told me he hurt her a bit. (not serious hurt just hard and fast while hitting bottom which caused her to be less turned on)

Pretty much everything she told me sounded like it was a negative experience. But she had multiple orgasms. This is pretty darn confusing. How can a woman cum multiple times during intercourse if they are having a crappy time with the guy?

Something seems amiss....

Can any women elaborate or share how they can cum multiple times during a negative sexual experience?

So far two men replied. I can search my own testosterone addled brain for that.

No women have anything....Something....?

A woman's take? Fine.

First off, let us define what an orgasm is: An orgasm is a simple release of built up tension in a sexual act: nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, it is possible to cum without having any emotional arousal or without enjoying it. Like for many men, this type of orgasm is a purely physical response and there is very little emotional attachment to it. Sometimes, you cannot help but orgasm even if you don't like it. I can't explain it any better than that, but please know that there has been reports of women being raped who have orgasmed. Did they enjoy the act? I seriously doubt it.
And if she's experienced multiples, then the likelihood is the combination of the thrill of a one-night stand, nerves and just hitting the trigger. Again, do not assume that just because she experienced multiples that she is lying and actually enjoyed it. It was probably a purely physical reaction, without any emotional enjoyment.

So, yes, your friend is probably telling the truth when she told you that she came and she derived very little pleasure from it, probably because he hit her physical triggers and most probably through that triggers it set off her release of built up tension and release of adrenaline.

And no, it's not enjoyable. At all.

 

[box13]

This thread may prove entertaining.

Men: "Women, can you explain yourselves? We men can't understand you."

Women: "Wah-wha-wha, wha-wah...wha-wha-wha-wha...." (sounding like that teacher in all the Charlie Brown cartoons)

Men: "OK, now I understand." (not wishing to look anymore fucking stupid than we already are.)

I suspect however, that the answer to your question is as simple as "At the time, I was horny, and I thought it was a good idea." Let's wait and see what the jury says, however.

 

[stickygirl]

As Fire Breeze said, orgasms are a physical thing and if there's no emotional involvement, then it's a bit like winning an one horse race. Don't you guys have different orgasms like 'Hmm ok - emptied the bag' 'Wow - that was electric' and then 'Holy fuckanory what just happened to me?'
I get the impression for men there's a sense of reassurance each time they come, as though you were ticking a box to say 'Yup - it still works'. Men generally will try so hard to make sure a woman orgasms but in doing so lose sight of their own feelings, which is why women will fake their orgasm: to keep him happy. That isn't duplicitious, its just sometimes the cuddles are enough and your head doesn't feel right for orgasms.
Since I am not a cis-gendered woman I can't give you a fully-featured analysis, only how I feel about it and what other women have told me so I'll interested to hear their views too.

 

[justregularjoe]

Thanks....

fire_breeze and stickygirl thank you for your responses.

I think I can wrap my head around that pent up orgasmic release from sexual tension part. Sure getting off once because its been awhile is probably a physical release.

What seemed amiss to me was the "I had multiple Orgasms" part. Yet it was a terrible experience.

 

[amofiga]

As Fire Breeze said, orgasms are a physical thing and if there's no emotional involvement, then it's a bit like winning an one horse race. Don't you guys have different orgasms like 'Hmm ok - emptied the bag' 'Wow - that was electric' and then 'Holy fuckanory what just happened to me?'
I get the impression for men there's a sense of reassurance each time they come, as though you were ticking a box to say 'Yup - it still works'. Men generally will try so hard to make sure a woman orgasms but in doing so lose sight of their own feelings, which is why women will fake their orgasm: to keep him happy. That isn't duplicitious, its just sometimes the cuddles are enough and your head doesn't feel right for orgasms.
Since I am not a cis-gendered woman I can't give you a fully-featured analysis, only how I feel about it and what other women have told me so I'll interested to hear their views too.

Sticky girl

Just for the record, I can agree that sexual contact and sharing isn't always about orgasm. It is possible, (been there done that), for a man to enjoy sex without cumming just as some women can. There have been times when either I've been quite tired or perhaps had cum earlier and couldn't build up to it again, that I've enjoyed both giving and receiving oral and even fucking without the "outcum" being ejaculation. Perhaps I'm not like all men, or most men, that equate sex with mandatory ejaculation. The enjoyment of the smells and tastes and sounds as well as the tactical sensations of penetration can be quite erotic and sensual unto themselves. Orgasms/ejaculation are easily produced by one's own hand if desired. The sensual, erotic, and even sometimes romantic pleasures of sexual contact can be a joy unto themselves and don't absolutely have to end in orgasm. Sometimes the sustained level of tingly tension is a reward unto itself.

My point in my earlier message related to the OP's friend that came in a one night stand versus not cumming in other encounters is that, sometimes the ability to cum or the orgasmic response is "BECAUSE of the anonymity and animal inhibition rather than despite of it. Been there done that also.

 

[Primalex]

So far two men replied. I can search my own testosterone addled brain for that.

Oh sorry, my fault. I suspected there was none.

 

[Aphro]

I can give myself an orgasm whenever I want. I can get there in about ten minutes. Sometimes, I can have two, or three, if I feel like it.

Those are never as satisfying as the ones I have with my husband.

Because, it's not just about the orgasm. It's the build up, it is the sharing, the give and take, the stuff that makes the whole time with that person special and exciting, not just the orgasm in and of itself.

I would imagine the same would hold true for a man. Do you find jacking off as much fun as having an orgasm with a female partner? I will hazard a guess and say no. And I am pretty sure that, even if a man has "bad" sex...i.e. a woman who just lies there and looks at the ceiling while he fucks her...he still comes, but would probably say afterwards that it was not as satisfying as having sex and an orgasm with a woman who was a wild, horny animal in bed.

That's my two cents, anyway.

 

[stickygirl]

Sticky girl

Just for the record, I can agree that sexual contact and sharing isn't always about orgasm. It is possible, (been there done that), for a man to enjoy sex without cumming just as some women can. There have been times when either I've been quite tired or perhaps had cum earlier and couldn't build up to it again, that I've enjoyed both giving and receiving oral and even fucking without the "outcum" being ejaculation. Perhaps I'm not like all men, or most men, that equate sex with mandatory ejaculation. The enjoyment of the smells and tastes and sounds as well as the tactical sensations of penetration can be quite erotic and sensual unto themselves. Orgasms/ejaculation are easily produced by one's own hand if desired. The sensual, erotic, and even sometimes romantic pleasures of sexual contact can be a joy unto themselves and don't absolutely have to end in orgasm. Sometimes the sustained level of tingly tension is a reward unto itself.

My point in my earlier message related to the OP's friend that came in a one night stand versus not cumming in other encounters is that, sometimes the ability to cum or the orgasmic response is "BECAUSE of the anonymity and animal inhibition rather than despite of it. Been there done that also.

So many of Lit posts relate to sex for the sake of it, so perhaps I had that in mind in my reply. With so many different personalities and orientations it's nearly impossible to cover every eventuality in one reply - thank you cutting me some slack there!
Maybe it was the chemistry that made her go for it, but with a head full of misgivings? You suggest that maybe people can "be someone else" for the evening but I would contest that that is possible: once you're laying on your back with some guy huffing and puffing in your face, any delusional thoughts would quickly evaporate! To that extent she could physically orgasm but feel bad for pretending to be slutty in the first place

 

[jason28053]

I can give myself an orgasm whenever I want. I can get there in about ten minutes. Sometimes, I can have two, or three, if I feel like it.

Those are never as satisfying as the ones I have with my husband.

Because, it's not just about the orgasm. It's the build up, it is the sharing, the give and take, the stuff that makes the whole time with that person special and exciting, not just the orgasm in and of itself.

I would imagine the same would hold true for a man. Do you find jacking off as much fun as having an orgasm with a female partner? I will hazard a guess and say no. And I am pretty sure that, even if a man has "bad" sex...i.e. a woman who just lies there and looks at the ceiling while he fucks her...he still comes, but would probably say afterwards that it was not as satisfying as having sex and an orgasm with a woman who was a wild, horny animal in bed.

That's my two cents, anyway.

I prefer wild and horny. Also there is something more arousing when a woman strokes your cock vs. when you do it yourself.

 

[stickygirl]

I prefer wild and horny. Also there is something more arousing when a woman strokes your cock vs. when you do it yourself.

Goshamighty, is that so. Ok, now what were we talking about

 

[jason28053]

was just answering the questions by Aphroditiac

 

[stickygirl]

was just answering the questions by Aphroditiac

whatever

 

[jason28053]

thanks! I guess now you can get back to the original intent of this thread

 

[stickygirl]

meoowww

 

[fire_breeze]

fire_breeze and stickygirl thank you for your responses.

I think I can wrap my head around that pent up orgasmic release from sexual tension part. Sure getting off once because its been awhile is probably a physical release.

What seemed amiss to me was the "I had multiple Orgasms" part. Yet it was a terrible experience.

Yes, even multiples can be a terrible experience. Remember, that while for many women not being emotionally involved can hinder an orgasm, it is no guarantee that she will not cum.

Just because she had an orgasm does not mean she enjoyed it, this goes for multiples as well. Think of it as a nervous laugh.

You said that you can wrap your head around the fact that some orgasms are pent-up release of tension. Well, imagine a scenario with huge pent up tensions and releasing said tensions because the right parts are stimulated. Some people laugh when tickled even if they do not want to be tickled, they do not even like the person tickling them, and yet, if the tickler won't stop tickling, the ticklee cannot stop laughing even when s/he wants to. The said tickling session, despite the fact that the ticklee is laughing, is not enjoyable because the tension and the right spots are being tickled.

Stupid comparison, but it works.

Orgasms are tricky things and there is no one size fits all. But yes, not all orgasms are pleasurable.

 

[justregularjoe]

Makes sense...

fire_breeze I wish you were my teacher in high school. You may think your choice of using tickling is silly but it got through to my feeble brain. Thank you

 

[MILFSauce]

What seemed stranger to me than the "anonymity factor" was that she said he hurt her. Speaking for myself, if I'm in pain down there, there's no freaking way I would orgasm.

But it's definitely true that female orgasms can be mysterious things. The first time I ever orgasm'd from intercourse, for instance, it was with a man I'd been seeing for a while, and while sex with him was good, I hadn't orgasm'd from penetration, and furthermore had no expectations that I would.

But this one particular night, he entered me, and within 10 seconds I was bucking like I had a bee under my saddle. I couldn't believe it. Surprised the living bejeezus out of me. There was nothing different about that night that I could tell. So sometimes you just never know.

Another point I wanted to make is ... her situation may also have something to do with her age and overall level of sexual experience. I think when I was younger, the "anonymity factor" may have been more pronounced than it is now. All orgasms are not created equal, and I now know that orgasms with a man I love leave everything else far behind. There is no aphrodisiac like being madly in love. It's the ultimate turn-on.

So for me, while I could probably still enjoy sex with a stranger, I rarely if ever do it anymore because I know there's something much, much better.

 

[shiny5437]

As Fire Breeze said, orgasms are a physical thing and if there's no emotional involvement, then it's a bit like winning an one horse race. Don't you guys have different orgasms like 'Hmm ok - emptied the bag' 'Wow - that was electric' and then 'Holy fuckanory what just happened to me?'

This is so true. It's easy for most guys to come, but it's very easy to have a crap orgasm. Quality takes a bit more. As Chris Rock said, "Just because he came, doesn't mean you made him come".

As far the OP goes, I guess it's one thing to have the body go through the physical process of orgasm (eg the muscular contractions side of things) but this doesn't necessarily mean they felt good in the same way a guy can ejaculate but it doesn't always feel good.