How to start swinging?

[jim0907]

I have discussed swinging with my wife and she is generally not interested but after a few drinks makes insinuating comments regarding this and would become involved if given the right environment. So my question is how can I get it started? As in where, how, who starts it, what moves to make etc

 

[goodlife3738]

I have discussed swinging with my wife and she is generally not interested but after a few drinks makes insinuating comments regarding this and would become involved if given the right environment. So my question is how can I get it started? As in where, how, who starts it, what moves to make etc

Most swingers join an online community to meet other swingers in their area. You can also go to a club, they have swing clubs in most major cities.

But you definitely have to discuss things with your wife beforehand. Most swingers will not play with someone who needs to drink in excess to feel comfortable. So if your wife is only interested when she has had a lot to drink, then I don't believe she is ready.

Also, you need to think long and hard about making a move like this. The fantasy is very hot to discuss when you are burning up the sheets, but you want to make sure that you are both prepared for any repercussions that might arise from opening up your sex life to other people.

I suggest doing some reading: Swingers Handbook, and discuss all the options with your wife before you jump into anything.

Swinging is hot and sexy, but anytime you open up your bedroom to people, there are a lot of issues that can arise. It's not exactly like the steamy stories we read on this site. Real life is not that simple. Inform yourself of all the options, and play smart.

 

[SweetErika]

I have discussed swinging with my wife and she is generally not interested but after a few drinks makes insinuating comments regarding this and would become involved if given the right environment. So my question is how can I get it started? As in where, how, who starts it, what moves to make etc

If she's not interested totally sober, you've got a recipe for disaster on your hands. Seriously. Even many people who ARE totally into it when they're sober have trouble during or in the aftermath. Ask yourself if this is a fantasy that's worth risking your relationship for, because that's just one likely consequence (the other major ones are ruining the fantasy, unplanned pregnancy and getting STIs).

However, have you asked her if there is anything related to the fantasy that she would be comfortable with? For instance, maybe she'd be good with dancing or flirting with other people, having sex with you in the same room as others, some form of exhibitionism and/or voyeurism, light or heavy petting with others, etc. Compromise may be the key here, and you definitely want to stay within her comfort zone and go at her pace.

 

[PublicAffection]

Buy a jungle gym and hope for the best.

Seriously though, SweetErika is spot on. If she isn't open to exploring swinging on her own while sober than it is highly likely that such an adventure will not end well. Using your imagination to include it in fantasy scenarios/role play with just the two of you is much more likely to go well.

 

[jim0907]

She likes to flirt a lot and one time at a night club I told her I wanted her to let a guy feel her up on the dance floor. She had a few drinks and danced with a few guys. She said this one guy was feeling her arse and she could feel his hard dick in his pants but she came over to me to rescue her as the guy was going to kiss her. The guy rubbed her pussy a bit and then we went home real drunk and had sex. This was the most we have ever done.

 

[SweetErika]

She likes to flirt a lot and one time at a night club I told her I wanted her to let a guy feel her up on the dance floor. She had a few drinks and danced with a few guys. She said this one guy was feeling her arse and she could feel his hard dick in his pants but she came over to me to rescue her as the guy was going to kiss her. The guy rubbed her pussy a bit and then we went home real drunk and had sex. This was the most we have ever done.

OK, so if she needed rescuing from a guy who wanted to kiss her when she was drunk, what makes you think she'd be open to both of you having sex with other people, especially when she's sober?

What's the main motivation behind swinging for you? Is it watching your wife have encounters with other people? That you'd get to be sexual with others without the baggage of cheating? Or something else?

In your original post, you said you think your wife would swing under the right circumstances. What are those circumstances in your mind, and/or what do you think it would take for her to be completely enthusiastic about swinging before, during and after an encounter?

 

[subwannabe]

I guess I have to jump on the bandwagon here. You probably don't want to hear this but it really sounds to me like neither you nor her are capable of doing something out of the ordinary (like experimenting sexually) without drinking to break down your inhibitions. This is a bad sign in more than just sexual ways. The people here on this particular forum, even though they are ok with just about anything, are very responsible people with good morals. This will blow up in your face like getting a lit match too close to gasoline unless you can drop the alcohol as a means of removing your inhibitions.

Before writing this my first thought was to recommend being sober and getting her really horny and seeing how she felt about all this at that time. If she still has to be drinking to feel this way then you are better off not going down this road at this time.

 

[nakdsub]

Personally, to me you just sound like a selfish bastard

Sorry, but you do. I sounds to me like you want to FORCE your wife into fulfilling your fantasy. Personally, I don't think that's any way to treat a lady.

It sounds to me like you should just divorce her on grounds of fidelity, then go out and find yourself an insincere slut who will do you proud at the neighborhood gang bang.

It sounds like your wife would be much better off.

 

[jim0907]

We have a spa so possibly having a few drinks and going skinny dipping or more of the dancefloor thing where she gets felt up. Can't see swinging happening unless it just happens one day when we are all pissed. I want to do swinging because it turns me on thinking about my wife fucking another guy. We do role play when having sex and it turns her on too but play time and reality are two very different things..

 

[jim0907]

Naked sub- that's why I'm on here asking for advice to begin swinging with my wife behind it. Yes I have been a little forceful but I'm trying different avenues to see what will work. In the end nothing may come out of it and no dramas but then again given the right circumstances she may enjoy it. I have not forced her to do anything only tried to pursuade.

 

[nakdsub]

According to what you have written

You have brought the subject up on multiple occasions and she has shown NO interest. Yet, you continue to bring it up, even telling yourself she'll enjoy it if only you can get her to try it, and you say you're not forcing her?
Wake up! Better yet, GROW UP! You're going to persuade her alright, you're going to persuade her that you're a child and persuade yourself right into a divorce.

Of course, like I said, I think she would be a whole lot better off with out you so go right ahead and push her into something she doesn't want to do.

 

[roomfor1more]

This is a recipe for disaster. If she is not interested while sober then getting a few drinks in her will, only make the problem worse. Best idea is to let the idea die for about a year then try coming back to it.