How to start a spanking encounter?

[Shy_Curious]

xxxxx

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Well, one way would for you to ‘misbehave’, to confess to a fault or failing, however trivial or imaginary. Even whispering, “I’ve been bad. Punish me,” should be enough to lower the barriers.

He could of course find something to punish you for without your taking the first step, but the dynamics are slightly different. Men in this society are, despite some over-the-top propaganda, generally pretty well-conditioned against striking women; for him to take the first step might be harder. Your proactively admitting to misbehaviour, however fanciful, offers a way around that.

Alternatively, you could agree to a set of rules for you to follow at your next meeting, ones impossible to obey. Even if you yourself were to be too shy to admit to a failure worthy of being spanked, once the two of you were together, failure - and hence the need for punishment - would be inevitable. Moreover, you two could have fun, even over the phone or texting, devising such a set of rules in advance.

Lastly, you two sexting about spanking might help to lower inhibitions. Start slow and gentle, build up to discussing the actual act of spanking/being spanked. Make it something you are, I guess, familiar with.

Good luck!

 

[twister947]

Sometimes, there's just not a spark, no matter how much you want it.

 

[Knoturnal]

Maybe the next time you meet you pull down your panties to shown him it is what your interested in he might be courage enough to do it.

 

[Bottomlover]

Maybe wear a dress or skirt with a thong underneath. When/if things seem right, hike up the dress or skirt and ask him to rub some lotion on your ass and see how it progresses. Sexy talk is good but is sometimes awkward. Someone has to make a physical kind of move to get things started. For me, spanking only starts after finding a mutual comfort zone.

 

[PapaDan]

This sounds silly writing this., but this is what happened ...

I had some online chat with an old friend, it got a little bit in the direction of our sex lives (non existant) but he told me he was interested in spanking. We arranged to meet up to try this. We did meet, but somehow we were too shy to act. He is a very shy and inhibited person, a mathematician. I felt, as the more submissive partner I could not initiate anything. We drank a coffee and we did not do anything! Any ideas for how to get things started if we meet again?

Edit: I am a woman in my 50s, a bit fat. He is a man in his 40s, thin and rather nerdy. We used to work together 20 years ago., and once we started discussing sex and things on online chat we really discussed a _lot_ and different scenarios and stuff. Once we actually met tho, I guess we just felt really self conscious.

Hera

I think meeting is a good start. If you're both shy, you may need to spend time together to get past your shyness. Don't give up, just be patience.

 

[MR.GGG]

As a " nerdy and SHY " guy are we sure here who the submissive is?? Did your conversations on the phone establish this or are you assuming?

So you think it'd be sexy if he were to spank you but what if he's thinking the same?
Of course you could always SWITCH and see which side of the pink ass cheeks you prefer. If you're BOTH into all the better but you need to communicate before hand, set limits etc. MOST people who fantasize about this are NOT pain freaks so although the fantasies may be a bit more severe in reality you or he may just be into the fun and anticipation of the spanking scene and that's fine. All that should be established before any hand smacks any butt - yours or his.

If you've read my TRY THIS thread around pg 6 or so I get into the spanking scenario. Massive repeating orgasms AND a light to medium spanking in the middle can completely disscommbobbulate your head and at the end of a session you don't have to worry about sitting or bruising. Some people are into that- severe S&M but most are not. Just the scene, the anticipation and the submission prior to a sexy spanking can ROCK your world.

Have fun exploring.

 

[Sheana_V]

Shy/Polite Dominants need some grant of "permission". This can sometimes be evoked by really overdoing the submissive aspect to pull enough dominant into them, but more often you need an explicit invitation. Showing them your ass, begging for punishment, etc... once you have permission established once, every following encounter should be easier.

 

[ef_oh_ex]

Shy/Polite Dominants need some grant of "permission". This can sometimes be evoked by really overdoing the submissive aspect to pull enough dominant into them, but more often you need an explicit invitation. Showing them your ass, begging for punishment, etc... once you have permission established once, every following encounter should be easier.

I believe that your comment is right on-point! Get things moving in the right direction that both of you want!

 

[KimGordon67]

In my experience there could be two different things going on here - or maybe both of them at once.
Firstly, online/phone encounters can be awkward to translate into real life. I've only made that transition once, and I was as nervous as hell. Luckily, the guy concerned was fairly assertive, and he just shut hotel room door, pushed me against the wall and started kissing me ... but honestly, if he hadn't of done that, I have no idea what would have happened. We're often more open in remote encounters, precisely because of the remoteness, and translating that into immediate physical actions can be really difficult, because you're in this weird grey zone of having been really intimate with someone, but also not having been intimate with them. I don't know what you do about that - one of you just has to take the plunge. (Alternatively, it could be, as noted above, that the real-world you's just don't have the necessary chemistry.)
Secondly, introducing a 'non-normal' activity into sex can also be a pretty difficult. With me and my last in-charge guy (same guy as above), he must have raised the idea three or four times before anything actually happened. It wasn't in a 'punishment' scenario ... weirdly, I was actually making coffee in a motel room were in, and he just bent me over the bench and gave me a few good whacks. Results were favourable.
If you haven't talked about it already, actually just come out and say the last meeting was a bit awkward, and talk about ways you might overcome that ... as I think was suggested above, agreeing on a very specific set of actions when you first meet again might help, because then there's a 'plan', and you don't have to work out things on the fly.
Also, be prepared for things to not quite work out as planned - I try to approach that with a bit of humour.

 

[Darlene44d]

This is a secret fantasy of mine , but haver never met the right master.

 

[Knoturnal]

Folks may say one thing or the other but if you don’t take the initiative to Communicate with the person you want or are thinking about having some sort of relationship with all is lost. Folks here can only give you ideas that you can try but if you don’t communicate, ask questions and actually communicate with said person ... sometimes nothing happens.

 

[Shy_Curious]

xxxxx

 

[Conager]

I see you resolved this. All I was going to say for anyone else that might find themselves in a similar situation as a submissive wanting something to happen and feeling that as the submissive you "shouldn't" initiate is understandable.

More commonly, you might feel you shouldn't "have" to initiate. In an ideal fantasy world, that would be true.

It is not uncommon for inexperienced dominant to have some hesitancy about their interests. It feels "wrong" societally, and if they have spent years in their head with it, finding a willing play partner seems surreal and they might need some assurances that no, they did not misunderstand,, and yes, you really do wanna.

Even during play they might need some clear encouragement that yes, this is definitely a good, fun, bit of healthy, mutually satisfying play.

 

[LWulf]

I see you resolved this. All I was going to say for anyone else that might find themselves in a similar situation as a submissive wanting something to happen and feeling that as the submissive you "shouldn't" initiate is understandable.

More commonly, you might feel you shouldn't "have" to initiate. In an ideal fantasy world, that would be true.

It is not uncommon for inexperienced dominant to have some hesitancy about their interests. It feels "wrong" societally, and if they have spent years in their head with it, finding a willing play partner seems surreal and they might need some assurances that no, they did not misunderstand,, and yes, you really do wanna.

Even during play they might need some clear encouragement that yes, this is definitely a good, fun, bit of healthy, mutually satisfying play.

This was very true for me.

****​

When I was younger, I knew what I wanted to be, but felt like I was a freak to go looking for it, let alone ask a woman if she'd mind bending over my knee. My first few girlfriends who I broke down a few walls and admitted to them what I wanted, after their encouraging, I still felt wrong. The first encounters were pitiful; more pitty-pat then smack/slap.

As I got older I got more secure with myself, but if this fellow is still just coming out, regardless of his age, then he might be still in the awkward stage.

I might suggest you let your inner brat out. He might be too dense at first to pick up on the clues, but eventually, he'll catch on. I had the opportunity to meet a died in the wool through and through professional spankophile, Mia Moon. At one time she had a website called "shut up N spank" which didn't last too long. She had a lot of advice for bottoms. Mostly, it involved being a brat. Some don't like to act that way, but it sure does make it obvious without the need to "ask." One bratly way I recall her mentioning is, while you are bent over his knee and getting what you want, but maybe not as much as he's giving, look around for something to do, like untie his shoe laces, then tie them together.

If he hasn't noticed before he stops and gets up, then he'll notice afterwards, and know more attention is required! However, realize this usually uncorks the dam and you'll get much more than you initially asked for. TOO LATE to take it back! Now you've played your brat card, and have to live with the outcome.

The point is, guys are essentially clueless. Sometimes you have to spell it out for them, especially after they've been raised all their life to act proper and decent to attract the right ladies. Problem is, they feel right to be in charge, but are hesitant out of the gate, thinking maybe you don't realize what you're asking for. Maybe you like it, but only want the lame -pat pat pat- "You've been a bad girl!" -pat pat pat- "Is that enough?" "Yeah, that was perfect!" Some are like that.

I read the signals wrong for one bottom, and gave her much more than she wanted, but she never opened her mouth to use safe words, or indicate "too much!" He can't see, and thereby read your face. You have to be verbal. Don't be afraid to open your mouth. Most guys LIKE to hear whimpers and sobs, even though you are secretly wearing a Cheshire grin. Kick your legs, and drum your hands on his thigh as he wallops your tail, if you like.

You don't have to say, "give me more!" or "harder!" but you can't be timid, yourself, by not expressing yourself. Most hate acting like a brat, but as soon as they get the hang of the game, they embrace it.

Just saying, and good luck.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Just caught up with this, Hera.

Yay! Good going and fingers crossed for both of you.