How to open up...

[gyrl]

Hi there. I'm kind of shy and am having a hard time opening up to my husband that I would like to be a bit wilder. The thing is, though, that he's even more prudish than me, I think! Any ideas? I don't think I can just spring "anything" on him, though. He doesn't even own any mags.

 

[SomeHotKCGuy]

If it's opening up in person that's hard, just try writing it down as a letter or story.

It will likely be easier for you (and maybe him) that way.


He may well be waiting and hoping that you do open up...so that he can feel more free to do the same.

 

[Bob Briton]

Hello Gyrl.
You could try phrasing your passions in a different way.

Rather than directly saying "let's do something naughty" you could say "I overheard someone speak on their mobile phone saying 'let's do something naughty tonight'."...followed by you saying..." I wonder what they meant?"

This way you can gauge any reaction and see whether hubby replies with any suggestions?!

Good luck.

 

[Roscollo]

Hi Gyrl,
I would reccomend taking a human sexuality course at the local community college (if you have one). I just went through the course, and it gave me and my wife a lot of opportunity to talk candidly about many different sexual topics. You also get the benefit of knowing how to be safe in your adventures and to see that the things you are interested in are probably not too different from what many people are doing all the time.

An important key to remember is that both people have to be consenting to whatever is happening. If someone is pressured or made to feel inadequate then it won't be pleasureable for anyone.

 

[gyrl]

Thanks so much for the advice. I think writing a letter (or short story) might work. I am positive that we each feel very safe with the other. I think the biggest obstacle is that Catholic guilt. haha....

He does like thongs, though. So I use those when possible. And we've used handcuffs once - which was fun. So maybe I'll suprise him by taking him to a sex shop sometime.

 

[SomeHotKCGuy]

Everyone likes thongs...I don't think you can use that as an indication of anything.




Early on...I'd keep it simple but slip in a few things here and there that he might consider to be surpising and/or racier (for you).

What's key is to let him know that you might be more....errr....'adventurous' than he really understands.


Don't feel guilty about who you are, gyrl. That can end up causing more harm than simply accepting it and moving forward.


Keep in mind...(I'm probably paraphrasing a bit here)...


"The only 'normal' people are the ones you don't know very well." - Oscar Wilde

 

[gotwood49]

I think the biggest obstacle is that Catholic guilt. haha....
He does like thongs, though.

My God, gyrl! A nice Catholic girl in a thong?! Aren't you afraid you'll burn in Hell?

...wait a minute...there's a nice picture: Gyrl, in a thong, tending Satan's fires, while the rest of us can only gaze on in lust...!


Hey, my advice is to talk frankly to him. Tell him that you have some needs you'd like addressed. And, it couldn't hurt to hint that you've had someone attempt to address those needs for you! A little jealousy can go a long way toward getting him to notice you a little more.

That, and those thongs...

 

[Stiffy Says...]

Excellent plan

Hi Gyrl,
I would reccomend taking a human sexuality course at the local community college (if you have one). I just went through the course, and it gave me and my wife a lot of opportunity to talk candidly about many different sexual topics. You also get the benefit of knowing how to be safe in your adventures and to see that the things you are interested in are probably not too different from what many people are doing all the time.

An important key to remember is that both people have to be consenting to whatever is happening. If someone is pressured or made to feel inadequate then it won't be pleasureable for anyone.

At my lover's request, I took these classes (they offer 2 at the local community college). Not only did our lovemaking get better, our communication improved and I learned alot about myself as well. Excellent suggestion!!!

 

[ethereal~minx]

isn't it hard... I had an animal(beast) that brought all his fantasies to our "intimate" life... but with another, new person, I'm afraid to express the same depth... and I surely want to play with these fantasies~~~ I have decided, hey, if he thinks I'm wierd or has reservations, I'll deal with it and so will he..obviously I won't bring them up right away but eventually they'll come out, or they'll need to because I'm a kinky being---- fantasy feeds my soul==== it's not only fantasy but any hesitancy to share anything this intimate... it takes strength=== and that's what relationship is all about== getting through those places in ourselves that we're fearing to share---

I don't anticipate turning anyone off but if that happens because they're not willing to entertain because of some judgement, then they're not worthy of my gifts....

omg, I can't believe I'm saying this. *looking sideways...* hmmm.
am I really this strong?
like I said, it is not only about kink. it's about all reservation, all vulnerability. express it when it's appropriate. that's what friendhsip and respect is all about. just don't get arrogant about it.

omg. this may have to be edited.

 

[princess4u]

how about greeting him wearing only the thong and holding out the handcuffs to him?

....and never forget: sometimes we catholic girls are the wildest girls

 

[lovepoet99]

Thanks so much for the advice. I think writing a letter (or short story) might work. I am positive that we each feel very safe with the other. I think the biggest obstacle is that Catholic guilt. haha....

He does like thongs, though. So I use those when possible. And we've used handcuffs once - which was fun. So maybe I'll suprise him by taking him to a sex shop sometime.

Hello Gyrl,

I am by no means an expert here but what worked for me was finding intimate ways to communicate with my partner and explore each others inhibitions. At first I was afraid she might think I was a sex starved lunitic (????) if I approached the subject too abruptly...My first attempt was infront of the fireplace...I knew that the evening was pretty much reserved for time to relax, watch some tv, etc. I walked out of the room (clothed) to return in the nude...I took her by the hand and we laid in front of the fireplace...I began telling her how much I loved her body, her beauty....as I undressed her. We just laid together in our most intimate form and began talking about...sex, preferences, things we like and don't like....and all the way through our conversation I told her how much I loved her body....and so on...as much as I wanted us to have sex that night, especially after being so intimate...I would not allow it to happen, I wanted her to hear and share in a non-threatening way...otherwise she would have perceived my actions as a way to just get laid!!!

You may be beyond this point...my partner was very very shy about her sexuality....she had very few intimate experiences with past partners so it took time for her to open up and lose some of her inhibitions...the big thing was no pressure!!! and no expectations, this is a big one too...her fear of not knowing whether she pleased me kept her in her shell....I let her do what she wanted at her own speed and reinforced how much she pleased me.

As she became more comfortable with our sexual relationship and with her own body (her personal pleasures) she was more open to explore new things, like going to a trade show exhibiting all kinds of products, from books, toys, lingerie, porn movies, etc, etc. It was a great opportunity to explore together...I still surprise her every now and then with a new toy, lingerie...and our sex life together became a lot hotter!!



And don't worry too much about the Catholic thing....

It was once for me a burden but I am now reformed!!!


good luck and happy hunting.

Poet

 

[lovepoet99]

Gyrl,

I forgot to mention board games....this did wonders in opening up our communication around sex....

There are many out there...I can't remember which one we bought...and it is not within reach...but board games can be a lot of fun and they certainly will help to enhance your sexual lives...best to pick one out together when the time is right.

And if all else fails...get back to this site!!! I have only wandered here a short time and am amazed with all the wonderful people here and their willingness to provide guidance. If you need to know...just post your curiousities on this board.

Oh...and I forgot to warn you....be very careful, you may have a beast in your midst raging to get out of his cage who is very hungry...
ggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

(it's that Catholic thing...oooohhh I hope I don't burn for that comment)

Poet

"Play is as essential to the aged as it is to the young. I count that day lost when I am not moved to tears or laughter, but even more if I have not played."
— George Sheehan

 

[Quoll]

Lots of great advice ^^^^^ there.
Another way to bring up the subject of sexual fun is games. In a lighthearted fun moment suggest a game of "Truth & Dare", a great way to find out what you each like, or perhaps make silly bets, eg: "I`ll shave my twat if I`m wrong" , even if you don`t go through with whatever the bet was, you have at least voiced your interest and most of us blokes are pretty quick on the uptake (mentioning it six or seven times should get the cogs turning )
Another good game is a board game called "Foreplay" it too has aspects of truth & dare plus a lot of other stuff, and a great chance to talk about lots of different things sexually.
Just remember to have fun, and if sex is a pain in the arse use more lube.

Quote from Catholic Newspaper "The Advocate","Masturbation is okay........" Never did read the rest, just threw away the guilt, hung up my hangups, kept my morals intact . Having a great time.

sister francis would be having a fit

 

[princess4u]

(it's that Catholic thing...oooohhh I hope I don't burn for that comment)

Poet

you are going straight to hell - LOL

 

[lovepoet99]

you are going straight to hell - LOL

maybe!...I better get back to my cloud where it's safe

 

[princess4u]

maybe!...I better get back to my cloud where it's safe

it's much more fun off that cloud, isn't it???

 

[lovepoet99]

it's much more fun off that cloud, isn't it???

absolutely!! what freedom to leave our inhibitions behind!

 

[Bob Briton]

I don't anticipate turning anyone off but if that happens because they're not willing to entertain because of some judgement, then they're not worthy of my gifts....

omg, I can't believe I'm saying this. *looking sideways...* hmmm.
am I really this strong?
like I said, it is not only about kink. it's about all reservation, all vulnerability. express it when it's appropriate. that's what friendship and respect is all about. just don't get arrogant about it.

omg. this may have to be edited.

Minx - a great post. I hope I can have the confidence to express it correctly with my girl from the US who I'm destined to love and be with..
Fingers and toes crossed that day will happen.

I see you haven't edited it yet!

 

[Quoll]

quote:
Originally posted by lovepoet99
(it's that Catholic thing...oooohhh I hope I don't burn for that comment)

Poet




you are going straight to hell - LOL

C U There

Gyrl What news? any developments? well?
no pressure! so? Just kidding.









So what`s happening?

 

[sxylegs]

Hi there. I'm kind of shy and am having a hard time opening up to my husband that I would like to be a bit wilder. The thing is, though, that he's even more prudish than me, I think! Any ideas? I don't think I can just spring "anything" on him, though. He doesn't even own any mags.

this is a real winner......
go to the adult porn shop and rent a mild porn video......not a really raunchy and give him the remote and tell him that he is to put the video on Fast Forward and whatever it lands on that is what you guys are going to do........

You can also get one that you are really interested in doing and see if he is game.....

i thought my boyfriend was such a prude till we played this game and boy he got into it really well......we still play it......we now go to the video store and rent the ones we want....

Have fun!!!

 

[Bridget69]

Perhaps you should write down some of your fantasies and show them to him to indicate that those are the things you would like to try out.

 

[vargas111]

Are you sure he is more prudish?

Probably he would love to do all sorts of normal nasty things but is afraid to offend you by mentioning it. Try dressing more provocativley. Suggest that you'd like to go to a club dancing (men love to take women dancing). I'm sure if he can bring himself to belive that you WANT him to be more "wild" he'll be happy to comply.

 

[Winemaster]

agree...

I believe if he is secure in your relationship - all of the above would help....board games open up communication....movies...can do the same....dressing provocative for him...should help....this with good communication...saying "how you want him"...should help