How to Meet a Domme

[Sub To Be]

Dominant women appear to far outnumber submissive men. What advice can you give to a man who wishes to explore his submissive side? I am not sure where to even begin.

 

[Moonlust]

I'd start just by reading a lot and thinking about what types of activities or interests you might have in the bdsm community. Most women aren't necessarily looking for someone with tons of experience, but being clueless isn't a good way to go either

Do you know why you think you're submissive?
What kinds of things about bdsm interest you?
How would you want to interact with a domme?


All good things to think about...

Since you're in a major city, I'd say when you think you're ready, to visit a club or local bdsm hangout and just see what's up! I'm sure if you're willing and able, you'll get grabbed quickly

 

[AngelicAssassin]

I am not sure where to even begin.

Welcome to the board. One place to start exists here. Click me. Feel free to go through the library, here, to see the thoughts of others on the subject. Enjoy your swim, and once more, welcome to the board.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

"Hello Ma'am" is always a good start. That sounds like I'm being sarcastic, I know, but it's true.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome to the forum. There are various ways of meeting those you seek, one of them sometimes being participating in discussions on forums such as this. Other than that, advertising in various BDSM Personals lists; attending clubs. munches etc; joining BDSM type clubs and organisations to increase your network of like minded people, are all good places to begin. While doing that self education and exploration is always good also. I don't think the number of subs to Dom/mes is so much the issue as the quality, commitment, and similar tastes which mesh are. It takes time but is worth the invested time and effort to arrive at that point where you find the one you will serve.

Catalina

 

[Maximumtest]

Great advice, i'll be taking not of it myself.

 

[SweetDommes]

"Hello Ma'am" is always a good start. That sounds like I'm being sarcastic, I know, but it's true.

How about just "Hello" ... some of us just cringe inside at being called "ma'am"

 

[catalina_francisco]

How about just "Hello" ... some of us just cringe inside at being called "ma'am"

LOL, I am in that camp of not favouring the Ma'am form of address and not keen on Sir either, but then some would have it no other way. I always think on meeting or addressing in those initial stages it is best to be polite as you would hopefully be to anyone and ask what is the preferred form of the Dom/me. I also like to think it is not something given automatically to anyone describing themselves as Dominant, but rather used when it feels right for both parties to introduce it to the exchange.....IMHO it then demonstrates genuine respect and trust, not given without thought, meaning, or understanding of the significance of such protocol.

Catalina

 

[Vixandra]

Could always use "M'lady" indead of "Ma'am." I too cringe at being called ma'am by anyone to the point I'll tell patients to call me by my first name instead.

To the topic- if you're in the Bay Area I know there are multiple clubs there. Do a web search and maybe even ask friends who are part of the "local scene."

Think about what it is you want, what your hard (heck NO!) and soft (not my kind of thing but maybe...) limits are, whether you want a 24/7 relationship or just a woman to scene with.

And of course, welcome to the boards, Sub to be. Enjoy your swim, as AA would say.

 

[SweetDommes]

LOL, I am in that camp of not favouring the Ma'am form of address and not keen on Sir either, but then some would have it no other way. I always think on meeting or addressing in those initial stages it is best to be polite as you would hopefully be to anyone and ask what is the preferred form of the Dom/me. I also like to think it is not something given automatically to anyone describing themselves as Dominant, but rather used when it feels right for both parties to introduce it to the exchange.....IMHO it then demonstrates genuine respect and trust, not given without thought, meaning, or understanding of the significance of such protocol.

Catalina

EXACTLY!!!*claps & cheers, happy to know that we aren't the only ones who feel this way*

And Vix - I'm the same way ... that's why I have a nametag dammit ... LOL

 

[Sub To Be]

Thank you

Thank you everyone (including the Ma'ams and M'lady's) for the very sensible advice. All of you sound so relaxed and upfront about, and so accepting of, these activities. What a breath of fresh air. I wish there were more people like you in the world.

 

[EbonyVenus]

My Questions is

Did you meet one?

With all the advice I would hope it help you meet the lady you sought



Ebony

 

[BlushingFlames]

I am a submissive female,

I just wanted to give my opinion about finding the one for you to serve. Before I knew what I was a domme or a submissive,it took me awhile to really see to a point I am still unsure,but I know submissive is definately me. The one training me says I am a natural submissive. Back to the topic before my thoughts ramble on, the way to find yourself a Domme is be natural....I don't think it will help...if you just say Mistress I worship the floor you walk in. As I don't think it helps Female submissive saying I will suck your cock better,than anyone out there...I notice also doms try to offer ways to submissive such as Male doms saying I will spank you til your bleeding....who needs that? I don't really know what female dommes say for attention. But honestly I think that you should be yourself and post,the right person will come its way if you are like that rather than what the labels entail.

 

[bytor2112]

Dominant women appear to far outnumber submissive men. What advice can you give to a man who wishes to explore his submissive side? I am not sure where to even begin.

you mean you want a spineless pussy...

 

[blue kat]

Re: Re: How to Meet a Domme

you mean you want a spineless pussy...

You volunteering?

 

[bytor2112]

Re: Re: Re: How to Meet a Domme

You volunteering?

maybe ... if i get to shoot my loads on some hot ass bitches...

 

[Vixandra]

Happy to help, Sub To Be.

Sweet Dommies- I wear a nametag but most people who go through my unit can't see to read it. Either post op or really sick or we're doing pain control with meds they could be on at home.
Still, I try. Hate that dang ma'am, makes me feel two or three times my age, LOL.

 

[SweetDommes]

Happy to help, Sub To Be.

Sweet Dommies- I wear a nametag but most people who go through my unit can't see to read it. Either post op or really sick or we're doing pain control with meds they could be on at home.
Still, I try. Hate that dang ma'am, makes me feel two or three times my age, LOL.

LOL, same here ...

Interestingly enough, I've had 3 or 4 patients in the last few months call me "Miss Karen" at random .... It always throws me for a loop when they do, but at least they aren't calling me "ma'am".

And now, back on topic - Sub to be ...
As others have said, be polite, be respectful (as much as you would towards any person ... Dom/mes don't deserve extra consideration, no matter what some of them may say - we are all still human), be yourself. And don't fall into the trap of believing when one Dom/me says "all subs must do XX at all times" or "if you want to be taken seriously, you must do/be willing to do XX" - that's bunk, totally and completely, and usually spouted by posers, fakes and HNGs who haven't a clue.
The most important thing to do is be patient. This is just like any other type of relationship, in that it can happen in a few months or it can take 10 years to find your perfect match. It happens - we were incredibly lucky to find both of our boys in just under two years, and we know it. We know many people who have been looking for 5+ years. These things take time to build as well ... even after you've found someone that is right for you, don't expect to move in tomorrow - those who expect that are foolish and looking for trouble. That would be like going to a 'nilla bar and having whoever you pick up for a one night stand move in the next day ... could work out, but what are the chances? There are a lot of people out here who are "dominant" simply because they want to abuse and push others around ... if that's your thing, then great, if not, you'll have to sort through a lot of crap to find your Domme.
Oh, and one last thing ... Dommes are just as human as anyone else (no matter what we sometimes pretend). They can get cold feet, they can have issues that come up unexpectedly, they can lie, they can back out at the last minute for any number of reasons, they can get angry over silly shit that shouldn't bother them, they can be sick and irritable - just like any other person on the planet. So keep that in mind, and if one that you really like gets snippy one day - give her another chance unless she flat out tells you to go away and never talk to her again. Online is especially difficult (as we have discovered through many painful experiences) because you can lose some meaning in the translation ... maybe you were joking, but she didn't get it ... or she was joking and you didn't get it ... or ... or ... or ... I'm sure you get the point.

Wow ... long post ... hope you can sort through it ... and that it makes sense, since I did just wake up LOL

Miss Karen
Miss Holly

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Could always use "M'lady" indead of "Ma'am." I too cringe at being called ma'am by anyone to the point I'll tell patients to call me by my first name instead.

Uh, no calling Me "lady". "Lady" is the title of a High priestess in the Craft, which is a rank I'm not entitled to.

I used to dislike being called "Ma'am" back in my vanilla days, but I've become accustomed to it now. It was a tendency with those I learned from to address dom/mes who weren't yours as "Ma'am" or "Sir" and reserve "Mistress" and "Master" for you dom/me. I've since grown to prefer to treat subs who aren't mine much the same as I would anyone and vice versa, but the old training still remains, I guess.

 

[pandoravampire]

Meeting a bdsm partner is very difficult i find, meeting a partner into bdsm is even harder. i had some romantic notion that id be able to find someone, then introduce the bdsm thing, but it just doesnt work.
Going to a bdsm club is odd. My sexuality is private, i dont share, i dont disclose and so the thought of picking up in one of these places is, well, less than perfect. Also, having people have sex in front of me, well thats rather odd too dont you think? lol
Plus i have all sorts of preconcieved ideas about those that attend which hinder me in just being myself and relaxing, as someone suggested. I felt very out of my depth and at odds. Not an scenario to relax in. i found myself feigning confidence, social skills that i neither had, i acted as if. Then start wondering who else im interacting with is also 'acting' as if.
But im coming to the conclusion that im going to have to start here. At least there is a forgone conclusion, that if you ever do get to the bedroom, your not going to be vanilla.
But then Catalina F posted that i should perhaps be looking for the whole package. That has put a spoke in the works. As i realise that i do want to share my life with someone, not just my sexuality.
I hope you find what you are seeking, as others have here.
Keep us posted wont you.

 

[Vixandra]

Uh, no calling Me "lady". "Lady" is the title of a High priestess in the Craft, which is a rank I'm not entitled to.

I used to dislike being called "Ma'am" back in my vanilla days, but I've become accustomed to it now. It was a tendency with those I learned from to address dom/mes who weren't yours as "Ma'am" or "Sir" and reserve "Mistress" and "Master" for you dom/me. I've since grown to prefer to treat subs who aren't mine much the same as I would anyone and vice versa, but the old training still remains, I guess.

You know, I hadn't thought of that. Joys of having not found a working coven or group to learn from yet.
So, I amend my statement- use Ma'am unless they say otherwise, I suppose.

I'm with Raven-san on the adressing of Dom/mes that aren't yours. Respectful is not a bad way to go and you can pick your labels later on if applicable.

 

[Moonlust]

Just wanted to weigh in on the forms of address.

Always ask, I think.

I'm far too young to be known as "Ma'am" like some sort of Webster throwback, uuuughghhghhhhh.

Yep, asking is good. I'm far more lenient when it comes to labels and behavior around others in public (stuff that seems to me as insignificant) than my acquaintances are.

 

[Netzach]

If someone's dying to be polite, the thoroughly modern Ms. (my last name) is fine fine fine.

 

[SweetDommes]

If someone's dying to be polite, the thoroughly modern Ms. (my last name) is fine fine fine.

Same here ... personally, I prefer to go without any kind of formal title for the most part ... I am casual ...

 

[dolf]

hmmm...i think "ma'am" said in a southern accent can sound very sexy. lol...only say it if you have the right accent otherwise it sounds awful!
xx