How to...make it easier?

[NewAndEager]

Well I had sex for the first time a few weeks ago. My boyfriend is plenty experienced.
After the initial missing and penetration, it didn't hurt and actually started to feel good.

However, there was quite a bit of blood and I kept bleeding (not much) from friday night until monday morning. We didn't try againf or various reasons throughout the rest of the weekend.

The next weekend he came to visit me (we don't live in the same town) and there was plenty of foreplay, but when it came time, first he missed again, but once we found a position that seemed to work he kept slipping out. When he would re enter me it would hurt and he was never able to completely penetrate. And again there was quite a bit of blood (which didn't last, just a few hours this time).

So my question is how to make it go easier. He never rushes things, waits until I'm ready. But maybe positions? The other thing I suggested is that we have the condoms nearby, because both times we had to stop while he went and grabbed a condom. But anything that might make it go a little smoother?

And if anyone has any idea why I would bleed so much. first time I figured it was normal, but then when i bled the second time it kind of worried me.

Sorry this was so long and thanks for any help you can give.

 

[SweetErika]

First off, welcome!

Second, have you had a pelvic exam? If so, when?

 

[NewAndEager]

I have had a pelvic exam. it was four years ago though. My doctor never said anything about any abnormalities, so I would assume that's not it. Though I did consider calling Planned Parenthood to ask them about the bleeding cause it worried me a bit.

 

[Eilan]

I've always heard that a woman should have regular pelvic exams when she becomes sexually active or turns 18, whichever comes first. If it's been four years since your last exam, you should schedule one and address your concerns with your doctor.

 

[SweetErika]

I've always heard that a woman should have regular pelvic exams when she becomes sexually active or turns 18, whichever comes first. If it's been four years since your last exam, you should schedule one and address your concerns with your doctor.

Yep.

Calling Planned Parenthood or your doctor is a good temporary solution, but you really need to go have an exam and discuss this. Make sure you are clear about where the blood's coming from, how much, and how long. You may want to hold off on sex until you see the doc, the other benefit being to ensure you're fully healed and don't keep reinjuring the same area.

Also, I assume you're using condoms for birth control/STI protection? If that's all you're using, you'd be wise to talk to your doctor or PP about adding another method, unless you're ready for a pregnancy (I'm guessing that's a BIG NO!).

He may be missing and slipping out because his thrusts are too long. Have him keep them shallow, and his pelvis relatively close to your body. You can try other positions, though missionary shouldn't be problematic, and maybe hold off until you're cleared with the doc.

How's the lube situation? Are you anticipating pain?

 

[red_jane_doe]

I had this same experience. I bled for 3 days after my first vaginal penetration. After that, I bought my first toy and played around with that. It took a few sessions before I was able to fully penetrate myself with it without bleeding. So, you can get a toy and play around, stretch yourself out a little or just make sure you use lube with your guy and go slow each time.

 

[LadyJeanne]

1. Lubrication - get something like Wet, a water-based lube for use with condoms (or without, for manual stimulation) - and use lots of it.

2. A little blood, like spotting at the beginning or end of your period, is probably normal. I think I may have had that happen once or twice after the first time. Make an appointment with a gynecologist immediately (or Planned Parenthood - I went to them when I didn't have health insurance way back when, and they're fantastic and not too expensive. They do all the tests and usually give you free condoms and maybe even a pack or two of bc pills to tide you over until you can get your prescription filled). That will ease any worries you have about the bleeding.

3. If you come before penetration, you'll be wet and very relaxed - penis will slip right in. If he gives you oral before penetration, that also helps with the lubrication part.

4. He shouldn't be missing all the time - that confuses me since you say he's 'plenty experienced'. Doesn't sound like it, especially since he's running around to get condoms once you two start playing around. In any case, he's pulling his dick all the way out or almost all the way out, and then missing on his way in. Shorter strokes where he only pulls out halfway or so should prevent the slipping out problem. You might also try a position like doggy style, or you lying on your back with him on his knees in between your legs - that way he can actually see what he's doing. Lights on helps with that.

Have fun!

edit to add: forgot to mention the most obvious position - you on top. You control depth, pressure, pace, everything.

 

[Eilan]

He shouldn't be missing all the time - that confuses me since you say he's 'plenty experienced'. Doesn't sound like it, especially since he's running around to get condoms once you two start playing around.

I'd wondered about this as well, and started to ask about it earlier, but then changed my mind.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I'd wondered about this as well, and started to ask about it earlier, but then changed my mind.

That really popped out at me.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

He should not be missing all the time. What a mood killer


Anyway, try having him sit naked on a chair. You face him and then you guide yourself on to him while you are olding him. You control the situation and take it slow.

use the back of the chair behind him to hold on to help control your movements.

lube lube lube.

 

[asian_princess]

I had this same experience. I bled for 3 days after my first vaginal penetration. After that, I bought my first toy and played around with that. It took a few sessions before I was able to fully penetrate myself with it without bleeding. So, you can get a toy and play around, stretch yourself out a little or just make sure you use lube with your guy and go slow each time.

this is excellent advice! i bled quite profusely the first two times i had intercourse and slightly after the third and was embarassed as all hell as you can get when you're just starting out. so i used a dildo for penetration the next few times i masturbated, which helped with learning how to relax, and breath and allow time for adjusting to size and after a few times there was completely no bleedin. if however you're feeling a lot of pain after intercourse then get it checked out. if nothing than for peace of mind

 

[NewAndEager]

I guess I should clarify a bit and answer questions.

1) yes i'm on birth control, have been since my first pelvic exam. Since then I've had an exam yearly, it's just been an ultrasound because I haven't been sexually active. if I schedule an exam, it won't be until the holiday break so I actually have time to go. And, again, we are using condoms.

2) I think I used the wrong phrase when I said "missing". It's more of when he begins penetration, if either of us shifted at all, he would slip out. And if he wasn't careful, if he just tried to go back in without guiding his penis, it wouldn't penetrate.

3) the reason we never had a condom nearby was because the first time, I didn't decide for certain (had been thinking about it for a couple weeks) until we were in bed just making out and such. He didn't know until I told him to go get a condom (also reason there was no lube). Second time he also didn't know, because he's letting me decide when we take those steps forward and afterwards he told me he didn't want it nearby to pressure me or anything cause he doesn't want me to feel pressured. Though I'm definitely gonna buy some lube when he comes to visit over thanksgiving. (and we already talked about putting the condoms nearby to eliminate that pause in the action)

4) I don't necessarily always come before hand (first time no, second time yes) but he always pleasures me manually and orally beforehand.

5) the first time I had a bit of pain afterwards (soreness, but not too bad and only for part of the next day) the second time no pain afterwards at all.

6) I've thought about getting a dildo, or even using my fingers, but for some reason whenever I even try to use my own fingers I completely lose my arousal. I love when my boyfriend does it to me, yet when it's my own fingers it has no sensuality or anything to it, so we'll see about that.

thank you for responding. Hopefully all will go well the next time he comes to visit (thanksgiving weekend). if not, then I guess i'll be on my way to a doctor soon.

 

[Eilan]

I think I used the wrong phrase when I said "missing". It's more of when he begins penetration, if either of us shifted at all, he would slip out. And if he wasn't careful, if he just tried to go back in without guiding his penis, it wouldn't penetrate.

Ok. That makes sense. Sometimes, usually if I'm on top and I get a little, um, wild, this will happen. We'll try to do the "Look, Ma! No hands!" thing every so often, but sometimes one or the other of us has to guide him back in.

Though I'm definitely gonna buy some lube when he comes to visit over thanksgiving. (and we already talked about putting the condoms nearby to eliminate that pause in the action)

Good idea. Wish I'd done the same back when I first started having sex.

Maybe you'll have a bit of a chance to get healed between now and Thanksgiving break. Good luck and be sure to let us know how it goes!