how to make him feel better?

[Reba67]

Before we were married, my husband and I did a lot sexually. Mutual orgasms, sometimes together, sometimes not. We saved intercourse until we were married. Before, he usually would take care of me first before he would let me get him too close to orgasm. Now, when he's working on me, it moves to intercourse not long after I'm wet enough for it to be comfortable. I have orgasmed a couple of times with the thrusting, but usually I need a bit of hand/tongue work to finish. But, here's the issue. Now that intercourse gets him off pretty quickly, he seems to feel incredibly guilty that he came "too soon". For me, it's NOT too soon at all! I mean, it's not like he just rolls over and goes to sleep. He does then look after me, but he keeps apologizing for coming too fast.

HOW can I help him? Any tips on words to use so that he knows it's okay if he comes first?

 

[Bbb13]

Discuss it with him, we were in the same boat. My wife read an article that told here to use her hands on herself I got the message. From now on the women always come first in my life.

 

[Boundlife]

Now, when he's working on me, it moves to intercourse not long after I'm wet enough for it to be comfortable. I have orgasmed a couple of times with the thrusting, but usually I need a bit of hand/tongue work to finish.

We know he can make you orgasm, and intercourse can do it for you. If he put the energy he spent feeling bad to work during foreplay he probably would have No reason to feel bad. You add the work to finish you, you might cum more than once

If that doesn't work use the guilt, you'll never need to scrub the bathroom again

All you can do is tell him.

 

[SweetErika]

I've always just said I'd vastly prefer for him to relax completely and really enjoy his orgasm, rather than worry about coming too quickly. That's the truth, an he seems to accept it, especially since I always come first if I want to (it's usually a requirement for me to have sex, so we kind of have to do it that way).

One thing you might suggest is trading off. You certainly wouldn't have to stick to a strict schedule or anything, but you could aim for him coming first every other mutual encounter (where you'd both like to orgasm). With a guideline like that, he may be able to relax and enjoy it more because he'll know it's fair/equal.

And since you two are new to intercourse, you may also want to tell him you're genuinely happy just experimenting this new activity, so you don't care who comes first.

I'm guessing honest reassurance and positive words following your encounters will go a long way in this situation. You might point out that if you had a problem with the way things were going, you'd have no problem telling him, and will definitely do that in the future if anything becomes an issue for you because you want honesty, openness and a mutually spectacular sex life. Let him know you want him to do the same for you with any issue.

 

[DrHappy]

Does he understand that you need more before intercourse starts? Are you able to get an orgasm through oral before intercourse starts?

I have you two tried using a vibrator together on you? That might help to increase arousal during foreplay, and could also useful if you want continued stimulation after his orgasm.

 

[nakdsub]

Delayed satisfaction

First, communication is the key to solving any problem. Don't talk in bed. Don't talk when the TV is on. Don't talk when there is something else that needs to be done.

Tell him you have something very important you need to talk about. Arrange a time. Make sure there are no distractions and you have enough time for a full discussion.

A good trick is to take a piece of paper and divide it in half. On one side write all the pro's of the situation, on the other side write all the con's. Go over them and discuss them all, one by one.

If all else fails, there are techniques that the male can do to prolong climax. When he feels himself getting close, slow down until the urge passes then start again. On a good night, with good timing, I used to be able to go 3 hours. The danger is, you can actually prolong it so long and have so many close calls, that you wind up not climaxing at all. That can obviously be disappointing and usually makes the woman feel guilty that she was able to climax so many times but, in his efforst to pleasure her, he has robbed himself of the same pleasure.