How to: Make a move

[Ravin the Poet]

This may seem weird for me to ask this, since in other threads, I have a good sense of what I am doing in relationship stuff. But here is my problem. Mentally, I am 100% in my prime, and I know what to say and where. But physically, I am more of a rookie. I haven't kissed anyone, so it's a little nerve raking. So anyway, to my situation

In other threads, I have a mentioned a girl and we have started to become close. I have asked a few of my lady friends about some of her actions (she cuddles up to me, play fighting, she BITE me!) and they all agree, it's a form of flirting. My problem is, as much as I know everything to say, I don't know how to get into the mood. I am a strong believer in TIMING, and if it doesn't feel right, don't bring up a subject. I want to know if there is anything between us, and that will be my question to her, but right now, I am trying to find ways to send physical signals to her.

Tomorrow, we are suppose to go to this restaurant/bar with a bunch of her and her sisters friends. I want to know what kind of things can I do, maybe in a work up form to send a good signal, or as I said "make a move". I don't intend to win her over in one night, but show physically I am interested but mentally, play my normal cards.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what would be good? Age's are me(19) her(20). I've known her about a month, and we have spent a lot of time together and have got very close. I use to be best school friends with her sister, but I hang out with her more now. Any help would be great. Atleast I am not going insane about love and soul mates like some questions. I just want to know if there is something between us, and if there is, what we going to do about it.


Ravin

 

[silverwhisper]

ravin: assuming you don't already do/haven't already done this:

1. consider the possibility that she thinks you've understood the signals and is now expecting you to initiate contact. can you talk to her sister about this or is that a problem for some reason? b/c i'd think that simply saying, "look, i think [sister] is really nice and i'm interested in her. i think the feeling is mutual but i'm not sure and don't want to be a jerk: can you help me?" might strike the right note, assuming there isn't some kind of sibling rivalry going.

2. increase the physical contact that you initiate. tickle, play fight and that sort of thing. this sends the signal that yeah, you feel the same way but it's in the already-established "media" that she's established.

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

It seems to me like theres a pretty good chance that shes interested in you, however if you have any doubt - try observing her around some other friends. Because sometimes touchy-feely playful people can be mistaken as flirting when they really are just being friendly.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Although me and her sister are good friends, I'm not to sure if she would not say anything to her sister. See this is what I notice as well. When we are alone, this is when she will do this sort of thing, but around people she is kind of shy. Of course, the first night she started play fighting with me, we were at a bar, and she wasn't drinking and I was a little tipsy, but still, she started it.

I like the idea of seeing how she acts around others, as it could be she is playful. But the cuddeling and the things we have done, just doesn't seem to add up right.

Ravin

 

[bisexplicit]

Yeah, I mean, for most people thats a sign that they're attracted to someone.
I just know that in my group of friends, cuddling with someone just means you like them and are comfortable with them as a friend.

 

[silverwhisper]

i'm not to sure if she would not say anything to her sister.

dude, look: you wanna be dating her, right? so one way or another, her sister's gonna find out, don't you think? sure she is! so what's the harm in making your intentions known?

ed

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I am just tired of going through other people you know. Would rather go right to the source and to her, instead of going around to the sister and maybe getting mixed information.


and as for "may just be friends" thats what I am worried about.



Ravin

 

[Leeleigh]

I am just tired of going through other people you know. Would rather go right to the source and to her, instead of going around to the sister and maybe getting mixed information.


and as for "may just be friends" thats what I am worried about.



Ravin

honey.. next time she starts play fighting, biting you etc... play back, and at some point in time... give her a gentle, brief kiss on the lips.. Keep it light and cool.. don't press it, then see how she reacts.. If she likes you.. she will prob. grab you and kiss you back... if she seems upset by it.. laugh and say something like "I won that round"

 

[Ravin the Poet]

honey.. next time she starts play fighting, biting you etc... play back, and at some point in time... give her a gentle, brief kiss on the lips.. Keep it light and cool.. don't press it, then see how she reacts.. If she likes you.. she will prob. grab you and kiss you back... if she seems upset by it.. laugh and say something like "I won that round"

Haha, I have played this around in my head. Gentle side note. She ALWAYS wins in our play fights. And I said to her "One day, I am going to come back with something, and you wont expect it at all".

I think a soft, quick kiss could be a good thing. There are times when we play fight, and we look at each other, and lock eyes. Right then I think is the time.

Ravin

 

[Revel_Less]

"Real guys work without a safety net."

That is actually a line from a teen movie, but it kind of applies.

What kind of time window do you have?

I am in a similiar predicament (but without the sister or the wrestling), but the only reason I am not acting is because I don't want to detract from her work this summer at a rather prestigeous institution. Not to mention that the weather in *censored* in the Spring, Summer, and Early Fall makes the idea of being close to anyone uncomfortable (a snowball has a better chance in hell. I miss the Bay Area).

Here are some tips:

1. Smile and be polite. I don't know how things are in your area, but around here (sweaty crack of NorCal) smiles and politeness seem to be rare.
2. Engage her. Ask her about things. And listen. The devil is in the details, so to speak.
3. Surprise her! Again, by asking questions and listening, you are very likely to pick up some important dates (calendar dates). Gifts work, but they should make sense. Example: I remembered from a conversation in passing (with the aforementioned girl) about her 21st Birthday, so I got her one of those Vodka mini bottles (don't ask how a 19 year old got ahold of high quality hard licquor).
4. If you should accidently (or purposefully) come into connect, don't shy away. But then since you two apparently wrestle (and she bites?), I don't see that as a problem. Maybe the next time you are standing next to her, you could try letting the back of your hand brush lightly against hers (to get her attention). By lightly, I mean, like the hair on the back of your hand doing the contact. Then just let your hand kind of linger nearby. This gives her the option of taking your hand.
5. Gifts. What you give reflects directly on you. An inexpensive present that has significance is better than something expensive (unless it is college tuition, kidding). These inexpensive gifts are especially better if it was something that you weren't expected to pick up on/remember.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I normally like writing poems for people, because it's a good open honest way of showing someone how I feel. For me to write someone a poem, it shows I actually have them on my mind.


Ravin

 

[SweetErika]

One idea would be to refresh you memory on positive body language. Then, look for signals from her, and send some yourself.

Also, I don't know how you respond to her cuddling or touching you, but you might try a different approach back or touching her more often. For example, put your hand on her forearm, shoulder, or back when you're talking to her or to ask her if you can get her something from the bar. See how she responds to that, and you might let your hand linger a little or touch a slightly more intimate place like her lower back or knee if you're sitting/standing together. If you're cuddling, you might try stroking a little or just doing something a bit more intimate than usual. When you wrestle, hold her gaze for a beat or two longer. Most women pick up on small signals and changes like that, and one of those could easily make or lead to a good mood/opening for one of you.

 

[dcraz]

You ladies are the best

honey.. next time she starts play fighting, biting you etc... play back, and at some point in time... give her a gentle, brief kiss on the lips.. Keep it light and cool.. don't press it, then see how she reacts.. If she likes you.. she will prob. grab you and kiss you back... if she seems upset by it.. laugh and say something like "I won that round"

One idea would be to refresh you memory on positive body language. Then, look for signals from her, and send some yourself.

Also, I don't know how you respond to her cuddling or touching you, but you might try a different approach back or touching her more often. For example, put your hand on her forearm, shoulder, or back when you're talking to her or to ask her if you can get her something from the bar. See how she responds to that, and you might let your hand linger a little or touch a slightly more intimate place like her lower back or knee if you're sitting/standing together. If you're cuddling, you might try stroking a little or just doing something a bit more intimate than usual. When you wrestle, hold her gaze for a beat or two longer. Most women pick up on small signals and changes like that, and one of those could easily make or lead to a good mood/opening for one of you.

Once again, Leeleigh and SweetErika check in with some wonderful advice. Especially regarding the physical contact you say you two have. The point here is that you are already experiencing SOME form of physical contact. This means it is VERY unlikely she will get upset if you escalate the contact slightly. The important point here will be to be a little more forward, but NOT overly agressive.

There is nothing sexier or more flirting than a little playful contact. Play fighting or wrestling is a way for a woman to engage a shy man in a little contact without hereself being viewed as overly agressive in a sexual sense. I was once very shy, and looking back now, I realize each and every time I had a woman wrestle with me (it happened more often than you might believe), it was their way of showing me affection in less than an overtly sexual way and encouraging me to return the favor. Baby steps if you will.

Next time you two are in a playful mood, try returning the favor. If you can wrap her up from behind (i.e. hug her with her back to your chest), squeeze her tightly, nuzzle the back of her neck, inhale deeply, moan your aproval and kiss her neck lightly. Trust me on this one. She will love it! If she wants something more than friends, she will let you know. If she does not, it was innocent enough that she will be polite and just avoid that kind of contact in the future. No harm no foul either way.

If you find yourselves wrestling more face to face, pin her down on the floor or the couch. If done in a playful way, I have never found ANY woman that does not smile and enjoy being held down in this manner. If she feels threatened, she will let you know right away. If she laughs and/or smiles, you will know she is having fun. This is your cue to make a little more agressive move. Just lean into her and kiss her neck. Again, nothing overly sexual or agressive. As above, she will let you know if she likes it. If she does, kiss her lightly on the lips next. There is no telling where this might lead! If she does not like the kiss on her neck, again she will let you know but it will be innocent and passive enough as to keep her from getting overly upset about you crossing a line.

Either way, you need to do SOMETHING soon. For her sake and yours. If she is interested, she will not keep sending these signals forever, if she feels they are being ignored or worse yet, rejected. She will eventually move on to someone that does NOT ignore her. And you need to know too. Otherwise, you will drive yourself crazy wondering if you are letting a wonderful woman slip away.

As always, keep an eye out for the ladies above. They have a wonderful way of sharing a woman's view in a most constructive and supportive manner.

DC

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Wow this is good. My mind set is clear, and for once I actually am able to move forward. Funny thing is, when all this started, I had a good hour rant with my friend how I am sick of women and looking for them. *skip 2 days* Hey look who is in my life! When she cuddled with me at first, I was a little hesitent at first, but spent the greater part stroking her hair. I can tell she was loving it, as you could see her eyes closing as she sat back and enjoyed.

I am at the point where I am like, "I am not playing games, and want direct answers". I do not want something to drag out, and me have lost a chance. I am at the point in my life that I do not want to be in a long courtship because it's just more things I don't want to worry about.

Thanks for the advice, I will be sure to keep you all in formed on how it works.

Ravin

 

[Leeleigh]

I am a bbw+ some AKA fat girl, one of those ladies that does not get wolf whistles anymore.. I discovered a man was interested in me by one thing that he did... He opened a door for me, as a man with manners would, put his hand on the small of my back to escort me thru the door, then let his hand linger for a brief moment.. That was one of those signals that a woman picks up on.

I just wanted to share that with you Ravin, so you would know...

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I hold doors open all the time. It's like a second reaction for me. I should try the back thing though, and see how that goes. You guys have given me some more confidence which is great. Just hope I can put it all into motion very soon.


Ravin

 

[Leeleigh]

I hold doors open all the time. It's like a second reaction for me. I should try the back thing though, and see how that goes. You guys have given me some more confidence which is great. Just hope I can put it all into motion very soon.


Ravin

we will know it worked when we see less of you here... I have confidence in you..

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Here's a little up to date.

Lately she was very distant from me, I think due to personal reasons. But lately she is getting back to her old self with me, as in last night.


My next question is...How long should I give it? I have liked things to play out, but know I should talk with her. Should I do it ASAP, or wait till the right mood hits? Or just go there, and be like "I would like to talk about us"?


Ravin

 

[bisexplicit]

Just do it. You'll feel better once you talk about it.

 

[Leeleigh]

Here's a little up to date.

Lately she was very distant from me, I think due to personal reasons. But lately she is getting back to her old self with me, as in last night.


My next question is...How long should I give it? I have liked things to play out, but know I should talk with her. Should I do it ASAP, or wait till the right mood hits? Or just go there, and be like "I would like to talk about us"?


Ravin

honey, have you considered that maybe she was a little distant from you because she has sent you all kinds of signals that you have missed, and resorted to backing away to make you notice her? If she is back to herself, maybe she is hoping that you finally noticed her.

Talk to her sweetie.. there is no time like the present..

 

[Revel_Less]

My next question is...How long should I give it? I have liked things to play out, but know I should talk with her. Should I do it ASAP,

Yes.

or wait till the right mood hits? Or just go there, and be like "I would like to talk about us"?

Stalling is a losing tactic in pretty much everyway.

 

[Succulent-one]

OK it is time to be a little bit of an agressor. When you are walking and chatting, if she has her hand by her side, gently pick it up and hold it and act like nothing is different, keep laughing and talking. Open her doors, hold her chair, The next time you wrestle, and you end up staring each other in the eyes, go ahead and give her a light kiss. Pull back, and if she doesn't look away or pull back, kiss her again, and let nature take its course. Relax and have fun.

 

[Ravin the Poet]

I don't know why people don't understand, I am not going to kiss her. I highly doubt I would, only because a) I never have kissed someone and b) she has told me before, she hates me when people try and kiss her for no reason.

We are suppose to talk this weekend. We shall see how it goes.


Ravin

 

[Leeleigh]

I don't know why people don't understand, I am not going to kiss her. I highly doubt I would, only because a) I never have kissed someone and b) she has told me before, she hates me when people try and kiss her for no reason.

We are suppose to talk this weekend. We shall see how it goes.


Ravin

hey honey, my fingers are crossed for you.. you know that. Good luck sweetie.

for luck my friend.

 

[Succulent-one]

I don't know why people don't understand, I am not going to kiss her. I highly doubt I would, only because a) I never have kissed someone and b) she has told me before, she hates me when people try and kiss her for no reason.

We are suppose to talk this weekend. We shall see how it goes.


Ravin

I know this is going to sound really mean but, you say you are 19 and never been kissed? This whole thing is sounding more and more like a junior high school drama. Maybe you should seek guidance from somewhere other than Literotica.