How to loosen him up???

[LedAstray]

There's nothing that would turn me on more in the world (okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating) than to either watch my husband masturbate, or to catch him in the act. However, I can't get him to loosen up enough to do it! He's extremely embarrassed by masturbation and won't even really talk with me about it, so I can't even broach the subject without humiliating him. I must confess, it's to the point where I'm fantasizing about it a lot.

Also, I've tried to introduce new things to our lovemaking -- like flavored oils, toys, erotic stories, but to no avail. He says the oils are "gross" and the story I wrote him was too trashy. While most women would kill to have such a gentle and considerate lover, there are times when I want him to get rough -- you know, throw me up against the wall and fuck my brains out.

Our sex is wonderful, but sometimes I want to be a little dirty Any advice on how I can get him to try some new things?

 

[Guest]

For whatever reason, some people just don't open up...especially sexually. It could have a lot to do with how he was raised and how he's lived his life.

 

[JaBear30]

try this

I am always fearful to masturbate in front of my partners for fear that they will think it is gross or something, but what you need to do is let him "accidently" catch you masturbating and when he does. Ask hom to join you? I know that would be a definate green light for me, not to mention making me hard as a rock

 

[Natalie Nessus]

.

 

[latinocutie19]

Heres how its done...

Seems to me, that really the best thing to do is have a mutual masturbation session with him....first sit or laydown next to or infront of eachother and get eachother off....you jerk him off while he rubs, licks or fingers you. Mutual mastubation= a manual 69, if you want to look at it like that!
The next step is asking him to finish himself for you so that you can lick his cumm from his hands and head....then he'll start to get comfy with the idea of mastubating in front of you and soon he'll be like me, asking you "Hey sExY! Want to watch me be a baaaad boy?!" ;-)
Yup, i love to masturbate in front of my girlfriend....it gets her off watching my facial expressions and then she'll reward me by letting me watch her!

 

[LadyTabitha]

My fiance is the same way, very shy about masturbating in front of me. He'll do everything else under the sun, but masturbating is a big turn-off for him (even watching me do it does nothing for him) Some guys are just like that.

Other guys, however, can be coaxed into it. All the others have suggested some wonderful ideas; I suggest you try their thoughts. I just wanted to let you know that if it doesn't work, you're not alone!

 

[PrettySarcasticF]

Works for me ...

Will kiss lick nibble & tease my way down his body.
Get him aroused to a certain degree & as he is lying back enjoying my mouth & hands on him ... I will stop. This caused him to open his eyes and look at me. I simply looked at him & whispered ... " show me".


It worked for me and my curiosity was cured....

 

[LedAstray]

Good thoughts!

You've all posted some very good ideasj, especially Pretty Sarcastic. Just a few mornings ago, I asked him to show me how he wanted a handjob and he put his hand over mine to show me. I don't know why I didn't think of pulling my hand away to ask him to show me with his own hand *grin*. So, maybe I have to turn into a major tease to get him to have to touch himself. Works for me.

LOL and I hope y'all don't get the idea that I don't know how to give a great handjob it was just my way of trying to get him involved in it.

 

[PrettySarcasticF]

LAstray ,

That is great ... and just give your husband some time.

I am sure he will come around.

Have fun and enjoy !

 

[SallyIsHere]

Try this

LedAstray,

I have done two things with boyfriends that have worked. One is to sit behind them in a chair while they are on the couch and another is to let them wear a blindfold. Either way, they can't see you watching. Sometimes, if a guy is shy, looking at you looking at him looking at you.....can make them nervous. I would tell him how sexy he is and how it is so exciting watching him stroke his cock and how wet I was getting. It works pretty well if they aren't just totally turned off masturbation in the first place.

Sally

 

[cyndiesweet]

These are all great suggestions. Wow I never would have thought of some of them.

If he grew up being told it was bad,naughty, evil, or my favorite sin and God will punish you he may never be able to step past it. Or it could just a take a long time to get him to feel comfortable enough with you.

He may have trouble reconciling ( I think it's sp wrong I just don't want to look it up) the companion/ partner that you are with the sex goddess aspect of you.

We get fed such crap about our bodies growing up. It's really sad

Sometimes we can overcome it, sometimes not, but it's always fun to try at least where sex is concerned.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

Sometimes we can overcome it, sometimes not, but it's always fun to try at least where sex is concerned

Sometimes, that's all sex is - trying to move away from the baggage/perceptions of others (society?)

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

How to loosen him up????

If he doesn't want to be "nasty," then the question isn't
how to make him be nasty. The question is how to get the
action you want while he thinks of it as expressing his
love.
The idea of "show me how to do that" is a good one.

If you want him a little rougher, you don't have to
ask him to get rougher, you just have to tease him until he
loses control.

 

[LedAstray]

Teasing him....

Good idea

But teasing him only gets me so far. I can tease him until he's ready to explode, but when he finally does touch me, it's with a sweet caress.

I know he doesn't have any religious hangups about it, because he's "pagan." I think it's a whole aesthetics thing with the beauty of sex and feeling as if it has to be done a certain way (soft and slow).

 

[cyndiesweet]

A pagan man... Hmmm that gets all kinds of ideas going. Do you mean like practicing "the craft" or just religious beliefs?

If he practices even sometimes Samhain is coming up.Nothing gets the primal urges going like a good pagan celebration complete with drumming/music, dancing and a little wine.There are usually groups that put on these types of celebrations.The raising of energy within the circle is a powerful thing too.Nothing says you can't have hot, primal sex to honor the God and Goddess right there within the circle, if you create your own celebration.

I pretty much practice alone so I don't have many resources.I assume you could find a group close to you by searching the internet.

Anyone else got a link for her?



Hey look at me! This is post 100!!!!

 

[cyndiesweet]

Did I scare everybody away?

 

[LedAstray]

He doesn't really practice it anymore, but he does still have many of the religious beliefs. I know that there are two groups not overly far from us -- one is about a half hour away and it's all college kids and teenagers (we're in our 30s and parents). The other is an hour and a half away. It's no big deal though