How to know when its over...

[muddpuppy]

Help! Im having some major problems in my relationship, or am i? I feel like we have come to an end and i dont know what to do...
I find myself unhappy, unattractive, unwanted, pushed around, takin for granted... He tends to make me feel this way, we use to get along so well, we would always have lots to talk about but now we cant even hold a conversation, when its just me and him we either sit in silence or we are in different rooms. I have also noticed him constantly staring at other girls (im not even going to say women) Which under normal circumstances it would be fine but theres a difference between looking and staring. He use to not be able to keep his hands off me, now i have to beg for a little attention... He never initiates sex i have to beg for that too! We use to have a great sex life but now he acts like he doesnt want it... Im always doing different things to turn him on, im not boring, its just hard to get him to play along. For example, last night he went to a friends house and when he got back i was dressed in stockings, a tight cut-off super short skirt, lacey black top with my tits falling out, i looked awesome... I tried to tempt him, make him want me, he just ignored me, he didnt even say anything. So, about 2 hours later i gave up, changed into my robe and went to bed, then he comes in gives me a kiss on the cheek says "you looked good tonight." WTF???
Im tired, im tired of begging, im tired being there for his every little need and getting nothing in return... There comes a point, i guess, when you have to make a choice, do you stay with someone that your in love with or do you be with someone who loves you. Those are the only two choices you have, really... Either you are with someone YOU adore and love and they dont feel the same or someone is in love with you but you cant feel the same.

I guess the questions im asking you are,

Which feels better, being in love or having someone love you?
How do you know when its over?

Any advice you can give would be wonderful

 

[Cathleen]

I'm sorry for your pain muddpuppy, all relationships go through stages. The beginning is full of 'can't keep your hands off each other' and with time that urgency is lessened. That doesn't mean the romance is over, just that it has moved into a new phase, so often a sense of comfort emerges.

You've been very honest here and I'd sit down with him sometime, in a quiet and relaxed environment to talk about your feelings, how you see the relationship, what you'd like etc. Keep the focus on 'I' statements - I feel as if you don't.... that night when I was dressed I felt....

One thing you said right up front is something I take exception with - so please don't take it as an attack. No one can ever MAKE us feel something we don't want to feel. We are in control of our emotions. Now I definitely understand there are many occasions that someone's actions bring out a feeling but we decide to accept that. Keep your power, keep your feelings, talk with him and say.... when this happens I feel.......

I wish you luck, you sure have stated some very clear thoughts, not to mention painful ones.

 

[TBKahuna123]

First off what feels better of those two? Neither, they both tear you up and leave an empty hole. In the end, someone gets hurt in either of those situations. True happiness is being wtih someone you love who loves you back. Relationships are a two way street, if they aren't, it's like driving hte wrong way on a one-way street.

The key is communication. I know that sounds corney, but trust me it is THE most important thing in a relationship, because love can't carry the day without communication. Which leads me to the next question: have you talked to him about this? Maybe there's something going on that has made him lose interest in sex. maybe he's just reached that point where he is questioning things in your relationship, but is too scared to talk to you about it. Maybe there is something that you can do that he won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you. Or it could be he's just a schmuck and it's time to move on. Which ever of these it is, you won't know unless you bring it up, share your feelings and concerns, and hear what he has to say.

You also have to remember, us guys are dumbasses more than half the time. We have selective hearing, we aren't always as perceptive as we should be, and subtlety is never our strong suit. Sometimes we have to be hit upside the head to even know we're screwing up. There's a good chance he may not even know how he's making you feel and isn't doing it on purpose.

As for staring at other girls, I hate to break it to you dear but get used to it. I've been with my wife for over 13 years and I love her more than life itself, but I'm still a guy. When a pretty girl walks by, my radar goes off and I am powerless to stop it. Stupid? Superficial? Oh yeah, I won't deny it, but it doesn't always mean that we are looking elsewhere because of anything wrong with you. It just means we are guys and we like boobs.

I'll say it again, talk to him. Seriously sit down and talk. It will suck, there's gonna be hurt feelings and tears no matter what the outcome, but in the end one of two things is going to happen. Either you will start to work out your problems and fall deeper in love wiht each other and build a strong relationship, or you will know it is time to move on and look for someone who will love you in return for your love. Believe me though, you will know, because if he really loves you he will make an attempt to address your feelings. It may take a while (years even) until he gets it right, but if he is trying, then he loves you.

Belive me when I say this, the only thing greater than being adored, is having the one you adore let you know that they adore you for adoring them.

 

[TBKahuna123]

The beginning is full of 'can't keep your hands off each other' and with time that urgency is lessened. That doesn't mean the romance is over, just that it has moved into a new phase, so often a sense of comfort emerges.

Boy ain't that the truth. The fact is also that most of the time, these have nothing to do with your mate's attraction to you, but rather something outside of your relationship. Simply talking about it will clarify. If it's something outside the relationship, maybe you can work through it together. if it's something wrong with you, then you can address it and fix it if possible.

And don't forget that his sex drive may just be slacking off. That happens as we men, ummmm, Mature.

 

[Eilan]

You've brought up aspects of your relationship in a previous thread that I would be concerned about if I were in your shoes. This, for example, is what you said in the dieting thread:

I also have problems going to a gym, i have a possesive boyfriend and he doesnt really like me going anywhere without him. So if i go to a gym i will get the third degree when i get back.

Which feels better, being in love or having someone love you?

I HAVE to have both. Otherwise, to me at least, it's not a relationship. Not a positive, life-enhancing one, anyway.

How do you know when its over?

If you're starting to ask questions like this, you definitely need to take a long hard look at your relationship--both of you.

Good luck.

 

[Cathleen]

First off what feels better of those two? Neither, they both tear you up and leave an empty hole. In the end, someone gets hurt in either of those situations. True happiness is being wtih someone you love who loves you back. Relationships are a two way street, if they aren't, it's like driving hte wrong way on a one-way street.

The key is communication. I know that sounds corney, but trust me it is THE most important thing in a relationship, because love can't carry the day without communication. Which leads me to the next question: have you talked to him about this? Maybe there's something going on that has made him lose interest in sex. maybe he's just reached that point where he is questioning things in your relationship, but is too scared to talk to you about it. Maybe there is something that you can do that he won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you. Or it could be he's just a schmuck and it's time to move on. Which ever of these it is, you won't know unless you bring it up, share your feelings and concerns, and hear what he has to say.

You also have to remember, us guys are dumbasses more than half the time. We have selective hearing, we aren't always as perceptive as we should be, and subtlety is never our strong suit. Sometimes we have to be hit upside the head to even know we're screwing up. There's a good chance he may not even know how he's making you feel and isn't doing it on purpose.

As for staring at other girls, I hate to break it to you dear but get used to it. I've been with my wife for over 13 years and I love her more than life itself, but I'm still a guy. When a pretty girl walks by, my radar goes off and I am powerless to stop it. Stupid? Superficial? Oh yeah, I won't deny it, but it doesn't always mean that we are looking elsewhere because of anything wrong with you. It just means we are guys and we like boobs.

I'll say it again, talk to him. Seriously sit down and talk. It will suck, there's gonna be hurt feelings and tears no matter what the outcome, but in the end one of two things is going to happen. Either you will start to work out your problems and fall deeper in love wiht each other and build a strong relationship, or you will know it is time to move on and look for someone who will love you in return for your love. Believe me though, you will know, because if he really loves you he will make an attempt to address your feelings. It may take a while (years even) until he gets it right, but if he is trying, then he loves you.

Belive me when I say this, the only thing greater than being adored, is having the one you adore let you know that they adore you for adoring them.

So very well said, all of it. Welcome to Lit. TBKuhuna (reminds me of the Gidgit movies, with Moondoggie and The Big Kuhuna)

Muddpuppy I forgot to mention one thing. You are doing very difficult work, take care of yourself, him, your relationship together while you work on this. It could just be the next step in your relationship, growing pains do happen.

Good for you for caring enough about your relationship. Welcome to Lit to you too.

 

[LeahLo519]

I'm sorry that is happening to you! What a horrible feeling...have to talked to him about any of this? Maybe if you asked him honestly what the problem is he'll tell you. But if you think it's just a matter of him not being interested at all anymore then I would break it off and see how he reacts. If he really wants to be with you still, he'll say so. And if he doesn't, as hard as it is..you're better off without him. I hope everything works out!

 

[SweetErika]

You've gotten excellent advice, and I hope it is just growing pains or a rough spot.

Unlike Eilan, this is the first I've read about your relationship, and I know there are three sides to every story, but I got a bad feeling about your post above. It sounds like he may be doing some of these things (consciously or subconsciously) to hurt you or the relationship. That's more likely if you've voiced your feelings and he's continued on the same path/hasn't made an effort to be more considerate. Perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to gather your strength and get out, especially if there's been a progression in his behavior.

I can't be in a relationship in which love and effort aren't reciprocal. Both people have to want to be there and give 100% for the good of themselves, eachother, and the relationship. I'd say if I felt it was one-sided after a good amount of time and communication, it'd be time for me to get out of that role because I deserve a healthy, loving relationship.

 

[muddpuppy]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, muddpuppy, and you're probably better off without someone who treats you so poorly. Read that sentence in bold a few times...what normal, loving person would not reciprocate your behavior?

Maybe it's too soon to do this, but instead of looking at what you've lost, try to see what you've gained: the opportunity to get out of a bad relationship and find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them in the future.

 

[Eilan]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

I'm so sorry to hear this, muddpuppy.

Let yourself cry for as long as you need to, and don't worry about bringing us down.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

There is one simple and horrid fact of life, the best people are the ones that get hurt the most. It's also a fact that those of us who are the most giving, the most caring, are often the ones that get used up and discarded. I know, I've been there a time or two myself.

He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone.

At the risk of sounding harsh, what a asshole. This sentence right there tells me that he doesn't care. If he did, he'd want you on his mind every minute of every day he was away. You are way better off finding out now. This is one of the most insensitive things I have ever heard.

Of course there are two sides to every story, but I sure can't figure out what you could possibly have done wrong. Some people are just like that, and they are drawn to people who are caring and loving because they need our love because their hearts are so devoid of it. We care, we give, and we get used, that's the price we pay for being who we are. The important thing though is don't giveup, don't close up, and don't turn cold. If you do that, the bad people win, corney as that sounds, and the world is a better place because we're in it.

I know it feels like the end of the world right now, but believe me, those of us who are caring and sensitive WILL find someone who cares about us as much as we care about them. I was so devestated when I had to break up with my ex-fiance because she was cheating on me, that I swore I would never let myself get hurt like that again. After I spent a couple weeks as sobbing everytime I wasn't working. I went the other way, I decided I was gonna be the jerk because I wasn't getting hurt again. Instead, I wound up meeting someone just as caring and sensitive as myself. 13 years later, what can I say? I don't even remember what it felt like to hurt. Never give up hope.

i just dont have anyone to talk to.

Feel free to talk to us here. There's one thing I have to say about this board, in the few weeks I've been here I have met more sincere people than I have on any other online community. We may not be able to lend a shoulder, but think of us as a keyboard to cry on.

 

[DevilsAngel369]

The worst thing

The worst thing in any relationship is being taken for granted. That's why its always good to say Please and thank you...especailly to you spouse. there is a fine line between comfortable and complaicent, one wish should not be crossed.

Unfortunately it seems that in your case this line as been crossed. Why? i dont know, but there has to be a reason. I would echo the other opinions that talk to him about your concerns, in a calm and rational manner. It's an idea, but why not do it over a nice dinner at home. This way if he doesnt appreciate the effort you took, then you can use that as an example. I would not recommend that accuse him, but ask him why? He wont talk if he's on the defensive. but be prepared to hear whatever he says...good or bad.

I wish you good luck!

 

[Eilan]

The worst thing in any relationship is being taken for granted. That's why its always good to say Please and thank you...especailly to you spouse. there is a fine line between comfortable and complaicent, one wish should not be crossed.

Unfortunately it seems that in your case this line as been crossed. Why? i dont know, but there has to be a reason. I would echo the other opinions that talk to him about your concerns, in a calm and rational manner. It's an idea, but why not do it over a nice dinner at home. This way if he doesnt appreciate the effort you took, then you can use that as an example. I would not recommend that accuse him, but ask him why? He wont talk if he's on the defensive. but be prepared to hear whatever he says...good or bad.

I wish you good luck!

Um, did you read the ENTIRE thread?

 

[Succulent-one]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

What a lout. Baby he is not worth your tears. Do you really want to hold on to a man who treated you like dirt. He knew what he was going to do for a long time, that is why he was ignoring you, he had the guilties big time. Even if you got him back, he is a life time of heart ache.

So scrub the house.....get every last vestage of that bugger out of there. Put on your party shoes and go out with your friends. You don't have to look for a guy, just go out and have a good time. Make him a distant memory real quick.

 

[Darkknight2010]

I guess the questions im asking you are,

Which feels better, being in love or having someone love you?
How do you know when its over?

Any advice you can give would be wonderful

First, loooooooooooooooooooooooooots of hugs.

Next... actually, neither of those options work for me. I dated someone who was head-ver-heals in love with me... I wasn't with her. I twas the most un-nerving experience having her friends go 'Wow, he's a keeper!' I'm like 'WTF, am I a house or something?'

On the other hand, I've been head-over-healls in love with someone... while they kinda had the same reaction to me. this also sucks because you sit there and wonder 'Ok, WTF am I doing wrong? Am I ugly, stupid, doing too much, not doing enought... AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!'

The only time it works is when it's mutual; you BOTH feel the same level of attractoin and affection. Until then, either you or your partner are spooked by the reactoin of the other.

As far as when it's over... frankly, it's usually everyone else who notices before you do. I am always HOPING something will change things, make it better, blah, blah, blah... while finally a friend goes 'Um... dude, put a fork in it, it's done'. It's done gently, with love and affection, but also told BLUNTLY so there are no what ifs.

Can this be dangerou? Yes if you don't trust the person who's telling you this and they have alterior motives. But if the friend is somone you would trust with your life or you would bury a body for them, ask them; 'Look... I'm feeling stupid... as it over?'

Yes, this is a rther male way of doing it... but frankly, you have to be kinda blunt at this point. No illusions, no smoke-screens... either face the truth or you will be living in a mirage for a long time.

I hope this helps, milady.

 

[muddpuppy]

What a lout. Baby he is not worth your tears. Do you really want to hold on to a man who treated you like dirt. He knew what he was going to do for a long time, that is why he was ignoring you, he had the guilties big time. Even if you got him back, he is a life time of heart ache.

So scrub the house.....get every last vestage of that bugger out of there. Put on your party shoes and go out with your friends. You don't have to look for a guy, just go out and have a good time. Make him a distant memory real quick.

I took your advice and went out to a friends house, so i could be close to people who care. He really never has approved of my friends so i did abondon them while we were together. Well, i stayed overnight and got my ass reemed when i came home, i think he thinks i have already slept with someone else. I just wanted to get him out of my head for a minute, i was tired of laying around the house crying, now hes making me feel like i have done something wrong. If your wondering, we are still living together and i know thats making things even more difficult, i have to see him everyday and not being able to kiss him or feel his arms around me is making me crazy... I would give anything to feel his arms around me, holding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I almost want to make another "How to" thread, "How to get him back" or "How to make him want me" In the back of my mind i keep thinking maybe we can get through this, maybe we can still be together... With that thought i am now afraid to attempt to move on with my life, in fear that if i do i may blow whatever chance i have of getting him back... I talked to my friends about him the other night and they told me if i loved him so much i should do whatever it takes for us to be together... Even if it means moving to another state, moving in with his mother(another long story) The only reason i really left the other night was because i had no one else to turn to, he sure wasnt here for me. Although, i should move on with my life because he sure seems to be enjoying his now, today one of his "girlfriends" stopped by, they walked outside for a private conversation, it seemed to be pretty hands on, he reached over to touch, what seemed to be her ass, and she smacked his hand away then she had her hands all over him... I had the opportunity to get out of this house and this town for the weekend but i blew it off hoping to work things out with him... I did end up fucking him today, I KNOW, another mistake... What can i say, i like sex too!

I want to thank ya'll for your advice and support, you guys have been wonderful...

 

[Ezzy]

I took your advice and went out to a friends house, so i could be close to people who care. He really never has approved of my friends so i did abondon them while we were together.

Start to open up to any friends you have left, let them know enough but there is no need to tell everything.

Well, i stayed overnight and got my ass reemed when i came home, i think he thinks i have already slept with someone else. I just wanted to get him out of my head for a minute, i was tired of laying around the house crying, now hes making me feel like i have done something wrong.

Do everything you can to get out of the appartment as soon as you can, the saying "If you love them let them go!" comes to mind so even though you still love him, let him go, if it is ment to be he will come back, if it is not ment to be, the sooner you can make the break the quicker you can move on.

If your wondering, we are still living together and i know thats making things even more difficult, i have to see him everyday and not being able to kiss him or feel his arms around me is making me crazy... I would give anything to feel his arms around me, holding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I almost want to make another "How to" thread, "How to get him back" or "How to make him want me" In the back of my mind i keep thinking maybe we can get through this, maybe we can still be together...

Do everything you can to get out of the appartment as soon as you can, the saying "If you love them let them go!" comes to mind so even though you still love him, let him go, if it is ment to be he will come back, if it is not ment to be, the sooner you can make the break the quicker you can move on.

With that thought i am now afraid to attempt to move on with my life, in fear that if i do i may blow whatever chance i have of getting him back... I talked to my friends about him the other night and they told me if i loved him so much i should do whatever it takes for us to be together...

Sorry to say I think your friends are WRONG. Would you (or should you) take a beating to be with him? Perhaps he could sleep around then give you an STD from doing it? Would that be "right" in your friends eyes?

Even if it means moving to another state, moving in with his mother(another long story) The only reason i really left the other night was because i had no one else to turn to, he sure wasnt here for me.

If you are working do everything you can to move you and your belongings out as soon as you can, don't go to his family if you can avoid it.

Although, i should move on with my life because he sure seems to be enjoying his now, today one of his "girlfriends" stopped by, they walked outside for a private conversation, it seemed to be pretty hands on, he reached over to touch, what seemed to be her ass, and she smacked his hand away then she had her hands all over him... I had the opportunity to get out of this house and this town for the weekend but i blew it off hoping to work things out with him...

Move on, move on and find friendship and love elsewhere!

I did end up fucking him today, I KNOW, another mistake... What can i say, i like sex too!

I want to thank ya'll for your advice and support, you guys have been wonderful...

You should know you have the right to your own happiness, take a page out of lots of self-help books, and take the chance now to follow your dreams and make a positive move with your life.

Good luck!

 

[zerimar1231]

For example, last night he went to a friends house and when he got back i was dressed in stockings, a tight cut-off super short skirt, lacey black top with my tits falling out, i looked awesome...

How the HELL did he ignore you with an outfit like that??? In my opinion if you have to beg to get attention then it's time to move on. You either: have a serious talk with him, dump his ass, or stay with him & be miserable and regret it later in life. I say talk to him, if things stay like this then dump his ass! I think it's best to be loving someone who loves you back, bc if you give them all your love then at the end what will you have? Nothing except experience in knowing you won't repeat the same mistake again.

 

[rhev]

I went through a very similar thing with a girlfriend in the past. A woman I loved and thought I would spend the rest of my life with. People, take note. If you are in a sexual relationship, and the sex drys up. Its an indication of something SERIOUSLY wrong. I don't mean that it always has to be like when you first started, all hands all over and touchy feely. But if it drys up and you suspect something, sit them down to talk IMMEDIATLY.

No one deserves to be stuck in a relationship where they put in all the emotion to a dead party.

BTW, zerimar.... cutest avatar ever.

 

[SweetErika]

I took your advice and went out to a friends house, so i could be close to people who care. He really never has approved of my friends so i did abondon them while we were together. Well, i stayed overnight and got my ass reemed when i came home, i think he thinks i have already slept with someone else. I just wanted to get him out of my head for a minute, i was tired of laying around the house crying, now hes making me feel like i have done something wrong.

He broke up with you. It's no longer his business what you do, where you go, or who you choose to spend time with. He can lay a guilt trip on you and be a controlling ass, but you get to choose how to feel. His words and actions only have as much power over you as you allow them to. Keep reminding yourself of the reality of the situation, and that you aren't doing anything wrong. Don't respond to his accusations or other comments. He'll probably lose interest in harassing you as soon as you stop responding.

If your wondering, we are still living together and i know thats making things even more difficult, i have to see him everyday and not being able to kiss him or feel his arms around me is making me crazy... I would give anything to feel his arms around me, holding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I almost want to make another "How to" thread, "How to get him back" or "How to make him want me" In the back of my mind i keep thinking maybe we can get through this, maybe we can still be together... With that thought i am now afraid to attempt to move on with my life, in fear that if i do i may blow whatever chance i have of getting him back... I talked to my friends about him the other night and they told me if i loved him so much i should do whatever it takes for us to be together... Even if it means moving to another state, moving in with his mother(another long story) The only reason i really left the other night was because i had no one else to turn to, he sure wasnt here for me.

That last line really says a lot, MP. Do you really want him, this guy who treats you very poorly, or are you just grieving and miss a relationship in general? Would you rather be miserable trying to get back with this person, or heal and find someone who loves, respects, appreciates, and treats you as you deserve? Really, it's not so much about you loving him, but loving yourself enough to move on to a better life.

Although, i should move on with my life because he sure seems to be enjoying his now, today one of his "girlfriends" stopped by, they walked outside for a private conversation, it seemed to be pretty hands on, he reached over to touch, what seemed to be her ass, and she smacked his hand away then she had her hands all over him... I had the opportunity to get out of this house and this town for the weekend but i blew it off hoping to work things out with him... I did end up fucking him today, I KNOW, another mistake... What can i say, i like sex too!

Manipulative bastard.

If I were in your shoes, I'd really look at why I decided to have sex with him. Is it really that I love sex, couldn't help myself, or felt like I needed the physical release? Or, was I trying to use sex as a way of conning myself into feeling we were back together...that nothing had really changed so I didn't have to deal with the pain? Was sex an attempt to make him feel a connection and maybe change his mind? Tough questions, but if you felt it was a mistake, you probably need to evaluate your reasoning and be strong in not repeating the behavior. From what you've told us, I'm guessing this is the type of person who will relish taking everything he can then discarding you.

Good luck, muddpuppy...I hope you find some peace and far better things just around the bend.

 

[Eilan]

If I were in your shoes, I'd really look at why I decided to have sex with him. Is it really that I love sex, couldn't help myself, or felt like I needed the physical release? Or, was I trying to use sex as a way of conning myself into feeling we were back together...that nothing had really changed so I didn't have to deal with the pain? Was sex an attempt to make him feel a connection and maybe change his mind?

Unfortunately, I've been there and done that. It didn't change a damn thing about the relationship (or its eventual demise). The only thing I got out of it was a dirty feeling.

 

[SummerMorning]

Well, i do have an update... He broke it off the other night... So, i guess, thats how you know when its over... He is leaving to go over seas in a couple of months and he says he doesnt need me on his mind while hes gone... Personally, i think its a money issue, its just hard to believe hes going to dispose of me so easily after the three years we have shared... I cant stop crying, i dont know what i did wrong, anytime he needed anything i was there... Sorry if i brought ya'll down, i just dont have anyone to talk to.

You did NOTHING wrong.

It's as simple as that. Comforting? No. But it is as simple as that.

 

[Leeleigh]

I took your advice and went out to a friends house, so i could be close to people who care. He really never has approved of my friends so i did abondon them while we were together. Well, i stayed overnight and got my ass reemed when i came home, i think he thinks i have already slept with someone else. I just wanted to get him out of my head for a minute, i was tired of laying around the house crying, now hes making me feel like i have done something wrong. If your wondering, we are still living together and i know thats making things even more difficult, i have to see him everyday and not being able to kiss him or feel his arms around me is making me crazy... I would give anything to feel his arms around me, holding me and telling me that everything is going to be okay. I almost want to make another "How to" thread, "How to get him back" or "How to make him want me" In the back of my mind i keep thinking maybe we can get through this, maybe we can still be together... With that thought i am now afraid to attempt to move on with my life, in fear that if i do i may blow whatever chance i have of getting him back... I talked to my friends about him the other night and they told me if i loved him so much i should do whatever it takes for us to be together... Even if it means moving to another state, moving in with his mother(another long story) The only reason i really left the other night was because i had no one else to turn to, he sure wasnt here for me. Although, i should move on with my life because he sure seems to be enjoying his now, today one of his "girlfriends" stopped by, they walked outside for a private conversation, it seemed to be pretty hands on, he reached over to touch, what seemed to be her ass, and she smacked his hand away then she had her hands all over him... I had the opportunity to get out of this house and this town for the weekend but i blew it off hoping to work things out with him... I did end up fucking him today, I KNOW, another mistake... What can i say, i like sex too!

I want to thank ya'll for your advice and support, you guys have been wonderful...

Jesus girl.. I am gonna be BLUNT...get him the fuck out of that house or you get out.

He wants his cake, and he wants to eat it too.. He is fucking around already and you are taking chances now both with your physical health and your mental health. This is NOT a good situation. It is beyond time to let go and move on. Been there done that.. boyfriend broke up with me, yet wanted me around for sex.. dumb me at the time fooled myself into thinking he still wanted me, he just needed some space.. my friends told me he was fucking around, but I did not listen... imagine my surprise when I encountered him in the bowling alley... with an 8 month pregnant girlfriend..

MP...kick his ass out the damn door, slam it shut, lock it and toss the key!!!!!!! Do not look back...walk away now. You need someone in your life that is going to love you in the same manner as you are willing to give love..

Relationships are made up of compromise and sacrifice on the part of both people. You both give and and take.. You are doing all the giving.. he is doing all the taking. STOP IT NOW! If you don't get out, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness... Believe me on this.

 

[silverwhisper]

what leeleigh said, muddpuppy. you're not a doormat. don't let him treat you like one. he does not respect you. if he did, he wouldn't treat you this way. go, get out as soon as you can afford it. and if you haven't already,apologize to your friends for blowing them off.

ed