HOW to Keep things Passionate

[freddyandeddy]

How funny, I've always wanted to do that! I'm thinking of sending my wife a card from a "mysterious admirer" and having her go to a bar after work. I'll come in and ask the bartender to take her a drink and try to "pick her up" so to speak. I'm giddy thinking about it.

Tonight, I had a great dinner waiting for her when she walked through the door. Homemade pasta and pesto sauce, steak, and lightly steamed vegetables, with a glass of Coppola Rosso wine already poured and decanted. Yummy! My mother in law is doing dish duty and we can spend a little time with our 5 year old, then snuggle a bit before doing it all over again tomorrow. Aaah, life is truly grand...

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Is anyone else getting the feeling that this guy doesn't even HAVE a wife??

It all sounds a little too brady bunch for me...

 

[freddyandeddy]

Did Carol and Mike Brady actually have sex? And I certainly don't recall either one of them ever cooking dinner (didn't Alice do all that?) or giving eachother massage. Come to think of it, did Mike ever bring her flowers? Hmmmm... Nope, I'm afraid this isn't the best analogy.

Brady Bunch or not, it's all true and I do indeed have a wife (a pretty hot and sexy one, in fact). We have our own website devoted to fostering better relationships as well, so I hope you're not too disappointed...

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Did Carol and Mike Brady actually have sex? And I certainly don't recall either one of them ever cooking dinner (didn't Alice do all that?) or giving eachother massage. Come to think of it, did Mike ever bring her flowers? Hmmmm... Nope, I'm afraid this isn't the best analogy.

Brady Bunch or not, it's all true and I do indeed have a wife (a pretty hot and sexy one, in fact). We have our own website devoted to fostering better relationships as well, so I hope you're not too disappointed...

Actually, 'Mike Brady' was gay in real life.

What i meant by 'too brady bunch' was that everything sounded a bit too good to be true.

Does this website have a pic of your wife on it?

I somehow (and this is only my personal opinion) believe that what youre doing for your wife is not necessarily the best thing. Showering her with gifts and flowers and surprises is nice. My boyfriend did that for me when we first started dating, but there'll come a point where you realise that you won't be able to sustain it forever, but by that time your wife will have come to expect it, and treating her any differently might lead to your eventual unhappiness at having to make a concentrated effort to make her happy ALL THE TIME.

 

[Bobmi357]

Rub her feet. Nothing beats a good massage even if its not one meant to lead up to something sexual. My wife never thought she'd like a foot massage, until I gave her one.

Its not possible to keep the passion going 24/7, I wouldn't even make the attempt. But you can go a long way just by trying to be observant and considerate of your spouse's(or SO) moods.

 

[sheath]

Is anyone else getting the feeling that this guy doesn't even HAVE a wife??

It all sounds a little too brady bunch for me...

Hmmm.

I'm sure he's married. This particular thread is just about ONE side of a relationship. If you want to read about the hardships, there are plenty of other threads to wander. In this one, the focus is on keeping the passion alive.

Good thread, Freddy, by the way. I'll add my own little tidbits when I have something pop up in my tired little brain.

S.

 

[SensualCealy]

Thats true Sheath,
There are way too many threads on what not to do or how to fix it. This is a nice change knowing there is a man out there that thinks of his wife before himself!

Snaps all around for Freddy!

Cealy
p.s. what are you planning for your 25th? What no plans yet? you are slipping! lol

 

[freddyandeddy]

I somehow (and this is only my personal opinion) believe that what youre doing for your wife is not necessarily the best thing. Showering her with gifts and flowers and surprises is nice. My boyfriend did that for me when we first started dating, but there'll come a point where you realise that you won't be able to sustain it forever, but by that time your wife will have come to expect it, and treating her any differently might lead to your eventual unhappiness at having to make a concentrated effort to make her happy ALL THE TIME.

Well, it's been 15 years so far and I hardly shower her with gifts. I'm just asking for simple ways to keep things going, focusing on the little (and positive) things. If you're suggesting that being a giving person will somehow lead to my eventual unhappiness, then that's just how it's going to play out, I guess. In the meantime, it's 6:20am and I'm heading out the door to work - but not before I give my wife a soft kiss on the cheek and whisper how much I love her.

 

[herecomestherain]

Yes "he" has a wife, and yes she is a very lucky lady. He is also a very lucky man, in fact you could call them a lucky couple! See how it works?



More on keeping it passionate soon. to you Freddy.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Thanks Rain! And we totally appreciate the time you spend on our boards on our site.

I'd really love to post a picture of us, but I'd rather not jeopardize my position as a teacher until after I leave the profession in June. At that time, we'll "come out of the clost," for lack of a better cliche'. And we are well aware that our relationship seems almost surreal in this cynical age we inhabit; our friends have often professed how much pressure we put on their own relationships by just, well, being "us." I know most of the husbands resent me treating my wife the way I do. However, I model our marriage on some good friends of ours, who just celebrated their 51st year together. They have sustained a healthy and loving relationship over this long period by putting each other first and we feel this is what works best for us. It's understandable and totally great that relationships can thrive under different circumstances, sexual situations, and mutual understandings than our own. I started this thread because the majority of women with whom I work complain about their hubbies constantly and I only make it worse by my actions in my own relationship. Hopefully, this community in cyberspace can offer experiences and actions that are diverse, unique, and exciting that I can share with them.

That said, I'm always on the hunt for cool little things to spring on my beloved, so please keep 'em coming! Today, wifey surprised me by showing up at my school at lunchtime and snacking down some Baja Fresh with the kids! It was SO cool! Just a few minutes ago, we drove in the pouring rain to our friends' house to loan them a nebulizer to help with the husband's severe cough. Amazingly, while my wife was on the phone with them, we both just knew we'd be going over and I started to put my jacket on before she even got off the phone.

Finally, if you're all not too sick to your stomachs by now, in our 15 years together, we've been apart a TOTAL of 22 days. It's the kind of addiction I gladly admit and I'd love to see that number never move another day.

 

[CelticFrog]

Finally, if you're all not too sick to your stomachs by now, in our 15 years together, we've been apart a TOTAL of 22 days. It's the kind of addiction I gladly admit and I'd love to see that number never move another day.

That's depressing. In the first 9 and a half months of our marriage, we were together for about 90 days, give or take a week. Or three.

Ang

 

[herecomestherain]

These are just a few thoughts and they aren't in the big gesture vein but they have helped to keep things fresh and happy for us for 15 years and I've got to say that the last two years have been some of the most passionate we've experienced. The things that have contributed that have been:

We have our seperate lives and our shared lives, that is we are whole people, we have privacy and intimacy

We kiss a lot

We try to allow each other room to grow

He cooks for me, I love that

He does stuff around the house, the garden etc

We respect each other, try to encourage each others interests, forgive each others foibles

We try to stay fit and healthy for each other and our kids

We go out and have grown up fun

We pay each other compliments

We yell and disagree with passion too

 

[anothervictim]

i really like some of the ideas you guys had. someone mentioned the whole meeting each other for the first time every time thing. i do that some times and he does it too. i think it's cute.

my bf stops everything, like he'll just drop everything we're doing at the moment to tell me how much he loves me and appreciates everything i do. it's the sweetest thing. when we're really stressed out with work and stuff, we take time out to cuddle. when we cuddle we talk about things that's been going on around us and it's really nice.

 

[anothervictim]

one more thing...

i thought this would be something really nice to do, it's intimate.. i've never done it but i dont think i will untill later on in our relationship. in the morning before the both of you get ready to go to work.. the guy to just penetrate her... laying on top or on your side... just to talk and kiss. no sex or anything... it's a very comfortable trust.

tell me what you think

 

[freddyandeddy]

Victim,

We've totally done that. I have to be extremely slow and gentle, as she's not much of a morning person. I'll usually dab a bit of lube on my index finger and apply it gingerly to her area and then get into the spooning position. Once she gets half way awake, it takes off from there. Sometimes, we don't go all the way to completion (in fact, you can just caress your partner all over until he/she awakens), which causes anticipation to build up throughout the day (I'll call and tell her how much I can't wait to get home to continue things, how hot I am for her, etc.). By night, we can hardly keep our hands off eachother!

Celt, as long as those 90 days were great, that's all that matters.

Rain, you're really making a case for an Australia visit! LOL

 

[Bobmi357]

one more thing...

i thought this would be something really nice to do, it's intimate.. i've never done it but i dont think i will untill later on in our relationship. in the morning before the both of you get ready to go to work.. the guy to just penetrate her... laying on top or on your side... just to talk and kiss. no sex or anything... it's a very comfortable trust.

tell me what you think

I'm not trying to make fun of your idea, but if there is penetration, then how can you not be having sex?

As the old cliche goes, "in order to procreate, you must penetrate".

 

[freddyandeddy]

Now now now, watch the drips; plenty of lively little sperm before you penetrate!

 

[Limbhugger]

Hand her a bowl of ice cream, then when that is gone...give her a few neckties and a wooden spoon. You'd be amazed at how refreshed and calm she'll be after. Works for us.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Thanks Rain! And we totally appreciate the time you spend on our boards on our site.

I'd really love to post a picture of us, but I'd rather not jeopardize my position as a teacher until after I leave the profession in June. At that time, we'll "come out of the clost," for lack of a better cliche'. And we are well aware that our relationship seems almost surreal in this cynical age we inhabit; our friends have often professed how much pressure we put on their own relationships by just, well, being "us." I know most of the husbands resent me treating my wife the way I do. However, I model our marriage on some good friends of ours, who just celebrated their 51st year together. They have sustained a healthy and loving relationship over this long period by putting each other first and we feel this is what works best for us. It's understandable and totally great that relationships can thrive under different circumstances, sexual situations, and mutual understandings than our own. I started this thread because the majority of women with whom I work complain about their hubbies constantly and I only make it worse by my actions in my own relationship. Hopefully, this community in cyberspace can offer experiences and actions that are diverse, unique, and exciting that I can share with them.

That said, I'm always on the hunt for cool little things to spring on my beloved, so please keep 'em coming! Today, wifey surprised me by showing up at my school at lunchtime and snacking down some Baja Fresh with the kids! It was SO cool! Just a few minutes ago, we drove in the pouring rain to our friends' house to loan them a nebulizer to help with the husband's severe cough. Amazingly, while my wife was on the phone with them, we both just knew we'd be going over and I started to put my jacket on before she even got off the phone.

Finally, if you're all not too sick to your stomachs by now, in our 15 years together, we've been apart a TOTAL of 22 days. It's the kind of addiction I gladly admit and I'd love to see that number never move another day.

If what you say is the truth, then I envy you this. I really, truly do.

 

[freddyandeddy]

Every last word. But don't envy it - just pick up a few pointers, contribute and idea you might have, and make your own relationship thrive.

Unfortunately, we seem to be conditioned to expect things. A certain weight, certain way of dressing, certain way of making love, certain way our kids should act, a certain job, a certain level of income; all of these things obscure what's REALLY important to long term success. Trust, devotion, respect, and consideration for my wife and family come before everything else. I've had job offers to make great amounts of money and turned them down because I'm not going to accept more hours taken away from what's most important to my life. Long hours and travel away from them? Sure, monetarily this might give us a better car, bigger house, more material crap we can stuff into our already bloated living standards, and such. But, is the risk of being away from that which matters most worth it? Well, for me, the answer is a resounding "no way."

This isn't to invalidate the beliefs or methods others have for thriving in their respective relationships - it's just what works for us. Each morning, I start by thinking of my wife and child and make sure to stop and take a good look at both of them (you never know when your last breath is coming, right?) before I head out the door to work. If I feel like calling her, I do. If I feel like writing her an e-mail, I do. If I feel like scooping up our child after I get home from work and surprising her as she walks out the door from her job, I do. If I need to listen to her vent, I do without speaking or judging. I've been conducting myself in this way for many years now and, until I see a need to change, will continue to do so for many more.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

The reason I posted my other post, about this not necessarily being the best thing for your wife in the long run, is because that's what my boyfriend and I are going through right now.

For the first year of our relationship, he was near perfect. He did everything to make me happy. My happiness came first. Lately, he's realised that he can't sustain that, that he needs his own space, and that he can't be like that all the time.

I feel cheated, in a sense, because that treatment is what I'd come to expect from the relationship, and suddenly, he took it away. I reacted quite badly to it, because I guess I felt he wasn't treating me like I wanted or deserved to be treated.

He tells me now that I want a slave, not a boyfriend when I tell him that I want that feeling back. He doesn't want to spend all his time with me, like I do with him.

I always believed there was a love like yours in life, and that's what I would have one day. I'm not sure my boyfriend can be that guy.

I wasn't sure any guy could be that guy, but you prove me wrong.

I think I'm capable of loving someone the way you love your wife. I want someone to love me that way in return.

 

[Limbhugger]

Perhaps you do want a slave. That isn't wrong.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

Perhaps you do want a slave. That isn't wrong.

*L* I don't want a slave.

I want someone to be very, very in love with me, not someone to do everything for me.

Having said that I want the perfect romantic guy, I don't think I'll ever find him because I like my men to be MEN. I like them to like sport, and drink beer, and by typically male.

And those type of men are usually NOT the romantic type who'll give up everything for their women.

 

[Eating_Scarlett]

anyway, shit, am very late to meet my bf

will check in tomorrow

 

[freddyandeddy]

You know, I DO love a beer and a good football and basketball game, as well as loving to shoot hoops myself and trips to Golds Gym 5-6 times a week. And I did run in last year's LA Marathon without dying. I can assure you, though, that these are NOT things that make me any more "manly" than if I were to garden, cook, arrange flowers, or watch Oxygen Network all day instead. Drinking alcohol and grunting is not what makes a man anymore than cooking and cleaning make a woman. And nowhere is it written that a beer swilling dude can't be romantic. That's just a load of BS propogated by shows like Tom Likus, Maxim Magazine, and The Man Show. It just takes little effort and the refusal to buy in to these idiotic stereotypes.

What I consider "manly" is acting in accordance with your individual values and being firm, while at the same time being flexible enough to adjust as situations change. And I'm definitely no slave to my wife; in fact, we are slaves to each other's love and devotion, but not necessarily to each other's philosophies, likes, and dislikes. We actually encourage the pursuit of separate interests, as it would be stifling to expect that we'd always like and want to do the same things, think the same way, and enjoy the same hobbies. Boring. I want her to have her independent side and to never feel I hindered her in any way.

I must, however, take issue with unrealistic expectations and trying to find that perfect someone. He (and she) don't exist. More on that later...