How To Help Your Child With Disappointment

[His_kitty]

My son is ten years old and has inherited his shyness, among too many other things lol, from me.

I managed to convince him to try out for a part in his school play this semester, after taking him to practices after practices last semester when he was part of the stage crew. I told him that being in the play would help him with his shyness, would be tons of fun acting with all of his friends.

He got very excited at the prospects of playing the King of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland, practiced and practiced the lines and today was the audition.

We got the call less than 30 minutes ago that while it was very close between him and a boy 2 years younger, the other child got it.

I know that I'm his mother and so therefore I'm partial. But he's a great kid and he's been through so much this past year and he's not complained about anything.

Even with the fire he was just as upset about my Christmas presents that he'd bought for me being gone as he was for his own things. His aunt took him shopping last week and he requested to go to a store just to buy me something. Proudly handing me an eeyore sweatshirt when he came home. What touched me wasn't so much that he picked out something that he knows I collect (eeyore), but the fact that he wanted so badly to get me something.

So tonight when he received the news and started crying, my heart just broke right along with him.

His music/drama teacher asked me several times on the phone to please try and get him to accept another part, which actually happens to be bigger. But he doesn't want it.

I'm not sure how to handle this and I'd appreciate any well meaning advice ya'll might have.

Should I try and convince him to take this other part? Push him towards it? Or let him be and allow him to drop out of drama?

 

[freakygirl]

Oh boy.. hard one here.

Me? I'd sit and cry.. and wonder why life is so unfair. Then I'd probably try to explain to him that things happen for a reason. Maybe the other part was meant for him. To try it if he wants.. and if he doesn't like it.. he won't have to do drama ever again.

I'm so sorry you and your son are having so many bumps in the road of life..

 

[kidthor]

Well..I wouldn't push him, but letting him quit after his first setback would not be good in my opinion. Course...I have no children...Good Luck...Turtle Murderer...

 

[Bidin~Time]

Kitts,

Encourage him to take the bigger part. Although C will never realize this, the fact that he didn't get the part he wanted may have been because he was better suited to the larger speaking part. I know if I were his drama instructor, I would want an older, more depandable child to have the larger speaking parts. This may have been just what she was thinking too. Especially since she asked several times he take the larger part.

It wasn't an insult that he didn't get the part of the King of Hearts, it was a compliment that she thinks he is better suited to a larger role.

Tell him emi says "Way to go kid, that's pretty darn good for someone to go from stage hand to major speaking role!"

 

[Gil_Favor]

I wouldnt let him drop out. Quitting in the face of adversity is not an option. Try to get him to see that the other part has value.

 

[His_kitty]

Oh boy.. hard one here.

Me? I'd sit and cry.. and wonder why life is so unfair. Then I'd probably try to explain to him that things happen for a reason. Maybe the other part was meant for him. To try it if he wants.. and if he doesn't like it.. he won't have to do drama ever again.

I'm so sorry you and your son are having so many bumps in the road of life..

I have been crying... which is why I'm currently squirreled away in this lil office instead of upstairs with him. I don't want him to see me cry because that will only make matters worse.

I told him that maybe it was because he was older and did so much better that they wanted him to take the other part but he just shakes his head no.

Thank you... I know that my thread about him kinda went into a lil whine but just like all mothers our kids are our hearts and what hurts them hurts us.

 

[Zaudika]

My personal opinion would be to encourage him, but not push him. Still let him make the decision, but definitely give him some encouragement to take the bigger part. Also, it is truely a compliment that he got a bigger part when trying out for a smaller one. That's great!..... Let him see how exciting that is.. and hopefully he'll want to continue and take it.

 

[His_kitty]

Kitts,

Encourage him to take the bigger part. Although C will never realize this, the fact that he didn't get the part he wanted may have been because he was better suited to the larger speaking part. I know if I were his drama instructor, I would want an older, more depandable child to have the larger speaking parts. This may have been just what she was thinking too. Especially since she asked several times he take the larger part.

It wasn't an insult that he didn't get the part of the King of Hearts, it was a compliment that she thinks he is better suited to a larger role.

Tell him emi says "Way to go kid, that's pretty darn good for someone to go from stage hand to major speaking role!"

It was so nice to see him so excited about this the past week.

Asking me to help him run lines, taking his script to his fathers house to have them help him over the weekend. Normally you have to plead and threaten to get him to do anything like memorization, but he was asking on his own and practicing on his own for this.

lol Gil, I even told him that the King was a big wuss and why would he want to play that. She wants him to be the seagull, Dodo I think is the characters name, she said that he'd be perfect for it because he's (both character and C ) are silly.

She said that she would also ask him tomorrow at school to try and convince him to do it.

I don't want him to quit and I've never allowed him to do so before with anything else he's ever done. But this is a bit different than baseball - which he came to love.

I'll be sure to pass on your message to him.



turtle murderer

 

[intrigued]

Kitty, be patient. This is still fresh for him, let him absorb it...he just might suprise you.

 

[Weird Harold]

lol Gil, I even told him that the King was a big wuss and why would he want to play that. She wants him to be the seagull, Dodo I think is the characters name, she said that he'd be perfect for it because he's (both character and C ) are silly.

She said that she would also ask him tomorrow at school to try and convince him to do it.

Is there any chance you can get the drama teacher to swap roles with the kid who got the part of the King?

It may be that the teacher doesn't realize just how shy C is and how much it took for him to try for a part he felt he could handle.

He's probably worried about how much bigger the part of Dodo is consequently a lot shyer about taking that part than the one he's so practiced at. I think he's not interested in the part of Dodo because he thinks it is going to be much harder than the King and he knows how hard he had to work to try out for that part.

I don't know of any sure-fire way to get him to accept the Dodo part, but you might want to approach it from the standpoint of asking what it is about that part he doesn't like. Is it the amount of stage time, the amount of work, or does he see it as a "demotion."

 

[Bidin~Time]

I agree with WH, try to find out the "whys" and you'll know where to begin. C is a great kid, he'll be fine.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Awwwwww Hells Bells .......... I'm so sorry that he didn't get that part he wanted. You've already been given all the good advice by everyone else. I know how it heartbreaking it can be to be the Mommy and seeing him so uspet. *sigh* I just hate it when I can't just do the 'kiss it and make it all better' thing we Moms do. Give him a big ol' hug for me please.

BTW ....... I'd do like WH said and try and find out why he won't take the larger part once he seems ready to talk about it. He may just need time to get past what he's probably seeing as rejection or failure and the he can talk to you about it more. Please keep us posted on what he decides to do.

 

[nasty1]

Try to encourage him to take the bigger part.

 

[His_kitty]

Is there any chance you can get the drama teacher to swap roles with the kid who got the part of the King?

It may be that the teacher doesn't realize just how shy C is and how much it took for him to try for a part he felt he could handle.

He's probably worried about how much bigger the part of Dodo is consequently a lot shyer about taking that part than the one he's so practiced at. I think he's not interested in the part of Dodo because he thinks it is going to be much harder than the King and he knows how hard he had to work to try out for that part.

I don't know of any sure-fire way to get him to accept the Dodo part, but you might want to approach it from the standpoint of asking what it is about that part he doesn't like. Is it the amount of stage time, the amount of work, or does he see it as a "demotion."

I've said this before, as have many others, but you are one sharp fella.

The reason I haven't responded to ya'll till now is because I was talking about the part with him. Along with getting my butt royally kicked by him in a game of rummy. lol

That was the biggest problem with the part of Dodo. That it was bigger. He worries that he'll be unable to memorize the lines and he doesn't want to mess up in front of everyone. They put the play on for the school then they have three showings at night for the parents and then in town for the community.

So we've talked about it, I think I convinced him that his teacher didn't give him the other role because she had confidence in his abilities to do the bigger part.

She is aware of how shy he is, she even brought it up in our conversation over the phone earlier. How proud of him she was for trying out, how she had noticed he was doing so much better this year as far as not being so quiet and shy.

He's only that way with adults, with other children he's never had a problem. Actually it's amazing how different he is around other kids compared to adults. He's almost like a different child.

So he has agreed to not quit.. partly because I stood firm when he said he was either going to be stage crew again or nothing, I told him no. He loved being a part of drama this year, getting to go to the old movie theatre in town to see the new showing of Santa Clause 2 while the rest of the school had to stay and work. lol So he doesn't want to give that up.

Tomorrow he is going to tell the music/drama teacher that he'll play Dodo.

I don't think he realizes that there is a solo singing bit yet.

Thanks to you all for letting me whinge about my lil man, for understanding and caring.

I gave him an extra hug just from you, Trish.

 

[The Heretic]

HK, you've gotten some good advice, and I am sure that being the good mom you are you will do the right thing, but as someone who has always been shy (a lot more as a kid than I am now), and who was repeatedly pushed by my parents into stuff I didn't want to do - all I can say is that pushing such a child to do anything is counter-productive, possibly damaging.

Encouragement is good, talking it out with him is good, but he should never feel pressured to do something like this - not even a little bit. He should always know that ultimately it is his decision and whatever he decides you will support him.

 

[His_kitty]

HK, you've gotten some good advice, and I am sure that being the good mom you are you will do the right thing, but as someone who has always been shy (a lot more as a kid than I am now), and who was repeatedly pushed by my parents into stuff I didn't want to do - all I can say is that pushing such a child to do anything is counter-productive, possibly damaging.

Encouragement is good, talking it out with him is good, but he should never feel pressured to do something like this - not even a little bit. He should always know that ultimately it is his decision and whatever he decides you will support him.

I agree.

As I said earlier he gets that terrible shyness from me so I do understand how he feels. The more you push someone who is shy, the worse they feel. Almost panicky.

I just want him to have the self confidence that I never did so I urge him to try new and different activities that will help in that.

I'm happy that he made the decision to go for it and I have faith that he'll take that part and make it his own.