How to handle switching points of view in a story

[SimonDoom]

I'm writing an erotic story about an encounter between a man and a woman. It won't be very long -- probably fewer than three Lit pages (11,000 words or fewer, I estimate). I'm trying to choose between two points of view: (1) third person limited telling one person's point of view (the woman's), or (2) third person limited switching back and forth. To avoid "head-hopping", my idea, if I choose course 2, is to divide the narrative into clearly discrete sections separated by three asterisks (* * *). The first section would narrate the story from the woman's point of view, the second section would narrate the story from the man's, etc. The plan would be to make each section roughly at least 1000 words so the reader doesn't feel too ping-ponged back and forth between perspectives.

My default is to tell it from one point of view -- the woman's -- but there are things I can add to the story by telling it from both, IF I can make it work.

My question: What do people think about this? Do you think the idea of switching back and forth in discrete sections would work, and can you think of specific examples of Literotica stories where this has been done and, in your view, worked? Are there specific considerations that make one approach work better than the other, in your opinion?

As a third alternative I could just tell the story in third person omniscient, but I'd be switching points of view so frequently I think it would be annoying to read. So I don't want to do that.

I am not going to tell the story in first person POV, whether from one perspective or switching perspectives. For a variety of reasons I've ruled that out.

Thoughts?

 

[R. Richard]

I use," divide the narrative into clearly discrete sections separated by three asterisks (* * *)"

 

[NotWise]

Thoughts?

I wouldn't write the same story twice, even if it were from two different POVs. I can imagine stories constructed specifically to use that trick, but that doesn't seem to be the case here, since two POV's is an option rather than a basic design.

I often write in 3rd person limited. On one or two occasions I found it useful to insert single thoughts or paragraphs that come from the second character's point of view. I suppose that could be called head-hopping, but I have a hard time finding it myself on re-reading and no-one has ever commented on it.

My more regular choice is to give the second character's point of view through dialogue. The dialogue may be intimate.

The story I'm working on now has three main characters and is told in 3rd limited from the guy's point of view, while the events of the story are orchestrated by the 2nd character. The 2nd and 3rd characters sometimes reveal their thoughts directly to the man, but the two women have a close relationship, so it's often dialogue between one of the women and the POV character that reveals what the other woman thinks.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Isn't third person omniscient a single pov who happens to know everything in everybodies head?

Or you could go with first person and change the POV by adding the name of the person to the three *'s.

* * * Bob

text


* * * June

 

[SimonDoom]

Isn't third person omniscient a single pov who happens to know everything in everybodies head?

Or you could go with first person and change the POV by adding the name of the person to the three *'s.

* * * Bob

text


* * * June

Yes, third person omniscient is when the narrator can narrate what's going on in everyone's head. The distinction between that and third person limited can be unclear where the story alternates between one person's POV for a while and the others. Usually, when omniscient is used, the narrator doesn't simply skip willy nilly from one person's POV to the others, because that's harder on the reader.

I definitely am not going to use first person. I don't like switching back and forth in first person. The question is whether to tell the story from one person's perspective or both in third person.

The story starts with the woman in an embarrassing and vulnerable situation. Then the man finds her and wants to help her. Things begin to heat up between them, but there's resistance and reluctance on both parts. Finally they overcome resistance, and, well, you know.

I think Notwise might have the right idea. Tell it from the woman's point of view and reveal the man's point of view through dialogue between the two of them.

I realize it's difficult to give advice on something like this in the abstract an on limited information, but I was particularly interested in whether anyone had examples in which they thought the switching back and forth was handled in a particularly adept way.

 

[SimonDoom]

I wouldn't write the same story twice, even if it were from two different POVs.

My more regular choice is to give the second character's point of view through dialogue. The dialogue may be intimate.

.

My story will not tell the same story twice. The plot will advance through each section and switch from one POV to the other, and will not repeat itself.

The option of giving the second character's point of view through dialogue could be a good one in my story. The man's point of view could be told through his dialogue with the woman. I might do that instead.

 

[LupusDei]

Maybe the girl can be extremely observant and attentive, and/or speculate a lot about what the man thinks. Her inner ramblings aren't necessary to be true or self-consistent even, but together with dialogue and other hints it creates the second POV for the reader, but strictly as she perceives it?

 

[HeyAll]

I did it like this:

https://www.literotica.com/s/mother-tongue-son-s-helper

"Son's point of view" then "mom's point of view"

Then go back and forth. The story flows at a regular timeline, but the headings make it clearer that the main perspective shifts.

I wondered how it would go and there were zero complaints.

Both perspectives are 3rd person.

I think it would be trickier if both point of views were 1st person.

Another thing to make it clear would be if one person was 1st person and the other person was 3rd person.

 

[SyptemberSmyth]

Two stories I have posted to Literotica, Finn and Ray, have been written in 3rd person limited with scenes separated by *** that indicate when I will be switching from one main character’s POV to the other. Both of those stories have two main characters I switch between, the man and the woman. Both have been well received by readers and this is my preferred style of writing. I think if done carefully and head hopping is avoided this style can provide more depth to the characters in the story. My story “Ray” jumps back and forth more often than Finn, especially the later chapters, so it may be a better example of what your thinking of doing. However, I would like to point out that rarely do I jump back and forth within the same scene (as in, starting a particular scene from one character’s POV then switching part way through). When I do this, it is usually to build tension (for example, a scene where one main character was being attacked and my other main character was trying to get to her). I think when used sparingly and for the right reasons, creating a ping pong back and forth works well.

 

[MelissaBaby]

In Mary and Alvin, I have used what I assume is third person limited (With the exception of one chapter, I have used only the pov's of the two protagonists). I've moved back and forth between them throughout twenty three chapters. If anyone has been bothered by it, they haven't mentioned it, and all chapters are rated over 4.5, so I'm going to say that I don't see any problem with it.

 

[CuteSlaveLisa]

Maybe the girl can be extremely observant and attentive, and/or speculate a lot about what the man thinks. Her inner ramblings aren't necessary to be true or self-consistent even, but together with dialogue and other hints it creates the second POV for the reader, but strictly as she perceives it?

FWIW this would be my choice.

JMO I think this is especially effective when the woman's observations are more general or based on prior experience with the other character.

"Jenna knew how Dave would react to her being late home from work once again, he would be polite, but think she valued work relationships more than her relationship with him. He just didn't see the big picture, getting that promotion was for them, not just her."

(I can also use this to "gloss over" the fact I don't know what it feels like to me a boy. I know what boys have told me, and I can fill in the blanks with their observed reactions, but I don't actually know.)

"It just seemed like David was having a hard time getting the image of his mother fucking his football coach out of his head. Is that why he was named the starting defensive end."

Love and Kisses

Lisa Ann

 

[MelissaBaby]

FWIW this would be my choice.

JMO I think this is especially effective when the woman's observations are more general or based on prior experience with the other character.

"Jenna knew how Dave would react to her being late home from work once again, he would be polite, but think she valued work relationships more than her relationship with him. He just didn't see the big picture, getting that promotion was for them, not just her."

(I can also use this to "gloss over" the fact I don't know what it feels like to me a boy. I know what boys have told me, and I can fill in the blanks with their observed reactions, but I don't actually know.)

"It just seemed like David was having a hard time getting the image of his mother fucking his football coach out of his head. Is that why he was named the starting defensive end."

Love and Kisses

Lisa Ann

Whenever I switch between my two POV characters, I try to subtly alter the narrative voice, to reflect both their individual personalities and the gender difference. Mary's pov is expressed more formally, but also more emotionally. Alvin's is more vernacular and spiced with regional colloquialisms.

Alvin tugs down Mary's panties and squeezes her pussy.

Mary feels Alvin slide her underwear down and caress her vagina.

 

[Handley_Page]

I'm writing an erotic story about an encounter between a man and a woman.
.
.

Are there specific considerations that make one approach work better than the other, in your opinion?

As a third alternative I could just tell the story in third person omniscient, but I'd be switching points of view so frequently I think it would be annoying to read. So I don't want to do that.

I am not going to tell the story in first person POV, whether from one perspective or switching perspectives. For a variety of reasons I've ruled that out.

Thoughts?

I prefer to read the story told by a Narrator.
I've read several stories where the text goes from one person to another (sometimes quite well), but I'm not over-keen on it.

 

[yukonnights]

I'm writing an erotic story about an encounter between a man and a woman. It won't be very long -- probably fewer than three Lit pages (11,000 words or fewer, I estimate). I'm trying to choose between two points of view: (1) third person limited telling one person's point of view (the woman's), or (2) third person limited switching back and forth. To avoid "head-hopping", my idea, if I choose course 2, is to divide the narrative into clearly discrete sections separated by three asterisks (* * *). The first section would narrate the story from the woman's point of view, the second section would narrate the story from the man's, etc. The plan would be to make each section roughly at least 1000 words so the reader doesn't feel too ping-ponged back and forth between perspectives.

My default is to tell it from one point of view -- the woman's -- but there are things I can add to the story by telling it from both, IF I can make it work.

My question: What do people think about this? Do you think the idea of switching back and forth in discrete sections would work, and can you think of specific examples of Literotica stories where this has been done and, in your view, worked? Are there specific considerations that make one approach work better than the other, in your opinion?

Thoughts?

I've just wrapped one up in which I did this, except it is in the First POV. I used my standard ***** break, plus individual chapter blurbs which indicate who's in the particular chapter, along with a Chapter Header which are just fanciful hints of what's next...Summer Storm Clouds Blow In, etc. The inner dialogue/thoughts were all in that one character's voice in their 'chapter', etc. I don't know if it'll work/help but I also put the POV character as the first in order of that list of who's in this chapter. (mine has some chapters with numerous characters, etc.)

I wish I could tell you more, but it's still with the editor. I would suggest write a portion of it as you're suggesting, then share it with a couple of friends to see what someone else thinks. If it doesn't work, not a big loss to go back and do it differently.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'm going to use someone else's words, not mine, to note how I did it in my first Floating World story:

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-floating-world-1

I've always been partial to first person narration for conveying the intimate details of a character's inner life. But this story wonderfully shows how third person narration can be used to convey the inner activity of two characters, even during the intricate steps of their dance. We see the evening not as we would see it in real life---where we know our own feelings but can only guess at our partner's---but privy to both sides, able to see the uncertainty and hopefulness and playfulness and arousal on both sides as flirtation turns to courtship and courtship turns to foreplay. It's two intimate stories, really, interwoven at every scene. A tour-de-force of patient, loving, doubly imagined detail.

(Take a bow, Hector Bidon).

I used * * * to signify the "head" shifts. You don't need to label the scenes or chapters, you can make it obvious that the pov has shifted in the first sentence of each new section with a segue.

It's a very powerful technique, I think, and equally as good as first person for getting in very close and intimate. I use it a lot, now. The Floating World was my first story cycle using the technique - it's used through all ten parts, and in the third Part I did it with three characters to provide a little sub-plot apart from the two primary protagonists. That worked nicely, too.

 

[Voboy]

One POV, plus sparkling dialogue.

I won’t read stories that switch POV. It’s just not my cup of tea. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, I think of it as lazy: it’s a path of least resistance, an easy way out of a common literary problem.

What the OP is proposing is supposed to be challenging to pull off well, and therein lies the point of writing it. Trust your writerly skills to be able to produce a consistent story, well-told, without gimmicks. Just because we’re posting free on a smut site is no reason not to value our ability to deliver a good product.

 

[MelissaBaby]

One POV, plus sparkling dialogue.

I won’t read stories that switch POV. It’s just not my cup of tea. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, I think of it as lazy: it’s a path of least resistance, an easy way out of a common literary problem.

What the OP is proposing is supposed to be challenging to pull off well, and therein lies the point of writing it. Trust your writerly skills to be able to produce a consistent story, well-told, without gimmicks. Just because we’re posting free on a smut site is no reason not to value our ability to deliver a good product.

Good thing you didn't mean any disrespect.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I won’t read stories that switch POV. It’s just not my cup of tea. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, I think of it as lazy: it’s a path of least resistance, an easy way out of a common literary problem.

No disrespect? Lazy, in the next sentence. Wow. In a thread where writers are talking about doing exactly that - you've got bigger balls than one of my gutsier characters, that's for sure!

That's a stupid absolute. You're limiting yourself as a reader, and if you're a writer, you're limiting yourself even more.

It's not a gimmick. It can be very well done - or all these people are lazy, misguided ignoramuses:

The Floating World
Amanda meets an older man.
09/11/2016 in Mature Stories
Published
HOT
29 favourites
37.9k
4.78 / 308
25 comments (my most commented on story - three pages worth, on my CP).

But then, I drink coffee, not tea, so what would I know? A foolish statement, when I see one, but that's all. Carry on .

 

[AfterDusk]

I won’t read stories that switch POV. It’s just not my cup of tea. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, I think of it as lazy: it’s a path of least resistance, an easy way out of a common literary problem.

I’m inclined to agree...and disagree. As a generalization I do not like stories that switch POV constantly (there’s a werewolf Lit author—I can’t think of his name at the moment—that does this alllllllll the time and it drives me bonkers). I personally feel like you become more attached to a character if you have to be limited to only their perspective.

However...

I ended up writing myself into a corner with this mentality. I ended up with the main character in a situation where she was an unreliable witness and after like 8 chapters I had to start writing from other POVs to set up a scene where her account couldn’t be relied upon. Personally, still not a fan of it.

But...

Switching perspectives can bring a sense of urgency and anticipation to the story that wouldn’t be there otherwise. As an example, I will list your “In the Hallway” story; alternating between the two POVs was brilliant in it and it would not have been as good if it was from a single POV. I suspect you’ll accomplish this new story quite nicely.

 

[SimonDoom]

One POV, plus sparkling dialogue.

I won’t read stories that switch POV. It’s just not my cup of tea. Meaning no disrespect to anyone, I think of it as lazy: it’s a path of least resistance, an easy way out of a common literary problem.

What the OP is proposing is supposed to be challenging to pull off well, and therein lies the point of writing it. Trust your writerly skills to be able to produce a consistent story, well-told, without gimmicks. Just because we’re posting free on a smut site is no reason not to value our ability to deliver a good product.

Whoa, Nelly. You're right it's a challenge. Everything in writing is a challenge. But it's not fair to say telling a story from multiple points of view is lazy. It's anything but. Many of the greatest works of fiction are told in the third person omniscient, or multiple third person limited, so it's hardly fair to say it's lazy. Think Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Steinbeck, Dickens (in some of his books). Some contemporary authors who use multiple points of view are Stephen King, Richard Russo, Jonathan Franzen, Larry McMurtry. There are countless others.

It's perfectly reasonable to want to tell an erotic story from two points of view because there are (usually, not always) two parties to the erotic encounter and each has his/her own unique point of view. Told right, two points of view can enhance the story because the reader is exposed to each character's experience of the erotic encounter.

But it's a challenge. It's not easy to do it right. That's what prompted my question.

 

[NotWise]

One POV, plus sparkling dialogue.

I tend to agree with Voboy, though his statement is a little strident. If you build a story to be told from two perspectives then use two perspectives. Otherwise, switching perspectives can become the low road around building complex relationships and writing meaningful dialogue.

 

[MelissaBaby]

No disrespect? Lazy, in the next sentence. Wow. In a thread where writers are talking about doing exactly that - you've got bigger balls than one of my gutsier characters, that's for sure!

That's a stupid absolute. You're limiting yourself as a reader, and if you're a writer, you're limiting yourself even more.

It's not a gimmick. It can be very well done - or all these people are lazy, misguided ignoramuses:

The Floating World
Amanda meets an older man.
09/11/2016 in Mature Stories
Published
HOT
29 favourites
37.9k
4.78 / 308
25 comments (my most commented on story - three pages worth, on my CP).

But then, I drink coffee, not tea, so what would I know? A foolish statement, when I see one, but that's all. Carry on .

I spend about a month on each chapter, working pretty much every day. I probably do the equivalent of at least three complete rewrites per chapter. I'm working on Chapter 24 now, and have passed a total of 200,000 words.

Think of what I could get done if I wasn't lazy.

 

[ElectricBlue]

But it's a challenge. It's not easy to do it right. That's what prompted my question.

"Give it a whirl, Simon, you'll be fine." Suzie shifted lazily on the couch, her skirt riding up.

* * * *

"Simon, can you take a cup of tea out to Voboy? I think he's lonely out there, without any friends." Simon's mom looked out from the kitchen, her eyes shining for her favourite boy. Gosh, he's handsome and brave, she thought, trying out a new writing style. She wondered who this other woman was, the hussy.


There, what's hard about that?


Both Suzie and Mom looked up .

 

[PaxNurgle]

I use," divide the narrative into clearly discrete sections separated by three asterisks (* * *)"

I did something like this once; and divided the story into numbered chapters; and each time I shifted the point of view, it was a new chapter (a la George Martin's Game of Thrones/Ice and Fire novels, where each chapter is from a different character's point of view.) Some chapters were from the main character's point of view and told in first person, and other chapters were told in third person from the viewpoint of the supporting characters. The only tricky thing was in editing the story and remembering to switch between first and third person depending on the chapter.

I DID once write a story where two people encountered each other in a bar and she took him to her place, and I had the same conversation and events told and repeated, but from each person's alternating viewpoint. In other words, I'd get in his head with his cheesy pickup lines, and then go into her head and let the reader know her reactions to him. This didn't work as well, because there were complaints about too much repetition in the story. I ended up removing this particular story for this, and a couple other reasons that I wont go into here.

 

[Voboy]

Y'all need to relax.

I get to have an opinion, too. And yes. Switching POV is without question the path of least resistance here. It takes no effort other than a few asterisks. Summoning up the wherewithal to do multi-POV exposition without resorting to a switcheroo? That takes greater skill, I feel.

Personally, I felt my last paragraph was of greater value. But YMMV. Go ahead and do as you feel led, OP, and if you're going to take offense, then why ask? Sycophancy seldom leads to illumination.