Beck_Valentine
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How To get over an ex
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sidonie45
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What NightL said, and it lessens over time. Alcohol doesn't help either.
NOIRTRASH
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Old Age cures the old flame problem.
Not long ago I saw 3 gals I dated and luvved back in high school, 50 years ago. They existed as 17 year old goddesses in my mind. One is now as big as a blimp, one looks like a Jew escaped from a Nazi death camp, and the third looks like Mama of the old Carol Burnett Show.
I'm married 43 years, so we do collide with the right ones. She wanted the Marlboro Man and I'm him, except I quit smoking 15 years ago.
Not long ago I saw 3 gals I dated and luvved back in high school, 50 years ago. They existed as 17 year old goddesses in my mind. One is now as big as a blimp, one looks like a Jew escaped from a Nazi death camp, and the third looks like Mama of the old Carol Burnett Show.
I'm married 43 years, so we do collide with the right ones. She wanted the Marlboro Man and I'm him, except I quit smoking 15 years ago.
sidonie45
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Nothing like a rugged looking cowboy, both there (USA) and here (Aus) to get a girls cum juices flowing.
Every woman wanted the Marlboro Man, even me, and you settle for one?
L
le_kitty
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You've tried and you're... tired of it? Freudian slip? Sorry
We don't rule our emotions, we rule our thoughts, and subsequently our actions.
I think it's safe to say everyone's gone through a break up at some point in their lives, granted, different situations different people. It's painful enough without holding onto the past, but if we're deeply entrenched in a relationship, disentangling is hard. My suggestion would be to change your thinking to: I'm going to get over my ex. And follow up with exercising, go out, meet new people, even if you don't want to. Do anything to distract your mind.
rainbowdash30
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Fuck their relatives.
NOIRTRASH
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Nothing like a rugged looking cowboy, both there (USA) and here (Aus) to get a girls cum juices flowing.
Every woman wanted the Marlboro Man, even me, and you settle for one?
The first Marlboro Man is now old and looks like hell. Some girls want the look, some want the soul. As Jack Palance usta say, OLD AGE AINT FOR SISSIES.
mickyp123
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I thought the Marloro man died yonks ago,...which would go some way to explaining his looks
RedSilk69
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As Dorothy Parker said: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
I feel you. It took me years and years to get over someone; I prolonged it by marrying the wrong man. Divorced now, and over them both. Life *does* get better.
I feel you. It took me years and years to get over someone; I prolonged it by marrying the wrong man. Divorced now, and over them both. Life *does* get better.
ToysAreUs
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As Dorothy Parker said: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Ha! That sounds like Miss Dorothy Parker. I love it!
Mercury_Maniac
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good luck, I know i'll never be the same again.
mewandrer63
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As Dorothy Parker said: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
I feel you. It took me years and years to get over someone; I prolonged it by marrying the wrong man. Divorced now, and over them both. Life *does* get better.
clear your im box
SlightlyGone
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Is it legal to give a skunk alcohol?
Hypoxia
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That certainly sends a message.Fuck their relatives.
Could be fun, too, especially if there was any prior sexual tension. Once the inlaws become outlaws they're fair targets.
sybarite_1
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Your brain is in a loop. Playing the same scene over and over.
Try this.
Get sober.
Sober? Good.
Now, stand with your arms above your head for two minutes. This will get your energy up and make you feel good.
Lower your arms.
Close your eyes and picture where in your body you hold the memory of this person. Point to it. Notice the colour. Say it out loud. Is it moving? In what direction? Is it transparent or opaque? Answer out loud.
Open your eyes. With both hands, act like you are pulling that energy out of your body. This energy is causing you pain. Pull it out.
Get all of it. Hold it in both hands. Look at it.
Did the colour change? Say it out loud. Is it moving? In what direction?
If it is not moving, what direction would it be moving in?
Notice the texture. Solid, sticky, airy. Whatever. Is it heavy? Does it smell?
Now take that ball of energy and spin it in the OPPOSITE direction that it is moving. Spin it. Faster and faster. Increase the size, make it bigger and bigger. Faster and faster..and when you know that you've got it, when you know that the energy has changed and cannot go back into the body the way it was, slam in back into the body in the spot you feel it should go. Either the same place or into your heart. You will know.
Now raise your arms above your head. Smile. Say whoosh in a long drawn out way. Feel the change in your whole body.
Now,
Picture the person standing in front of you. If the picture is in colour, make it black and white. Put a picture frame around this image. Make the image duller. Make the image smaller. Smaller and smaller until it has shrunk to one inch high and is down by your toe. Kick it hard. Really hard. Send it flying past the moon into outer space never to be seen on earth again.
Now,
Somewhere in front of you is the place where you store an image of this person in your energy field. It is floating somewhere in front of you. You know where it is. Point to it. Using both hands, draw a frame around the image. Make the image black and white. Dull the picture. Grab the edges of the picture frame with both hands. Shrink it. Smaller and smaller. Put all of your feelings about this person into the picture.
Now, throw that picture over your head behind you. Put your arms by your side.
How does that feel?
You must use imagery and body movements for this to work for you.
Now get rid of all items that remind you of this person.
Be around people, exercise and eat well. You are your own best friend. Treat her like the goddess that she is.
Cubantripod
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It takes time. There's nothing you can do about it. Time will heal you. I know you want the pain gone now but it doesn't work that way. This is one of those life lessons we all go through. Or you can do what I used to do. Binge drinking and meaningless sex. Of course I just did it because I just wasn't a relationship person although I tried when I liked someone. I just like to party and mess with different women.
Hypoxia
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Time, indeed. The wasting-away (possibly helped by drugs/booze/etc) of old memories, overlaid by newer experiences and feelings. Do we ever flush-away our old obsessions? Many of mine remain so I work to gin-up a fresh batch.
As mentioned, the best way to forget past people is with new people. Circulate. G'luck.
As mentioned, the best way to forget past people is with new people. Circulate. G'luck.
1. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off
2. Ask yourself if holding onto the ex is really what you want
3. Hitting the bottle won't help. It is just a temporary fix
4. There is a reason she is an ex. You just need to move on the best you can as hard as that seems to be.
2. Ask yourself if holding onto the ex is really what you want
3. Hitting the bottle won't help. It is just a temporary fix
4. There is a reason she is an ex. You just need to move on the best you can as hard as that seems to be.
rosie1972uk
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I don't know if we ever get entirely over them. I think with enough time and good companionship and we move on with our heads first and then our hearts.
Getting some new stuff never hurt anything either...
Brilliant reply. There is no quick fix just abstinence and time. And when you look at yourself in 6 months time you will be so proud. (From experience )
Cumference
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As Dorothy Parker said: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
....
Ok, now we have advice pointing in either direction!
What you have done, seen, who you are and who you have known will always be with you.
Accept it and move on.
Sulking, drinking and clinging to the past will not help you move on, but I think it is OK to have some days of feeling down. Then get back on the horse!
(Or under the horse...)
rosie1972uk
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Ok, now we have advice pointing in either direction!
What you have done, seen, who you are and who you have known will always be with you.
Accept it and move on.
Sulking, drinking and clinging to the past will not help you move on, but I think it is OK to have some days of feeling down. Then get back on the horse!
(Or under the horse...)
Agreed in my experience I tried to wait until I was of better mind before riding again.
I found it a temporary fix but made me feel worse in the long run if I rode too soon.
NOIRTRASH
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What's this? JBJ with love in his heart?!
I wish I was softer. For 30 years I've begged Jesus MAKE IT GO AWAY! my libido, I mean. There must be a anti-Viagra somewhere!
Anonymaso
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To get your life back, you need your head and heart back.
In my experience you fake it till you make it. When I was done wallowing about my last break-up (we were together for 7 years and lived together for 5) I made a conscious choice to get my head and heart back. This involved getting rid of stuff with painful memories attached to it, whether that be photos, jewellery, ornaments, home decor, clothes or whatever. Everything either went to friends, charity shops or the bin. I allowed myself one box of photos and mementos that I wanted to keep to commemorate that phase of my life, which I then consigned to the attic. I sat down and wrote a list of mutual friends down, before working through it and deciding which ones I was going to keep in my life. I also really benefited from a social media friends purge. Not only did my ex and his friends/family go, so did plenty of more casual acquaintances whose sole presence on social media seemed to be giving me unwanted insights into my ex's life. It was also very freeing to be able to update my facebook status without the worry about what some people might think. It's tempting to vent online but it's never a good idea. Do it in person with your best friends and a bottle of wine and then the evidence won't be all over facebook. NEVER drunk post/message when you're going through a break up. In the long run people will respect you more for not slandering him, even if you've every right.
Another thing I wound up doing was asking my girlfriends not to bring up my ex whenever they wanted to have a man-bashing group rant, whenever one of them was having relationship problems. I think sometimes your mates think they're being helpful by taking the time to verbally eviscerate your ex and his sexual prowess but what I actually wound up doing was spending too much time talking about someone I no longer had in my life, instead of moving on and leaving him behind emotionally.
Time is a healer but I found that when you are still surrounded by things that remind you of your relationship it opens the wound afresh every time you get upset by them.
I don't hate my ex and five years down the line we're friends who can go for a pint and a catch up every 3-6 months. In my experience men can have it easier when it comes to break-ups, certainly they seem to be more equanimitous about things and are correspondingly less likely to wallow beyond the first couple of months of binge-drinking and boring the shit out of your mates.
Oh and make a conscious effort to extricate your self esteem from your last relationship. Your ex's opinion of yourself, your life and your looks should not have the power to warp your view of yourself or your relationships going forwards. You were not right for one another. That's it. You weren't too fat, poor, lazy or dumb, you just weren't right for one another. You'll be perfect for someone else - when you're ready and if you're more discerning and self aware the next time around. You will not (often) find Mr Perfect in a bar. You will find Mr Perfect after you've taken steps to know, accept, forgive and love yourself.
Even if your ex was a swine, pour a big glass of wine, sit down with a pen and spend ONE night asking yourself what you could have done differently or better and how you contributed to the problems you had as a couple. You can't learn from past fuck ups unless you acknowledge them reflectively and ask yourself what you would have liked have to done differently, so you'll know to practise that in future. Forgive yourself. Learn the lesson. Then you can move forwards.
Oh and the single biggest thing. Let go of anger, resentment, shame, jealousy and all other negative emotions relating to your ex. Acknowledge the feeling, examine why you're having it and then just let it go. Keep busy. Focus on yourself, your life and what you want right now in terms of career, travel, hobbies/experiences or whatever and channel your energy into making good things happen for you.
We're all flawed people mostly trying to do our best.
I know all this sounds like the last things you want to do when there's a break-up. When mine happened however, I had so much (completely unrelated) serious shit going on in my life that I had to fast-track myself through the grieving process for the sake of my own sanity. It is a form of grief, because you've lost those hopes, dreams and future plans. You've lost a big part of your life. 'It's OK to be devastated. It's OK to have a break down. Just don't unpack and live there.' as one clever person once said.
Much love to you. This is a difficult time of year for the broken hearted. It's OK not to be thrilled by that.
In my experience you fake it till you make it. When I was done wallowing about my last break-up (we were together for 7 years and lived together for 5) I made a conscious choice to get my head and heart back. This involved getting rid of stuff with painful memories attached to it, whether that be photos, jewellery, ornaments, home decor, clothes or whatever. Everything either went to friends, charity shops or the bin. I allowed myself one box of photos and mementos that I wanted to keep to commemorate that phase of my life, which I then consigned to the attic. I sat down and wrote a list of mutual friends down, before working through it and deciding which ones I was going to keep in my life. I also really benefited from a social media friends purge. Not only did my ex and his friends/family go, so did plenty of more casual acquaintances whose sole presence on social media seemed to be giving me unwanted insights into my ex's life. It was also very freeing to be able to update my facebook status without the worry about what some people might think. It's tempting to vent online but it's never a good idea. Do it in person with your best friends and a bottle of wine and then the evidence won't be all over facebook. NEVER drunk post/message when you're going through a break up. In the long run people will respect you more for not slandering him, even if you've every right.
Another thing I wound up doing was asking my girlfriends not to bring up my ex whenever they wanted to have a man-bashing group rant, whenever one of them was having relationship problems. I think sometimes your mates think they're being helpful by taking the time to verbally eviscerate your ex and his sexual prowess but what I actually wound up doing was spending too much time talking about someone I no longer had in my life, instead of moving on and leaving him behind emotionally.
Time is a healer but I found that when you are still surrounded by things that remind you of your relationship it opens the wound afresh every time you get upset by them.
I don't hate my ex and five years down the line we're friends who can go for a pint and a catch up every 3-6 months. In my experience men can have it easier when it comes to break-ups, certainly they seem to be more equanimitous about things and are correspondingly less likely to wallow beyond the first couple of months of binge-drinking and boring the shit out of your mates.
Oh and make a conscious effort to extricate your self esteem from your last relationship. Your ex's opinion of yourself, your life and your looks should not have the power to warp your view of yourself or your relationships going forwards. You were not right for one another. That's it. You weren't too fat, poor, lazy or dumb, you just weren't right for one another. You'll be perfect for someone else - when you're ready and if you're more discerning and self aware the next time around. You will not (often) find Mr Perfect in a bar. You will find Mr Perfect after you've taken steps to know, accept, forgive and love yourself.
Even if your ex was a swine, pour a big glass of wine, sit down with a pen and spend ONE night asking yourself what you could have done differently or better and how you contributed to the problems you had as a couple. You can't learn from past fuck ups unless you acknowledge them reflectively and ask yourself what you would have liked have to done differently, so you'll know to practise that in future. Forgive yourself. Learn the lesson. Then you can move forwards.
Oh and the single biggest thing. Let go of anger, resentment, shame, jealousy and all other negative emotions relating to your ex. Acknowledge the feeling, examine why you're having it and then just let it go. Keep busy. Focus on yourself, your life and what you want right now in terms of career, travel, hobbies/experiences or whatever and channel your energy into making good things happen for you.
We're all flawed people mostly trying to do our best.
I know all this sounds like the last things you want to do when there's a break-up. When mine happened however, I had so much (completely unrelated) serious shit going on in my life that I had to fast-track myself through the grieving process for the sake of my own sanity. It is a form of grief, because you've lost those hopes, dreams and future plans. You've lost a big part of your life. 'It's OK to be devastated. It's OK to have a break down. Just don't unpack and live there.' as one clever person once said.
Much love to you. This is a difficult time of year for the broken hearted. It's OK not to be thrilled by that.
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