how to get into the bsdm scene later in life?

[average_red]

so tl:dr : I don't want to post this in the how to section, because frankly this is the only community I want advice from. As a single man in his early 40's who finds the online chaterbating frustrating, and has always been curious but never found the woman to experiment with... how do I get into the "scene"?
What opportunities should I look for?
Is it common to use aliases?
What should I know that I (probably) don't know?
Whatever advice you give will help other people too, so I thank you!

For those interested in providing specific advice:
i'm early 40's 5'11" white, redhead, about 240lbs and dropping, I spent my early adult life between south america and africa, and so have some issues with paranoia/keeping-myself-safe-from-abduction and fitting in with American social norms.

Obviously since I don't have experience I don't know if I will even like it, therefore I intend to try a location about an hour away from me. There is a large city an hour to the north, and a college town an hour to the west. Which would be better? What's the best way to dip my toe in?

is it common to use alternative names? Do to work and social concerns, I like using various names so I can tell how someone knows me if they start talking to me on the street. That can weird normal girls out, but is it fairly normal in "the community"?

I really want to explore rigger/soft dom play. Either way despite having little to no experience I would have to be the leader, which is fine... but how do you broach the "I want to play leader, but I don't know what I am doing yet, so we are going to have to talk about how to keep this safe, consensual, and on the rails, while I pretend I know what I am doing." Should I be looking for female doms and try the other side first? is there a type of sub/relationship I should look for?

How do you even find Subs? I imagine that they are in very short supply.

If it helps I took the bsdmtest.org test and here are the results. obviously with no experience I was more "yeah, i'd give it a go" and less "nope" than I would be with experience.

the only objection I have is the non_monogomist score, I know the difference between "my girl" and "our girl" and I recognize that I am trying to get into the "our girl" field.

89% Rigger
77% Master/Mistress
75% Primal (Hunter)
74% Dominant
70% Owner
67% Switch
64% Sadist
63% Vanilla
61% Degrader
51% Experimentalist
47% Brat tamer
45% Submissive
39% Masochist
37% Brat
31% Voyeur
15% Non-monogamist
10% Slave
10% Daddy/Mommy
3% Rope bunny
3% Degradee
1% Pet
0% Ageplayer
0% Little
0% Primal (Prey)
0% Exhibitionist
== Results from bdsmtest.org: ==

If you read this far I salute and thank you!

 

[TheIntrepidBoyager]

Try FetLife.

It isn't a hookup site but it will show you events and such in your area. If you find some, go to a munch or meet-n-greets and start integrating in the local circle and see where it goes. If there is activity that is.

 

[Boat1]

so tl:dr : I don't want to post this in the how to section, because frankly this is the only community I want advice from. As a single man in his early 40's who finds the online chaterbating frustrating, and has always been curious but never found the woman to experiment with... how do I get into the "scene"?
What opportunities should I look for?
Is it common to use aliases?
What should I know that I (probably) don't know?
Whatever advice you give will help other people too, so I thank you!

For those interested in providing specific advice:
i'm early 40's 5'11" white, redhead, about 240lbs and dropping, I spent my early adult life between south america and africa, and so have some issues with paranoia/keeping-myself-safe-from-abduction and fitting in with American social norms.

Obviously since I don't have experience I don't know if I will even like it, therefore I intend to try a location about an hour away from me. There is a large city an hour to the north, and a college town an hour to the west. Which would be better? What's the best way to dip my toe in?

is it common to use alternative names? Do to work and social concerns, I like using various names so I can tell how someone knows me if they start talking to me on the street. That can weird normal girls out, but is it fairly normal in "the community"?

I really want to explore rigger/soft dom play. Either way despite having little to no experience I would have to be the leader, which is fine... but how do you broach the "I want to play leader, but I don't know what I am doing yet, so we are going to have to talk about how to keep this safe, consensual, and on the rails, while I pretend I know what I am doing." Should I be looking for female doms and try the other side first? is there a type of sub/relationship I should look for?

How do you even find Subs? I imagine that they are in very short supply.

If it helps I took the bsdmtest.org test and here are the results. obviously with no experience I was more "yeah, i'd give it a go" and less "nope" than I would be with experience.

the only objection I have is the non_monogomist score, I know the difference between "my girl" and "our girl" and I recognize that I am trying to get into the "our girl" field.

89% Rigger
77% Master/Mistress
75% Primal (Hunter)
74% Dominant
70% Owner
67% Switch
64% Sadist
63% Vanilla
61% Degrader
51% Experimentalist
47% Brat tamer
45% Submissive
39% Masochist
37% Brat
31% Voyeur
15% Non-monogamist
10% Slave
10% Daddy/Mommy
3% Rope bunny
3% Degradee
1% Pet
0% Ageplayer
0% Little
0% Primal (Prey)
0% Exhibitionist
== Results from bdsmtest.org: ==

If you read this far I salute and thank you!

I would suggest that you be open,
honest and forthcoming with anyone you meet/date IRL, whom you might find has a common desire to explore the scene as well.