How to get a stronger libido

[hangdawg]

Hi all.
I'm on some medication prescribed through my doctor that has basically killed my libido. My wife is understanding but it's been 2 or 3 months since we've had sex.
I just don't really feel like it.
I know it's the meds because things were better than ok before I started taking them.
I've talked this over with the doc and we're working on dosages and coupling up with other things to see if it works. But, in the end, it's all trial and error and I'm afraid it's going to be a long time before it's all worked out.
I'm concerned for my wife because, while she's understanding, it's really not fair to her at all.
My question is, does anyone know of anything/s that can help in this area?
Foods, exercise, meds either legal or otherwise, etc. that will help with my libido until I get the prescription worked out?
Overall I feel better with my prescription so I've started going to the gym again. I imagine that'll help with testosterone production.
Feel free to ask any questions. If it'll help I'm happy to answer them.
Any advice is appreciated and thanks in advance.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

What has libido have to do with satisfying your wife? How many times has she let you pleasure yourself with her and she really didn't feel like it?

One other question...

Do the meds prevent you from getting an erection? If so, there are pills for that. If not, why can't you let your wife fuck you, so she will be content?

And, don't you have a mouth and fingers?

I have a similar problem. I'm on beta blockers and blood thinners do to a heart condition. It takes me a while to get an erection even with viagra but, I have fingers and a mouth to take care of my wife. She also has toys that I use on her when needed.

 

[CandK_inSE]

What kind of medication are you on? I am aware that anti-depressants can cause a problem with getting and maintaining an erection, but I don't know about them curbing desire.

I'm in agreement with the previous advice. You have a mouth and fingers, and I'm sure your wife would like you using a toy with her if you truly cannot fuck her.

Hell, I had an undiscovered kidney infection which gave off symptoms of ED. For two years. I never once didn't want to have sex with my wife, and even if I had difficulty gaining an erection, she was satisfied by other parts of my body.

Low T might have something to do with it, but I think you need to explore why you don't want to pleasure your wife in other ways before you put it all on the medication.

Just my thoughts.

 

[hangdawg]

Thanks for the responses.
I do have trouble with erections. I was on a couple meds and have gone off one hoping the doubling up was the cause and I would be on the straight and narrow, but, no luck.
As far as using toys and tongue, I have zero libido. It seems like it's in the negative. I really just don't want to do anything. May sound selfish but that's the way it is.
We've had sex as far as me going down on her and a toy. The couple issues with that is that I just really felt like it was a drudgery and not fun whatsoever and in dealing with all of this my wife knows that is the case and doesn't want to do anything if it isn't fun for everyone involved.

 

[SinIt2Win]

Thanks for the responses.
I do have trouble with erections. I was on a couple meds and have gone off one hoping the doubling up was the cause and I would be on the straight and narrow, but, no luck.
As far as using toys and tongue, I have zero libido. It seems like it's in the negative. I really just don't want to do anything. May sound selfish but that's the way it is.
We've had sex as far as me going down on her and a toy. The couple issues with that is that I just really felt like it was a drudgery and not fun whatsoever and in dealing with all of this my wife knows that is the case and doesn't want to do anything if it isn't fun for everyone involved.

Have you had your testosterone levels tested?

It’s possible that you have low T and with the AD meds you’re just shut down. Using a Testosterone gel could help or injections. You’ll have wood like a 13 year old again and the anti depressants that previously kept you from having an erection will make more difficult to orgasm.

 

[scotty_334]

I agree Low T can mess things up drastically.
I was down to about 30. Normal is 270 to 600.

Get injections every 3 weeks. It makes a big difference. I get morning wood like I did when I was in my 20's.
Wife enjoys it also....

 

[twister947]

Given the number of drugs with side effects of libido suppression, one would think there would be a few that stimulate and enhance it. Fair's fair...

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Given the number of drugs with side effects of libido suppression, one would think there would be a few that stimulate and enhance it. Fair's fair...

There are. For low testosterone there are hormone pills with testosterone. For women there are pills with estrogen.

 

[twister947]

There are. For low testosterone there are hormone pills with testosterone. For women there are pills with estrogen.

Right. I get that. I wasn't clear: I meant side effects.

 

[pplwatching]

As far as using toys and tongue, I have zero libido. It seems like it's in the negative. I really just don't want to do anything. May sound selfish but that's the way it is.

I have low testosterone and ED. My testosterone therapy was paused due to a high PSA test (had a prostate biopsy two weeks ago). So, you're not alone in that boat.

Here's the thing tho. In the boat that we're in, sex is important. Not just important, but critical. If you've ever been on the other side of a sexless marriage, you know that it wears away at everything. And if you haven't, then read the sexless marriage threads here. Putting aside how it feels, sex is also about taking care of the person you love and maintaining your relationship.

I don't like to plunge the crapper or fix leaking faucets, but I do them anyway because my house is is valuable to me and small problems turn into big problems that can be a bitch to fix.

So, my advice - from one low T low libido guy to another - is to take care of the things that you value. Check the attitude at the bedroom door and do what you need to do to make your partner feel loved and valued. If she says that's not sex, find out what it is and do that for her. If she says she needs sex, ignore that at your own peril.

Good luck with the meds. It's good that you're working to take care of yourself. I'm just saying that it's important to take care of her at the same time. "Understanding" is a nice quality in a spouse, but it isn't a prison sentence.

Best to you both.

 

[CandK_inSE]

I have low testosterone and ED. My testosterone therapy was paused due to a high PSA test (had a prostate biopsy two weeks ago). So, you're not alone in that boat.

Here's the thing tho. In the boat that we're in, sex is important. Not just important, but critical. If you've ever been on the other side of a sexless marriage, you know that it wears away at everything. And if you haven't, then read the sexless marriage threads here. Putting aside how it feels, sex is also about taking care of the person you love and maintaining your relationship.

I don't like to plunge the crapper or fix leaking faucets, but I do them anyway because my house is is valuable to me and small problems turn into big problems that can be a bitch to fix.

So, my advice - from one low T low libido guy to another - is to take care of the things that you value. Check the attitude at the bedroom door and do what you need to do to make your partner feel loved and valued. If she says that's not sex, find out what it is and do that for her. If she says she needs sex, ignore that at your own peril.

Good luck with the meds. It's good that you're working to take care of yourself. I'm just saying that it's important to take care of her at the same time. "Understanding" is a nice quality in a spouse, but it isn't a prison sentence.

Best to you both.

100% agree! Well said!!

 

[hulmule]

My wife takes Zoloft or generic now for 21 years. She sounds like you Hangdawg. She says she has no use for sex, never enters her mind. That's how im in a sexless marriage. In my 60's now and still feel like a 25 year old stuck in this body. I find sex relaxing, stimulating , stress relieving. It' wears on a person that doesn't get any. It' used to make me feel like it was my problem that she didn't want it. I understand different now. tried to talk about it but she doesn't really want to deal with it. bummer is im tired of jerking off. Trying to find a solution- got one PM me lol

 

[human_male]

I'm forty nine. I have a naturally low libido, I'm not on any meds. I had my testosterone tested and it was on the low side of normal but not low. I gave the patches a try and noted a perhaps five percent increase. I didn't bother with them for very long.

I'm single and don't have a partner to please so I guess our situations are different, but I would like to feel more desire just to I dunno... spice up a pretty dull life a bit.

Good luck to you and if you find anything that works I wouldn't mind if you let me know.

 

[amofiga]

I'm not a doctor and have no clue what med you're on so I'm just speaking from certain types of experience. Testosterone is not the only thing that controls sexual desire. There are a lot of other psychological issues coming into play. Guys with normal testosterone going through some life altering stress can cause lack of desire. When my dad was in the final stages of dying of cancer and my mom was completely distraught, I didn't give a whit about sex and normally I was a horn dog.

On the other hand, this med, whatever it is, may be messing with your overall outlook on life. Perhaps it's CAUSING depression and other negative feelings. I'm assuming you've pursued the option of an alternative med. Did miss you saying how old you are? If you're relatively young, then it's super unfortunate. If you're 75 then perhaps it's all coupled with somewhat normal decline.

Hopefully, your wife is supportive of this issue and even if you yourself seem to have no interest in giving her oral or using toys, perhaps if you just be with her, hold her while SHE uses her toys it will give you some level of connection. Good luck. Seriously. I can imagine how upsetting this is for both or you.

 

[Beard_baron]

Hi, good morning

Concerning ways to increase libido and desire, you should try long walks (about 40 minutes, 3 times a week) at a fast pace. Walking as an exercise increases your circulation to your thighs and legs and facilitates getting hard. High-intensity training and lifting weight is good, but they may overtire your body and not help at all. Get plenty of sunshine and avoid being stuck inside your house all day long.

Libido is not only related to Testosterone, in fact, our body only uses 1/4 of all our testosterone to allow erection and desire. Recent research has proven that many molecular factors contributing to sexual function are not properly related to sex.

What may be happening to you is that your medication is interfering with your psychic ability to engage and initiate sex. They are taking your will and desire for life. You should overcome this by either changing your medication or doing things that will motivate yourself and adapt to this biochemical change. Try new kinks with your wife, roleplay, try saying dirty stuff for her and focus your mind on getting hard by seing her excited. It's not an easy task, but it is possible to overcome all this.

Best Regards, and I really hope you can get better soon

 

[ace195008]

All,

I had a pretty normal libido , etc until at age 64 diagnosed with prostate cancer. I had radiation treatment and hormone therapy. I am cancer free, but erections are effected big time and libido in the toilet , hasn’t come back, I am 70 now. I can’t take TRT, testosterone replacement therapy, it feeds any stray cancer cells. So be careful. Just passing on my experience.

 

[human_male]

I'm in the same boat. Well, no sex drive but no partner so I don't feel the pressure that you must feel. Can I ask if you can function normally? Do you have to be in the mood to have sex? Just make it about her.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

...take care of the things that you value. Check the attitude at the bedroom door and do what you need to do to make your partner feel loved and valued. If she says that's not sex, find out what it is and do that for her. If she says she needs sex, ignore that at your own peril.

That hits the nail on the head!

Not to be judgemental, but 150 years ago, women were told to ‘lie back and think of England’, in other words, cooperate in bed to please their husbands, regardless of whether or not sex pleased them personally. We’ve thankfully progressed beyond that now, but the principle still holds. Do what is necessary to please your partner. If she still thinks sex is a critical part of your relationship, then it had better become important (not necessarily enjoyable, but important) to you.

Good luck.

 

[jehoram]

That hits the nail on the head!

Not to be judgmental, but 150 years ago, women were told to ‘lie back and think of England’, in other words, cooperate in bed to please their husbands, regardless of whether or not sex pleased them personally.

But now it seems to have flipped on its head, and it's the men who are told that if the women aren't satisfied, it's their fault, and that pleasing the woman is the new imperative.

Maybe that's the fault of porn, which always portrays totally satisfied women who always cum before the men do, after twenty minutes of furious pounding and awesome sexual gymnastics. We're not only fucked when we've finished, but we're fucked before we even start.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Thanks for the responses.
I do have trouble with erections. I was on a couple meds and have gone off one hoping the doubling up was the cause and I would be on the straight and narrow, but, no luck.
As far as using toys and tongue, I have zero libido. It seems like it's in the negative. I really just don't want to do anything. May sound selfish but that's the way it is.
We've had sex as far as me going down on her and a toy. The couple issues with that is that I just really felt like it was a drudgery and not fun whatsoever and in dealing with all of this my wife knows that is the case and doesn't want to do anything if it isn't fun for everyone involved.

All the shit I'm reading here is a couple years old so I don't know if ya ever got straight, (no pun intended.) I don't know what you've tried and I haven't followed the thread long enough to see what everyone else has suggested.
Before I found out that I had problems with Low T, I was using a combination of herbs that came from the Amazon jungles, the Oriental shops of Hong Kong and the backwoods of North America. After two weeks of using them the wife suggested that we try the concoction out in the bedroom. She got me up and we started going at it and all she could do was hold on and she kept asking me if I was growing bigger. The good thing at the time was that I was working for Chyrsler and I could afford to buy the stuff I needed to get to where I wanted to be...now however I am retired from there...she has never asked since if I was still growing.
But what ever you decide to do ---, FIRST DO ALL YOUR DUE DILIGENCE.