How to find a person willing to Sexually Educate me

[BarbarianTaco]

HI

Hello everyone I'm a 36 year old white male with no physical experience. No sex, no kissing no hand holding. I am a nervous wreck most of the time when it comes to the prospects of dating so I tend to just talk and talk.

I was wondering is their any sure fire way to have someone help me get comfortable with sex and relationships.before I turn i to the 40 year old virgin. Any help would be great thanks.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

The only sure-fire thing for a man WRT sex and relationships is getting shot down on occasion. That's life and slightly less than 50% of the world's population goes through it sooner or later. The question then becomes what you are going to do to overcome that.

If you will forgive me, the small amount of info you present makes it hard to comment or advise on your particular case. Are you sloppy obese and never bathe or are you simply super-shy? Have you ever tried to ask a woman out on a date? What's your culture (some have different emotional and social patterns than others)? There's no one-size-fits-all solution.

Given more details, I'm sure people will make suggestions, but let me be honest. This is a porn site - a pretty good one, I like to think, but it's not a site specializing in resolving serious personal issues. You may have to invest some time and money in more specialized areas.

Good luck.

 

[Bramblethorn]

HI

Hello everyone I'm a 36 year old white male with no physical experience. No sex, no kissing no hand holding. I am a nervous wreck most of the time when it comes to the prospects of dating so I tend to just talk and talk.

I was wondering is their any sure fire way to have someone help me get comfortable with sex and relationships.before I turn i to the 40 year old virgin. Any help would be great thanks.

My sympathies - social stuff is hard. Like TarnishedPenny says, this probably requires more personalised and skilled advice than you're going to get from an anonymous Internet forum. You might consider talking to a sex therapist. A good therapist may be able to work with you on your anxieties about sex/dating, as well as helping you build the skills to be a good and considerate partner.

Be aware that there are many different approaches to therapy - if you go this route, don't be afraid to switch therapists and keep switching until you find one who clicks with you.

Another possibility is hiring a sex worker. For some people, the "never had sex" part becomes a major roadblock in itself, and getting past that might then make it easier to work on the "relationships" part. Obviously this isn't the right option if you feel uncomfortable about paying for it or if you only want sex in the context of a romantic relationship. You'd also need to consider local laws and COVID protection.

 

[Jada59]

Try taking out a personal ad here on Lit. Talk to some women online. Get comfortable with them.

I have a tendency to talk a lot too but it's not from anxiety. I just like to talk. I happen to like other talkers though.

 

[BarbarianTaco]

The only sure-fire thing for a man WRT sex and relationships is getting shot down on occasion. That's life and slightly less than 50% of the world's population goes through it sooner or later. The question then becomes what you are going to do to overcome that.

If you will forgive me, the small amount of info you present makes it hard to comment or advise on your particular case. Are you sloppy obese and never bathe or are you simply super-shy? Have you ever tried to ask a woman out on a date? What's your culture (some have different emotional and social patterns than others)? There's no one-size-fits-all solution.

Given more details, I'm sure people will make suggestions, but let me be honest. This is a porn site - a pretty good one, I like to think, but it's not a site specializing in resolving serious personal issues. You may have to invest some time and money in more specialized areas.

Good luck.

Thanks for the feed back.

True I didn't give alot of information. Honestly I didn't know how much to reveal. As for physically I am overweight, food is one of the few things that brings me comfort and joy, I eat for most emotions and often outta boredom. So physically I'm the guy who gets meat sweats. Like I sweat and you can smell pastrami or salami. As for shyness, I guess? I grew up in a house full of talkers. I can engage and talk with anyone about pretty much anything. What I dont have is boldness. I lack that confidence from years of reinforced negative affirmations.

Im American and on the poorer end of the spectrum. Live in a rural area with limited available resources One grocery store, more bars and churches then nessecary, also fast food. Combine that with an inability to drive I lack alot of easement others my age seem to have. Like Therapy, no therapists in my town unfortunately. You are right though this is a pretty awesome site. I do roleplay here on forums now and then,but tend to leave when the outside world picks me up and whisks me off to somewhere new.

 

[BarbarianTaco]

My sympathies - social stuff is hard. Like TarnishedPenny says, this probably requires more personalised and skilled advice than you're going to get from an anonymous Internet forum. You might consider talking to a sex therapist. A good therapist may be able to work with you on your anxieties about sex/dating, as well as helping you build the skills to be a good and considerate partner.

Be aware that there are many different approaches to therapy - if you go this route, don't be afraid to switch therapists and keep switching until you find one who clicks with you.

Another possibility is hiring a sex worker. For some people, the "never had sex" part becomes a major roadblock in itself, and getting past that might then make it easier to work on the "relationships" part. Obviously this isn't the right option if you feel uncomfortable about paying for it or if you only want sex in the context of a romantic relationship. You'd also need to consider local laws and COVID protection.

Thanks for the reply.

After I read this I did look I to therapy, but most where outta my price range and not covered by insurance. Also most I would have to have found a ride too, as my town doesn't have therapy. We have like a dozen or more churches willing to help though.

As for the never had sex being a roadblock, never had I heard such truer words. My shoulders and heart feel so heavy when dealing with sex conversations, with those Im interested in. Had a person or two in the past I was flirting with literally tell me never mind or whats wrong with you when I told them I was inexperienced. It cuts deep.

The sex worker part is a big illegal no here were Im at. Also being rural no one here in my town does that. Thanks for the suggestions though.

 

[BarbarianTaco]

I know how you feel. I had sex twice when I was 27 and then went 23 years before even considering doing it again. I thought I was fine without. I tended to think I was too independent for a relationship. And then I joined Lit, which led to Kik, which led to me talking and playing with men from around the world. It was a first step for me. The big thing, I believe, was that I never considered myself sexy. And then I learned that others believed that I was. It helped my esteem a lot. The problem with my social awkwardness was me and my self image. Now I am 51 and have a lover I met online. I'm still not sure if I will ever be ready for a relationship that is local, but I appreciate how much I have grown in the last 2 years.
My advice is to let yourself explore the online world a bit. Figure out what your fears are. Dealing with them with new friends who are far away lets you do it with less fear. Consider it a practice run. And be proud of the baby steps because even if they are small steps, they are heading in the right direction.

Any suggestions?

 

[Megreg]

Be comfortable

What are you comfortable doing? Can you build on that? Perhaps masturbation, find a chat partner who likes talking about that, maybe move to doing it “together”. How good is your dirty talk? Maybe develop that, read, copy, steal and make it your own vocabulary. Get to like yourself, maybe by guided masturbation? There are good and free apps. I would think that the basics need to be in place, first. Need someone to talk to? You mentioned therapy. Anything online? Consider a sexologist, as well as traditional therapy. If you cannot afford it, there are students out there looking for people to train on as part of their education. Take a step. Good luck.

 

[MadameSarcasm]

A few thoughts on potential help available:

A lot of universities with counseling programs have low- and no-cost services for community members. ("Community" in rural areas may extend for several counties around a university.) A masters or doctoral student may work directly with you, and their work is closely supervised by an experienced professional.

Given the issues driven by the COVID-19 crisis, many mental health specialists are offering online counseling. The federal government has given money to many states to use for funding mental health services, so you may not even be charged.

Many of us, including me, have experienced depression at least once in our lives, and if you don't mind my saying so, you do sound depressed. There's absolutely no shame in needing and asking for help, despite what people around you may say or think.

Remember: The sooner you get help, the more of your life you get to spend as a healed person.

I wish you all the best!

 

[PapaDan]

HI

Hello everyone I'm a 36 year old white male with no physical experience. No sex, no kissing no hand holding. I am a nervous wreck most of the time when it comes to the prospects of dating so I tend to just talk and talk.

I was wondering is their any sure fire way to have someone help me get comfortable with sex and relationships.before I turn i to the 40 year old virgin. Any help would be great thanks.

Find a woman who is in the same boat as yourself, (shy, insecure and inexperienced). Start with friendship and grow together. You're wanting to start with sex, start with friendship, and enjoy the journey.

 

[Willieceedee]

BT,

Well, since advice is free. Here it is.

One, your lack of self confidence with women. Do not put your anxieties on yourself. I know its hard to do, but strangers know little or nothing about you. They don't know your strengths, weaknesses, likes or dislikes. Most people go around in life concentrating on themselves until someone interjects themselves into their lives. So don't think for a moment that someone wont like you. They don't know you. Don't put that burden on you. Take the chance, talk to a girl. Start with "Hi", it usually works. And again, don't let self doubt get you!

The advice about, about finding a therapist is good. There are ways to find help. Additionally, about finding a girl who is in the same boat. There are many girls out there, just like us guys. Try here in the personal section, try other online chats, dating sites, etc. But it start with hello, being willing to take a chance and some rejection. Don't put the failure on you. Don't carry that burden. I know that from personal experience.

If you want to chat more, PM me.

 

[jehoram]

Thanks for the reply.

After I read this I did look I to therapy, but most where outta my price range and not covered by insurance. Also most I would have to have found a ride too, as my town doesn't have therapy. We have like a dozen or more churches willing to help though.

Since you're obviously computer-literate enough to have found this forum, you should try to fine an on-line therapist, who can meet with you via Zoom or Skype. Not only does it remove the distance barrier, but you might find it more comfortable not having to deal with people literally face-to-face/


If cost is a problem, try your local or state health department for references. States vary widely in their services in this regard, California being one of the better ones.

Lastly, have you thought about putting a request for an on-line companionship in the personals part of this site?