How to find a girl who is into BDSM, DP, Sharing

[biurfantasy93]

Ive tried and tried but have yet to find a girl who is on the same level sexually as me. there have been a few in the past that ive dp'd and creampied but they are few and far between. are there tell tale signs or am i looking in the wrong places. any help would be awesome 19, Male, heteroflexible

 

[bailadora]

Have you tried Fetlife? It's kind of like the kinky version of Facebook.

You should be able to enter your city in the search box to find local (or fairly local) munches. In case you're not familiar with the term, a "munch" is a group of people who are into bdsm/kink and who get together at a local restaurant to discuss their interests. Depending on the size of your local scene, they should be able to point you to other groups of potential interest (ie rope bondage). IRC, several large cities also have a Next Generation group that's comprised of mostly the 18-25 crowd.

Good luck.

 

[Eilan]

What do you bring to the table?

 

[nakdsub]

There are several...

Kinky sites for like minded adults, but Alt.com is the best of them. If you can't find a woman there...well, I don't know what to tell you.

 

[satindesire]

Kinky sites for like minded adults, but Alt.com is the best of them. If you can't find a woman there...well, I don't know what to tell you.

Are you serious about suggesting Alt?

I was on Alt for years. That place is a giant kidney infection of a website.

Although Fetlife is SPECIFICALLY not a dating website, it's still a great social page that makes it easy to meet local folks, and much less scabby than Alt.

 

[rbone04]

Are you serious about suggesting Alt?

I was on Alt for years. That place is a giant kidney infection of a website.

Although Fetlife is SPECIFICALLY not a dating website, it's still a great social page that makes it easy to meet local folks, and much less scabby than Alt.

*suddenly uncomfortable with own thoughts*

 

[satindesire]

*suddenly uncomfortable with own thoughts*

The effect was deliberate, I assure you.

 

[rbone04]

The effect was deliberate, I assure you.

Because I respect your ability to conquer my imagination, I assure you that your advice has been well received by at least one person.

 

[satindesire]

Because I respect your ability to conquer my imagination, I assure you that your advice has been well received by at least one person.

Hahaha! Well at least someone around here listens to me.

 

[biurfantasy93]

i bring an open mind and a willing body. if it feels good i'll take it. and when it comes to dominating im well balanced with tying knots and licking ass holes at the same time just to give one example

 

[nakdsub]

Here we go again...

Sometimes I think there is NOTHING but bullshit jackasses that post here anymore.
Someone asks a question, a suggestion is made, and some stupid motherfucker makes rude and obnoxious comments setting himself up as the one and only "all mighty" on the subject.

I have tried both Alt.com and Fetlife. Alt is much larger with tons more members. I have personally had very good luck with Alt over the years. Fetlife, on the other hand, I have found to be extremely cliquish. It reminds me of high school.

These are my personal observations and based on my own experiences.

 

[satindesire]

Sometimes I think there is NOTHING but bullshit jackasses that post here anymore.
Someone asks a question, a suggestion is made, and some stupid motherfucker makes rude and obnoxious comments setting himself up as the one and only "all mighty" on the subject.

I have tried both Alt.com and Fetlife. Alt is much larger with tons more members. I have personally had very good luck with Alt over the years. Fetlife, on the other hand, I have found to be extremely cliquish. It reminds me of high school.

These are my personal observations and based on my own experiences.

Awww. Someone got their feelings hurt.

 

[NippleMuncher]

Sometimes I think there is NOTHING but bullshit jackasses that post here anymore.
Someone asks a question, a suggestion is made, and some stupid motherfucker makes rude and obnoxious comments setting himself up as the one and only "all mighty" on the subject.

I have tried both Alt.com and Fetlife. Alt is much larger with tons more members. I have personally had very good luck with Alt over the years. Fetlife, on the other hand, I have found to be extremely cliquish. It reminds me of high school.

These are my personal observations and based on my own experiences.

Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but YOU post here, don't you, ergo you would be one of said jackasses?

Just my personal observation based on my own experiences here.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Awww. Someone got their feelings hurt.

This is fucking offensive to the butthurt community.

 

[nakdsub]

Jeez, you've got to be kidding...

Awww. Someone got their feelings hurt.

First you thing you're God's gift to Literotica and now you think you have the power to hurt my feelings? You really are a legend in your own mind, aren't you.

 

[ohjanesays]

Didn't pmann get in trouble for posting the exact same report awhile ago? And was called misogynistic, homophobic, etc etc by the same person who posted this form again?

Not to choose sides, but just sayin'...

 

[bailadora]

Didn't pmann get in trouble for posting the exact same report awhile ago? And was called misogynistic, homophobic, etc etc by the same person who posted this form again?

Not to choose sides, but just sayin'...

The reason Pmann got such shit for his form is as follows:

The list is offensive because it uses epithets and equates being homosexual to being a pussy/little bitch/crybaby/etc., when gay men are usually just the opposite. BTW, using 'feminine' insults for men is offensive to women because it says we're somehow weaker and inferior. After all, what's wrong with ANYONE crying, being scared, etc.?

I'm not choosing sides either, but the list Satin posted doesn't contain anything along those lines. Just sayin'.

 

[Lord Pmann]

The reason Pmann got such shit for his form is as follows:



I'm not choosing sides either, but the list Satin posted doesn't contain anything along those lines. Just sayin'.

We all know you came here to defend me bailadora. But perhaps your defense should be a little more skewed my way next time. Some might think you were not defending me.

My form, while way more clever than this one, had other words that some people don't like. But basically, butthurt is a euphemism for it, so I really see no difference. Although some of the same shit that I got for my way better form is on this one- tears, being scared, etc.

 

[ohjanesays]

Ah I see. As much as I like seeing pmann getting shitted on, I thought posting the same form, with or without the epithets, was a little bit hypocritical. Not ragging on Satin but that's just how I saw it.

 

[Desiremakesmeweak]

At 19 that's a great question and people shouldn't jump on you for asking it. The more you ask the more you find out, the more you keep your eyes open and observe the more that you learn.

"Being at the same sexual level" is a telling remark and one that is incorrectly viewed as arrogant or presumptuous. Remember though that for a woman/female to be really into genuine BDSM or DP or sharing you're either dealing with someone who is irresponsible or someone who is extremely knowledgeable and therefore probably a lot older than you.

I don't believe there are that many people who easily accept the other person initiating sex when they are not themselves looking for it at the same time - and that means if you really want to find a girl, or more likely a woman, who is going to be interested in something like the same things as you - sexually - you want to start out from the position of seeing who is coming on to you first. That is not necessarily the right thing in terms of outright nature, but it is how modern society, which is probably a bit neurotic, actually functions at the moment. Of those who appear to show an interest in you, there are ways to work out what they are like right from the start - but that's where all that experience comes in handy and well, the only way to get that is to just have relationships...

Don't discount just plain ordinary sexual relationships with those who DON'T want to do your own stuff - it's all potentially interesting.

There are very few people who don't mix up money and partnership with sex. Despite what you might hear from people here.

And, there are very very very few people who can really do what you see in porn pics and videos for real in genuine relationships. But you can be an ambassador of the style to whoever you actually get involved with.

There are very very very very few women who dress the part and actually ARE the part. That is why style and fashion is so commercially powerful - everybody wants to get away with stating a lie about themselves, and not be responsible for paying the cost of the prestige or the status or the sexual statement.

Quiet and subtle confidence is one of the best advertisements of your own sexual abilities that you can possibly have. When you proposition someone make sure that you do it in such a way as they are free to say yes in strictest confidence, or no the same way if they don't want to get involved sexually.

But no woman I have ever known who is actually into the same things as you are has ever turned away a reasonably good-looking guy who has a 'loaded steel gun' to offer - 'bring to the table,' as they say.

If you go out and participate in life and do a lot of things, you probably already know the woman who will go along with you in what you want to do... But you need to be open to letting them show you that they might be interested - which means you have to open your eyes and consider what other people around you are doing and saying and thinking, and not worry about just what you want. Although, don't just try to suppress those things that you want either. Just keep them to the side until the right time. Think about the other person first of all.

Regards,

J.

 

[bailadora]

We all know you came here to defend me bailadora. But perhaps your defense should be a little more skewed my way next time. Some might think you were not defending me.

My form, while way more clever than this one, had other words that some people don't like. But basically, butthurt is a euphemism for it, so I really see no difference. Although some of the same shit that I got for my way better form is on this one- tears, being scared, etc.

Bless your heart, darlin.' You keep on thinking that.

Yeah, Satin's form does mention tears, being scared, etc. But it doesn't ascribe those traits in a negative manner to any group in particular. It just says "someone." There's a difference. While I can certainly see why the person to whom that form is aimed would be offended, but I have a more difficult time understanding how larger groups of people would feel similarly targeted.

 

[satindesire]

Let's all rub some butthurt cream on our emotional ouchies and grow up.

 

[Vetis]

Some of these post is giving me a good laugh.

To the OP, 19 is very young and finding what you want right off the bat, yeah easier said than done. Can take time, or maybe you might luck right into it. One never knows. I'll second the encouragement of Fetlife, it is better over ALT which isn't bad but isn't as good.

Basically take the time to look around, chat around, talk, you'll often be amazed at how things happen when you are not actually looking for things compared to when you do.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Let's all rub some butthurt cream on our emotional ouchies and grow up.

I don't think anyone has emotional ouchies.

 

[satindesire]

I don't think anyone has emotional ouchies.

I disagree. Let me remind you:

Sometimes I think there is NOTHING but bullshit jackasses that post here anymore.
Someone asks a question, a suggestion is made, and some stupid motherfucker makes rude and obnoxious comments setting himself up as the one and only "all mighty" on the subject.

I have tried both Alt.com and Fetlife. Alt is much larger with tons more members. I have personally had very good luck with Alt over the years. Fetlife, on the other hand, I have found to be extremely cliquish. It reminds me of high school.

These are my personal observations and based on my own experiences.

Emotional ouchies. Butthurt cream. Growing up. Etc.