how to explain

[bunny bondage]

so i've met this guy that's as sweet as candied rose petals but so very vanilla i could eat him with a spoon. he has absolutly no knowledge concerning bdsm. none. i'm only the third person he's ever been with. so i found myself trying to explain to him what it's like being submissive. all i could really get across was that i liked being told what to do and couldn't take initiative when it came to sexual acts. i don't think he got the point.

so my question is this: how do i explain what it is to be submissive to someone who has no concept of a "power exchange relationship" or even D/s at all.

 

[snoozebutton]

This would be hard to explain, I know this is a easy way out but try literature. I don't mean brocures but books with BDSM as the central feature. They always delve into the needs and feelings of those involved. And they use such good imagary. That way you could read him certain erotic passages while perhaps you touch him in an erotic way. Make it like you are both exploring together. That way he won't feel so threatened or feel his naiveity.

 

[Vixandra]

Perhaps the Beauty series by Ann Rice under one of her pen names? "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," "Beauty's Punishment," and "Beauty's Release." Release delves more into the Dom's side of things but Claiming and Punishment are great for why subs submit, IMHO.
Other then that... I'd avoid doing too much too quickly. D/s can scare the typical vanilla guy. Perhaps letting him see a show or demonstration of another Master/sub doing thier thing?
Good luck!

 

[WriterDom]

That's tough, bb. Been asked in various ways many times.
Are you willing to give up a 24/7 bdsm relationship for love? Someone once gave up the crown of England for love.

He will probably buy into some of it. And if you are lucky, all of it. There is also a chance that he will have no part of it. I'd take him to a group meeting in Nashville. Perhaps that would open his eyes, and he'd see that you aren't alone.

 

[watergirl]

Hi, Bunny... I don't have much experience with bdsm, and I don't think I can honestly call myself submissive...

But I love the sensations and surprises of someone I trust doing whatever he wants with me, and knowing that if I have faith in him, I'm going to enjoy it too... to just be enjoyed, and feeling so special and wanted. I get pleasure because I have so much respect and admiration for him, and it's good to be the one he's with. I know that he's enjoying seeing how far I'll let him go, how much I can take... I just wish I could find someone who wanted to play more often than the guy I'm involved with now.

Good luck hon!

 

[landcruisergal]

Hard question, I am a sub and I am trying to get my b/f interested also. He is really good at knots and rope stuff so I am going to get him to play with shibari when he gets home.I say I like the look of it, and thats no lie, but theres other things about it I find attractive, and I hope I look tasty enough to eat.But we have been together a long time and willing to play. Rent a few arthouse or alt movies,(I am not recommending porn here) and try to guage his reactions maybe. I like to read aloud , so the book idea is a good one.Positive feedback in bed; If he holds your hands down or tugs your hair tell him how much it turns you on. Dress the part, and ask if he likes what you are wearing. softly softly catchee monkey....I would be happy with my b/f if he doesnt choose to walk this road with me, could you?Good luck honey. Thoughts are with you.

 

[FungiUg]

I have introduced several people to the concept of D/s. The usual way is a combination of frank discussion, and by giving them some short erotic fiction to read.

And fancy that, here we are on Literotica, with a collection to choose from!

 

[bunny bondage]

i gave him this website and he's agreed to read my stories. i haven't talked to him since he read them, so i don't yet have his response. i'll keep you posted!

 

[Master_Wiccanman]

i gave him this website and he's agreed to read my stories. i haven't talked to him since he read them, so i don't yet have his response. i'll keep you posted!

why not rent out the movie "The Secretary" or "Preaching to the Perverted"" and watch it together..aftrewards you could say"" SEE??? that is what I like""

good luck..lol

 

[Ezarc]

I was a kinky nilla just two years ago. I started dating a woman that wanted to explore her sub tendencies and leanings. We talked often and even point out things on lit that got our attentions. Within a few weeks I was doing my first scene with her and within a couple of months I was hooked. I can't imagine not being a Dom once I got my mind into it.
Good luck and Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[bunny bondage]

thanks so much for all your help and advice! you guys sure make the situation sound hopeful!

he has read some stories and said that he enjoyed them. also a plus - he LOVED secretary! i think he's testing the waters slowly, and i'm willing to be patient. he's made it clear that he's not against any of it, just unsure about some parts. and since i was unsure how to explain it, that's why you guys are so darn handy! in fact, i've let him read this thread, and he thinks it's cool that we're such a helpful little community!

thanks for your experiences and articulate help! things seem to be going well, and i'll let you know if they start going QUITE well!

 

[Ezarc]

I am just glad he has an open mind. Enjoy.

 

[DisGirlisNutz]

i am pretty much in the same situation... unfortunately... take it slow.. I am not pushing my "friend" although he did attend a fetish party with me... so open minded he is... I live a vanilla life but in the bedroom I like it mostly BD/sm style but vanilla is good too. You have to ask yourself is he dominant in the vanilla life? if he is there is hope. but, there are many men out there that are submissive but don't even know it...

My "friend" is very dominate in general so i think he could make a good candate for me...I planned on getting him some books and watching movies such as Secratary. Taking it slow for i just got out of a long term live in relationship...

It takes alot to be a dom and from reading what you have posted in the past you are expierienced and i believe someone whom isn't in the lifestyle will have a hard time doing what you need/want. It takes time,expieriece and being dominant in general to have the know how to be a Sir...

Good luck to you... but don't waste your time with him if you don't think that he can be one.... You would be depriving yourself of something you love for yourself...

And OH.... Bunny, on my pic thread on page 8 and 9 there are pics that i think you would enjoy.... <evil Grin> Nothing like BD/sm style...LOL

DGN

Ps... i am kind of dating this guy i mentioned above.. taking it slow because of my break up... However i am seeing a dom on the side... and having a great time.. although the dom doesn't want to be in a relationship (that is ok with me) but the more i go to see him the more i want to be spanked! So I am not sure about this guy too... But there is hope... right?

 

[bunny bondage]

i have to believe there IS hope, DGN!

tonight after we made love, he asked me if i had been waiting all night for him to take control and initiate sex. i nodded, and he replied that he liked that. he also mentioned this asian rope bondage book he'd seen that he really liked. i DO think there's hope!

as for his inexperience, i'm not sure if he will be able to meet my particular needs or not, but i'm certainly not wasting my time here. he's a great guy who's definitaly worth getting to know, and i'm enjoying his company! not every relationship has to be a prelude to something larger, and if this turns out to just be a friendship after all, then so be it! i'm glad for the experience! ^_^

 

[DisGirlisNutz]

Well, bunny I am very happy for you... i do mean that... Training him could be fun... <evil Grin> But do remember don't ever deprive yourself of something you love...You deserve the very best....

DGN

 

[bunny bondage]

Well, bunny I am very happy for you... i do mean that... Training him could be fun... <evil Grin> But do remember don't ever deprive yourself of something you love...You deserve the very best....

DGN

awww *blush* thanks DGN! ^_^

 

[bunny bondage]

last night was amazing! he'd been teasing me all week, throwing little comments like "and you're never to contradict me again" into normal conversation, doing it all kind of jokingly. but last night he took his first actual step! he told me to go and get the handcuffs and blindfold from my toybag. i did so eagerly, almost skipping on my way to the bedroom. i brought them back to him and stood, waiting, until he took them from me. he then told me that i certainly didn't need to be wearing all the clothing i had on, and i stripped like turpentine. he asked me which position was more comfortable - hands cuffed in front or behind. i couldn't contain a smile and i told him that it didn't matter to me. "well then," he replied, "they're goin' in behind!" he clicked the handcuffs into place and asked if they were too tight. after i assured him they were fine, he slipped the blindfold over my eyes and turned me around. gently pushing me forward, he bent me over at the waist so my head and shoulders were resting on the couch. i struggled to remain standing, bracing myself with a knee against the couch, as he pounded into me from behind. it was great!

later in the evening, he was coming up with all of these crazy ideas that i hadn't even thought of before! i have a rolling chair at my computer, and he was talking about tying both my legs and arms to the arms of the chair, leaving me not only exposed but completly mobile. he thought about standing me up on the air conditioner, tying one hand to each end of the curtain rod, and opening the blinds! i shrieked at that one and said "i have to live with these people!" he even started talking about making restraints with tiny spikes lining the inside, making the captive remain still rather than tugging.

i thanked him for being so open minded about all this and actually trying some of it. he said that he couldn't discount the idea until he had tried it, and he really did seem to be having lots of fun!

i've let him read this thread, by the way, and i wanted to thank you guys SO much for telling him what i didn't know how to say! you guys rock!

 

[BlueSugar]

and i stripped like turpentine.

later in the evening, he was coming up with all of these crazy ideas that i hadn't even thought of before!

i thanked him for being so open minded about all this and actually trying some of it. he said that he couldn't discount the idea until he had tried it, and he really did seem to be having lots of fun!

haha, like turpentine... I have to say that is one of the funniest things I've ever read! lol

He sounds so cute, and so much potential... little spikes to stay still rather then squirm? wows ... are you into wax play? Maybe he'll get a kick out of it too...

 

[bunny bondage]

haha, like turpentine... I have to say that is one of the funniest things I've ever read! lol

He sounds so cute, and so much potential... little spikes to stay still rather then squirm? wows ... are you into wax play? Maybe he'll get a kick out of it too...

wax play is SO fun, even though it's messy as all hell! but i haven't mentioned it yet - i'll be sure to do so! there's so much ground to cover, and it's so fun with someone as GREAT as him! he's creative, bright, super-nice, and yes, you're right, he's devastatingly cute! i'll be sure to keep you all informed!

 

[SierraMoon]

Congrats bunny!!! Sounds like you've found yourself a winner!!

If he's reading this thread.... we could give him all kinds of ideas

 

[James G 5]

Woo Hoo bunny!
Sounds like you're in clover
Congrats
Only thing I will say is before he really tries any "advanced" techniques have him read alllll about it, including plenty of safety info
Mebbe if there's a Munch group in your area he could meet people to ask about stuff too

My friend Cyndy met a nice 'nilla guy a few years back & he met all her Dom friends & they all trained him in their various skills & he's quite an adept player now, as well as a loving husband to her

 

[BlueSugar]

wax play is SO fun, even though it's messy as all hell! but i haven't mentioned it yet - i'll be sure to do so! there's so much ground to cover, and it's so fun with someone as GREAT as him! he's creative, bright, super-nice, and yes, you're right, he's devastatingly cute! i'll be sure to keep you all informed!

well, the rough sex and the teasing, and another "beginner" thing for him to try would be the spanking of course and a little wax play is always fun


and YEAAH james posted! You've been missed!

 

[bunny bondage]

Mebbe if there's a Munch group in your area he could meet people to ask about stuff too

sadly, there's nothing of the sort around here. stupid bible-beating politicians won't even let a topless bar open up around here! *pouts*

 

[James G 5]

and YEAAH james posted! You've been missed!

 

[James G 5]

sadly, there's nothing of the sort around here. stupid bible-beating politicians won't even let a topless bar open up around here! *pouts*

That sucks
'least you got all the stuff here on Lit for him to read