how to explain things to your partner

[Mamid]

I've been in the bdsm community for a while now, mostly lurking, occasionally going to munches before I met up with my other half. I was also at a few play parties and really enjoyed myself (except for the one where I had to take a bus home at 2 am on a Sunday morning. Took me 3 hrs to get home).

I also wrote some lit during that time and did a few drawings as well. Finding a man who was at least as kinky as I but not one who needed it 24/7 or demanded servitude 24/7 was hard, but I found one.

Now, that my other half has survived his cardioversion and has a steady heart beat again, I've been refering to myself as a nickname in a bdsm context. You know how some refer to themselves as "toy" or "baby" or some other nickname. I have been using it to try to hint to him that I want to play and would like him to be dominant.

Yes, I know..... talk to him about it. But I just don't seem to have the words to do it. I just can't get it out of my mouth to tell him. Its like something is blocking my ability to do so. I try to explain, but the words aren't there.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll find this post and read it and then we can get a conversation going...

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Here's a place to start

Feel free to continue to ask questions. i realize you have hope your partner might respond with the right stimulus. Perhaps you might glean a little out of these, and don't take the thread titles to heart. Some info and hope exist in them.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=189971

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=200608

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=144995

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=98690 ... read Willowpuss.

 

[silver_inari]

I've been in the bdsm community for a while now, mostly lurking, occasionally going to munches before I met up with my other half. I was also at a few play parties and really enjoyed myself (except for the one where I had to take a bus home at 2 am on a Sunday morning. Took me 3 hrs to get home).

I also wrote some lit during that time and did a few drawings as well. Finding a man who was at least as kinky as I but not one who needed it 24/7 or demanded servitude 24/7 was hard, but I found one.

Now, that my other half has survived his cardioversion and has a steady heart beat again, I've been refering to myself as a nickname in a bdsm context. You know how some refer to themselves as "toy" or "baby" or some other nickname. I have been using it to try to hint to him that I want to play and would like him to be dominant.

Yes, I know..... talk to him about it. But I just don't seem to have the words to do it. I just can't get it out of my mouth to tell him. Its like something is blocking my ability to do so. I try to explain, but the words aren't there.

Maybe, just maybe, he'll find this post and read it and then we can get a conversation going...

Better yet, point out the post and show it directly to him. Although I've actually had good luck with simply posting here, voicing my thoughts on things, and my husband reading them and going, "oh really? hmmm." It usually ends up with things working out well for both he and I, with at least some little bit of bdsm play being acted out.

 

[Mamid]

I try to explain to him but I can't seem to get the words out. It is as if I'm mute or speaking spanglish or engrish or something. I just can't seem to open my mouth and say what I want or need or what the limits should be....

I try. God help me, but i do try to tell him.

 

[Penalt]

Found, read, and understood.

This is going to be interesting.

Love o' mine. I have been healed since Tuesday. You have been alternatly suffering from bleeding, blown hip joint from too much lovin (sometimes being capable of multiple male orgasm is bad), and lately dizziness/faintness.

When you are better. The toys are going to come out. Its been sometime since I've put you in a shibari harness.......maybe its time again

Once the kids are asleep of course........

It took me 15 years to find a woman like you. I do not intend to take any chances with you that I can avoid.

 

[Mamid]

well.. conversation has started. but still having a hard time communicating. a bit easier, but some words don't happen as easily spoken as they do written...

 

[graceanne]

Write a story about how you'd like things to be. Then have him read it. Worked for me! Good luck, hon. *hugs*

 

[Mamid]

the last time I did that, the dom in question almost raped me.

I say almost because he asked me if that was what I wanted in the particular story. I said yes.

If we hadn't had a safeword, I would have ended up hurt.

That doesn't mean a story would work, I'm just leary of writing one.

 

[graceanne]

the last time I did that, the dom in question almost raped me.

I say almost because he asked me if that was what I wanted in the particular story. I said yes.

If we hadn't had a safeword, I would have ended up hurt.

That doesn't mean a story would work, I'm just leary of writing one.

Then don't write a rape story. Write one about you and a your boyfriend, and your first bdsm experience together. You can change the names of the people in the story, if you want, but then give it to your boyfriend. See this way, you can get it written out when he's not there, and the words'll be there, but you don't actually ahve to tell him. Cause, at least with me, it was him looking at me that would get me all tongue tied. lol I totaly understand your problem, for one thing . . . well it kinda ruins it if you have to tell him everything to do. Then it's like you being in control. Also, i mean with him looking at you and all . . . well I couldn't do it. Guess that's why we're the subs,a nd they're the dom's, hm?

 

[chagrin]

It took me 15 years to find a woman like you. I do not intend to take any chances with you that I can avoid.

Mamid, please read these words again.

We all should be so lucky to have someone who thinks this of us.

This man loves you and has your best interests at heart. Follow his lead, if you truly want him to Dominate.

 

[Mamid]

he's taping away at his keyboard and I am anxiously waiting for him to post....

and for our DD to go to sleep tonight. *nudgenudgewinkwin*

 

[Penalt]

Ah, what to type, what to type.........Mamid, siddown! Before I chain you to the chair!!!! And stop gleefully bouncing up and down at the idea too!

Alas, what a task!

Seriously though, I should explain a few things about me so that all of you can understand where Mamid is coming from. You see, growing up I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Now, while there are worse things to grow up as there are better as well. Especially as it pertains to sexuality.

The thing is even at an early age I was fascinated with bondage. Even if I didn't know what it was at the time. As I hit puberty and all the fun hormones fired up I found myself continually torn between my kinky nature and my training as a JW minister that taught that such feelings were way, way wrong.

It was a dichotomy that finally resulted in me mentally neutering myself. I still had dominate desires and a healthy desire for women. I was simply unable to do anything about it. In time I came to accept that I was going to be alone forever. If any of you have the tune, give a listen to Green Day's 'Walk Alone' from Smallville. That is how I felt all through my teens and 20's. I didn't just think I was going to spend my life alone. I knew I was going to be alone. I left the JW's at 22. Just walked away one day.

Hell, I didn't even masturbate till age 28. That's when I began to explore my desires. About a year after that I was actually able to dominate a woman. I bound her hand and foot in a hog tie and then controlled her movements for the rest of the night with her being bound in different positions. I even fed and watered her by hand.

It was an incredible feeling at the time. A heady blend of power and responsibility and sexual desire. It still was not until age 31 that I had my first actual sexual experience. With a married woman no less. With her husband's permission. Finally, at age 32 I met Mamid for the first time. We had seen each other in passing a few times at medieval events but she was usually with someone.

Finally at a big war I hear,"Have you seen my fetish boots, T?", from the tent next door. Popping my head out I see this raven haired lovely with a massive chest rummaging in a tent. I admired the view for a bit and then saw the knee high leather boots she dug out. YUM! Hair, chest, kinky and definitely not a dumb blond.

The next year saw me camped with her and it was then I realized I had feelings for her. We've been together ever since.

We've played a fair bit at being BDSM. I have bound her on several occasions and she does this great thing with my cock and about 2 feet of ribbon. Its been awesome that she has been in the BDSM community because I have been able to express that side of me. The thing is though, I know she has been through a lot of trauma in her life, and I often worry about going too far or scaring her away. Me and a friend of hers in Ohio starting chatting about turning her into a ponygirl (he makes custom leather BDSM gear as a hobby), Mamid came up behind me, read the chat window and promptly had a cow.

The past few months with my heart being bad have been hard. I have only been able to handle quick sex. Which for both of us isn't sex. We are both capable of multiple O's when we are in full form. Until our first child, 2 and a half years ago, sex was an all evening or all night affair.

So, in the past couple of days when she starting talking to me in a submissive way I wasn't sure how to take it. On the one side I really enjoyed hearing it and on the other I wasn't sure if she was being serious about it. She has a few physical problems herself right now and I have no wish to cause her harm. Actually I would rather have my testicles ripped off by a rabid pit-bull then cause her harm.

I am still exploring my nature now at 38 with 2 kids. I am still torn between two hardwired parts of my psyche. Part one says any woman in distress MUST be helped. Mamid's had to pull me away at times. "Dear, the entire encampment is done including the disco yurt and you still haven't pulled our tent out of the car.

Part two says that the best place for a good woman is in chains at my feet. Where she can rubbed with perfumed oils and covered in silk and jewels until I take her to my chambers and impale her upon me until until she begs me to come and end her delicious torment.

Hope this helps.....have questions, ask away...or suggest away....


the heart saga Me vs. Thor

 

[rosco rathbone]

Interesting stuff, to say the least.

 

[Mamid]

*pass out bowls of popcorn to the lurkers*

I'm still trying to get the words out...

 

[watergirl]

hmmm

Wow... it sounds like you two really have something special together.

The other night in bed, my sweetie is always more than happy to walk away from the computer games & come with me, we were snuggling and cuddly.


And he said, "I'm wondering if I'm doing this right," or something like that maybe it was "I'm wondering if I'm doing this the way you like."

I just didn't have very many words, either. But I asked him - "Do you remember what we've talked about - control - who has it?"

And he smiled and said yes, and I said, "Right. Don't wonder if you're doing it right, just do what you want and tell me what you want me to do for you and to you."
With me & my sweetie, I'm definitely the more experienced in bed. He was a virgin at 27 when we got together six months ago. And he grew up with a pretty prudish pair of parents, to my mind. There's a lot going on with us, too, but we do well together.

Good luck to both of you, Mamid & Penalt - nice to see I'm not the only one feeling this way sometimes!

 

[Mamid]

I just hate the dizzies I'm getting lately. We think I might have gotten whiplash from the little dom bouncing around on mommy. He's way too strong and tall for his age. he looks like he's almost three.

but yes, we are still trying to communicate.

 

[crimsonlace]

I just hate the dizzies I'm getting lately. We think I might have gotten whiplash from the little dom bouncing around on mommy. He's way too strong and tall for his age. he looks like he's almost three.

but yes, we are still trying to communicate.

Keep at it. Don't give up. You'll develop your own language eventually.

 

[Penalt]

Okay, here are where things stand now.

She wants to be dominated by me. I want to dominate her. We can't do it as a 24/7 thing as we have 2 young children. So it will need to done as an off and on thing.

Now, while I go through the very thorough section on dominance in the library does anyone have any suggestions for us? We have a some basic equipment.

About 20ft. of good, soft rope. A couple of floggers. A decent vibe. We sure miss Ubervibe which died 3 years ago. An oldie but a goodie. We also have a cuff, collar and shackle set in lockable leather. We got that off a friend of ours that does leather work as a hobby. His work is great but he just doesn't have the resources right now to make anything.

Mongo's stuff

We also the other night 'invented' some nipple clips.

What they actually are

Now before you suggest away, and I know many have evil ideas just lurking in the back of your heads take the time to read the whole thread if you haven't already.

btw, thx everybody for your help so far and this site.

 

[Mamid]

co-mu-ni-ca-ti-on

something we really need again.

 

[Penalt]

Communication is okey dokey. You are the one wearing the shackles....no ball gag...yet.

 

[Mamid]

you want me to puke?

get me pregnant again. I'll puke. and lot easier on my jaw than a ballgag.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

co-mu-ni-ca-ti-on

something we really need again.

communication is key, of course i just got done reading through this whole thread and the love you two have for each other reminds me A LOT of me and my Sir. i now cannot imagine living my life without serving Him. good luck to you two and it sounds like you have the communication thing down, or you wouldn't b where you are. does that make sense? i am not good at words either, just ask Master *grins* but luckily for me He normally knows when something is bothering me and He gets the ball rolling with the conversation and pulls out of me whatever it is that i need to say. again ...good luck

 

[Mamid]

three small problems...

DS
DD
D2

 

[lil_slave_rose]

three small problems...

DS
DD
D2

 

[Penalt]

Dear Son
Dear Daughter
Daughter 2

We now have 3 little ones. 4 years old, 2 years old and 8 weeks. We picked up the initialing from some parental forums we have been on. She tends to refer to me as DP = Dear Partner and I tend to refer to her as DL = Dear Lady.

You may have noticed that Mamid and I tend to have a fair bit of banter. The past two years have been fun that's for sure. I love Mamid more than she loves me. This is a good thing. If she loved me as much as I love her we'd never leave the bedroom and we would probably starve to death.

One of the problems we face is that out of BDSM I tend to be more focused on the B and D parts while Mamid is pretty much equal across the board. So while I am wanting to lock the cuffs in place or I'm checking out some new rope she is wanting some back scratching/scraping or little bite play.

Mamid isn't really my slave. But she has submitted herself to me about as much as she is capable of submitting to anyone. When she wears a collar it is to show that she is treasured and desired to the point where she has to be kept safely and securely like the precious gem she is.


wow, did I just write that?