How to even start...?

[DreamInNoir]

I'm fascinated about the dom/sub relationship.

More and more I find myself reading about it, looking at BDSM porn, etc.

That said, I'm scared. I'm not good at meeting people. It would be amazing to find a place to go, physically, and meet people in person... to connect, but I understand that's not a realistic thing. I'm also not entirely comfortable with some of the more... dramatic aspects of BDSM... yet.

Reading doesnt help much for ideas... magically finding somebody that draws you in is not realistic.

Chatting online is cool and all, but then there's no real connection. Nor am I interested in finding somebody 2,000 miles away.

Sex apps? Is that the way? Are their decent BDSM apps?

I see people here, in forums and some I've messaged with, that seem to have healthy relationships and found somebody that really matches them and gives them what they need in either role. But it's always that they "met them at a party" or through another dom/sub, and they were already in some sort of circle where they could just seeming throw a rock in a random direction and hit somebody in that culture.

How do people even find a Dom, Domme, or Sub in reality when they have no experience and don't know anybody else that is?

 

[Lost_Writer01]

Fascinating post. One that I’ll only be able to chip away at the corners of.

In some ways, BDSM dating is like any other type of dating. You have a specific type that you’re looking for and you’re trying to find that type. Of course, I recognise from your post that you may not yet know what that is. Again, in a certain way, that’s not to dissimilar from other types of dating. You may want to meet different types of people and get a feel for what resonates with you.

The complication is that being in the BDSM world is quite a vulnerable place to be, particularly once you’ve decided that’s where you want to be (and you seemingly have). A lot of kink-centred dating apps are absolutely saturated with men and most of the true kink-minded folk won’t be on them. My advice would be to reach out to different people on here and wherever else you are (this post is a good start) and get to know people. Have conversations as friends and equals, learn and discover. Narrow down what you might be looking for where it’s possible to do so, as that’ll help you narrow down where to look.

I’d stay off kink-centred dating apps, potentially try the standard ones, looking out for certain tells. Be prepared to put yourself out there and occasionally get it wrong.

Hope some of the above is helpful and best of luck.